Hi mommas. I have a little boy who is 3 and lately I have been wondering if he is "just one of those types of kids" or there is more going on. He is highly active. I mean extreme for his age! He also has sensitivity issues. He never, since the day he was born, liked to cuddle that much. Every once and awhile he will, but just for a minute. From the time he was an baby he never liked to be contained. He hated strollers, car seats, swings, etc....... He was always a fussy baby until he learned to walk (about 9 mo). He doesn't like to wear shirts with buttons and his socks have to be perfect. He loves imaginative play. He is into transformers, super heroes and swords. All day long he will play these things. My husband and I have bought like 30 games geared to 3-4 year olds and he rarely wants to play them with us. Aren't kids supposed to want to play games with their parents. And when he does play them with us, he gets distracted and we never finish the game. So we thought, OK active little boy, lets get him outside and play. We were both very athletic so we have tried playing T-ball and kicking the soccer ball with him in the back yard. He either doesn't want to do these activites or 2 seconds later he is running around pretending to be spiderman. There is only some much time in a day a mom can play swords/spiderman. I have tried arts and crafts with him.....nope, doesn't want to paint and hates to color. I just don't get it. We are trying to give him all these experences and he just isn't interested. I'm not really worried about any sort of delay. He knows all of his letters/colors/numbers and sounds. He has always talked really well, will look you right in the eye, carry on conversations, tell you how he is feeling etc...... He goes to day care 2 times a week, and the teacher says he is very well behaved and does great. He is shy around other kids, but he isn't "lost" in his own world. He mainly just wants me to play the "pretend" games all day long. Which I don't mind, I just don't see why he rejects anything else that most kids would love to do with their parents. He is also very sensitive and quits anything he doesn't succeed at right aways. We got him a bike (with training wheels) which he was excited about, but after one failed attempt he refuses to try again! I don't know, maybe it is just his personality.....but could it be more????
sounds to me like you have a normal three years old little boy! there is really no "set" way they have to be, they are who they are. I was like this as a child and i grew up to be normal. this may be a trait that you will come to appreciate when he is older because he will be able to make decesion that are good for him and not what everyone else is doing. good luck.
It sounds to me that this little guy just knows what he likes and what he doesn't! I wouldn't worry. He probably does art & crafts in school, right? Because all the other kids are doing in there. He's just an independent thinker, which, in my book, is a GOOD thing!
I think that is just the way God made him and there is probably nothing to worry about. As he gets older, his attention span will be larger and at that time you will be able to introduce him to more things he will enjoy.
Dear K.,
Children are very unique and wonderful and the traits that are common to their stage are not necessarily always traits that will remain with them throughout their lives. Sometimes it helps to "go with the flow" a little bit as a mom--you know, sit back and wait and watch for a few years before getting worried. Many normal children are VERY active and easily distracted when they are little. I remember a cousin of mine who was very active and challenging sometimes, and he turned out to be ultra bright, graduating from college and then getting a master's degree at Stanford and being a remarkably calm husband and father. One of my children who was especially active and challenging as a young child has really learned more about managing those behaviors that are more socially "bugging" and is such a delightful person. It can be hard to be patient when a child is young, but I think in the long run, it really pays off. Keep trying to focus on what he does well, on feeding his knowledge wisely, and on enjoying this stage, since it will be over before you know it.
I think the advice the other moms gave about listening to your heart is good. If you think you should follow up on something, why not? Just remember to keep things in perspective and keep in mind that things have a way of working out, even if they are not what we expected.
Happy mothering,
L.
Hi K.-
Have you ever heard of Asperger's Syndrome? My son has it and was just like your son at age 3. We did just think he was a typical 3 year old and thought he just had his likes dislikes and this was just his personality. By the time he was 4 his "differences" seemed to become a little more obvious the more we saw him around other kids. We took him to a developmental pediatrician and he was diagnosed at 4 1/2.
My son is in 2nd grade now (regular classroom), excels in school and loves sports and video games just like most 8 year olds. He's still "quirky" and we have issues we're dealing with but I firmly believe that his progress is due to getting him into speech and occupational therapy as early as we did. A lot of kids with Aspergers aren't diagnosed until they are well into school.
To find out for sure, and to set your mind at ease if it is nothing, I would suggest that you make an appointment with a developmental pediatrician. In my opinion getting an evaluation is a win-win situation. You either find out what your are dealing with so that your son can get the help he needs or you find out there is nothing going on and then you can relax.
Good luck,
K.
