5YO Party - 4 Concerns - Please Be Kind and Help. Thanks.

Some help-
1st ?- If there is going to be a lot of kids, then you might want to find a play place or even a park. And if it's raining and you need to stay in, then just stay home and let the kids play. Even if you have a small space, the kids will have fun no matter what and the parents can sit on the couch.

2nd- usually, parents just bring themself and the child. but if a few have to bring the sibblings, there is really nothing you can do about it as far as I know. I've been to a few that my son was invited to and had to bring my daughter. you might put in on the invitation if the child has sibblings, to let you know a head of time.

3rd- you can put in the invitation that you would like the parent to stay and watch over thier child. there may be some parents who have more than one sibbling, and that could be a handful. But you can always put down on invite about staying with the child. The same thing for the donation. Everything that you want to parent to know, you should put down on the invite. You might want to have a slip in--a regular invite plus and slip of paper for the parent to read, for the sibblings, staying there, donations, and so on.

Hope this helps! :) And good luck!

This is how I do it ... thus far we have only done family parties any way.
1. None
2. No Siblings
3. Put on the invite that one parent's presence is required
4. In lieu of any possible gifts we are accepting donations for "Second Chance Rescue Center"

Invite only the class-and all of them; NO siblings; do not feed the grown ups-the party is for the children-it's a pool party-no parent will leave a 5 year old at a pool party with two people watching; Write on the invitation-Please no gifts-we are asking for donations to be made to the animal shelter-and don't be shocked if not a single person does this. Good luck!

Ok, as this is not my first rodeo, as Dr. Phil would say, here's my opinion (and how I've handled parties in the past):

1) Invite just the kids that your daughter really wants - and definitely by mail so as no one's feelings are hurt if invitations are seen being handed out. Everyone will survive and have just as much fun if you keep it to maybe five or six children; especially if it ends up being indoors!

2) If older siblings show up, put them to work as your helpers! If younger ones show up, well then, refer to my #3 answer and make the parent watch their own child.

3) Word it clearly on the invitation that a parent is required to stay - especially since it is a pool party. No need to beat around the bush in this case! Unless you have REALLY good insurance!!

4) Just clearly put on the invitation that "Suzy has requested the following items to help the local animal shelter instead of birthday presents:" and then list a few options. If you don't put "instead of birthday presents" then someone is going to say, well, she's still requesting gifts! And once I also used the wording "in lieu of..." and there were actually people that didn't even know what that meant! I've learned these days you need to be very clear and concise with your wording!!

By the way, I absolutely LOVE that your daughter has chosen to help the animal shelter in this way!!! I have two shelter animals with me right now and they are absolutely wonderful; I wouldn't adopt from anywhere else!!

Good luck and have fun!! Happy Birthday to your daughter!!!

I should have added .... on the invitation clearly state the time of the party! START and END!!!!

I've not ever invited "all". We keep our parties small. I agree with S.H.'s points. Just put right into the invite the expectations. Things can be worded nicely - "this is a pool party so we'll appreciate one parent staying to assist" "

I'm a big believer in small-but-manageable. We followed the "age rule" - if you're turning 5, you get to invite 5 friends. Leaving people out is always problematic so I would be careful about inviting just the girls as some have suggested - kids at 5 aren't necessarily so gender-exclusive. Ask your daughter to pick 5 friends. If some can't come, don't invite others in the same circle as it will be clear that people were "2nd choices"

I think you have to decide about siblings vs. parents. If you need a parent to stay, then you can't ask them to find sitting for their other children. You are better off asking one or 2 friends to be supervisors (even if you hire a certified lifeguard), and then say on the invitation that you will have 3 adults supervising and that it's a very small party. That implies that parents won't stay. OR, invite parents to stay to supervise, as others have suggested, and just put up with the siblings. If you keep it small (5 kids) then 2 siblings won't be a problem. You need an alternate activity for older kids. I think older kids in a pool is a huge problem, and younger ones (perhaps with diapers) is an even bigger problem. However, I think parents might be concerned about leaving a child for a pool party at age 5, so perhaps you should go for the "one parent stays for safety concerns" that another post suggested.

