Loss of a Loved One

I am sure you have heard this about a million times, but it is true---the pain never really goes away, it just gets easier. My husband passed away over a year ago. I didn't know how I would ever manage to function again. My family was very supportive. They helped me to keep going as well as helping my children. I live for my children. They are all I have left of him. Your niece is a part of your brother. Embrace her! It helps. It WILL get easier to deal with. But, not one day will go by that you don't grieve. The anger will subside, it takes alot of time. It's ok, feel angry. You deserve to feel that. I started out focusing on surviving one hour at a time and eventually moved to one day at a time. It's too hard to look to far ahead. Spend time with loved ones (they make you eat) and I lived on Ensure for quite some time. Hope this helps a little

H.,

I am very sorry for your losses. You and your family are in my prayers. Facing the death of someone you dearly love is difficult no matter the circumstances. Our most recent loss was the death of my sil at age 26. She lost a 22-year battle with rheumatoid arthritis. We all reacted differently to her death, but the ones who dealt the best were the ones who remembered the good times, talked about their feelings, sought counseling/joined a support group, relied on their faith, and embraced the positive aspects of their lives. Many of us focused on our children and spouses, made a point of doing the things we enjoy, and speak to our kids about their deceased aunt. I wouldn't say the pain ever goes away but it changes and lessens as you find ways to adapt (it has been 3 years since her death). Right now you are focusing on your grandmother and brother because it is new, you are hurting and you are trying to cope. You have a family that needs you and loves you. You probably have interests you like to pursue and responsibilities you need to attend to. You will have to make an effort to concentrate on those aspects of your life, but do it a little at a time. Take care of the essentials. Give yourself time to deal with your feelings. Accept help from others. Exchange loving gestures with your kids and other family members. Please send me a message if you want to chat.

Wow, I am so sorry to hear about both of your losses! My Mom just recently lost 2 sisters in less then a year and it was hard but she was able to fall back on her faith to get her through it. The pain never goes away completely but each day it does dull a bit. Please remember that you have some precious children that NEED their Mother and its up to you wether you overcome this depression or lose yourself to it. Please continue to reach out for help if that's what you need. See your Pastor or your doctor. Don't let it go too long.
I'll keep you in my prayers. God Bless!!!
See Psalm 57:2-3, Psalm 31:7, & 2Corinthians 1:3-4

Hi, H.. I'm sorry that you lost two people who meant so much to you so quickly. Loss is never easy to deal with- especially if the circumstances are harsh. Truth be told, councelling will probably help. Praying and talking to God -even if you are angry with Him- will definately help. Time will also. If there is anything that I can do for you and your family please let me know.

It's not easy loosing 2 loved ones in less than one months time. As time goes on it gets easier, but everyday you will think of that person. It's been 3 years since my grandparents went to rest, and I think of them everyday. The first year is the hardest, till you get through birthdays and holidays. Just keep thinking off all the good times you shared and you are doing the right thing by reaching out to people to talk about it. My mother in law passed away on Dec 5 2006. My son was born on Nov 12, 2006 She had cancer and was not able to make it into the hospital to see him. She got to hold him twice and we got it on video. It hurts my husband to this day that his son will grow up with out his grandma not even knowing her. Just keep the wonderful memories that were shared forever in your heart. Nobody can ever take those away from you. I am here if you ever need to vent to anyone. I understand what you are going through.

First of all I'm so sorry for your losses. I had a really rough year a while back where I lost my stepfather, my unborn son, and my mother. It was the worst time of my life and I felt the same way you do right now. I sought the help of a counsler and that seemed to help a lot. As for the pain it never goes completly away but it gets where you only feel it at special times like a birthday or their favorite holiday.
This is still very new for you so please take all the time you need to greive. It will slowly get better that I can promise you but it may a while.

H.,

I am so sorry to hear of your overwhelming losses. As the other ladies have responded, you need some support right now. It would help to be able for you and your family to talk to people who understand.

I have referred many people to a great program with Excela health system. There are free, and they provide a bunch of options: 1) a support group "Help to heal" for families that have had a recent loss. Kids can go to, there provide art therapy for them. That meets on the 1st & 3rd Tuesday of the month. 2) Coping with loss, a 6 week long program that helps you with the loss. They also have a couple other options. The number to call for specific info is: 1-877-771-1234. Online go to www.excellahealth.org scroll down to the bottom of the page to classes & events, click on bereavement & grief. I have had really good things about their programs. Contact me if you need more info on programs and options.

Take care and I will keep your family in my prayers, D.

I would have to agree with NORA. You have to get yourself togeather for your children. Easier said than done...I know.
No one knows why anyone dies when they do. You have to trust in God and he will help you through this.
Take one day at a time. Don't be afraid to remember your bother and gram. Remember the good times. The pain subsides, but I don't know if we truley ever get over the loss of a loved one.
I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Hi. I just wanted to write and say that I am sorry for both of your losses. Your pain may never go away but it will get better. Look for happiness in your children and family. You may even think about going to see a counselor to help you through this tragic time.
Again, I am sorry for your loss.

