I Just Want to Be a Weepy Mess and Have That Be Ok, Ok?

Updated on March 04, 2012
J.G. asks from Minneapolis, MN
14 answers

I think my husband would describe me as kind of stoic. I don't cry a lot or very easily about everyday things. Every so often...once every couple of months especially if they are very stressful months, I'll have a little breakdown of blabbering and then be fine. This isn't a source of pride. I'm not like a "tough girl" but I'm practical and I like to just get through stuff without the distraction of emotions.

But now I'm 8 months pregnant, and I just cry. I cry a lot. I cry easily. I cry over real things, but things I ordinarily would be able to handle (household disasters, REALLY difficult days with my 3 year old son, being uncomfortable with sciatic pain). Last night I wept, sobbed and cried with a flood of tears and full on snot running down my face because we had a minor flood in the house, and not only was I upset that my husband was really irritated by the flood and was acting gruff (he wasn't mad at me, but after a long week he didn't want to be dealing with this and a weeping wife). I was upset I couldn't fix it myself and that I needed his help, I was upset because we had to tear things apart, I was upset because we couldn't find things we needed to take care of the water and because paying someone to fix it at this point is extremely expensive when we have a baby on the way, compared to what we can do ourselves for free. I was upset because I was crying and couldn't pull it together and I was irritating my husband who didn't even WANT my help but didn't want me to be blubbering in the car next to him like a buffoon.

And you know, basically, I just want to want to cry and not feel bad about it. And I'm not blaming my husband for not being sympathetic...that would have been ideal if he had..but then again having a 3 year old who was not having a meltdown and not having a flood in the house would have also been ideal...but we can't always get what we want...

So, I guess I am just wondering...

Do you ever just want to cry and have it be ok whether or not it is inconvenient to others? Do you cry easily or regularly and are you ok with that? Do you unleash tears because it makes you feel better or it's cathartic?

What can I do next?

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Just let it out. Crying is good for the soul! You are pregnant and tired. I
just went thru crying binges the past few weeks. Was pretty sick with an
abdominal wall infection, in hospital, home still getting sicker. Then developed shingles and then had to pull the g-tube in abdomen that was
infected. I was done. Cried and cried to my dear friends who I have not
heard from in 10 days!!! I am pretty stoic and have put up with a lot over the
past 20 years. I was on a good run and not sick for a while, so this really
got to me. Luckily my husband is very understanding. Friends just did not
know what to say to me because they really had never seen me like that!
Infection better and shingles drying up so I am in good shape now. So
cry until you can no longer cry and like me you will feel better! Congratulations on the little one.

1 mom found this helpful

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S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

God gave us laughter and tears both so when you need to cry don't feel guilty and if you need a hug to go with just ask your husband to give you one. When you're pregnant the tears just come and you just have to accept it and go on. It'll stop but just remember it's part of life and sometimes good for us to have a good cry just like a good laugh.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Oh my...you're 8 months pregnant, for heaven's sakes. Cry! Let it out.
You're tired, worn out, hormonal, emotional. It's perfectly okay. Convenience has nothing to do with it.

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I cried for the last month. The littlest thing would set me off and I'm certainly not usually like that. Then, I would get upset because I couldn't figure out why I was so upset.
I was uncomfortable, I felt like I was the size of a house, my hips rotated out because of the weight of the baby and I wouldn't have been able to walk if not for regular trips to the chiropractor. My poor mom, she was so patient with me and tried to keep my mind on the light at the end of the tunnel, which frankly, really irritated me. I even cried about that.

After my baby was born, I was back to my normal self, but that last month of pregnancy was really rough.
Give yourself a break. Cry if you need to. Cry if you can't help it. Even little things can feel so magnified right now.
You will likely look back one day and be able to laugh about the flood and the meltdown.
Be good to yourself and don't be afraid to mention it to your doctor next time you go in. I'm confident it's pretty normal, but you can use all the reassurance you can get.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and please be sure to let us know how you're doing and when the baby arrives.

Best wishes.

2 moms found this helpful

C.P.

answers from Columbia on

Just cry, sweetie.

If you need to be held, tell your hubby "I'm crying because I'm hormonal and everything makes me cry. I'm not upset at you. Please just hold me while I cry. You don't have to do anything or say anything."

Then cry it all out....and once you're done and you regain your "logical brain," you'll be able to work on whetever is going on. Or just leave the room and trust your hubby to take care of it.

Sometimes I get so anxious and upset about things that I'll just leave the room. Men hate it when we hover over them while they're working...and even if he might do it differently than I would, he'll get the job done without me...and I'll get a whole lot less stressed.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Your feelings are your feelings---you don't need to explain them or apoligize for any of them.
Crying is healing. Just look at hubby and say I'm preggers---I'm crying -- learn to deal with it. Don't get upset or gruff or impatient -- just hold me and let me cry. Once I'm done we will tackle whatever is happening. And you can cry too if you want.

2 moms found this helpful
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H.M.

answers from Denver on

Oh I am a crier. I cry all the time. The weird thing - I grew up in an abusive home and I NEVER cried for a long long time. This just didn't affect me - I was totally numb.

So I hear ya. Sometimes you just have to cry. I ALWAYS cry when I get frustrated - angry - hurt - you name it - the tears come. I spent the better part of two weeks crying over my job (and I work from home!!!) but an email would come through - I'd be upset about the "tone" - and bam - crying again.

