How Do I Handle the Constant Complaining?

you may not want to hear this, but, it sounds like she is a bit spoiled. She wants everything her way, and we all know, it can't be like that. You do need to correct that or she may have more problems with you, and others, as she gets older. As a suggestion for the shopping expamle; one thing I would do, is do "mom" stuff FIRST, and then tell her if there is no complaining, then you will take her to do her stuff. This is what I do, and it works well. Best of luck!

When I have to take my kids someplace I do what I need to get done first. And tell them if they behave we will go look at what they want to go look at. That way I don't have to listen to their whining and the behave much better.

Next time, do what you need to do first. Not what she wants. Then if she doesn't complain, you do what she wants. No discussion.

Well, maybe you DO need to stand up to her every time this happens! If you are not being consistent, she is not getting a clear message about what is and is not acceptable, and she will continue to push your buttons and see how far she can go. I would sit down with her and tell her point blank that the whining and complaining STOPS NOW and you absolutely will not tolerate any longer. You are not her friend - she has plenty of friends; you are her mother. Get your own shopping done for yourself before you do anything for her. Come up with some consequences that will be enforced every time she chooses to whine and complain. What you should have done when she started up again at the mall was return the shirt, return the bear, and told her that whatever it was that she had saved up for, she was now going to have to wait to get back from you until she decided to turn her attitude around. By leaving the mall, taking her home, and then going back, she won - she got exactly what she wanted and no consequence at all. I understand your frustration, but you can't start crying in front of her - you are acting like a martyr and she's acting like a selfish spoiled 2 year old and taking advantage of you. Be strong and BE THE PARENT!

It sounds like she gets everything she wants by complaining so why would she stop? The minute she whines, enforce the consequence for whining. If my child pulled this stunt at the mall, he would have lost his new things immediately and would have been required to follow me quietly for as long as I needed and if the whining continued - he would have sat against a wall in time out for a few minutes. If she is going to act like a 2 year old, treat her like a 2 year old and give her public time outs. She will be embarrassed but she will learn her lesson quickly. And don't worry if you look like a "mean" parent, do you want your daughter to grow up self-absorbed or kind to others? How things look to others should not drive your decisions as a parent, it is your job to mold them into the best person they can be and sometimes that means making the difficult decisions and looking a little mean. If you start enforcing it every time she whines, she will stop. And definitely don't stoop to her level by crying about what she is "forcing" you to do. You are the adult, act like one and expect her to act her age.

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Your husband is right, in my opinion. She has no consequences. She whines AND gets what she wants. Of course, she's just going to keep on whining. She is spoiled. When I was younger, if I whined...my parents would take away whatever item or privilege I had, at the time. We would leave immediately. We do that with my son. He doesn't whine or fuss very often.

I was going tow rite more, but DVMMOM said everything I was going to.

"My husband tells me I need to stand up to her, and I do, but if I stood up to her EVERY time this kind of thing happened, I would never stop reprimanding and taking away privileges."

You just answered your own question with this statement. Your daughter is the way she is because you don't want to spend time reprimanding and taking away privileges. You want to be the good guy, the nice parent, the one who buys her clothes and toys and build-a-bears and, your own words, lives your life around hers to avoid inevitable upsets. Respect does not come from caving in. It comes from setting boundaries and sticking by them. Your daughter has learned how to push your buttons and walk all over you and have you feeling guilty for everything as well. Stop feeling guilty about it. Realize that although your daughter does love you, until you train her differently, her behavior is going to be geared toward self fulfillment through whatever means are most effective: whining, complaining, emotional manipulation. You name it. Turn the tables. Stop feeling guilty and start making your expectations clear. If she doesn't meet those expectations, have consequences in place. If she does meet your expectations reward her...within reason.

Think of Thumper, from Bambi... "If you can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all..."

She has found out that whining is getting her what she wants. You've gotten some good suggestions, such as the moment she starts whining, leave.... make sure you do YOUR shopping first, so she has to practice the patience and good behavior to get the thing SHE is wanting.

One problem I see (sorry, I'm an old fogie here...), is that too many parents think they need to be their child's "friend" ..... she has friends, she needs parents.....she needs someone to set boundaries and KEEP them.... if you don't address this now, it will only get worse.