Personally, I don't understand the sibling thing. In all our years of having parties, only the friends came and no one arrived with siblings. Maybe it's different in your area but I never heard of guests piling extra guests onto the guest list!

I think your daughter asking for donations is a wonderful thing, and I think it's great that birthdays aren't turned into big "gimme fests" with people inviting huge guest lists like they are trolling for gifts. I never wanted my son to get 15 gifts so I never invited 15 kids. And I didn't want to be reciprocating every other week with yet another party we felt obligated to attend. I do think some people will ignore your request, or at least bring a donation and a gift too, but there's nothing you can do about that. I don't think you should return gifts that are given unless they are clearly inappropriate. They can be donated if you want, but I think a young child might say to a friend "We gave your gift away" and it sounds very ungrateful. Your daughter must learn to say thank you for a gift. So indicate on the invitation that "in lieu of gifts" donations are requested, and be specific about what's needed, indicating that used items are great. Have a bin when people arrive, and be sure to ooh and aah about how the animals will benefit. Perhaps have some brochures or photos of the animals so the other children can relate. Maybe you can have some animal-related decor or a cake that highlights this cause.

Good luck

1) We only invited my kids' friends of whom they wanted to invite. We as parents, told our kids how many we can invite. And per budget.
Never invited the whole class. Teachers, have a "rule" that any invitations are to be given to them, and THEY will disperse the invitations, discreetly to the child/the parent, in their cubby or going home folder.
Or yes, mail if if you can.

2) Per party guests and wording of invitations: All of my friends including myself, word the invitations as such: "Sally & 1 parent, is invited to Erica's 5th Birthday party. It is a drop-off party or the parent may stay." (in your case, say that it is NOT a drop-off party).
It is worded this way, so that the invitation clearly states, the the invited child and ONE parent, is invited. Otherwise, you will get a whole truckload of others to your party. I have seen, parents bring their invited child... in addition to their other kids and/or an Aunty or other relatives and the Dad or grandparent.
For me: I only invite the child and ONE parent to my kids' party. It is my child's party. Not a venue for everyone. And simply put, we have a budget. We cannot possibly, feed EVERYONE and their relatives nor entire family. It is a kid's party for the birthday child. And goody bags are for the children that are invited.... ie: my child's friends.

I and my friends, always send out invitations at least 3-4 weeks ahead of time. SO that, each family/parent, can plan ahead. And decide who will attend the party. Families are busy need to know ahead of time when a party is so that they can plan their schedules, too.

3) Simply state, "this is not a drop-off party. 1 parent will need to attend and assist their child. We do not have enough Adults to supervise the pool party."

4) My daughter would like to gift a local animal shelter, in lieu of gifts. If you would like to, the animal shelter accepts dog/cat food, small toys, old blankets, etc. Our Family, will deliver these items to the shelter for you. (other wise the invited may thing that THEY have to take things to the shelter themselves.) Being this is a party for your child, then you should have the guests bring those items to your home... for YOU to then deliver to the shelter.
Know that, not everyone may participate in donating things. Or they might. It depends on if they want to. That is the point. It should be voluntary.
BUT, as with any "donations"... will the people contributing... get a RECEIPT for it, for their tax purposes??? How will they get one?
You would need to write down a list of people who donated for your daughter's Birthday Party... and what they donated or how much. IF a parent should ask, about donation receipts, for their taxes. You have to anticipate... such questions.

5) Per RSVP's. State a deadline to RSVP by because you need a head count... as well as stating your phone contact number and an e-mail address.

1. I don't believe in inviting the whole class, especially if you don't give invites out at school. My son's 5th birthday was last week and we only invited 4 out of the 20 other kids in his class. I mailed the invitations and will mail the thank you notes as well.

2. When I send the invitations, I specifically put just the name of the child/children on the envelope that I want to invite. As a general rule, I never invite older siblings. As for the younger ones, it depends on their age and the kind of party it is. If it's at a park, I'm more likely to invite the little ones. At a location I pay for, I don't. At a pool party like you're having, I'd be more likely to invite them, or at least not exclude them if a parent wants/needs to bring them. I never say no to babies under two, as they won't really participate anyway and I wouldn't have to pay if they came.

