Issues with My 26-Yr Old Stepdaughter, Part 2 - Greenville,SC

Here's the thing, you need to be honest with your DH about your needs and her needs. You need to get it from the horse's mouth and not continue to assume this or that. If you "believe" he wants....find out if he really does, or if there's something you thought of that he hasn't.

It also sounds like you aren't dealing with a 26 yr old emotionally, but a teenager. But at the end of the day, she's 26 and she can either respect the home she's in or find a new one.

You really need to speak up here. Tell DH your concerns and stop walking on eggshells. And go take that honeymoon! She's 26. She'll figure out transportation.

Have you asked her what her short term and long term goals are? Does she have any plan to better herself? Does she need help taking small steps to get to the bigger ones? I think as far as your hubby's surgery coming up, if all of you have a family meeting on who will do what or in this case, what everyone will NOT do, maybe dad will be more inclined to exercise that knee more and not learn to rely on 26yo. It sounds to me that it's you who is going to have to facilitate this, dad/hubby sounds like he's a little laid back.

I'm getting the feeling that you had an "idea" in your mind of how your marriage would play out and things took a turn for the worse. One of the most important things you need to maintain with your husband is communication, gather your thoughts (write it down) and tell him how you are feeling in the most neutral, honest way without putting anyone down. He may not be happy with his daughter living with you guys but feels that if he kicks her out you will think less of him, or he may want her to stay, you are uncertain because you dont know, and you dont know because you have not asked or spoke with him. So talk to him.
Secondly, the woman is 26 and it sounds like because of the abusive relationship she was in, she has become very dependent on her father, the "male' figure, which for you , Im sure is annoying. It is impolite for her to talk about what goes on in your household but her conversations are private, and just like you are writing us a question talking about her, she was doing the same. Why did you take away her cell phone? She does need some sort of therapy, and although she may drive you crazy for the 6-8 week recovery period of your husbands knee replacement, you need to be there for your husband. Not being around because his daughter is there is childish, sometimes you just got to roll with the punches and suck it up.
So all in all, find a way to communicate with your husband in the best way possible without putting your step daughter down because if you speak too poorly of his daughter, he will become offended and hurt. Talk about your feelings and yalls relationship status. Hope this helps.

I have not seen your prior posting so forgive me if I touch on something that was already covered.

As far as your stepdaughter is concerned, remember that her relationship with her father should not be in competion with your relationship with your husband. Your husband should back you up regarding personal conversations between husband and wife. They are none of her business. If she cannot stay out of your conversations, could you wait to have important talks behind bedroom doors just like you would around a child over the age of 5?

What about posting a chore chart for everyone in the house. Even if you feel like your stepdaughter acts like a teenager, she does not need another mother so you cannot enforce rules by treating her like a child. With a chart, everyone feels like they are a part of the family, your younger children can visually see that everyone takes part in the day-to-day upkeep of the house, and your stepdaughter feels as if she is included.

Regarding your husbands surgery, try to feel grateful that you have another set of hands to help you with things. Try to let her feel like she is helping instead of being in the way. Bottom line, she loves her dad. You love your husband. Take her to lunch. Try to build a relationship with her and look at her as a friend. Would you speak openly with your friends in the kitchen....probably not.

Good luck!

She sould apply for public assistance. You could rent her a room in your house and she could get free medical care, food stamps etc. until she gets a job, and atleast bring a little $ for her keep.

I would NOT want her taking care of my husband post surgery....he needs someone who will provide the physical thearpy required.

Blessings...

This kid doesn't even sound mature enough to have been in a marriage in the first place. The fact that you can even suspend her phone means you pay for it and wow, that's amazing. I agree with AV you need to talk to your husband and ask him how he feels instead of just guessing. It's obvious you love him, you helped him with his sick mom and now it's time for you to enjoy being married. That does not include a 26 year old staying in your house that isn't being productive. When you agreed to let her stay you obviously didn't realize you'd basically be babysitting and playing taxi driver. Your husband probably feels guilty because he didn't have a relationship with her for a while but damn, she's 26 time to give it to her straight. You aren't going to keep driving her around, if she needs to she can get a bike. Time to put on the big girl pants. If she doesn't like it she can go stay with her mom, but I'm guessing there's a reason she's with y'all and not her so good luck getting rid of this one.

I'm assuming you are new...welcome. I did not read your prior question but since this has been up for 45 min and no one has commented, just wanted to let you know you can go to your first post, edit the "so what happened" with this information. You didn't "ask a question" on here, you appear to be updating more info on your prior post. Just an FYI. Good luck.

You are willing to leave your husband after less than a year over this?? You need to communicate with your husband...today. Good luck.