Could be he has sensory issues (SPD maybe), could be ADHD, and/or could be he's gifted, which is often associated with this 'type' of personality (look up Overexcitabilities). He sounds a little like my oldest, who's now 8. He is highly gifted in some areas, and struggles in others. He has been diagnosed with CAPD (a result of chronic ear infections) and ADHD (but this crosses over to CAPD, and the diagnosis was rather 'weak'). We don't medicate for various reasons, but he is in occupational therapy of sorts. I think if your DS has sensory issues there is OT for that as well, but not sure how effective, etc. Probably mention these things to your ped, and possibly look at getting IQ testing, etc. which a Psych can do (and may be covered by your insurance). Also look into free services through your school district (yes, even though he is only 3 they should still provide testing services). Then take the results with a grain of salt, and do some reading. ;)
Sounds JUST like my son. I think it's pretty normal and I am sure it's just his personality. My friend's daughter is very similar too [especially with the obsession over pretend play...all she does is pretend she is a singer and put on shows or play princess! Not interested in anything else].
Sounds to me like he is very smart and clear on what he wants to do. One of the nice things about being human beings is we each have our own "thing", we each like different stuff and that is just fine. I am with you, my sons love to play things I just cannot stand, e.g., trucks, swords, etc. but they enjoy playing it with me so I suck it up and take the opportunity.
I say just let him be him, let him be the active little guy he is and love it. All three of my kids did not follow what any of the other kids liked, they never followed what the books told me and all three of them NEVER stop moving and were difficult babies. Guess what, two of the three are in the gifted and talented programs at school (the third is just too little yet) and completely flourishing. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Good luck and enjoy!
On one hand, he's only 3. I have a very compliant, relatively calm daughter who didn't like to sit down and play games when she was 3. Games (whether board games or sports, etc.) involve a lot of rules and structure -- and this can be overwhelming at age 3. My daughter is just moving into board game activities now, at 4.
At his age, the most important play is dramatic and imaginary play. Playing Superman means he is creating his own storylines in his head (even though they may be simple). It's fantastic that he's doing so!! It's this type of play that will maximize his overall development right now. This shows great signs of creativity and advanced thinking.
On the other hand, I also have a son with some sensory issues. The sooner these are identified, the quicker you and his teachers can find ways to assist him in the classroom and at home, to maximize his potential and minimize his discomfort. If your gut is telling you something is going on, I would contact a Developmental Therapist or Pediatric Specialist and have him evaluated. It really sounds like he is functioning quite well. I'll bet you don't have anything to worry about -- but you can always check it out, just in case. :)
In a lot of ways, he sounds like my sons. I didn't realize how shy my oldest is until his kindergarten teachers just reported that he's finally coming out of his shell. I didn't know he HAD a shell! Just the same, he's made lots of friends.
My oldest also has a hard time when the first try doesn't go well. It sometimes makes me SO MAD! But then I realized that since he was a baby, he's always waited to try something until he knew he'd be good at it. He suddenly crawled one night. He could walk at 9 months just holding onto my pinky, but refused to do it on his own until 11 months. And then, he fell down a total of ~3 times. This is a pattern in his life. He's just good at most things, so when he isn't immediately good at something, he gets discouraged and gives up. I've found that I need to back off for a while until he decides to give it a try again. I honestly think that his brain is subconsciously figuring out what went wrong and how to do it better the next time, because he usually does great on the second try, which is usually a few months later.
I've also learned to push him sometimes, when I know he's capable, but is just afraid of a new situation. For example, there was an art contest at school. I told him I'd take him out with my nice camera to take some pictures. He sounded unsure, so I told him to think about it. Weeks later, I brought it up again and he said no. I took the pressure off, but he still didn't want to. I finally got sick of it and took him to some neat places to take pictures on the way home from school. He loved it. He liked walking around, looking at things, and I taught him what he needed to know to take a good picture. It really really helped his confidence when his photo won for his age group!
That's my oldest son. My second son is the opposite of shy. He is easily distracted during games, and just now, at age 4, will he finish one. Of course, that was after running away from the board several times, and throwing fits every time I passed him on Chutes and Ladders. He also hates to color and draw. I have an entire shelving unit in my kitchen devoted to art supplies, and he hardly touches them. My oldest produces massive quantities of art, so this is quite odd to me. But even my oldest hates coloring books. He'd rather draw something on his own.
My nephew hated being confined, and would cry for an entire car ride (even an hour or more long). Mine weren't like that, but it's not impossible.
As for the sensitivity....
Well...
