I Might Become Bridezillia! Help!!!!

Updated on February 22, 2008
A.H. asks from Lakewood, OH
43 answers

Ok i know this has nothing to do with the kids but i kinda starting to think to much about it and not sleep. Im tryin as hard as i can not to be bridezillia. My wedding is aug 30th and im kinda that type that will have everything figured out early. Well ok i've been working with my bridesmaids but now i feel like there just fighting with me about everything. For starters i told all the girls to make sure they had the last saturday free to go look at some dresses, just look not buy, like a month ahead of time. I thought hey this will be fun, we can make a day out of it. Well one of the girls tell me last min, after i had to call her, that she wasnt able to come. I kinda just brushed it off! Well then me and the other girls are at davids bridal. Its packed and one girl is complaining about how she just wants to get her dress from dillards. It was bothering me but i was just trying to ignore it, wasnt working! So i said ok i can work with her on that if she can really find an apple red dress that fits her great, first i want her to try on more at davids bridal just to see. Then my maid of honor is complaining about all the dresses!! He other two were good, i'll give them that. Then my maid of honor told me to make sure everyone wanted to do the spa treatment beofre booking it because it was a good idea, everyone was game. Well last week my maid of honor tells me well i dont wanna do this and "oh i'll be bridezillia if they dont make me look ...." or if it rains i wont be there. I was gonna have the ceremoy outside. Not anymore, mainly because i'm sick of hearing what the girls have to say. Well the one girl who couldnt do the dress day tells me she wont do the spa day at all now, the one who want to go to dillards doesnt want to do one of the things, maybe! I feel like cancleing all there appointments and telling them, "hey if want anything done book it yourself". I was just trying to be nice. We all thought hey the spa day thing will be fun and it really doesnt cost that much. Ok someone tell me im not just freaking out for no reason. I mean yes there is more to it but i dont think you wanna hear it all. What do i say to them? Do i say anything? Do i just need to breath? I dont wanna be bridezillia!!!! But i feel the girls need to understand its my day and they should be happy that im even letting pick out there dresses. I think im being very nice! Ok well someone please tell me what to do!!!!

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So What Happened?

omg thank you soo much to everyone!!! im gonna try to put my foot down on things. it just e-mailed all the girls telling them to pick a day they would like to go look at dresses one on one. i also told them that they need to find and buy one by april so it can be ordered and give time for the fittings! i was very nice about it. next im gonna tell them i am getting my hair and make-up done along with the day before spa day and if they would like to join me then make there appointment. if not then to just make sure they are at the rehearsal and at my house ready for when the limo comes to pick us up. the rest they are for whatever i dont wanna stress or be that bride!!!!!

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J.N.

answers from Cincinnati on

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L.R.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hi A.
I really feel for you. It really isn't easy to make everyone happy, but!!!! you are the bride. Maybe they can't afford to do the spa day. Have you tried asking them how much they want to spend or can afford.
I hope everything goes well for you.
Let's know what happens.

Take care and don't stress.

L.

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H.K.

answers from Indianapolis on

Fear not Bridezilla, Light your aromatherapy candle and sit down to a nice bowl of cheerios with your darling daughter. Organizing that many people is a nightmare, it's no wonder you're ready to pull your hair out. Having been a Bride, a M of H, and a Bridesmaid, here's my advice. Gently remind yourself and your bridesmaids that this is about you and your soon to be husband. The girls have been invited to share in this time with you. Whatever your personality your wedding is about you and the groom. Not, the bridesmaids. All the prep and planning is part of the fun. If they choose to not participate, they're missing out on the fun. Keep in mind that the fun can cost. If there are girls who are afraid to do things because of the cost-spa day, you might suggest that you'd rather have them with you at the spa than a gravy boat. Or offer to pay for the spa as part of your bridemaids gift to them. Find a way to tell your big girls to be big girls. This is not a sorority girl's weekend this is YOUR wedding. This is not being Bridezilla. Being Bridezilla would be demanding that they all buy the same dress, accessories, hairstyle, shoes, makeup, host or attend any and every bridal shower, help you register, attend the spa day, and then expect a gift with a shrill command. You don't sound like this at all. You sound like a loving Mom who wants to have a beautiful wedding. Let's hope your bridesmaids realize it's not about them! Good luck.