3. I wouldn't assume it was a drop off party for this age group, especially at a pool. To be safe, I would put something on the invitation like "parents are requested to stay to help keep their children safe in the pool."

4. "In lieu of gifts, [daughter's name] would like to donate supplies (pet toys, dog/cat food, old blankets) to our local animal shelter."

I have to admit that I'm reminded of the poor lady who wrote on here a few weeks ago that the entire class was invited, only a few issued regrets and everyone else RSVP'd and then NO ONE came. You might be worried that there may be too many people, but maybe that wouldn't be the case.

It's a gamble, really, choosing between inviting enough people that you actually hope that they all don't come, or just make a ton of food and deal with the possibility of a crowd.

I think you must write in very big letters on your invites something like "POOL PARTY - PLEASE, WE NEED PARENT ATTENDANCE - NO DROP-OFF'S OR SIBLINGS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERESTANDING" I don't know how you could be any more obvious!

Unfortunately, I don't think that it's appropriate to say this particular thing about the gifts. However, sometimes people choose not to do the "appropriate thing", and you just ask anyway. However, some people get very upset about being told "how" to give a gift.

Hope at least some of this is helpful!
Dawn

In lieu of gifts is WONDERFUL idea ! We recently donated to a pet shelter, too !!!!! The kids donated gently used blankets, dog toys,etc...
The donations were so needed at the shelter. The folks there were so appreciative. Good for your daughter !

**Mary's 5th B-Day Party**
Date and Time:
Address:
Pool party / We ask that 1 parent stay for safety concerns
Please bring bathing suit and towel (
Pizza and cake will be served!
In lieu of gifts: Mary would like to donate to our local animal shelter. The shelter is seeking gently used blankets, cat / dog toys and dry dog food.
Rain date:
Regrets only by 6/5 (219) 435-XXXX

Just the girls in the class would be plenty. She is 5 yrs old. The pool should not be crowded w/ children at that age. It's too risky !

I am assuming that the kids in the class are a preschool class? so that being the case you will probably not see most of these kids again unless it is a private school.

#1 I would ask your daughter who she plays with the most at school and invite those kids only. I would not invite the whole class. at that age it is better to do 1 kid per year of your daughters age. so if she is going to be 5 then invite 5 children.

#2 & 3 Due to space and safety limitations we are asking that only the invited child and parent attend.

#4 As far as the gifts thing goes I love the animal shelter thing. just say on the invite that your asking for no gifts but that you are currently taking donations for the local pet shelter and needed items are "X, Y and Z" and leave it at that.

I still think 5 is too young for super organized games, just free play, swimming, cake, presents, maybe a piñata (but I hate them!), and a gift bag for guests as they leave. This will keep it simple too! Most people know not to bring siblings without asking if the invite says their one kid's name only hopefully. I'd invite the whole class and word the invitation as "your presence is your present, but we will be accepting donations for the local animal shelter as per dd's birthday wish". Or simply please bring a donation of food, bedding, etc for the local animal shelter in lieu of gifts. What a sweet thing to do! I'd consider making the party an animal theme to go along with that. And yes mention there's a pool so extra adult supervision is appreciated!

You do not need to invite the whole class. the only way that gets sticky is if you invite ALMOST the whole class. My son invited his neighbor friends, his best friend from a different class, and one or two from his class. If you start inviting 9 or 10 then you need to invite the whole class. which sounds chaotic at this age! I would keep it small, 5 or 6 kids and ask your best friend, sister or someone who does not have little kids to help supervise in the pool. The HS or college student idea is great, ask the local pools or schools for names. Parents could start chatting and not supervise well enough, so maybe fewer parents would be better. Let parents decide if they want to stay, I would not drop off for a pool party unless my child could swim, but if I had a sibling that would be more trouble, I would drop off. Say something like "parents are invited to stay OR drop off and pick up at _:00. Dont worry about last minute, people are either free or not! Have fun!

oh my, i SO disagree with those who feel you *have* to invite everyone. birthday parties are not school socials. invite your child's closest friends. a great rule is one child for each year. 5 kids plus yours will be plenty.
as for the rest, you can be very courteous and very clear in your invitations. 'we love siblings but cannot accommodate them in this venue. since this is a pool party, we do request that a parent does accompany the child. this is a NO GIFT birthday party, instead please make our little girl's dream come true by bringing a donation of XY or Z for the animal shelter. PLEASE RSVP! we so look forward to celebrating petunia's 5th birthday with you.'
have fun!
:) khairete
S.

