Inviting a Sibling

I'd call and ask if XXX could come over to play, hang out, what ever they're going to be doing. If the parent says they can't come unless xxx can come too then I'd simply say "oh, that's too bad. Well, let us know when XXX is free to come over. We'd love to have her".

When the parent asks what's wrong with xxx coming too let them know that the invitation is for the one and not both. Say sorry and be done. They'll get the idea.

I think you handled it well. I would continue to repeat what you said here. If the parent is insistent, give the parent the name of a sitter for the younger child.

Each child should have an opportunity to spend time with friends without siblings in order to bond and have personal friendships.

My impression is that the parent wants a free sitter. The parent obviously wants to pawn out the younger child so that parent has free time or whatever instead of using that time for some one on one with the younger child. Pretty sad, and selfish.

Ugh. My mom used to make me let my little sister (4 year difference) tag along wherever I went.

It wasn't really out of a desire to get rid of her (at least, not entirely.) She just claimed that my sister "felt left out" when I went off without her. (Even though my sister had MORE friends her age than I did at mom's house.) She was just at that age when she was following me around everywhere pestering me.

I HATED it. We did not want to have to deal with her all the time. I spent plenty of time playing with her, so when I was with friends I wanted to play with THEM.

So, kudos to you for sticking to your guns that only the actual friend is invited. Lol.

Once when I was little, I met a girl that I liked that was in a foster home with about six other kids. I invited the one over and was told later that if I wanted that kid I HAD to include another. I dropped the invitation.

I didn't care for the other and I didn't feel it was fair for me to have to have someone tag along that I didn't want.

So life is not fair but it was a learning lesson that I figured out all by myself and did not get upset about not being able to have the one I wanted to come play with me.

Congratulations about standing your ground on this. You know your limits and stick to them.

the other S.

No one can "insist" that you have their child over. They might ask, and it's okay to turn them down. No one should assume that a playdate includes any siblings who are not friends with/same age as the child doing the inviting. It's fine to say that the age difference is just too much, that if your child is 9, he really doesn't want to play with a 5 or 6 year old. The other parent can decide whether to send the same aged child or not. If they "insisted" on the younger child coming too, then I'd have stopped inviting the older kid altogether. Parents are so afraid so say "no" to anything their kid wants, afraid that if they see someone else getting an opportunity they don't that it'll crush them. Please. This is life, this is how kids learn that there will only be one spelling bee winner, one captain of the basketball team, one valedictorian. I'm the parent of a high school student and a college student, and I work in an elementary school, and there is a very entitled generation of kids being raised.
My daughter grew up with a friend on our road who was actually 1 1/2 years younger than her. The friend had a younger sister - the girls were, I think, about 22 months apart. Since they were close in age, they often "shared" playdates. But when the younger sister started tagging along to my house, I did have to say something to the mom, because she wasn't just 1-2 years younger than my daughter like she was to most of her sister's friends, they were 3 1/2 years apart, four school grades, and she was really too young for my daughter - a 13 did not want to hang out with a 9.

Sorry. I wouldn't insist on both my kids being around. They are separate people and while they may share some friends - there are times when they need to be around friends JUST BY THEMSELVES.

At a birthday party last weekend - a mom of one of the kids invited had the audacity to text the mom of the party child and invite a friend that her son didn't know to the party....while I don't subscribe to this - in this situation? I told her to IGNORE the text. She did. (apparently the mother had invited friends over to their home as her kids were going to be at the party which was also an overnight - and the friends had brought their son with them).

My boys are 11 & 13 - and there have been several times over the years that only ONE of them have been invited to a birthday party and only one have been invited over to a friends house.

Bottom line? It's RUDE insist on both. I would have dealt with it as you did - I'm sorry - but Jack really wants some one on one time with Zane.

Oh how irritating!
NO, a parent cannot insist, that a sibling is also invited.
That Mom, probably just wants both her kids out of the house and does not want to deal with the other child being at home "nagging" to go play too.

There is NOTHING wrong, with ONLY inviting your child's friend, over to your house. And you do not have to invite that kid's sibling.
You only invite, your child's, friend.
And it is up to that other parent, to deal with it. And to deal with her kid, that is home.