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A.S.

answers from Cleveland on

Yea babies! Congrats on all your wonderful life changes, but the wedding thing. I apologize up front because I am BLUNT!! I don't know how long ago it was that you were with your bride's maids, so I save give it 2 weeks before you enact this plan if you choose it. The 2wks is for you to take a breather and wind down.

During those 2wks, get all the bridal books you can and find 3 dresses you like for your bride's maids to wear. Give the maid of honor first dib's then, let the rest pick which of the other two they like. No one gets free reign to choose because then YOU get frustrated, not them. As far as the spa day goes, you already suggested it right? Leave it alone from now on. If you and someone else want to go good enough, if not go alone and enjoy!

What I am about to say next comes from the deepest depths of my soul and applies to eveeything wedding till Sept 1st.

THIS IS YOUR WEDDING WHAT YOU SAY GOES. THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO HAVE A CHOICE IS YOU. THE BRIDAL PARTY GETS NO SAY SO AND THERE OPINONS, COMMENTS, REMARKS, AND WHAT NOT'S ARE NOT ALLOWED. If they call you bridzilla SO WHAT!! It's your day and they just need to do what you say. Remember you are only going to get this day ONCE!

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L.M.

answers from Cleveland on

You know what? Nobody ever says anything about bridesmaid-zillas! I had similar issues when I got married. My sister was my maid of honor, and my best friend and roommate was also in my bridal party. My cousins were there too, and they were very supportive and didn't give me any trouble, but my sister and best friend... they were bent on giving me a hard time. We all went together and picked out a very simple, elegant dress - it looked great on everyone and was very flattering. The only adornment on the dress was a rhinestone broach thing at the V of the neckline. Both of them conveniently "lost" them before the wedding. They thought it was funny. I thought it was mean. My best friends birthday was the day of the rehersal dinner, and although we had made plans to surprise her with a cake and stuff, she refused to come... said it was her day, and not everything had to be about me.

I don't really know what advice to give you, except to say that it doesn't sound like you are the problem here at all. I would say that the good news is this: My husband and I have been married for 9 1/2 years, and I am still good friends with my best friend, and my sister and I are still close. It turned out that my best friend later admitted that she was really mad and jealous because I was getting married first and she was 2 years older. Plus she was sad that we weren't going to be roommates anymore. She got over it, and so did I. I was in her wedding as well.

Here are the things I guess you need to consider: Is there a reason why the ones who are giving you trouble are acting the way they are? If it's only one or two of them, and they are making your wedding unhappy for you, might it be better to ask them not to serve as bridesmaids? Maybe you could tell them that you are getting the feeling that they aren't into the whole "bridesmaid" thing, and maybe they would prefer to enjoy the wedding as guests without the added pressure? That way you could reduce your stress level immensely. If you really, really want them in your bridal party, pick your battles. Give in to them on some points, and hold your ground on others. Use the negotiation tactic... "Ok, I won't make you join us for such-and-such, but you have to get your dress from the place I choose..." or whatever.

Lastly, remember, although this is one of the biggest days of your life... in the long run, as you spend your life with your husband, and raise your children... it becomes less and less important. It becomes just one nice day in the past where you got to dress up and show everyone how in love you were. Weddings are never perfect... but what really matters is the marriage, not the bridesmaid dresses or who was at the rehersal dinner.

Good luck, and congratulations on your wedding!

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K.B.

answers from Toledo on

Do you have any sisters or future sister-in-laws that could be in your wedding? I was just wondering why you would pick all friends. (When I got married 25 years ago, my friends acted like that. None of my friends in my wedding came to my bridal shower. Two of my friends went out with me for a small bachlorette party. One wasn't in the wedding. I haven't even seen the two friends that I picked for the wedding in many years.) I think that they went by themselves to try on the dress that I had picked for everyone. I didn't let them pick the dress. You could pick out two styles of dresses and tell them to pick out the one they all like. They should do this with you. Whoever goes with you, let them choose. Whoever doesn't go with you will just have to wear what you and the other girls picked out. It is your day and they are being ridiculous. Tell them that this is a burden to you and you want to have the dresses ordered by such and such date. The store will have to have some time in getting your order in. I think it takes 3 to 4 weeks for David's Bridal. Then tell them, they have to have at least two fittings, so it needs to get done. That is where my daughter got her dresses. I understand how you feel. I still remember the hurt and is has been 25 years!!! I don't blame you for filling like Bridezilla! Planning a weding is stressful in itself without friends adding to it. So you are not being ridiculous!