I agree with Kiki -- I would have been very leery of a pool party for this age unless I knew the family and was familiar with the pool and was assured it would be a tiny group. Even with one parent there per child and an HS lifeguard, it can become so chaotic with kids and water, and it's hard to see the bottom of a pool.

If you are determined to do a pool party, keep it very small. Sorry but I would not have let my five year old -- even with me there -- go to a pool party with more than about four or five children total. There will be other things to do besides swim? Nice, but a distraction. More kids than a small handful? Again, a distraction.

I dont' get the people insisting that you must invite the entire class. I've never done it and no one in any of my child's classes (and we're up to fifth grade) has ever done that, even in preschool! Children -- and parents -- need to learn that they are not always invited to everything!

So I'd say: If it must be a pool party, choose the four or five closest friends. NO parents expect their kids to be invited to every party that every classmate has; and kids will get over it if they hear about it. Do not let worries about kids' hurt feelings influence this they really would care for about 30 seconds if they felt left out. Certainly do not invite the entire class of 15! Do you want 30 people around and in and out of a pool to be responsible for?

Siblings: Again, if it's a pool party you do not want other kids there to have to watch and worry about. Just say on the invitations something like "Guest and parent" or something like that. But someone might ignore it and bring a sibling (which is rude, yes).

Gifts: Put on the inviation: "We want to enjoy your presence, not presents! Sally loves animals so please, instead of a gift, bring a donation to the local animal shelter: Food, old blankets, dog toys, etc." My daughter did this for her birthday party recently (food for homeless shelter) and it worked out fine. Someone will bring a gift, inevitably, but just thank them for it and have her open it after, not at, the party.

I would invite everyone, in my experience tons of people always cancel last minute. I would be surprised if parents dropped off kids that young and left, but you never know, on the invites put the childs name plus mommy or daddy- Tommy & Parent or Tommy & Mom, I always just invite.the whole family so I just put Smith family. Or you could put a note on the inside, something like we have a pool so bring your bathing suit and an adult to keep an eye on you.

We have done a pool party for my son each summer, since he was four and will do it again next month.

We invite the whole class. How would you like to be the only 5 year old left out? This can be an issue, because sometimes almost all of them come. But since it is outdoors, we just don't worry about it.

Specify that it is a pool party and to bring your swim stuff. Parents at my parties have not expected a drop and run as it is a pool party. Either DH or myself is in the pool if there are kids swimming and he generally recruits a few additional parents to be in the pool. I have never seen a kid in our pool without at least one of his/her own parents either in with them or watching closely from the side. They all know little ones can go under easily.

I have never specified anything about siblings on the invitation. Rarely, we have had someone ask if they can bring a younger child - I have always said yes.

Generally parents do not expect to be fed - but I always make plenty of food so it had not been a big issue for us.

For the gifts - I would specify 'birthday child's name' would prefer you bring an item to donate to the local animal shelter in lieu of a birthday present'. I might also state something like 'we will be delivering the gift to the shelter on Monday/whatever day'

We always set up a sprinkler on the lawn - it's great for the kids who don't swim yet and requires minimal supervision - you can ask any parent without a kid in the pool to keep an eye on it.

Have fun.

1 - Since the class is small, I would invite everyone. The likelihood of all 15 kids coming is minimal, anyway.
2 - Put this on the invite. In most cases siblings can be left with someone, unless mom is completely on her own & has no help. I am sure you're flexible in that scenario, though.
3 - I don't think most parents would drop & leave at this age,especially for a pool party. However, might I caution you against doing a pool party for such young kids? Not all kids that age are strong swimmers, and parents might be leery about dropping trou in front of complete strangers. I think pool parties are better suited for older kids that are comfortable in the water & need less supervision.
4 - You can specifiy "no gifts", but not everyone will abide by this wish.