My boys are gifted. There's no doubt about it. And sensitivity often accompanies giftedness. His extreme interest in pretend play to the exclusion of all else could be a sign, too. Google for Hoagies' gifted page and see if any of it sounds familiar.
Sounds like your child is gifted and talented. If he is already able to tell you how he is feeling, this is an indicator. Also, I would suspect that he can tell you things in great detail. His imaginative play and activity level probably also give you subtle clues. What you have described is very typical of gifted kids. They don't like change, and if they have a tough time at something, they tend to refuse to try it over for a different result.
If anyone suggests that he has attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity, this could also be true since ADHD kids have above normal intelligence in most cases. But, again I strongly recommend that you check the following site and others pertaining to gifted and talented.
To see the listing of character traits of the gifted child you can go to http://www.ri.net/gifted_talented/character.html Click on the characteristics tab. Sub headings are
Identifying The Gifted
Recognizing the Characteristics of Gifted Children
General Behavior Characteristics
Learning Characteristics
Creative Characteristics
Who are the Highly Gifted?
Some Myths About Gifted Children
In your favorite search engine you can also search for "gifted and talented" plus your state to see programs are in your area.
If you are concerned that he might be hyperactive, for info on ADHD check with the C.H.A.D.D site at chadd.org. and refer to your state. This organization has been helping parents of and adults with ADD for several years and has local chapters just about everywhere in the U.S..
Just remember to enjoy his outlook on learning and try to support it and he'll do just fine.
I would also suggest that you contact the local school district's gifted and talented program. In your area there might be an early education program along with testing so he can be included in a setting geared to his needs.
Depends on what you mean by "more"... might have some sensory integration issues, in terms of his clothing sensitivity issue. And "most kids" at age 3 rarely finish games they start, are easily distracted and are very into some thing that they want to do. The fact that he is able to use his imagination is great - let him! Work with him and encourage him, just like it sounds like you have, to do other things, but realize that we do what we like and as adults we get to make that choice and then try to limit our kids ability to do the same thing.
Sounds like he has a big personality, and many fussy, high needs kids will continue to be that way into adult hood. Good luck with him!
Aw, he's 3. And, he's a boy. This is totally normal. Short attention spans, not interested in organized sporting type of play. Normal. Is he a first born? First borns often are afraid to try things if they are not immeidately successful because our whole world has been revolving around their success in things (first steps, crawling, etc.) since they have been born. They have been praised for success since day 1. My first born was that way. He was so timid to try anything new, and if he didn't succeed at whatever, then he wouldn't do it again. I had to work hard, hard, to take any pressure away from him on things. I had to totally change the way we approached things with him. He eventually came out of it, and he does well now with that sort of thing, but he is 18! It took a long time to work that out of him though!
I have a child like this. He is now 6. He's a perfectionist. Sounds like he is a lot like my little guy. He wouldn't ride a bike at all either. He tried a few times, couldn't do it, and then refused. So we just left the bike in the yard and he tried it every once in awhile (when we were not looking) and all of a sudden he could do it perfectly. One day he just said ' I think I'd like to ride my bike today' and he could ride perfectly fine. He just will NOT do anything that he doesn't think he will be good at right away.
When he was a baby, he never tried to walk, and we were so curious why. Then on his first birthday he just stood up and walked across the room, like it was nothing. We always laugh that he was secretly practicing when we weren't looking.
My son wouldn't color or draw or write for the longest time- becasue he wasn't good at it. But he just practiced on his own and now he draws all the time. Just keep encouraging him that he is really good at some things. Like if he is playing soccer, just tell him he is a really good kicker and it will encourage him to keep working. It seems that kids with his personality need a lot more honest encouragement. My son gets mad if I try to tell him he is good at something he clearly is not.
I always thought there was "something more" with my son- so I totally understand how you feel! His personalty can be a little challenging at times, but it is just his personality.
Sounds alot like SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). My 12 year old has it and it is very diffficult to deal with at times. If that is what it is, I've read it is much easier to deal with at a younger age. There are things like therapy that can help. The book "The Out of Sync Child" is a good resource to help figure out if this is what he may have. Good Luck and hope all goes well.
My little guy is 4 and sounds similar to your little guy. Very active, but wants to do his own thing. We signed him up for flag football this year thinking it would help burn off some energy - and though he is enjoying it - he prefers to hang out on the sidelines and play there instead of the game, haha. Anyways, what I really wanted to share with you though is that our guy has very low self esteem and is always so eager to try something but at the first sign of failure he bails. Its like he won't finish something b/c he worries too much about failing in it. I signed him up for gymnastics and this has helped boost his confidence alot (and burn off some of the energy) haha and then also around the house we acknowledge small accomplishments (like helping set the table for dinner or something similar too that). Also, we are still working on the bike thing as well. He has had it two years and he is now kinda of figuring it out - but he showed no interest in it until the little girl next door has started to ride on herown now(mom & dad don't have t help her anymore). So, maybe he just needs a "sidekick" to help him along with some things.
