My daughter will be 8 in October and has been taking piano for a year. My hubby comes from a musical family--mom is a piano teacher, dad is voice teacher, hubby has played guitar for many years and took piano as a child. When our daughter started it made sense that he would take on supervising her practice since he would know more about what she was learning than I. But it didn't always go so well and hubby would get very frustrated with daughter's attention wandering or just "not getting it"--basic things. Sometimes he would raise his voice and she would end up very upset.
Daughter does like piano, but when they have these negative practice sessions, she understandably wants to quit.
I hate to see her give up when it may just be a matter of creating a situation where she doesn't have as much pressure.
I have offered to take on supervising her practice, although she's now waaaaay ahead of what I know. But I need some ideas on ways to keep practice engaging, interesting or fun.
I can ask my mom-in-law, too, but I was wondering whether you all have any ideas to share. And, if any of you can share what you did when your child was ready to quit an activity? How was the decision made?
Lessons will be starting up again soon
I wanted to thank everyone who responded. I've been supervising my daughter's practice for about 2 weeks now and it's going well. I've tried some of the suggestions you all offered. She still gets a little frustrated with herself but is able to calm down and refocus on what she is doing. She has told me that her practices have been more fun and we often lose track of time and end up going longer than the basic requirement. I'm even learning bass clef. :-D
C.,
Have you tried Suzuki piano? It's an approach that teaches how parents can help and practice WITH their child. The teacher will give both the parent and the student a specific goal for the week to do together. It's geared specifically towards children. They learn from each other in group lessons too. This might required switching a teacher who does teach Suzuki piano....but just a suggestion!
Hi, C.! I am a pianist and was a piano teacher, and I think it's absolutely wonderful that you want to supervise your daughter's practice.
Does your daughter's teacher keep a notebook of what she is supposed to do each week? How much is she required to practice a day?
When I was teaching, for kids her age, I usually required just 30 minutes a day. I think instead of checking up on her every move when she practices, set a timer for 30 minutes, and have her fill in a practice chart. It's good to be around when she's practicing to help her with questions she might have or encouragement if you think she's getting discouraged. But if you hover, she will get frustrated and won't have the chance to see that she is responsible for her results. Let her be accountable to her teacher; she is old enough at this point to see how her hard work will reap rewards. Conversely, when she doesn't practice, she'll be stuck on the same pieces week after week, and that is no fun for anybody!
Here's an idea for helping structure her practice time. If she has 3 pieces to work on and 30 minutes to practice, have her spend 10 minutes on each piece. And then let her work the piece through on her own. Eventually she'll realize that some pieces need less work and others need more, and perhaps she'll spend one entire practice session on one piece and pick up the other pieces the next day. Or maybe she'll be so excited that she'll keep practicing beyond her 30 minutes one day!
Also, if she is stuck on a passage, there are some things she can try to perfect the difficult passage. I used a 3x practice rule, where I had to practice a measure until I was able to get it three times in a row perfectly before moving on in the piece. Or I'd start at the end of the piece and learn the last line first, then the second to the last line, then the third and so on. So when I would play through the piece, I would be playing toward the easiest part, instead of always having the hardest part at the end. Another thing to do for a tricky passage is to play the measure with different rhythms: for example, if there are 4 eighth notes in a row, she can play long/short/short/short; short/long/short/short; short/short/long/short; etc. You get the idea. :) Give her tools like this to work through the hard parts, and be available for her while she tries them out. Then let her use her new skills on her own during her practice time. And then only step in when she really wants or needs you too.
Does she have any goals to work toward in her piano? Are there recitals or piano auditions for which she can get her pieces ready? Does she have an outlet to perform at all for family/friends?
It's VERY unusual for a child to be self-motivated when they are taking lessons, and if the parent wants them to continue (until the child is hooked on their own), he or she does need to be involved in structuring practice time, which you guys are doing. Just give her a little more freedom AS she is practicing and let HER be more accountable to her teacher and herself.
Sorry this is SOOOOO long! If she really wants to quit, maybe tell her if she is really unhappy after taking lessons for 3 years, then she can quit (or two years--whatever you are comfortable with). At that point she'll have learned a LOT, and will be able to take that knowledge with her through out her life.
Good luck with this all! Maybe you all can get over the hump this year, and she'll keep on going. And as a teacher, thank you for being wanting to be involved!! :)
God bless!