I would also try to find someplace she can do some volunteer work, with supervision, that shows her just how good she really has it...... I realize she is young, but when my kids were little, (probably 8th grade, 7th grade, 5th grade, and K), we did some volunteering each year at a local Christmas drive... wrapping presents for underprivileged kids, then helping deliver those presents and food boxes a week or so before Christmas. They really got to see what some kids didn't have.....

WOAH!!!!! Momma. Stand back. She needs a MAJOR consequence the moment she continues to whine one second past your FIRST warning.

You may not remember this, but your mom did not ALLOW that, that is what is different today. By the time your memory kicked in, you had already LEARNED through consequences, or you were a rare child who never tried this. I know what my parents would have done: 1) warning not to whine 2) consequence and removal of gift if I continued 3) no more gifts for very long time. At age 8. Younger and we would have been seriously spanked for disrespect, but I don't even remember that and didn't try it by age 8, those 3 steps were hypothetical and never happened.

Do NOT be the martyr who she succeeds in whipping into submission by making you "sad".

Nope. Saying you can't stand up to her because you'd have to be doing it all the time is not true. If you are EFFECTIVE, she will stop this.

Turn the tables. Sit her down for a little chat. "Sweetie. The last few times you have been extremely rude, ungrateful and disrespectful when I am nice enough to take you with me on my errands, which I do not have to do, nor do I have to buy you anything. I apologize for spoiling you. My fault. Build a Bear and your new top are going to needy kids and you're not getting any gifts until I have decided you have behaved on enough errands."

Next errand: "Ok, I'm going to the mall to get myself a shirt, no whining or X will happen." Follow through without any personal sadness and upset on your part. If she begins to whine, immediately remind her she is being RUDE and she needs to stop immediately. If she doesn't, logically explain that because she is being rude to you, her mother, X will happen as promised. Finish your errand, ignore her. Follow through at home with consequence do not ONLY IGNORE her, just ignore her in the store after you've let her know what her consequence will be. If she really gets ugly and makes a scene, remove her and discipline her firmly.

A few trips later: "I'm going to the mall to get myself X. If you behave the whole time and we're having fun, I'll get you Y when I'm done."

You get the idea. Take control, she will really hate you for being weak if this continues into teen years. Good luck! Be strong! This may sound mean, but my kids and I have a blast on errands, and I hardly ever buy them anything and I don't take any guff. They love me for it though.

Being bored is a very important part of life. It is GOOD FOR KIDS to HAVE TO BEHAVE when they are bored sometimes. They don't always need toys and gimmicks. It takes practice. My kids come on all my errands and I don't pack a toy store or worry about it. Make her come on boring errands and make her act like a lady and keep herself content.

I had that problem and sometimes still do a little but I learned to work with it. Here's what I did.

If it was me shopping I would have shopped for myself first and let her know that IF she could show patience when I was shopping for myself that we would got to Build-A-Bear for her. And then I would have done what I needed to do with that warning in mind. You can't expect perfection from an 8-year old and they do get bored so while I'm shopping for me I would have given her ways to help. Because that IS pretty boring! Standing in the clothing section? Booooring! So I would engage her in what I'm doing . "Do you like this top? Can you help me find it in my size? Don't you think that mannequin looks funny? Just a few more minutes, and then we'll go to Build-A-Bear. My, you're doing good being patient! What kind of bear do you want?

My daughter at age 8 would have faught me too going to JC Penney! Still does at age 10! But I get my business out of the way, then she has her fun thing to look forward to.

I also sneak entertainment into my purse. I know we didn't have it at our age, but it's a different era. I let her play my iPod while I'm trying things on. When I was 8 I would have had a book in my purse and I remember reading in the dressing room while my mom tried on a million outfits.

With my daughter I KNOW that unless I want a battle, I have to dangle the carrot. We ALWAYS do our chores first thing in the morning because otherwise it's a battle to get her to stop what she's doing to do them. Work first, fun later. You want to go to the park today? Get your chores done.

I don't reward my daughter for every little thing of course, but I simply arrange the day so FUN comes after work. It has made my life so much easier!