Anyways, Good Luck! and he sounds like a great regular kid! Enjoy the time! hehe
K.,
I think he sounds delightfully like a 3 year old boy! My best friend has two boys very close in age and 3 is right in the middle of them... and they act this very same way when I see them! They are fun. It is great you've tried to get him to look at other things for entertainment, and when he's ready, he'll do them.
You sound like a really fun mom. Keep it up!!
V.
Hi! I'm also a mom to a daughter with Asperger's. I have a question for you regarding his imaginary play...does he create his own scenarios or does he recreate something he saw in a video? If he's creating his own scenarios, he sounds like a very imaginative, active boy! If he's recreating and not putting his own thought into it, he could be scripting, which is something my Aspie girl did at that age!
The first bit of advice I hand out is that if YOU think there is something wrong, then you should definitely pursue it. Generally, a mother's instincts are dead-on.
However, a lot of what you describe doesn't sound that "off" to me. I think it's expecting a lot for a 3-year old boy to want to play a board game--and finish it! I don't think kids that age--especially boys--are supposed to want to play board games. A lot of kids can't really have fun with them until they're older!
Good luck with whatever path you decide to take. If you really do think something is wrong, have it checked out! The earlier the intervention, the more success with it!
A lot of it is just personality and age. Not all kids like to play games, and at 3 most kids have a hard time grasping the concept of it. Plus, the average attention span for a three-year-old is about 2 minutes! The same thing goes for organized sports. Three is way too young! He has more than enough time to experience all these things, but if you push him into it when he's just not interesting, you'll turn him off.
As far as kids supposedly wanting to play games with parents, what he wants is interaction! I know you get tired of swords and spiderman, but he'll grow out of them eventually. Go ahead and play with him; and you can try to introduce a new element, like you're a diferent kind of character or something.
The only thing that MIGHT be something more is the sensory issue - the buttons and socks and such. Not all babies want to cuddle, and the rest of it could also be personality too, but it might not hurt to mention it to the pediatrician. At any rate, if it's not affecting his life (it doesn't keep him from playing, severely restrict what he's willing to eat, keep him from sleeping, or affect his social interactions) I wouldn't worry too much.
If he's 3 years old, he sounds pretty normal to me. My daughter (also 3) is somewhat interested in the games we've tried to play with her, but often wants to change the rules and rarely wants to finish a game. T-ball practice doesn't go longer than 10 minutes. She likes arts & crafts, but that might not suit every kid. (And she gets upset if I don't let her do the hard stuff for herself, like using the scissors, glue and glitter.) The imaginative play sounds good. I think you can expect him to play more of that on his own or with other kids, without your involvement, as he gets older.
We've had a similar experience with trikes and scooters-- they get tried once and put away when it doesn't work immediately. But I see that a few months later they come out again and now the skills come a bit more easily and she's riding the scooter. Don't force it, it will come.
Keep exposing him to things that you like and maybe he'll develop an interest as he gets older. My daughter can sometimes be persuaded to help me with cooking or gardening. But other times she only wants to do her things, whether that's a pretend tea party or a collage or banging on things and calling it music.
Sounds a lot like my 11 yr old wa at that age..
His favorite thing was to act out characters from movies. He would take a camp set and use the hatchet and lantern to become one of the dwarfs from Snow White and "heigh ho" up and down the hallway. He would find clothes in his closet to "become" Tarzan, or "Clayton" (also from Tarzan), or "Cody" from the Rescuers Down Under. When his little sister came along.. he dressed himself up as Batman and her as Robin (complete with a blue and a yellow cape). He just really had a very active imagination. He wasn't big on riding a bike then. Still isn't. He can, and does... but he'd rather "build" something in the yard by dragging miscellaneous items out and configuring them into something from his mind. Right now he has a "Hobbit hole" in the ditch out back. (Camp chair, shepherd's hook, lanscaping timbers for a little bridge, torn Tshirt for flag, etc). When he was younger he was always Buzz Lightyear. A little girl from church thought his actual name was "Buzz" because that is what he pretended to be every time they were around each other.
It's probably just his personality. I wouldn't worry. Maybe you could join in. When he's "being" Spiderman, ask him who you are! You might see a whole new side of him!