Good luck, and stop worrying :-). To be honest, I hate throwing kid parties. We have taken DD on trips for her last 2 birthdays & it's so much easier & DD hasn't cared either way.

Omg Kinder you need invite the whole class. Totally inappropriate to leave out a 5 year old. That is why you invite the whole class. How horrible so you invite all the girls and the one or two left out have to hear about the party the whole month. Yes say siblings are welcome. Some parents wont let their kids go unless the siblings go. Would not have a pool party. 5 year old does not get presents? Thats not fair also. Now next, Half of the kids will not show up so the fact you invited 30 kids will not matter. About 7 of them will rsvp, some on time some late and bout 3 will show up without saying anything. I would have it at a park, or just sprinklers and little slides. But wait for rsvps then get your stuff. Count on 4 more after reservations are rsvped to cover those who dont.

purple mom said it well.

I have also done small parties, the age of the bday kid is the amount of kids. But considering the time of year you might not get all that many if you did open it up to the whole class. Will most of these kids be together next year? if yes, then you might consider inviting all. if not a small party is fine.

DO NOT send invites to school Unless you have one for everyone, that is just mean and it's h*** o* the teacher. It's very hard for the teacher to be suble and pass them out ot only some, and as soon as one realizes that there is an "ENVELOPE" in their book bag or folder they will go nuts and make a Huge production.

YES be clear, --this is a pool party bring a suit, towel sunscreen and parent to watch you.

not sure how to handle the animal shelter, i feel like you have enough going on with the pool party that adding the extra information about specific gifts/donations and all that is alot , so if she didn't have her heart set on it, i would save it for her next party.

No problem about the siblings, well at least in the area i live, most decline the invite if they can't get childcare. Those that do come you can have join in.

I would follow class rules for the all/some question. As for siblings and adult staying questions... Simply ask when people RSVP " are their any siblings who NEED to attend? Also, who will be staying at the party with Jim Bob / Sally Sue? For the present/donation thing. Include that info on the invitation: If you so choose, my daughter has requested that donations be made to the animal shelter as opposed to gifts. Hope this helps! Don't over think this mom, you asked this question; however, it sounds like you already know the answer. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

1. Either all of the class or all of the girls and not the boys. This way no feelings get hurt. Since its a pool party I would just do all girls though to keep the count down.

2. Not much you can do if someone brings a sibling-hopefully they won't as it is a pool party. It would be pretty forward to bring a sib who is dressed for the pool.

3. I wouldn't think that parents would drop off 5yos at a pool party. If you notice anyone leaving thats when I would request that they stay.

4. In lieu of gifts DD has requested that her classmates join her in helping the local shelter by bringing a pet item to donate.

If you don't want gifts don't have a birthday party. People will bring a gift no matter what. Just deal with it. I guess you can always take the gifts back and let the refunds be donated. That seems harsh for a young child though. He will want to play with the toys and enjoy the gifts. There is no way our 5 year old would want to give his new toys back to the store.

Have the party at a park and have a huge cake and some ice cream then let the kids go play. That way it does not matter how many family members stay or come along.

If you want to make it a pool party you might tell them that if they want their child to swim they much supervise them or they won't be allowed in the water.

Don't expect anyone to RSVP, people just don't do that. In my opinion if the numbers count then you need to just invite his close friends. The ones that have been to his house and he's been to theirs, the ones you know by sight and name and their parents numbers are in your phone.

If numbers don't matter then invite everyone, put on the invitation if they'd like to come then just show up, and if they can't come they will be missed but a response is not needed.

Then have enough cake and ice cream to feed them all if they show up. If they don't then you can always eat cake for a few days or give the people who do come the chance to take some home with them.

You sound so nice!!! Loving the donation to the local animal shelter. Love the life guard also, always good to be safe!

When mine were that age, I included the class. I let them bring siblings, I had a special table for siblings, like a small table. I had appetizers for the adults who stayed. I made a huge fruit salad that all loved so much. I included on the invite that a parent must stay with child and enjoy the day! Your on the right track!! have a great day!