I wouldn't say my hubby likes it - or even really understands it - but he quasi-tolerates it and has gotten past the point (over 20 years together) of even trying to really "fix" the problem. He just lets me cry - and usually within 10 minutes its all better and we move on.

So - you are not alone - I think it's really common and VERY cathartic...

2 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

ooh girl!!! I'm sooo sorry!!

YES!!! You can cry!! If we lived closer, i would come over and hold you and let you cry until you were cried out!!

When I am stressed over something - once I get mad - I start crying. Get my blabbering out and then I'm all better!! No, I don't cry easily. But I do cry.

This a sign though - your hormones are in total flux. Please talk to your OB/GYN so they can be on the look out for postpartum depression.

2 moms found this helpful
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K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

I would like to be like Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond and sit at home once a month weeping just because. It is such a release.

1 mom found this helpful

L.M.

answers from New York on

OMG I feel for you. During my first pregnancy, I was up late one night flipping through channels on the tv. I happened to see a cock fight on one of the channels and I burst into tears, literally BAWLING over the cruelty of it. OK now, it is absolutely cruel but come on. No need for that reaction!
Second pregnancy, I was walking in the city to the train, with a co-worker after a business meeting. It started pouring rain and we had to go inside somewhere for a few minutes. The closest place was a pet store. We ran inside. I started sobbing about the poor little puppies in the crates, waiting for homes and how cruel pet stores were...had to leave.
Third pregnancy, let's see. I broke down at Kohls for no good reason at all, just hysterical crying.

So yes, I have been there.

No I don't cry alot. But I wouldn't say I'm stoic.

Yesterday I locked myself out of the house, and out of my car. I was with the baby in his stroller and it's cold out. I had to call hubby at work, etc. He was "nice enough" but "I'm on the other line with a client". I wanted to start uncontrollably sobbing, as if I had done this on purpose!! A neighbor who is such a doll saved my day and went and met him and got the key from him...sigh. Somehow as upset as I was, over that, I did tear up but did not cry....

I will say that unleashing tears isn't very cathartic for me for some reason though.

1 mom found this helpful

S.L.

answers from New York on

Men want to fix the problem and they get frustrated if they can't. I assume/hope you fixed the plumbing problem but the tears will come again!
Talk to your hubby when you are both calm and tell him next time you are crying could he just give you a hug, or take the three yr old and leave you alone (whichever YOU prefer) but make it clear he is not to try to fix the crying, the crying must continue until it wears itself out. He cannot fix the crying just support you through it. Then if you are crying and he is frustrated say "remember what we talked about" I have trained my husband after 15 yrs that when I am upset he does not have to fix it, just listen sympathetically.

1 mom found this helpful

K.B.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Yes, you can be a weepy mess and have that be o.k. I think I've become more emotional as I've grown and been through some things in life. I am a crier; my Sister and I always joke that we both get the "water works" going. We don't know which one cries the most but I have found it's good for the soul. That's usually when we (my Sister and I) cry the most is when our spirit is touched by something. Sometimes something will trigger the tears with me (a story, a friend's hurt, death or just something sentimental); other times, I will go for awhile without crying and then a bunch of thoughts or things pile up in my Psyche/mind and I cry myself to sleep or have a good cry after going through my card and letter box that mean a lot to me. You are normal...hang in there Mama!

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

I cry all the time. My daughter gets worried when I start crying at breakfast. Reading sad news stories gets me every time.....

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I think everyone should have a good cry once in awhile.
It's like a reset button.
I don't need one very often - few times a year is enough for me.
But, do you need to have a witness?
I prefer to be alone at times like that.
My husband would be agitated to witness this because, being a guy - he would want to try to 'fix it' and it's not something he can fix.
I don't want to cause him discomfort - he's a sweetheart of a guy.
8 months pregnant can be a tough time.
You'll get through this.

T.C.

answers from New York on

What I'm hearing in your post is that you are generally a pretty thick-skinned, strong woman and this fragile side of yourself makes you nervous. I think YOU are the person that it needs to be ok with, more so than your husband or anyone else. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying or having little break-downs especially when you are pregnant. But the fact that you even need to ask this question shows that you are unsure of this. Give yourself permission to be human! To have a big heart, to be sensitive, to be vulnerable.
Now, some men don't deal well with women being sensitive (which I always think is a reaction to their own insecurity about deeply repressed emotions, but whatever). While I think it is realistic to keep this in mind about men as a whole, I also don't think they get excused from poor behavior just because they are men. As for me, I'm probably the biggest crier I know and I'm very sensitive. I've learned to accept this about me. It took a long time, but I had no choice. After a few relationships with men who did not accept this about me, or found it annoying, or just plain could not be emotionally supportive when I needed it most, I decided that I had to find a husband who was also very sensitive, supportive, and had some emotional understanding.
However, I think the average woman would be ok with her husband just accepting her feelings in times when she's particularly raw. If he's supportive on top of that, all the better. But if he punishes her for her emotions, that is another story. Unfortunately, I know way too many women who complain that their men are like this. When they cry, their men get angry or leave the room. In my opinion this is not acceptable, at all. Just as it is not acceptable for someone to use their tears to manipulate, but that is not usually the case.
So I would say if your hubby was clearly stressed out as you were and got a little cranky with you, not a big deal. Sounds like it was kind of an insane situation. But in general he should at least be accepting in the least and not make you feel guilty about crying. If he does, he needs some "job re-training."
Wishing you luck & joy with your next baby!

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