My daughter loves action, action, action. If it's not action then she's BORED. I've come to realize that's the way she is. So I work WITH it. I carry word finds and other entertainment in my purse when we're running errands because enevitably she'll get bored. And why should she care about running to the post office? Heck, I'm bored myself!

Good luck!

I agree w/ the others, that maybe you need to stand up and be more firm w/ her. My second son (who is only 4 now) can be that way. He's all excited to go then is bored when we get somewhere. If my child ever said that to me and we had already been to the stores. I would take the stuff and say "Well then I can take this stuff back since I don't care". I know how it feels about being able to do stuff for yourself. However my kids are 5, 4, 1 and one due in Nov. Very, very rarely do I get to go anywhere w/out at least one. She should be greatful, there are other kids out there that doesn't get half of what she gets. I would remind her of that, maybe do some charity work or something. Good Luck momma.

You need to react firmly but unemotionally when she complains. If she complains at home send her to her room until she is ready to come out and be gracious and say nice things. Before the next trip set the expectation that she is not to complain when you are out that you share the time and if she can't you will either leave or return her items. I'd do your things first. If she complains, skip her things and go on to YOUR next errand. Letting her out of going to the grocery store was a mistake as she basically got what she wanted there too. I know it saved you heartache which is okay if it doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes that is our job to take some upleasantness if it teaches them an important life lesson. All the best, I know it's hard and I think you would be suprised how quick she will learn when she figures out you won't be worn down. If you are consistant you won't be taking away privileges all the time.

When my daughter was a little younger than yours, she got into that "I don't feel like doing XYZ, this is taking too long, I'm bored . . . thing". I never could listen to actual whining, so she didn't do that, but she would voice her opionion and generally was getting into that whole "the world revolves around me" thing which drives me nuts. One day when we had to run an errand, she started. I very calmly but firmly reminded her about all the things Mommy does for her that are "boring, take too long, etc." At the time we seemed to be at birthday parties every week. I pointed out that it wasn't exactly fun for me to have to go and buy a gift and then drive her to the party and stick around while she ran around and had fun. I told her there were lots of other things I could be doing, but I chose to take her to the parties so she could have fun. I must have gone on about it for some time because she kind of had this aha moment and actually apologized sincerely for not being nice to me. She thanked me for all the places I took her so she could have fun. I can honestly say that she has never missed saying thank you before and after every party I've taken her since. This is just one example, but I didn't sugar coat the explanation and I think she really did realize that most of what I did revolves around her. She is now close to 12 and she is not only patient (most of the time), but she's also a big help around the house, at the grocery store, etc. I don't think it's harsh to help kids understand that the world does not, in fact, revolve around them. A little grattitude goes a long way.

It's hard because your not "dealing" with her. If you take the time and effort to handle this behavior EVERY time she'll stop using it. She is only using it because it works for her. Try not to take it all so personal.
C.

"if you don't have anything nice to say, your talking priveleges have been revoked. you may not say another word unless it is nice." might be a little harder on an 8 year old, but it works on my 5 year old lol. it's not about WHAT she's saying, it's the meanness behind it. she needs to be nice. don't let her offending you get in the way of the need for her to be respectful. it kinda sounds like you're letting her hurt your feelings and that's getting in the way of the simple fact that she needs to use manners and respect when talking to you (or any grownup).

also, for future reference, do HER fun stuff LAST.

Nip this in the bud or else it WILL get worse.
I can't stand whining, the minute one of my kids started to whine I whined right back at them and said "if you don't stop right now we are LEAVING." Then follow through with it. I actually have left a few full carts at Target over the years. But it was really effective, I only had to do it a few times!
And always, always get your "boring" chores done first. If she is going out to get something special, even if it is with her own money, she needs to be patient while you to do the errands for yourself and the family first. If she behaves then she gets to go shopping too. Be consistent and she will learn quickly that she can't get away with that behavior anymore :)

If it were me I would have responded with "Too Bad! If you complain again you will be losing (insert toy, privilege, play date or outing here....)"

"When I was a kid, when my mom needed to go somewhere, I went with her, and that was the end of the story. Why is it so different today? "

Because you let it be that way. You give in and your daughter gets her way. You enforce the behavior so why should it stop?