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T.A.

answers from Columbus on

It is suppose to be a day to focus on the commitment and meaning, not pleasing the people around you. If they can't support you and make your day more special, find someone who will. I realize that sounds cruel, but don't let it take away from what the day is really about. YOU will be happier in the long run if you don't have to worry about the feelings of inconsiderate "friends".

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S.O.

answers from Cincinnati on

Wow! You are totally a bridezilla. Your wedding may be YOUR day, but expecting all the girls to happily pick out dresses and go to a spa with you is way too much. You are not the center of attention and people can't be expected to drop what they are doing for you or your wedding. Stop being so selfish.
S.

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S.H.

answers from Cleveland on

A.,

You said it at the end of your sentence, ITS YOUR DAY! If they don't like it, they DON'T need to be in your wedding! IF that makes you bridezilla, then so be it, but do NOT let anyone ruin YOUR day!!!!!

Good luck!

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B.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

Whose wedding is it? Yours thats right yours! Im sure that if they cant understand that, you could find other ones to stand up with you. I work for a printing company local here, and I deal with brides all day long. Yes there is bridezillas, does not sound like you are being one. Tell them, listen, you all are my friends i love you, but this is my wedding, i would not buck up against what you want at your wedding why are you doing it to me? If you can't do what I want, then i will replace ya. B.

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A.P.

answers from Toledo on

I can empathize - I am getting married in June, and I was having a similar problem. I told the girl who was giving me a hard time that if she didn't want to be in the wedding, then I would find someone else to stand in her place, nicely, of course, so now it's her problem and she can't be upset with me if she doesn't get to stand up. Try that, maybe it will help you. Give her a set date to decide by, and then ask someone else after that.

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N.R.

answers from Elkhart on

It is your day and for this one day you should get what you want. When they get married you will do what ever they want but this is your wedding day!! When I got married I picked out the dresses and they had to wear them. I was nice. I thought about the different body types and picked a dress that would be most flattering. I think everyone was happy. I also looked around for the best price.

If the money is a problem for the spa day maybe it can be part of your gift to them for being in the wedding. (if you can afford it) My sister was the only one who didn't have her hair done for the wedding. She was the one who missed out on the fun we had.

Fighting for the best most beautiful day you can have is o.k. It doesn't make you a bridezilla!!!!!!

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S.B.

answers from Cleveland on

It's been awhile since I was married, but something that I remember doing was that I let my maid-of-honor help me pick out their dresses and got no input for any of the other girls. I tried myself to keep in mind of all the girls and their sizes and between myself and my MOH, pick it out. I just told the girls this is the dress and where to get it. Remember it is a bridesmaid dress and it is your choice and your wedding. You know what kinda look you are going for. They can make their choices when it comes to their wedding. You will not be able to please everyone all the time. Good luck!

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J.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Let me give you some GREAT advice. Set the activities, call and find out who wants to participate and who doesn't, and then call and set up appt. with head count. That's what I did. I said "We're getting our hair makeup done that morning at_____ for whoever wants to. Would you be interested in joining?" Then leave it up to them. The more people you allow to take part in decisions of planning, the more you're asking for headaches. As far as the dress fittings, try to do the rest of them one on one. It's easier than trying to fit into everyone's schedule on one day. As far as decisions on the wedding go, don't ask people to help unless you REALLY want their help, because it will stress you out! I made all decisions on my own, and the whole process was quick and easy. I never had any headaches. I went to a bridal store, picked out the dress, and then just told everyone they needed to go get fitted before a certain date. I didn't even go with them. It's all about keeping things easy for you. Planning a wedding does not have to be hard. Brides are the ones who make it hard by trying to involve everyone throughout all the steps. It's much easier and enjoyable for everyone involved if it's without stress, so keep it that way!! When it's time for the week before, get some note cards, put all your bridesmaids/groomsmens' names on a card for each person. On the back, write down what their duties are if they have any. Give it to them, and include where they can find the things they need to carry out the duties. Lable things so they're easy for them to see when they go to get them. That way you aren't bombarded with tons of questions from tons of people. At the reception table, have a note card at each place setting of people involved in the wedding. Have it give each person a specific clean up job. It doesn't have to be big. "Get the white box under the cake table labeled "candles" and pick up all candles from tables. Afterwards, place box with candles in it by front door." That way you're not having to tell people what they can do to help, and things are getting done easily and quickly for you. There are all kinds of little tricks I used for my wedding, and I had NO stresses AT ALL! If you ever want any advice or tips, feel free to email me!!

