Looking for feedback....do You Find This Strange?

I think the insinuation that it should be free just because it's family isn't fair. Especially when it comes to labor & the fact that yard work is not easy.

Instead of feeling awkward, look at it as a positive thing, and feel good that instead of putting money in a stranger's pocket, you put it in the pocket of a family member.

I understand where you're coming from. Make a choice to let it go. Whatever his reasoning for hesitating and then taking the money, it's okay. You did the right thing and he helped you out. Be extra appreciative and don't think twice about him taking the money. Good luck!

I would feel sad, that my own brother would not want to help...because my husband was in the hospital. I would feel sad and let down. It was completely lame on his part, but what can you really do?

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Well...it was your month of responsibility and you found someone on short notice. Everyone can use the money in these times......it would have been nice if he would have said "don't worry about it" but he didn't. You're square now so move along. Hope your husband is OK.

I hope your husband will be okay.

It would have been nice if your brother had helped you out for nothing, but when you think about it, you aren't actually OUT anything. You were going to pay the money anyway. You had short notice from the lawn guy, gave your brother short notice, the main thing is your mom's yard got taken care of. She's completely helpless in all of it and doesn't need any of you fighting or being upset over her lawn.

When my son was a baby, I got sick, my kids were sick and my husband was out of town on business. I called my sister. She cancelled a dental appointment and went to the grocery store and pharmacy for me. I lived 40 minutes away. One way. I gave her money and wouldn't take no for an answer.
Yes, family is supposed to help each other and she certainly did. I lived in the country. I couldn't just dash to the market, expecially with two sick kids. She did me a huge favor.
I would try not letting this upset you too much. You offered your brother the money, he took it. Done is done. You don't have to worry about the lawn for now and can concentrate on your husband. Maybe I'm weird in my thinking, but it seems the relief of having it handled was worth the money.

Best wishes to you.

My response is the odd one here, but here it goes. I would have rather paid my brother than a hired person. When my mom's house needed painting, I paid my sister and her husband to do the work. I got them to do it for a far less price than if I would have had a pro do it. Why should they spend their time and energy doing something for nothing especially since I'd have to pay hired help top dollar? Maybe your brother had other things planned that day or simply did not want to cut the grass and the money motivated him to help you out.

I think it was really nice of you to pay your brother. Next time ask the lawn guy for a referral of someone to replace him. He should have done that anyway.

The other thing you could have done is hired someone else to take care of Mom's lawn. I would not re-hire the first guy anyway. He kinda left you in a lurch. You could have looked around for a teenager to take care of the lawn too. I think your brother was a bit uncaring but I don't know what your relationship is like. Would you have expected to be paid if he couldn't have handled the lawncare during his month? Do either of you have teenage or young adult children who can handle this for your Mom?

It is time NOW to start thinking about the care of your Mom and how you will handle that as she gets older and less able to care for herself. I am currently caring for my Mom who is on hospice and getting weaker as the days go by. My parents divorced in 2001 and my Mom bought a large older home that had been converted into an upper-lower duplex. I am her only heir and we moved into the home in Nov. 01. In Feb of 07 she fell, broke her arm and moved downstairs into my daughter's former room; and my teenaged son moved into the upper. Since my Mom moved downstairs she has done nothing for herself, I or one of my kids have made all her meals, help with showering ect. She sould be in a nursing home but she refused to protect her assets by taking out long tem care insurance or putting everything in my name. I couldn't get her to understand that medicare and her supplemental insurance do NOT cover a nursing home and if you don't protect your assets the nursing home will attach everything she owns and her heirs will get NOTHING.
I know totally off topic but I would hate to see anyone else in my position. I had to quit working to take care of my Mom full time and she didn't want to pay me, so I am tapped out and facing being homeless if she decides or needs to be placed in a nursing home. I did finally convince her to pay me to stay home with her.

I would say the lawn is done, you've paid your brother and you have other things to deal with so let it go. However, I do understand why it is a lil strange to you.

Quick and short answer - my brother would have taken the money too
Some ppl are just the way they are and others not so much =)
You just have to roll with the punches and take it for what it is
Sorry for your situation though. I hope your Hubby is okay

just depends on your family dynamic. he's YOUR brother, are you really surprised he'd act that way? i can tell you in our family it would not go down like that, it would be family helping family and it wouldn't be a matter of money - actually, my brother helps my mom, grandma, and aunt out with their lawns throughout the summer (not EVERY time, just when he has time as a favor) and never takes a dime. but that's our family.

on the other hand you had an agreement, so from "my" perspective, if it was me, i'd eat it and let it go, because i agreed to it. you can feel how you want about how he handled it, but all you can do is police your own reactions. let it go. it's not worth a family feud.

Well, I would feel a bit shocked and surprised if this happened with my brother. Families are meant to help each other out of sticky situations. Obviously he felt asking him was unfair when he's got his own month to do. Perhaps he was trying to teach you a lesson.

He should have returned your money and told you that it was okay... alas, he did not. Don't let this money stuff come between you -- life is too short.
It's weird. It's sad. BUT, if he needs the money, it might be a solution -- you can all just pay him to cut the lawn and then nobody will have to worry about it next year.
LBC

I can't believe your brother took the $$ under the circumstances! But since he did, I would just chalk it up to life experience.