Here's an idea: next time she starts whining, ignore her. If she says you don't love her or care for her - don't respond!

Or

Turn it around on her. Next time she's taking her time doing something, whine that she's taking so long.

Next time she says you don't love her say, "You don't love me! If you loved me, you wouldn't be such a horrid daughter!" Actually - I'm kidding with that one, but I hope you get my drift here.

Good luck!

This is what I HAVE said to my daughter before - she'll be 6 y/o in a month.

"Shut your mouth, do not speak to me this way, and stop your complaining right now"

For your older daughter I'd add "You are draining me, making me wish I didn't have to bring you with me and if you keep this up - we won't go out to get you anything for a long time. There are certain things I expect from my child, and being a good courteous person willing to help their Mother is one of them!"

FTR - I always get done what I need to FIRST, then allow any extra time to be for what she may want to do... cuts down a lot of that whining!

I just wanted to re-enforce that your errands first and theirs last is exactaly what I do. It is like my child has to earn each visit to get something she wants with good behavior. We have taken back things or have just left the store in the middle of her shopping a number of times to give her a taste of what she needs to learn and we always have a big talk prior to leaving that I will do just that if she starts to act up. It has worked great these past months. She will be 8 soon.

Glad to hear that this was a place you could vent, get advice, feel encouraged and equipped and then go continue to be the best mom you can be. It put a smile on my face.

If it were me I'd have gone straight home and taken the bear and the shirt and hid them for 1 week. I know it stinks to constantly be hassling with them. But somewhere a long the way I gave in way too many times. Now 2 of my adult children are selfish in many ways and don't care nearly enough about others. It's not ALWAYS like that of course. But when I see them being really selfish I cringe and think I should have done much better.

I'm tussling through these attitudes with my 11 year old still. It doesn't help that her very selfish older sister is constantly on her case. Nothing makes me so irritated but to see her getting all over her little sister when she isn't that much more mature sometimes!

UGH..why can't parenting be easier than this? Just like what you said... they are wonderful and we love them and we want to encourage their good manners and talents. It feels like fighting with them too much is counter productive. But somehow, some way I am going to be a better influence on my daughters!

Hang in there - my DD is small now so I can't offer real life experience here but I would have a talk with her tonight or in the morning and say that what happened today was the last time that was going to happen. I would tell her she is a good kid but needs to learn selflessness and gratitude. Once she shows you those two qualities, she can start having things she wants again and going places again. Until then, you will be going to the store / mall etc by yourself when it is time for a treat. When it is time for errands, she will be going with you quietly, without reward, and if she doesn't there will be consequences. I would take the shirt and toy away for awhile. I know it is a hassle, but you do need to stand up to her each and every time. If you dont now, she will run over you in the teenage years and that could be dangerous for her. Start tomorrow - stay consistent and you will reap the rewards soon. Good luck!!!!

I think that your husband is right. You do need to stand up to her- and EVERY time. If she thinks (or at this point knows) she can get away with it- even sometimes, she is going to try every time. Now, I don't know how to deal with an 8 yo old yet, as my son is only 3.5, but I can tell you that I am the enforcer- but I am also his loving M. who he favors (and my husband can attest to that!) I take things away, I stick to my word good and bad. So I think you just have to be consistent with her. It may be tough at first, but she will get the idea. Its like getting a baby to sleep through the night. At first, they cry and cry. Then eventually, they don't and go to bed with no problem, as long as you are consistent. Good luck to you.

I think the truth is that there really are people who are "glass half empty" folks, see the negative side more. Instead of punishing her, try to see that she needs new ways to see things and new ways to express herself.

My 8 yo son is like this, and always has been, he was even a critical little toddler. I try to show him how his tone and statements affect those around him -- we have short hand now, I say "you're spraying it around" and he remembers that he needs to pay better attention to how he's speaking to those around him. I also try to pull his focus away from the string of negative stuff -- school was boring and long and I'm tired and.... OK now give me three good things about the day. And he does, I think it helps him to reach for the positive. If he's resistant and wants to pout or whine about something, he gets sent towe his room until he can find a better attitude.