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C.L.

answers from Indianapolis on

Ok, Be nice courteous, firm and kind. It is your wedding- not theirs. You pick out all the items for the wedding. Tell them that this is what you want for your dream wedding. When you get more than one person involved to make a decsion, you will get opionions. Do not ask opinions. Take charge, make decsions in advance. Pick out everything. It will take your time, but worth too many comments/opinions. You do not have to be a Bridezilla. Weddings can bring out the worst in people. I told myself- that I would refuse to be a Bridezilla. You do not have to be; try to relax and do fun things for yourself and your maids are there to do this for you. They are supposed to enhance your best time of your life not make it worse. Tell them this in a nice professional way. "Ladies, this is supposed to be the best time of my life and you have to make this easy on me and not hard. I need your help in keeping me calm and not stressing me out." If they are good friends, they will straighten out quickly... hope it helps

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T.H.

answers from Columbus on

Congratulations on your wedding and your baby! Right there, that's a lot to juggle. I married my best friend, he is wonderful and we have a great son. I married when I was 30 y/o and my husband was 3 years younger than me. For us, perhaps it's our age too, but we kept things easy, low cost and fun. I got my Cindrella dress and Joe and his groomsmen were in tails. Small and a little formal for the ceremony. Hired someone to take pix and had beautiful flowers. My MOH and bridesmaid were in simple off-white dresses that they could wear again. My sister-in-law was the hostess. For our reception, everyone was dress-down. We skipped the formal dinner portion and held it at a clubhouse and rented the pool. We made or catered out finger foods, had nice wedding cake, took time to mingle and we were done. Our invitations had our caricutures of us on the front. We wanted to enter our marriage on a positive note and have fun. The next day, we left for our honeymoon. We saved a lot of money and the day goes SO quick. Make things simple for yourself. Regardless, you aren't going to make everyone happy. I got into with my mother-in-law on a few occasions but I just stayed the course. Personally, it's rude to have your pals call you bridezilla. Wow. Just have fun and don't get too stressed out about the event. To this day, 10 years later, we still talk about how fun our wedding day was.

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A.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

i feel your pain! i jaut got married last october. planning the wedding was the most stressful thing i've ever done! just try to stay calm and take time now and then for yourself to destress. those girls don't know what it's like untill they try to plan a wedding!!! then you can tease them by complaining about stuff.

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H.J.

answers from Mansfield on

Hi A.!

I know it can be stressful planning a wedding and trying to make everyone happy! I had 8 bridesmaids in my wedding and if I could do it over again it would be on a beach with my husband and I and no one else:) Because in the end. . .that is all that matters!! You and your husband are promising yourselves to each other for the rest of your lives! It really doesnt matter what the dress looks like or that someones hair isnt done the right way. . .I say, tell the girls what color you want the dresses to be and let them go pick their own out. So what if they aren't all the same. Each girl will be able to find something that fits her body, her personality and her budget! It will be less stress on you and each girl will be happy! As far as the day spa goes. . .get your maid of honor to schedule this event. . .that is what she is there for! She is your maid of honor and should be willing to help you with whatever it is you need help with.

Remember, this is about you and your fiancee and the love you share for each other. . .don't let everything else stress you out! Good luck and congratulations on the pregnancy!

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J.S.

answers from Bloomington on

I also happen to think that you need to focus on what will make this day special for you and your husband-to-be. I have seen so many friendships strained by the pre-wedding day activities (spa days, dress shopping excursions, etc). If you want to go to the spa or just get a mani/pedi with a couple of friends, great! But, I wouldn't try and force the bridemaids to do everthing together, it just creates stress (as you have found out). You have honored your friends by asking them to stand up with you, and they have accepted the honor, but you need to let them be free to not participate in the extra-curriculars if they are not able to (due to time or cost constraints).

As for the dresses, if you want to pick them out, you may have to select a couple of styles (not everyone looks good in the same style dress) in a magazine and then work with a bridal shop and have the girls make their own appointments to go in and try the dresses on when it is convenient for them. Let them select the one that they feel the most comfortable in, or feels is the most flattering on them (out of the styles you selected/approve). I don't see anything wrong with you picking the color you prefer, but know that not everyone will like or look good in it.