I am a piano teacher and have seen many students struggle with practicing. You and your husband need to have a frank chat about staying POSITIVE and encouraging your daughter to do her best. My mom was the kind of person that would get easily frustrated with me and really ruins the experience. He needs to either control his actions or stay out. Even students who have parents with no musical background can learn advance perfectly well, so she doesn't NEED to have a musical parent monitoring her practice sessions.
I usually have my students do a practice chart, putting a sticker on for each practice session completed. I have also heard of parents using a marble jar. Either way, they get to see how much they are accomplishing and maybe get a reward when the chart or jar is full.
Nagging can take the fun out of anything, so let her have some control over when she practices. You can give her a couple of time options or even break it up into 2 or 3 practice sessions. If she is expected to practice 30 minutes/day, it may be easier to do it in two 15-minute stints and practice 1/2 of her songs in the morning and 1/2 in the afternoon, or something like that.
Good luck and feel free to contact me if you need any other suggestions. I've taught a wide range of age groups and ability levels and have had to get creative at times to make it work.
I think it can be really hard for men especially to work with children unless they're trained to do so (yes, even their own). I think before you approach the idea of allowing your daughter to quit piano, you need to have a talk with your husband. It sounds like her frustration to quit comes from a fear of disappointing her dad with her performance rather than from a dislike of the activity. A little encouragement from him might go a long way in correcting that. It's great that you want to take over supervising her practices and sounds like a great idea since as someone who doesn't have all the knowledge she is learning, you will easier for her to impress and therefore more likely to offer encouragement. However, if you can convince your husband to poke his head in every now and then to praise her efforts and tell her how well she's doing, that should provide her with the motivation to continue. Children are just like the rest of us....it's more fun to do an activity that we feel successful at than to do one that we feel we're not good at or one we think we'll fail at.
Good luck with it!
It sounds to me like it's your husband that needs fine tuning. Your daughter ends up with hurt feelings, of course she doesn't like practicing with him. Talk to your husband about what he can do to make the sessions less stressful.
As a music teacher of some very young children (Suzuki style, mostly), I always tell parents to end the practice session before it becomes a drag. Maybe this is a phase that will pass, in which case I would say it's perfectly fine to have very short practice sessions (even 5 or 10 minutes) as long as they're consistently done every day. Always stop before the child gets tired of it.
Just because Dad may be the only one who really understands what's going on now musically, that doesn't mean that Mom isn't as good of a supervisor. My mother supervised my practice for years and she didn't know a thing about music. She was always very encouraging. I think I liked playing for her just because she seemed to enjoy it so much. (That's half the fun of playing music....seeing the joy it brings to others.)
One last tip: make sure she plays something she already knows well every day. This will build her confidence. Have her do it as a "treat" at the end of each practice session, whether it seems she made progress on her assignment or not. I actually incorporate these review pieces into my students' lessons so they have that same good feeling when they leave my studio.
I hope that helps. Hopefully your daughter will never lose the joy she feels in making music. Keeping the joy alive is probably the single most important thing. Do whatever you can to make sure she always enjoys it.
I took piano lessons when I was a kid and HATED practicing too. We never really figured out a way to make it more fun, so I'd just end up having not so good lessons and having to repeat songs the next week. I always wanted to quit after a certain point, but my parents and I agreed that I could quit after I finished the series I was working on. While after I finished it I didn't take lessons anymore, I did continue playing on a very regular basis in the high school jazz band. So being 'forced' through for a while did pay off in that I found it enjoyable enough to pursue on my own later.
I am a music teacher (for 15 years+), and also a mother of 4 children ages 7-12. When I used to teach private piano, the little ones were particularily motivated by stickers or picking out a prize when the met their goal. I chose not to teach my own kids, but rather have another teacher teach them. They really work hard to try to do well and to please their teacher, and always want to perform for me. You could use the prize or sticker chart in the summer for time practiced. I would suggest shorter periods of time/day for a younger child, and gradually increase it as they progress. If they are at a higher level reward for accuracy.
My older girls are also on a competitive cheer team. Their workouts are pretty tough, and when they complain about going to practice, we talk about the importance of committment and that their team is counting on them. They always love it when performance time comes, and I remind them of that.
M. A