It is hard to hear so much negativity, and I admit sometimes I just holler for him to stop, but at my best I try to teach him a better way. Because the lesson at stake is not "you have to have a good attitude and appreciate things in order to buy stuff" -- that's not how the world works. But if you have a crappy attitude and are really negative and selfish, people won't want to be around you, even your mother.

... I really cannot stand, when kids do that.
Mind included.
And, I pretty much tell my kids, POINT blank, to stop it.
I tell them and call their bluff and give them a play by play, on what they are doing and/or trying to manipulate me with.

I always, make sure my kids are FED and RESTED, before we go on long errands. Always. Or we do not go, if my kids are unusually tired.

I speak to them BEFORE we even leave, on what I expect.
They know.

IF they try and manipulate me and WHINE... I do not put up with it.
I have actually told my kids "Mommy knows you are trying to manipulate me and get your way. You can use a normal voice. You are not doing so. I do not like whining. Stop it now. Or, I will not take you anywhere, anytime, tomorrow." (and I have actually done that).
I tell my kids "Mommy, is the parent, You are the kid. You do not rule the house or me."
I always tell them and they know... IF they want me to be pleasant and fair and nice... it is a TWO-WAY street.
I tell them "Mommy can be nice, or not. It is YOUR choice."
They, step up.

You need to stand up to your daughter.
Once they hit the Teen ages, the WHINING increases..... and the attempts at manipulation.

For me, IF I tell my kids, that THEY have a CHOICE.... if they want a nice Mommy day or a "Mommy is STRICT" day... that is their, choice.
I tell them, that "I" cooperate with them and try my best.... and I EXPECT them to do the same.
We are FAMILY.

As an experiment: I once let my kids be the "Parent" and the "boss." For a day. I told them, they can try and keep things organized, do things as I would and problem solve when they are hungry or fighting or anytime someone is not cooperating etc.
Well, after about 1 hour, my kids had had enough.
They would try to 'boss' me and I would not listen! I whined, I did whatever I wanted and tuned them out and put on deaf ears, etc.
They learned from it.
They realized, they need Mommy and to 'direct' things and it is a 2-way street.

Her things that she wanted would have been put away in the closet when we got home and she would not get them until she went a full week without the whining. I CAN NOT stand whining and it is our job as parents to teach our children to be a blessing. If my children did not talk respectfully to me then they did nothing they wanted to do. They did not get to go to a party or the mall. I was not angry or rude, but matter of fact. No you do not need to go to that party on Friday because of the way you were whining and complaining in the store the other day when I needed something. PERIOD the end. If they whine or complain at that point then it is extended. NIP that mess in the bud or then she will have a miserable life and no one will want to be around her. I know of so many mothers who do not want to even be around their own children, but they have created the situation by trying to be their friend instead of their parent.

If she were mine I would have taken back the two items that were purchased for her and told her when she can quite wining, I would THINK about purchasing the items. We have lots of shopping trips where it is just a looking day. I explain to my children that I don't plan on purchasing anything for them. I would tell her that she is being very selfish and that you were going to provide her with the chance to learn a very important lesson. From now on she was going to have to practice thinking of others. Each time she wined I would have her write a page about how she was going to help someone.

Growing up is hard....but explaon to her that you are to be treated as an adult. Let her know that you respect her and so inturn she will respect you back. Laying the ground rules is super important for future reference. You dont want her to grow up and think all things must go according to her pace and time frame. Also take into account she is s child. Make it fun or toss it back and forth...one day you go do what you need to do and leave her stuff to do at the end. While you are out ding what you need to do...include her...split the grocery list up and let her go. My mom said when she started to learn how to read...her mom would send her all by herself...Give your girl some responsibility and make her feel special for a job well done....you are frustrated and poor thing ...I dont even know you and I feel your pain....My little boy is 5 and I dread the years to come because I have many friends that tell me horror stories...But my mom always says to wear them out....get them cleaning and if they complain,explain!! Then continue doing your buisness....She will learn its moms way or the highway...Good Luck!!