Also, a bit of advice, don't wait until the day of your wedding to get your nails done, and don't go as a group....it tends to wind up taking more time than you have allocated and can put everything behind schedule. If you are having your hair done, go early and then just relax until time to dress ~ and don't forget to eat something that morning!

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T.W.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Hey A.! You don't have to become bridezilla. It's up to you.

If you set the ground rules for your attendants and let them deals with the details, that will spare you the chaos. Tell them what to wear (or some guidelines), where to be (specifics), and give each one a special job to help you out (not a critical item unless they can be fully trusted).
Sometimes it's hard for a girl to watch a friend have a happy ending when hers doesn't seem to be coming. Not that you should say that to her, but just so you understand.

I want to know more about the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. Are you prepping for the marriage as much as for the wedding? It's so important to talk about the LIFE stuff that happens EVERYDAY after the wedding DAY is long past. I'd encourage you to find a pastor to take you both through detailed pre-marital counseling and make sure your baggage is properly checked before boarding the marriage plane. Honoring God with your marriage is the most important thing.

Remember: Real fairytales don't have endings!

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Y.M.

answers from Cleveland on

Please do not take this the wrong way, but this is offered as a perspective. You are excited about your wedding, but for other people it is a day of obligations. Making appointments just to look at dresses draws out your pleasure and excitement, but don't you think your bridesmaides could have thought of something more fun for themselves then trying on dresses or just looking at them. Knowing that they will have to do that again to "buy" them. Maybe they do not have the time or the money to do the Spa? You might think it is not that much but it might be too much for them. I had to turn down being a bridesmaid because I could not afford all the extra's. Maybe you should check privately, one on one with your bridesmaids what they think?

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S.F.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Honey... this is your one-and-only day. It's all about you. You should go where ever you want. Pick out the bridesmaids dresses, maybe have 2 or 3 for them to choose from that are the right color and style, and that's it.

They are having waaay too much input on their decisions for the dresses and outting for the bridesmaids. This is your celebration to create memories for the rest of your life. This has nothing to do with them. You want to look back on this experience and this day and love the memory.

Since these are friends of yours, set them down and explain to them how meaningful and memorable you want this day to be, how you are feeling frustrated and stressed, and it's not going smoothly. Explain you've decided to go another way... you're dream wedding. Explain your dream wedding scene.

Who can argue with that?

It doesn't matter how they think they look or how uncomfortable the dress is. It's only for a few hours of their life. It's not much to ask. It's your dream wedding, and you deserve the happiest and most beautiful day you can imagine!

[email protected]____.com
www.diamond.extremecreation.com
www.myspace.com/staceefrane
###-###-####

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S.C.

answers from South Bend on

It's your wedding!!! If they are going to be such a hassle, forget about trying to make it good for them. You pick their dresses then tell then when and where the fitting is. Red is very hard to match so it is imperative that they cooperate. Maybe you have too many bridesmaids to coordinate extra outings. If you want to go to the spa, and they don't, spend the extra money on pampering yourself. You may not get the chance again for a looooong time :-). I would definitely reevaluate my friends if they were giving me such a hard time for my wedding plans. Your day should be beautiful and a memory to last a lifetime. Don't be afraid to voice your feelings.

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M.R.

answers from Dayton on

First of all, are you sure that all of your bridesmaids are your true friends? If they are truly your friends they wouldn't complain about the things you'd like to have for YOUR wedding day!! As far as the spa day goes. If that's something you want to do than do it. I would tell your bridesmaids the day and time that you plan on doing it and ask if anyone wants to book with you. Give them a date deadline to let you know if they're interested. If you don't hear from them then don't worry about it. Then book yourself and the bridesmaids that are interested. Now the fact that you are pregnant again, do you realize that you'll be about 6 months along by your wedding day? Have you considered moving it up or postponing it until after you have the baby? Also, if the whole wedding event gets too stressful, you could downsize it to a small intimate wedding with family and close friends. Bottom line it is YOUR day and you should have what YOU want. I thought I would give you some other options to consider. GOOD LUCK!

M.

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T.C.

answers from Indianapolis on

This is your day and your bridesmaids should keep their mouths shut and do what you ask. It is a privilege and and honor to be in someone's wedding and they should be happy with what ever you pick (and if they are not then they should fake it.) This should be a fun time for everyone and you are more stressed out than anyone and they do not need to make it harder on you. You should definately talk to your maid of honor. I mean she is the maid of honor for a reason. Let her know that you are very stressed out and it is really hurting your feelings that everyone is making this so much harder on you. I really think you should say something or it will just get worse. Good luck and Congratulations!