-M.

First let me say that i am so sorry about your losses. I too had two losses within 4 weeks of each other. It has been over a year now and i can tell you that the pain gets better. It does not always go away but it does ease.i hope you will feel the peace of god and he lessens your pain..best of luck.

Please accept my condolences for you losses. I am so sorry this happened to you. I think that people learn to cope with the loss of those they love everyday. Somedays, you are alright and think of all the good things and some days, it hurts so bad you don't know what to do. As time goes on you find more ways to cope but I don't think it ever really goes away, we just find ways to deal with it and keep them close to us. Try and think of the happy times you had with them and everytime you feel bad, think of their smile or hug or whatever made you feel good. You'll miss them everyday but I don't know what you believe but I believe that where ever they are they miss you too and one day you'll see eachother again. Again, I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that you find your way. I will be praying for you and your family. God bless.

WOW H., I am DEEPLY sorry for your losses. Your Gram lived a whole lifetime and sadly it seems selfish at times that we don't want to let go when it's their "time".

As for you brother, I lost my mine to cancer 8 yrs ago. It's not easy and you have every right to feel what you are feeling.
All the factors involved are sad too. Don't blame or point fingers, just try to move past anger, it's not healthy. It will not help OR bring him back. His daughter will need you.

You have to put faith in God's hands. You can't make yourself nuts cause it's not fair to YOUR children.

As for your niece, you will have to help her remember her dad the best you can as an aunt.

((hugs))
God has a plan, it may not be what you want but it never is.
Hang in there.

N.

H.,
I'm so sorry for your loss.Things will ease one day but as everyone has said"Take it one day at a time."No one ever knows when"We'll take that final step"just enjoy every moment that you have.
You are hurting now but with God he will get you through this.You need to stay strong for your children,they need you too.
Find a support group.My cousin's just lost their 5year-old daughter to cancer and they are going to support groups to help deal.They are still grieving and are walking zombies but they are keeping it together for the other 2 children.And their belief in God has helped them...But find a local support group to help.
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Praying for you and your family at this time,
J.

H.,

I am so sorry to hear about your recent losses. A grandparent is difficult, but they are older, so it is often easier to accept - but then to be hit with the loss of sibling and so close to the loss of your grandmother must be very hard. Do you have a church that you can go to? Sometimes it just helps to talk it out. My advice would be to talk to your priest/minister to get inner healing and to tell you that time heals all wounds. Nothing like this ever makes sense - but you can do something to make it better. Take care of your neice - spend extra time with her and heed the lesson learned by your brother. Never drink and drive and always wear a helmet/seat belt. My sister had an accident when she was 16 and her best friend was killed in it, one boy lost his leg and another girl almost lost her leg, but they were able to reattach it. None of them were wearing their seatbelts. From that moment forward, I always wore my seatbelt and to this day I still do - and that was 15 years ago. There is never a good explaination - but hopefully in time you will see the good that has come out of these unfortunate events.

You are in my thoughts and prayers
J.

Hi H.,

First let me say that I am sorry about your losses. I haven't been through losses that close together but I have been through it quite a few times. I lost my sister to cancer 11 years ago and then I also lost my grandma 4 years ago. And I can say that the pain never completly goes away but it does ease up quite a bit. I miss both my sister and my grandma so much but I do know that they are no longer suffering. When they first happened I didn't think that I would get over it or that the pain would ever go away but it has eased up quite a bit. I felt a lot like you said that you feel but I am happy to know that they are no longer suffering. I've felt comfort in making memory books about them and writing poems and stuff like that to help me relieve some of the pain. I hope that this helps you some.

H.,
I am so sorry for your loss! Please know that everything that you are feeling is perfectly natural and we have all been there before. A therapist would actually say that it is healthy for you to be feeling all these horrible emotions. It is ok to feel horrible and that you won't ever be the same again. I know this is going to sound corny it will get better eventually, this is the worst part. If you aren't feeling like getting out of bed or leaving the house it may be time to talk to your doctor. Going to therapy or starting a very mild antidepressant may help you get through this rough spot so you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've been on an antidepressant, lexapro, before. It was very mild, not attictive, and helped me get through a similiar hard time. It doesn't mean that you are crazy and it doesn't mean that you have to be on a pill for the rest of you life. It may be a solution to help you through the rough times you are currently going through.
Once again I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you know we are all there for you.

H.,
You have to try to remember that all this bad news is very new to you. It's going to take some time. You really got hit with a double whammy! My only advice to you, would be to look into Grief Counseling. Grief counselors are specially trained to help people get through situations like this and accept it and move on. You have alot to deal with, you shouldn't have to deal with it alone.

so sorry to hear about your loved ones, now you are grieving and it takes time to heal. you also have your own family to take care of and your children need there mommy. For you i would suggest that if you need to seek help too see you through contact a local grief counsler in your area. You need to force yourself to eat and try to sleep to be able to focus on your everyday needs for your children and also stay strong for your 8 year old niece who has just lost her father. god will see you through this terrible tragedy good luck stay strong.