Oh boy, I have one of those. He's a little better, but he's 23 now! He didn't even want to shop for himself except at a book store. My daughters were much more agreeable.
I suggest continuing to do what needs to be done and explaining that she WILL have consequences if she is whiny or disrespectful. I would put the things she wants to do at the end of the shopping trip, and make it contingent on her good behavior during your part of the trip. She is an old enough young lady to understand that the world doesn't revolve around her. A nice long talk about that (in my son's case, over and over again) helps.
The French have the perfect phrase for this...nombril de l'universe, or belly button of the universe. My husband used to call our son Nombril when he got too whiny about "wasting his time". We just kept reminding him that we do lots of things for him and "waste" a lot of time on his needs, even if it is boring. This behavior is understandable in a preschooler, but your daughter needs to start respecting your needs and the family's needs (like grocery shopping). Stick to your guns and don't let her run your life with this.

I would've taken her bear & her shirt back & left for home. I've never been to build a bear so I'm not sure if they're returnable but I'm sure that would've gotten her attention. Sometimes just making your kids 'think' your about to take back what you've just bought them makes them remorseful & stop acting that way...sometimes it backfires like my niece (she is very MUCH a brat BTW) & she'll say "go ahead, do it!" & challenge you. It'd be nice if kids would just behave & I'm sure if you stand firm, they will but main thing is, don't give in! Good luck!

There are a few good parenting books like the one called "Making Kids Mind Without Losing Yours" and another about raising kids up without tearing them down. They give alternatives to regular punishments for the little things children do that can really get on your nerves, that are actually minor infractions sometimes, but they get into a habit.

wow, you've gotten a lot of responses, I'm glad you're feeling like it's helping in some way. I haven't had time to read them all, but I wanted to recommend a really great book, "Honey I Wrecked the Kids" (terrible title, good book).

http://www.amazon.com/Honey-Wrecked-Kids-Screaming-Privil...

there's a lot of insight there into how to communicate with our kids in a way that respects both of you as individual human beings. I think that's where some of the breakdown is happening for you and your daughter. the author also addresses that nagging question: why is it that the tactics our parents used on us and the tactics their parents used on them just don't work with today's kids? it really is an interesting question, and she has a theory that really resonated for me. in figuring out the subtle (and not so subtle) ways that our kids' world is different from ours, you can approach your role as parent from a new, and I think more effective, position.

anyway, if you have time, check it out. it's a really interesting (and funny and fairly quick) read.

good luck!

I am sorry your mom has passed. I was going to say ask her what she did to you. Because we all know what happened when we whinned. I think a good long talk with her will help. We were spanked and seemed to readjust our attitudes quickly and figure out really fast that whinning was not acceptable. Good luck.

well I have almost 9 yr old twins girls and I TOTALLY Understand this....

I do my stuff first and IF they behave they get to do their stuff. They misbehave then they get to go home empty handed and get a Spanking and in their rooms... I have 4 Kids, I don't have time for the bs and whining....

They are slowly learning... But it has gotten better!

Keep standing up! It will be frustrating and hard fir a short while and she may not luke you, but that is nor the point! We are there parents not there friends. Stand up and keep doing it now, because it will only get harder!

I'm going through the same thing with my 11 year old. So, hate to say it, but it will get worse before it gets better :)! She complains about everything. For example, I signed her up for basketball camp earlier this summer. She did nothing but complain. I made her stick it out because it wasn't cheap and just put up with the whining. On the day of the last class, she was so upset that she wasn't going to be doing it anymore, but then on the way home, she started complaining again. UGH! I guess what I am saying is that I don't really know what to say to help you out, except that you are not alone, you are a good mom, and we can only hope together that it will get better.

I just want to say hang in there. My youngest is 9 and can also be whiny, and I've become very tuned in to her triggers. She is more of a homebody, doesn't really enjoy shopping, unless it is in short doses. I very, very rarely try shopping for clothes or something I have to spend a fair amount of time selecting while she is out with me. If it is necessary, I make sure it isn't when she will be too tired or too hungry. It just isn't worth it. This is easier said than done, but try not to let her comments hurt your feelings. She will learn she can manipulate you. Try to ignore those kinds of comments or complaints in the moment. The NEXT time SHE wants to go someplace, you can calmly tell her you will not be going because her behavior was unacceptable the last time you took her out the mall. If she is still fairly calm, you can explain more to her about your expectations for respect and patience, and not whining, or you will not be able to take her out to things that are fun, if she struggles so much with any moment taken out that is not all about her. She will call you mean, and likely say not very nice things in anger. Try not to take it to heart and remember that children to this. But she will learn that her behavior has consequences.