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M.E.

answers from Columbus on

A., I'm 38, and I just want to encourage you to focus on making your special day special for you and your sweet-heart. I know that you want your friends to have a good time and to enjoy the day with you. It just seems from what you wrote that all of this other stuff is creating more stress than anything else.

My first impression was that your friends are immature. I guess what I'm thinking and trying to say is K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Sweetie. Eliminate activities and situations that may only add stress and aggravation to your life. Don't try to corral your friends into things they're most likely going to fight you on or complain about. You aren't trying to marry them. You just want them to be there the day the sweet event takes place between you and the "love of your life". I think you have been handling all the complaints and so forth pretty graciously. Be understanding of your friends and their feelings. Don't let the pre-wedding plans ruin your relationships with them. And don't let their party-pooper attitudes keep you from having fun and enjoying this time in your life.

Congratulations! I hope you and your groom-to-be have many happy years together.

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M.N.

answers from Columbus on

All I can tell you is that it is ultimately your day. We didn't have the wedding we wanted because of other input and I wish we had just done what we wanted. Make sure your girls are supportive. If they can't be nice to you and support you maybe you don't need them in your wedding. My maid of honor was a flake before the big day and I chalked it up to her personality. The day of the wedding she was a total pain in my butt and changed out of her dress before the reception was even over. As long as you are respectful of those around you you will be fine. Those that can't repay you that respect need to just attend as a guest. Thant's my 2 cents :) Have a wonderful day. In the end... not matter what happens you are still married to the man of your dreams and nothing can make that less special. Congratulations.

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M.L.

answers from Columbus on

A., I know that I am going to sound like a mom. But I would ask your friends if they are really interested in being a part of your new life. Obviously they are more concerned about themselves then making you happy on your special day. From your profile, it sounds like you are growing up much faster than your friends and they don't get it and probably won't until they are in your shoes. I have been married twice (once with a big wedding and once with a small one) and I would take the small one over the big one any day)

Also, keep in mind that their investement in the wedding day is probably just starting to hit them and they may be getting pressure from their parents and are not sure how or mature enought to communicate it. It's not cheap to be in a wedding.

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T.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

It is your day. It should be how you want it not your bridesmaids. I would simply pick out a pattern and advise them the color and dress that has been picked, unless you want them all to look different. I went with something that with easy altering could be worn again. If you want to do the spa day, then tell them that. You may though want to find out if the ones that are now backing out if maybe it is for financial reasons.

You may want to even sit down and explain, this is your day and when they get married you will be more than glad to support how they do things but would really like the support in the decisions you are making. It is stressful enough planning the wedding without having bridesmaids make it evben more difficult.

Good luck.

ps. no, I do not think you are being a Bridezilla.

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H.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

A.,

First off you are not going to become Bridezillia! Second, IT'S YOUR WEDDING!!! If, they are truly your friends and want to be in your wedding, then all they need to do is show up, and be happy for you!! They will have their time to decide what dress, color, what as a group everyone will do! A., you only get ONE wedding!! (well hopfully) You should make it the way you want. I just got married last year, I have been in your shoes, at the end of the day I had to remember its my day the day i have been dreaming about since i was a little girl and it will be perfect according to ME! Not my mother, not my soon to be mother-in-law, not my bridemaids. You have to remember these girls are your friends, and they do want what is best for you, but what is best for you isnt what is best for them? if that makes since. One thing to remember, its not only costing you alot of money to have this wedding, but it is also a HUGE expenise for someone to be in your wedding!! Money that not everyone will have, so when looking at dresses, shoes, hair, make-up, ect. Remember that!! Unless you are going to pay for these things. Good Luck!! August is a good Month!! And Congrats!

H.

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T.M.

answers from Indianapolis on

You are right. This is YOUR day. They can deal! You are the shining star of the day, you are the one who everyone will be looking at...they are BACKGROUND...perhaps they should be reminded of that-of course I'm sure you are a much nicer person than me and will put it in a much more eloquent format. Bottom line is -YOUR DAY-.

