Hello all - I am a single mom of a 4 and 6 year old who have recently been ending up in my bed almost every night. My son has Aspberger's and find that he sleeps all through the night when in bed with me. He suffers from chronic nightmares as well. My daughter is always scared b/c her dad is no longer here. Is it ever therapeutic to let the kids sleep with the mother if it develops a sense of safety that has been lost? I know the negatives but are looking for anyone who might have positive information about this topic. I sleep the same either way it seems. Thanks! E.
I think if you all are getting adequate sleep & there's plenty of room in the bed, it's not a problem. If that's how your kids can feel secure, then why not? Just listen to your "mommy gut". If it's helping your kids cope, then don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it....you're doing the best for your kids. :-)
Hi E.-
I always allowed my kids to pop in bed and snuggle with me every now and then...but I think a constant issue may create a problem. I am not familiar with Aspbergers so I couldnt say whether it was beneficial or not- but I ran into a woman at a meeting that may be able to answer that
Her name is Ana Hernando - HOPE Pediatric Theraply and Learning PLLC Christian based program www.hopepediatricstherapy.com
Occupational Therapist - I bet she can give you some great advice- ###-###-####- ____@____.com
I miss those cuddle days- My feeling is as long as they are capable to sleep on their own...if they need a security cuddle binge- I would have no problem with it- but it's hard to say when is enough.
Sounds like you are a great mom- good luck!
D. S.
I think it is ok for now. When I was single my son slept with me and we both slept better. The only thing is when I married my husband it was hard to break the habit. I would have to wait for him to fall asleep then take him to his bed. He would come back two or three times when he woke up because he realized he wasn't with me. It was hard for a couple of weeks but well worth it. Your kids are older than he was so it's a different situation. I wouldn't worry about!
We only allow our son to sleep with us on stormy nights when he gets scared. Luckily he's slept through the past week, but when it gets really bad he screams out of fear. He used to be "scared" to sleep in his room, but we talk to him all the time about how Jesus protects us and that he never has to be afraid. It took a while, but he now is fine sleeping in his room. We just had to be consistent with not allowing him in our room because he would beg for it.
He actually came in our room two nights ago and climbed in bed to go to sleep. We just took him right back, and it was no big deal. Like I said, though, it took us a while to get there. We pray a lot with him about his fears, and we pray ourselves for him. He knows scripture too so he can say them when he gets scared even if he doesn't fully understand. "God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind." "Do not be afraid for I am with you." Josh 1:9 is his newest "God is with you wherever you go." Everytime he got scared we asked, "Who is always with you to protect you?" He would say Jesus.
Just let them know that you are there and are not leaving, and assure them that you will be back to check on them later. That was something else we had to do with ours and sometimes still do. There are some other things we did. If you'd like to email ____@____.com I would love to tell you some other things.
E.,
My son started sleeping with me when my ex left. At some point he will sleep in his own bed again, so I have been told. If they are sleeping well,then let them sleep with you. Maybe I am wrong, but I see nothing wrong with it. I do know that I have a mama's boy...:). He sleeps in his own bed at his dad's house.
L.
I would say that as long as you plan this to be a short term situation then it should be all right. I would explain to both of them though that this is only for a short time and that they will need to go back to their own beds in the future. I suggest that you talk to them about how long reasonably that they should think this should continue and then negotiate out a reasonable time with them. I never let my son sleep with me when he was little for several reasons, but the main one being that he is horrible to sleep with, he kicks, shoves, elbows, sleeps ALL over the bed and steals the covers and was able to do so all from the age of one on. Letting them sleep with you on a long term basis will build a false sense of security and then they will need to work past that too. Besides all that, it is not a fun thing to have a 16 year old sleep in the bed with you. My son will from time to time if we are up watching movies really late and I really hate myself for letting it happen cause then I don't have my bed to myself and eventually no covers. So, you need to think long term on how this will affect your children and not you. Like I said for a short tern basis as long as they understand that it is temporary, then it is not so bad. Good luck in all your endevours.
I was raised by a single mother, and I slept with her from as far back as I can remember. When her and my step-dad finally got married after 10 years of being together, it was a hard adjustment for me at first, but I got over it in about a week. I say let them sleep with you. Especially if they are going through a hard time with their dad not being there. As they get older they will get to a point I'm sure where they won't want to sleep with you anymore. My husband is a truck driver and travels A LOT (he just got home last night after being gone for a month) When he is gone for that long of time, I sometimes let my 2 year old sleep with me on the weekends. My step-son who is 12 used to sleep want to sleep with me when he was younger and his dad was out of town, but he has out grown that. They need all the comfort they can get, it is probably a very rough time for them right now and you are their security. They want to be as close to you as they can, for fear that you might leave since their dad did. (Not judging your situation at all) My point - let them if it makes you feel better and them!!
Good Luck with everything, I commend you on being a single mother. Like I said I was raised by one, granted it was just me, I had no brothers and sisters. It's not an easy road, but it can be done, just surround yourself with a good support system, and keep God in your heart and he will get you through it all.
:)