hang in there, parenting is the hardest job there is! Many moms who responded are stating the truth, but in a harsh way. Yes, I agree, it would help the behavior if you take control. I am sure you know this. Maybe you need to find out "why" you are being so soft with her. I myself, used to let behaviors go too and now I have been really putting my foot down and it makes life so much easier. Look into either the book or a parenting seminar called "Love and Logic". It helped me address behaviors by putting in on the child and not feeling like it is YOUR responsibility to change her behavior. You can empathize with her about how tough some things are, BUT it is not YOUR issue that she is bored. Look into it, it helped me. Good luck and dont take some of the other comments personally~people are just trying to help. :)

S.,
I think one of the things we forget to do often enough is remind our kids how much we do for them and so they find it easy to claim we don't care about them when things don't go their way. I try to make a point to tell my kids most of the time I do something for them and remind them to appreciate what I do for them. When I bring it to their attention it seems to make a big difference. Also, if mine attempt to pull that selfish nonsense then I don't cook dinner that night and tell them that I refuse to do things for people that don't respect me and that take me for granted. I let them make themselves a bowl of cereal for dinner instead. This has worked wonders for me and I have only had to do it twice to make my point. Good luck and hang in there!

No offense, but she continues to do this because you are allowing it. If there were consequences, she probably would stop. If you ignored her and kept doing what you wanted to do, she would probably stop as well. My 10 year old son also does this. As soon as he starts in the store I give him 1 warning, if he starts with the whining again he gets a time out when we get home or a privilege taken away. I refuse to allow him to dictate what and when I'm going to do something, if it's easier to stop at the store because it's on the way, that is what we do and he just has to learn to deal with it. Since I've been putting my foot down, he has been MUCH MUCH better about this. Of course you also have to pay attention to your kids needs as far as how tired they are if they are hungry etc when planning errands, but there is no reason you shouldn't be able to take her with you when doing them!

Your daughter is learning to play games with you. She is seeing if her whining and pouting will change your actions. You will want to nip this power struggle thing in the bud before those teen years.

One of the best resources I have found out there is on the Love and Logic website. Check it out!!!
LoveandLogic.com they have all kinds of great books or CD's on parenting and a way to handle the whining pronto. I wish I would have found them yrs ago.

My daughter did this at about the same age. We were in a Wal-Mart like store when her whining peaked, so we left a basket full of items at the check out, I apologized to the checker that we would not be getting the items after all, and I took my daughter home without any of the items I needed and she wanted. I did not say anything to her because I was so mad/upset, even when we got home. Flash forward to middle school years. We had just gotten home from a shopping trip for her, when once again her whining (mouth at this age) got the better of me; so I got all the clothes I had bought for her, out of her room and told her that she was going to have to earn them back one item at a time. She did very slowly, and not too long ago I found some of the things she still had not earned back...too late for her now, she is out of college and on her own. By the way she still remembers these 2 incidents very well.
Though I did not read all the comments, what I did read I will put to use with the grandchild we are raising at this time, since she is going through the whining stage...my necessary errands first, then hers. I will also remember to go through the itinerary before we leave as well as when we are out when she starts to whine. (At times she does think the world evolves around her, but then all grandchildren do :)
I may even start saying that since she is whining/complaining about an item that she wants to get, give her the option to put it back or get it and donate it to the children we sponsor at Christmas time at church; she does having a very good and caring heart.

so sorry to hear it. Sounds like a bad day.:( I think you may be feeding into her complaints thou. It sounded like when she complains she gets your attention, and you try to talk her out of her feeling. It is okay that she is bored, you are not being a bad mom. It is important for you to get things done too. Bring something for her to do, or a scavenger hunt at the store, like find 5 blue items, a striped item, something with 4 buttons or whatever. Make it extra long, a mannequin with one arm, a burnt out light, a person with lots of makeup (or whatever you can think of) Anything that she might enjoy doing.

I have to agree with others it sounds like she is getting her way. hope it gets better