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H.L.

answers from Terre Haute on

I think most of the responses you've had so far are kinda off base. I mean, sure it's your day, but you are grownup and can't expect to be able to disregard everyone else around you. Besides, it's the point of the wedding to have a party and be married in the end? I mean, would you have a birthday party and not want the people to have fun? Even if the bridesmaid's are being selfish, I think you are too. I woul try to relax about some of the stuff that's getting on your nerves. So what if they don't want to have a day out to shop for dresses before buying a dress. That doesn't affect how the wedding will turn out. I think you'll have much better memories of your wedding if you don't try to control so much of other people's actions, but instead just let some of that stuff slide and let people enjoy themselves (including YOURSELF). Do you really want to look back in ten years and only remember the stress associated with your wedding?

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A.R.

answers from Mansfield on

Wow! I guess I am lucky. I am getting married June 28, 2008. All my bridesmaids kept telling me it was my day and they would wear whatever I wanted them to. I worked with them to find something they felt comfortable in and that was affordable for them. I wanted us to all be happy. They constantly kept saying it was my day, whatever I wanted.
Are your bridesmaids friends of yours or family members. Maybe you should look into other friends that are more easygoing. Maybe you need to be bridezilla and just tell them it's your day and you are going to do what you want. Tell them you want to make them all happy but you can't. So maybe they should decide if they still want to be in the wedding. I know it will probably be hard to find different people but you have to have your day the way you want. I think you should have the wedding outside because it's what you originally planned. Don't let other people decide your day for you. Stick to your guns. Good luck!

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C.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

While I realize that a wedding is important, it sounds like you have more important priorities in your life right now. Keep in mind that the wedding is just one day while the marriage is meant to last a life time. I always hated the saying "it's your day." It's actually the blending of two families and it should be a celebration of that. Especially when there are children involved. Ask yourself how much fun you are to be around and live with right now. Do you still want these people in your life after you are married? Will the spa days and dresses matter 5 or 10 years down the road? I was married 17 years ago and if I were to do it again, I would have a very simple ceremony and a fabulous vacation. Best wishes.

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J.B.

answers from Dayton on

A.,
I would stop trying to make them happy and go pick out the bridesmaid dress you like and tell them that is what the dress will be. You tried to make them happy, but ultimately it is your wedding. If you do this it will make things easier on you. Obviously these girls are going to complain mno matter what. I had the same problem with only 1 of my girls. I had my cousin (who was a bridesmaid) go shopping with me to pick out the dress so she tried TONS of stuff on so I could see. We finally decided on one and I just told all the other girls to get measured. I didn't give them a choice, but I did pick a dress that was flattering to all body types. I had 1 girl who came to my house with her mom to pick up my dress. The 2 of them stood there in front of me saying how ugly the dress was and how terrible the color was. I just let it go and told myself when she gets married she can have what she wants. Do what you want and be done with it. As for the spa treatments I would just let everyone know when and where you will be going and if they want to join you they can call and book it themselves. Good Luck!

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D.I.

answers from South Bend on

Good grief! I feel awful for you. Just reading what you wrote makes me think thank god I got married in a courthouse. I would suggest talking to the girls. If that doesn't work then maybe you should try to find other people all together. Congrats. on the expecting of the new baby! I am a married mom of almost 12 yrs. with 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4. I wish you the best of luck. D.

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C.H.

answers from Mansfield on

You are right it is your day.I would explain to the girls how stressed you feel and just ask for their support. I am sure they will understand.Good luck and congratulations!

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B.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

I would just cancel all the "special" appointments and leave hair, makeup, etc up to each person individually. Are they all wearing the same dress, or are you doing different dresses but same color? Leave that up to them, too. If same dress, say "Here's what you're wearing, go get measured". If different just say, "Find something in this color, in this sort of material."

Quit trying to control EVERYTHING. All that matters is that you look beautiful and that you're happy with the person you are marrying. Everything else is just decoration on the frosting!

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A.O.

answers from Indianapolis on

It is your day!! Maybe you should talk to them all one on one and ask them if they really want to be a part of it or not. I had 3 brides maids that were all different sizes so one dress would not look good on all of them. I picked out the fabric and let them pick out the patterns of the dress they wanted and then had dresses made for them. That way we all got what we wanted. I would also like to let you know that if the spa day wasn't working because of the cost, I do at home spa experiences that don't cost anything. You can do pedicures and facials and makeup. You can also earn free products from your party. I think something like that would help everyone to relax. You can check out the products at www.thebodyshopathome.com/web/aoaks. If you are not interested in scheduling a party, I would love to get with you and show you some things that will make your skin lovely for your big day. Good Luck!!