Now if you were someone who routinely shirked your responsibility, I could understand it (so as to not make it so easy for you to do that). But it doesn't sound like that was the case.

Sheesh.

nothing strange about it, it was your turn, you paid, end of story. Family doesnt mean you do stuff for free or out the goodness of your heart. Only certain people in my family, a select few, i would do for, anything... Others, I either need gas $$, or your gonna have to pay me, but most of the time, I just say no.. I have my own family to worry about now. You have to remember he had to make time and go out of his way to do that...

It would have been nice if he'd done it out of the kindness of his heart, but as he didn't and you offered...and it doesn't sound weird just sad, helping your dear mom is a money thing, not a "from your heart" sort of thing ✿

my brother wouldn't have taken the money...no matter his financial situation...family takes care of family...

the fact that your husband was in the hospital - he or your other sibling - should've just stepped up to the plate and did it.

Since you've already paid him - you can't go back - but that, to me, is wrong - you don't do that to FAMILY...so in the future, you know if something like this happens again - that you have no set a precedence and he will expect it...which in my opinion - sucks.

GOOD LUCK!! Hope your husband is fine and back home!

What I think is odd is people living in their own home past the time that they can care for their property. It seems like in so many families one branch feels like they do more than the others and often one does do more. I know that our parents want to stay in their homes if they have them. But I've seen it work out badly so often.

We had a neighbor lady that was left alone so often, so slow, and so nearly deaf that she left her front door open ALL the time. I walked in her house to bring her some vegetables and she was asleep with her face in her plate. This was a regular occurrence for her.

Shame on your brother for not being more concerned about you and your husband and what's going on. But if it's difficult to get everything done and have someone there to check on mom daily then it's time to make other arrangements.

I think there is nothing wrong with him accepting payment for taking care of your responsibilities. He had already done his part in taking care of the lawn and quite honestly, probably didn't want to go mow again. By accepting the money, he made it clear that you still need to meet your obligations and now need to find someone to do it.

I think he acted absolutely appropriate. What would have been inappropriate would for him to have said "no, find someone else to do it!" He bought you a bit of time, find someone to take over YOUR responsibility and move on.

By the way, did you thank him for taking care of the yard?

I would feel like I should have kept my mouth shut about paying my brother!! You should have just waited the silence out and seen if your brother would "man up" and help out. He sounds a bit selfish, so I guess you wont offer to pay him again unless you really mean it...since he obviously is not thinking about anyone but himself.
L.

I would feel regret of saying it, but not much you can do now. Silence is a powerful thing. He may have just been thinking hard but didn't want to do it so kinda waiting it out til it got awkward, no way of knowing b/c I don't know your brother :) I would think it's a bit messed up to need a monetary motivation to help his own mom out, but what's done is done. I think that expecting family to do things for free is unfair, but hoping they will do it for free isn't unfair at all. My dad is a mechanic and work on my cars whenever I need him too, I pay for parts and that's it. I do help them out when I can and have paid for my brother's dinner before (he is a "starving student" lol) and it was no big deal. I would feel like he is kinda selfish to be hesitant until money is on the table, but I would be quiet about it since I'm the one who brought it up. Now if he had brought it up I'd be like really!

I do agree with Kiki, I'd rather help out family than a stranger.

Even with family and closest of friends, we have no idea what their situations are.

He may really have needed the money, I would not judge. I would have been thrilled to give him the money and moved on.. He did you a huge favor. It was last minute and it was your responsibility to figure out how to take care of it. You were going to pay someone anyway, why not your brother?

Maybe next time "trading" with your brother.. "I will take one of your weeks this next year if you will do this for me. "

I think you are just really stressed and because you would have just mowed his week for no cost, do not assume everybody is like you..

I have offered money to my sister for doing favors for me.. ( I know she has financial needs) and to "save face" for her, told her to "use it on the kids"..

I do not want her to feel "proud" around me, but I know she really need the money .

My family is a complete mess so we would never sit down and work it out. It would make your head spin if I shared how awful my family is. I guess everybody has their months to help out and you planned on paying anyway. I'm assuming your hubby is OK and that's what matters. Some family members are not what we hoped for...we don't get to pick them. Atleast he hasn't left the country permanently like my mother did.

In situations like these that leave my heart conflicted I look to God for comfort. I ask myself did I follow through on my commitments to others in a way that reflected God's beauty, wisdom, grace, love? If so, I allow my heart to let go of any frustration/weirdness/unfairness/injustice/etc. the situation may have caused. You held up your end of the commitment. You didn't have to offer to pay your brother, but you did, and you held up that commitment too. I'm sure God is smiling at you for your sincerity and perseverance to stay committed to your responsibilities even in light of the fact that other stressful situations have come up in your life. Hopefully your example will be a lesson to your brother as well. I hope your hubby is feeling better too!
Sincerely,
A.

it was weird, it was awkward....shame on your bro.

another option would have been to hire someone else to do it, before trying to fall back on family.

& another option would have been to let it go for one week until life settled with your husband. Instead of you asking for help, someone may have offered.

move on, it was awkward & you still need to function as a family, regardless of the moment. Hope all is well with your husband.