How Can I Get My Youngest to Share My Time with His Sister?

My kids are different ages: my daughter is almost 3 and my son is only a little over 2 months, but I'm running into a similar problem. Both want me; dad's not a substitute :o) What I've done is I started taking my daughter out just for "Mommy-Caitlyn time" - even if it's just errands. Then, every once in awhile, I get her a little toy or something while we're out, and I explain to her that it's because she's such a great big sister and because she's so understanding about how her baby brother needs me sometimes. It seems to be working pretty well - of course, not ALL the time, but I can remind her here and there, and she'll go along with it. Anyways, just a thought! Good luck!

I have this same issue. My son is now 8 1/2 and my daughter is 3. This has been going on for a year or more by now. The little one physically removes my son from my lap when she wants to sit there, which is pretty much anytime he wants to sit there. Flattering yes, but not fun to deal with the crying and arguing. At first I would just nicely ask my son if he wouldn't mind if sister climbed up and then I would hold him later. This back fired big time because now she EXPECTS me to give in all the time and it isn't fair to my son. Now we just have to put our foot down and not allow her to 'bully' him around. It was starting to create a lot of animosity in the older one to his younger sister. I know mine is older and can be 'reasoned' with a little bit better then your little one. Sorry I dont have much advice, I am actually looking forward to hearing what other women have to say to you to see if i can implement their suggestions in my situation.

Side not... I am currently expecting #3 - 2/29/08 so i am SUPER worried how that is going to work out when another little one needs/wants time on my lap, only so much to go around.

Best of luck.

J.

Hi C.;

I raised four children. Two adults now, my 25 yrs daughter is married and 17 mths daughter,21 yrs son studying video and games desinger in NY,16 yrs old daughter in Junior College,14 yrs old son is freshman in high school. You have to set up rules and regulations in your house. You needed to be firm when you say thing to this children. You have to help your daughter's confident that she is the oldest and allow her to help you as mommy's helper. See what reaction she will response to you. Make her feel important and special to help you read a book or play with her brother. Take them both to the park together and let them play with themselve as sister and brother. As they're growing up, you will always have those issue because that's part of growing up with brother and sister. I taught my children that they needed to learn how to get along with each other because they're family. Then when they're growing up, I don't interfer with them, I let them learn how to negotiate and talk about their issue to each other. I don't even get involved with them until somebody else started hitting one another. I don't allow hitting because it will become as a habit if you don't stop those behavior. You needed to have time for your daughter alone without your son. Your husband needed to have a time alone with your son. Then have a time to spend as family like going to park and play with them. Go to the beach. Anything that family goes together. Quality time with one of them help the children to learn how to share mom and dad. Also dad need to spend time alone with daughter and father relationship. We have lot of things to do with children at this age because they have full of energy. But you will set aside time for each one of them. Also you will need to have time away from both of them and hire a babysitter and you go out with your husband at least once a week togehter just two of you. You will needed to divide those time for everybody in a household not only son and daughter. We as a mother we are the one who will plan to make this things happen at home. Start planning on what to do with your daughter alone. Then to your son alone. vice versa with your husband. Let's see how it works with your family.

A.

Buy and read the book 'Siblings without Rivalry' by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish - an excellent book on causes and soultions for Rivlary - an easy and quick read with real life examples. It has helped me withmy 8 and 6 year olds.

R.

I would explain to my daughter that as the baby he is entitled to mommy lap time and that she had mommy's lap all to herself when she was the baby's age and that she is a big girl now and will have mommy time in a different way.

Then, I would arrange activities for the two of you that only she as a big girl can do because the baby is too little, this can include putting the baby to bed early at 'baby' time and allowing her to stay up a little later and go to bed at "big" girl time. Pretty soon, she will prefer the big girl mommy time to the little baby mommy time.

Of course, I would also be sure to give her plenty of hugs and kisses and mommy attention.

You said that you have tried letting the 17 months old cry it out, but that doesn't help. Well, how do you know that it doesn't help? Just be consistent and firm and determined, but not mean, and it will work and it will help.

It sounds like he needs to do a little bit of crying it out. Won't hurt, really, but it might sort of be irritating. Just wait it out and know that you are doing the right thing.

After he finishing crying, then let a bit of time pass, and go and pick him up and love him all alone for a bit. Then tell him that it is time for Mom to do this or that, and find something for him to do.

Be sure that you spend some time with your daughter too all alone on your lap, and make it special and personal . It will be the beginning of her really trusting you and bonding even more with you. That is like putting money in the bank.

Sincerely, C. N.

Dear C.:
Hello- my little sister has 6 boys..the last two are twins. She is superMom and her name is Melisa. Tell her I told you to write. Her email is:
____@____.com

She can probably give you some great advice regarding your request.

E. L.

I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old both boys. When the older one gets on my lap and the baby gets upset I tell them both that they have to share. If the fighting continues I get up and move so neither one gets "MY" lap. This has been working for us. Now the both tell each other to share. The baby will understand but you need to keep on telling him. I also say my lap is big enough for both of you. Well not much anymore. So if my 4 year old is on my lap and the baby wants on I slide the 4 year old to the side but not away from me and let the baby up. The three of us sit like this alot.

Hi C.,
I have 2 boys ( 8 1/2 and 2 1/2), right now if the older boy is giving me attention, the younger one gets very jealous. I have learned that having them both involved can help with jealously. I love my back scratched , so I ask them both to scratch my back. The younger boy wants to do everything his older brother does, and I have been a stay at home mom since I had my younger son. He is a lot more protective over me since he is always with me. Also, once or twice a month, I have a date with my older son. We may go to an early movie, lunch, ect. It's good to get out, just the 2 of us. Hope this helps.