A.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hi A.. Wow, it sounds like you've got so much stress you can't enjoy the wedding planning process at all. I'm so sorry. It's a big undertaking, but like you said, it's your day, and a very important one. My wedding was in 1995, but it wasn't really stressful and I remember the day, not the drama. My girls all wore teal dresses of their own choosing on their own time. It worked out great, even if my best friend from h.s. had a grateful dead tattoo showing on her back.:) Everyone is so much busier now, though, it seems. Maybe all of the extra time that goes into being a part of a wedding is overwhelming a couple of the girls. Could you perhaps talk to them and see what their needs are? Maybe it's a communication issue. Maybe they feel like you are feeling "entitled" and they are feeling like your servants. No friendships will last without communication. Give it a shot. Maybe you could put together a few pics. and send an email out to all of them to remind them of your friendships and the reason that you asked them to share in this special day with you in the first place. I hope it works out for you.

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C.R.

answers from Terre Haute on

Hi A.,
I thought I'd respond because I've been there and I've also been in the bridesmaid role 5 times so I feel like a pro by now! In my opinion, your girls are being a pain. The duty of a bridesmaid is to make the BRIDE feel as comfortable and well taken care of as possible, not the other way around. The fact that you're letting them pick out their dresses is great and I've totally done the spa day thing too and that's also fun. The thing is, whenever you have more than a couple bridesmaids.. this is absolutely bound to happen. I tell everyone I know now that the fewer people you can have in your wedding party, the better b/c even though they're your friends and you love them and want them to be apart of your big day- having a lot of girls is going to be hectic, stressful, and schedules just plain don't match up a lot of the time. Girls are a pain in general.
My advice would be to tell them what you want exactly.. or what you "require" of them as far as the dresses go. If you want a happy time picking them out, only take the girls with you who are happy to go. Let the others stay at home and when you guys pick out the dresses, if the other girls don't like them or don't want to wear them... tough- they opted out of going so that's what is going to happen. Or you could always tell them it has to be a certain color and let them pick out the dresses themselves wherever they want and as long as you approve that the colors all match or whatever.. they're fine.
As far as a spa day or anything else you're trying to plan as a fun girls' day type thing.. you're probably going to have to just let it go. Whoever wants to go will go and if they really care about you and wanting to make your experience special, they will go. Let them make as many choices as they can and give them the details but make sure they know you're in charge b/c it's YOUR wedding. When it's your turn to be in their weddings, you can be gracious and do whatever they want you to and you'll be able to add a "see how stressful it is to be the bride?" here & there so they'll remember back to what a pain they were for you... you should get good wedding party gifts out of it.. haha!
I realize that sounds a little harsh but really girls are just so dramatic and whiny and it's best to take charge. The girls that are Really your friends and love you will do what you want them to without question.

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B.W.

answers from Columbus on

A., I was once in you shoes. My friends were not that bad, but early on they all had their own opinions, I know this sounds mean, but because my friendship and sanity was more important to the wedding details..... I kicked them all out! lol. Yep, I called all of them, told them that I loved them, but I decided to have my sister as my Matron of Honor and two flower girls. My husband had his Dad as a Best man and two ring bearers. I also wanted an outside wedding and all of my friends were different sizes and they all complained about the dresses and details that were what I wanted. All of my friends still dressed up and we still took professional pics together before the wedding. My wedding day was perfect. I had my outside wedding and everything was exactly what I wanted not every one else. Now that being said My friends still stuck with me, I am not sure how your friends would react. ITS ABOUT THE MARRIAGE, NOT THE WEDDING. HAVE FUN AND GOOD LUCK. B.

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R.G.

answers from Indianapolis on

A.,
HELLO! This is YOUR Wedding not theirs and if they are your friends they can do what you want, just as they will want you to do what they want when they get married. Of if all else fails, (I am talking from experience) have your very best friend and a cute little junior bridesmaid or flower girl and call it good. If the girls are making it about them and not you then what are they there for? It is supposed to be about you. Don't stress about it anymore, just remove them from the party and tell them they can just come as guests and you would be fine with that too. Truly, come on now, these girls need to remember what an HONOR it is to be asked to be in someones wedding. I am just sayin. . . .

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