How Do You Motivate Your Teenager?

Don't be one of those moms who stand on the sidelines and pressure, pressure, pressure they're children. If she doesn't want to do what it takes, just tell her what it WILL take, and that if she's really wanting to do it, to let you know what you can do to help, whether it be getting her a trainer or whatever. If she doesn't come to her, DON'T get involved. It's her life, not yours, and if she doesn't seem motivated to play basketball or take it to the next level atleast, you are doing her no good by taking the reins and forcing it on her. If someone wants to do something with sports, it takes a tremendous amount of work and discipline. That drive to do it has to come from within, not from the parents.

Isn't 15 just the funnest ever? I don't want to lay it all on her age, but where she is developmentally could have a lot to do with her attitude about sports, or anything else for that matter. For one thing there frontal lobe hasn't developed fully and won't for quite a few years (around 5) and that limits her critical thinking skills. It's why she has no concept of how now relates to college or most cause and effect. If she makes boneheaded decisions, this is part of the reason. When she hit puberty the raging ammount of hormones added to that problem. They say a 10 yr. old has better decision making and critical thinking skills then a teenager, because teens are going through a kind of "brain dump" brought on my the hormones.

I say all that to say that maybe she is interested and in some part of her motivated, but maybe 5 years seems forever away and she just can't make the connection between training now and college 5 years from now. In her mind five years might as well be a million. She's got plenty of time but right now she just wants to lay back and relax. The problem is that we are always in the "right now" and that kind of thinking is a bad idea to entertain.

Call a local college athletics department and speak to someone who could give you some information on what they look for when they recruit. Do they look at work ethic and a desire to improve? Is it more then just stats. Ask if they would email you the info and then show your daughter the email. Then it isn't a matter of a conflict between you and her. It is what it is not from your mouth but the college recruiter's. Ask her if this is really what she wants. Tell her you need to know because if it isn't you need to start thinking now of other ways she is going to get into college and what kinds of financial aid she will need and so on.

I say good luck, and if you figure out how to motivate her PLEASE email me! Mine is almost 17, and went from being motivated to now "talking" about all the stuff he is going to do, but not doing it. Like the one parent said, if you push them, they won't do it. I have kind of pushed him, (okay,more than kind of). I told him he needed to be a well rounded student for college apps. yadda, yadda... In one ear, out the other...

R.

I think she is to the age and stage that she either wants it bad and she will live, eat and breath basketball and you will have to do nothing. Or she is just going through the motions for everyone else.

She sounds so much like me DD. My DD was the best defender, more rebounds - but marginal at offense. So I understand your frustration when you see potential, but not the motivation.

I really think you have to step back. One issue may be that she feels that you are pushing her. I would just let her get her temps - if her grades are in order. I would say that basketball has to be her thing and she had to put forth the effort. Everyone wants to be good and everyone wants to play in college. But you have to do more than want. You have to be willing to put forth the effort. If you do not want to put forth the effort - all the want in the world will not matter.

As for my DD - she discovered band. In 7th grade she said that when she got to high school she was no longer going to play sports - she was going to do marching band. And that is just want she did! She loves it.