I have 2 kids, who always have friends over at our home. ALL of my kid's friends, have siblings. Some have more than one sibling. I DO NOT, invite ALL of that family's kids over. I only invite my child's friend.
And its fine. And it is fine with those other Moms. Because, the "play date" or social, is for that child and THEIR friend or friends.
However, IF my daughter or son, is also friends with those siblings, then I MIGHT, invite the siblings, too. But it is up to me. And I WILL say "The girls need their own time today without their siblings." Or "My son needs his own time, with his friends only." And I also tell that to my own kids. And its fine. EACH OF MY KIDS, have their own, friends. And they have a right to have their own time, with their own friends. Without their sibling. Each child has their own, friends and life and socials and invites.
This is life.

I think its wrong of them to insist on the sibling. First of all, it's more work for the hosting parent, and second, no one should come over that isn't invited. Hold your ground, just say it works better when only one child comes over at a time.

My dd has a set of twins that she knows and frequently just invites one of them over who she's closer to. They deal with it just fine.

We had this problem with our next door neighbors....especially with birthday parties...I don't understand why parents feel entitled to have a package deal with their kids...

You did just fine. It seems all of a sudden, parents think it is ok for sibs to join in when others are hanging together Besides, three never works well.

M., I think your response was fine (and firm, too-- good for you for sticking to your guns about this yet doing so politely). I am curious about your saying that it "now just seems to have become an issue." Are the parents now pressing harder and more insistently for the sibling to come on play dates? Depending greatly on how well you know the parents and how comfortable you are asking them this, you could ask them if everything's OK with Sibling. I would wonder if Sibling has issues making friends and the parents -- wrongly, I think -- believe that forcing Sib along on the older kid's play dates is going to help Sib do better. But you and your child are not obliged to have Sib over and I agree with you; a kid should be able to play with his or her friends without siblings having to be a package deal.

If they get really insistent or even start saying that Friend can't come to see your child unless Sibling comes too, I might see about having Friend and your child do something specific together that is (1) away from home and (2) geared just for kids their age/grade. For example, there might be a recreation center class (paid) or local fair or festival (free) that has activities for kids their age but is not for younger kids. That gives you a good "out" for saying you'll take Friend but the event is for kids 11 and up only so it's just Child and Friend who should attend.....

I agree with you that this is unusual and it also seems a bit sad. Either the child has issues with friends; or the parents might be seeking a bit of free babysitting during your play dates; or the parents are so far into "everything must be absolutely 'fair'" that they are blind to what's good for both their kids.....

To me it is rude to ask to include another child. We do have one family that always asks for both of our children to come over. My boys are less then 2 years apart so all three play together well, and my youngest also enjoys playing with the other boys younger sister, so it is a win win for everyone. But, I never expect someone to take both just because they are taking one, kids are entitled to have friends they do not share with their siblings. I think if it has become an issue then you have to just stop having the one over. I think some parents go overboard trying to keep everything "fair" all the time. Life it not always fair and equal, kids need to understand that. Sad thing is, it is her kids that end up missing out on things in the end.

Weird. I would not enjoy it if I made plans with a friend and all of a sudden her younger brother joined us, so why would your daughter have to deal with the same. I agree, she probably just wants free time to drop them both off. Now I have friends who do this kind of exchange since they both have an older girl and younger boy so at times they swap so the other mom has free time, but both sets of kids were already friends from school. If this were to ever come up I would only meet at a public place, like a playground or library so all can hang out together and each mom can watch their own kids.

My daughter has a friend she met and class, as it turns out, they ice skate together. The little girl has a sister one year older and the dad usually has them both, as the mother works more hours.

The dad insists they come together as a package. The older sister is disengaged during ice skating, but they continue to put her in it. I can see the instructors and some parents disagree with his choice, but he continues to do it.

In this case it worked out, but I don't get it either.

At this point, the three of them are great friends and not one better friends with one or the other, although the two younger ones always say they are best friends, but my daughter plays with them both.