Issue with My Stepdaughter and Daughter

It sounds like your 6 yr old SD is competing with you for control over "lady of the house." You probably need to set some firm boundaries and have a discussion with her as to what the roles are of each person in the house, as well as make it clear that you're an authority, especially when it comes to her new little sister. I don't think there's such a thing as too much love with siblings this young, but I DO think there need to be boundaries. My eldest is also 6 yrs old, and we've had to have these types of discussions with her about her own role in the family with her little sisters. It should really be both you AND your husband having this talk with her so that she sees a united front.

Hi ,
I dont have any step children but I have an eight year old sister and a three year old daughter so we're talking the same age differance and my sister was always all over my daughter and still is ..... since she doesnt see her all the time she is probably just over excited .... I would just try to keep explaining to her that she has to relax and calm down around her sister and then maybe the baby will want to play with her too .... Kids love other kids and girls that age tend to want to be mother hens .... My cousin is about the age of your daughter and my aunt babysat her and her kids were all over the baby .... they all wanted to hold her ... so I wouldnt worry just keep explaining to her .... hope this helps ... K.

It seems normal to me. I don't have a stepdaughter but I have a 5 yr old and 9 month old twins.

My DD is all over the twins 24/7. I have to keep an eye on her which is frustrating but she just loves the babies and never wants to cause them harm. She is always hovering over them and basically blocking them when they are trying to explore. She isn't doing it on purpose so I try not to displine her for something that isn't technically "bad" It is frustrating for me but my DD really isn't trying to do any harm so to punish her would be wrong and she could end up resenting the babies for all the time outs she has.

I hope you can find a good balance!

Kellie's right- it's a mother-hen thing. Just like her love for dolls...only real! Another thought to consider- children act out things to process current situations or developmental milestones. It could be that your step needs to exert some control to make up for a situation she has no control over. This could be as simple as starting school in a new classroom or as complex as her parents' current relationship (good or bad), or internal maturation. Change is hard for everyone, and everyone reacts differently. Be patient with her, show her how your daughter is safe exploring (this sounds like it's a big deal for SD- being sure she's safe), allow SD to help you babyproof, and then come up w/ some ways to give your baby her space. Let SD know that the baby needs room to grow and explore so she can learn, and then show her ways she can "teach" her things. This gives your step-daughter some feelings of control, but within boundaries you have set- which is the goal of all parenting, isn't it?

Hi Kristen,
It sounds like you have to set some boundaries with your step daughter and your husband has to enforce them. She has to accept that she has her own play time and they baby has to have play time away from her. If you guys haven't been setting and enforcing limits for her in other realms of her life (I don't know if this is or isn't the case), then it will be difficult for her to accept your authority on this issue. I agree that she should never be unsupervised with the infant (not that I suspect she would do something intentional, but accidents happen), and when you are there letting them interact, she should be helping you do some sort of activity (like handing YOU the diapers, picking the book for YOU to read, picking out the food for YOU to cook.. you get the idea). The point is that YOU should be the center of their lives.
Perhaps your husband has some guilt over the divorce, which is very common, and lets her get away with things, and isn't reinforcing your role as an authority figure. A few simple, you listen to your mommy (or stepmommy or what ever) from Dad might go a long way with her at that age. Also, he can lead by example. He can say, lets help mom take care of HER baby, to reinforce the baby is yours to be incharge of, not hers.
Good luck,
M.

I have a 7 year old daughter and a 15mo old daughter as well. My oldest can be quite the second "mother" to my baby. She likes to tell her no and step up before I do. They play together well for the most part.

I don't think it is abnormal the way your stepdaughter is with your daughter. She is a normal 6 year old and probably thinks of your daughter somewhat of a doll. It seems like she is pretending to be the mother. Do you know how her own mother acts towards her? Or you? All of these factors add in to make up her perception of a mother. Not sure if I helped at all but good luck with it!

I have a 6 year old daughter and a 20 month old daughter, so I'm kinda in the same situation. My oldest likes to control her sister too. I think it may just be a mothering thing. My oldest has always been around older children. She was the only grandchild on my husbands side, and the second on my side (her cousin was 6 when she was born). I see the same controlling thing going on all the time. She is constantly playing "on" her, not with her. I just tell Mckenzie that she needs to give her sister room. She is a little girl and want to explore things around her. Don't get me wrong, Karlie loves playining with her big sister, when she's actually playing with her. Mckenzie loves to take toys away from her, yell at her and that kind of stuff. She has not hit her, thank god, cause she knows what's going to happen if she does. Honestly, as long as Karlie isn't crying, most of the time I don't mind. Once Karlie starts crying, then I take control of the situation. Usually I send Mckenzie to her room to play with her own toys, not to punish, but to give them separate time. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I think as long as she's not hurting your baby, then just let them play. Once it gets to the point when it starts annoying the baby, then you need to cut right in. Also, with the oldest being your stepdaughter, does you husband get involved when he's home? That may help as well. Hope this helped, sorry it was soo long!