On my side of the family there are around 28 people that attend just in the immediate family. I have the most room for everyone so I keep having to host the holidays. For Thanksgiving I was sick so I just cooked for my own family but still heard about it from my hubby that I didn't invite his dad and brother. I was sick and got up at 6:30 am to cook! Now my father moved to the area and there's another party to have since we don't want to have him and my mother and step father and their kids all in the same room at the same time. I am only one person and have to do all this on my own. People bring food when my family comes to our party but it's the point of always being at our house instead of going somewhere else. We also like to go to church and we have to go around that schedule too. I suggested my dad has us kids over at his house so I am not cooking another meal and hosting a third party. I want to celebrate with everybody but if I'm constantly in the kitchen or preparing how can I enjoy it too? I do enjoy hosting Christmas, don't get me wrong. I love not having to carry all the gifts back and forth out in the cold. It's just gotten to feel like so much work over the last few years with having three families over in two days! Any ideas on how to make this less stressful so I can enjoy it too? Also any good ideas for gift giving with such a big family would be appreciated.
My husband does help somewhat on that day but as much as I let him. I don't like people in the kitchen with me when I'm working. My family helps with the food and sometimes dishes. I just get stuck with having two parties one for each side since my MIL passed and now with my dad living in town it will be one more. He was in a different state for many years. He tends to get jealous if I say we always do this day with mom. It is added stress. I always find a way to include him when my sisters don't and then they act like I'm trying to score points. I am just doing the right thing and get irritated that they don't step forward and do it themselves. There's always commotion and last minute changes regarding the gift giving to add to it all.
My SIL always has had Thanksgiving--from WAY before I was married into the family. O. year, I guess she'd had enough--they just went to FL for the holiday. She still gets a distant look in her eyes and a smile when she talks about it.......Can you run away?
I often have to host many people for Christmas - mostly because I have the most kids (6) and it is hardest for me to travel versus the rest of the family. What I have done in past years is split the holiday into 2 sections - noon and 5:00 p.m. on Christmas eve. 1/2 the family comes to the first section and 1/2 come to the second section. That way, I basically get EVERYTHING out of the way in one day. I start cooking 2 days before and just rotate food all day long until 9:00 p.m. when everybody gets kicked out :) On the 25th, we don't go ANYWHERE and have NO company - that is family day for me and my kids. They stay in p.j.s all day (and so do I) and quietly enjoy their gifts. Although it is alot of work to host that many people, and I really don't enjoy it, I enjoy traveling on the road even less on the holidays and this gets me out of it.
Good luck!
For their part, I am sure your families jsut believe that you are happy to do all this. But you are not. You probably need to get through this season, but after the new year, you need to tell the key people that is simply getting to be too much for you and you want to set up a rotation schedule or have every one put in to go to a restaurant or rent a room. You deserve to know at least how nice it is to just have a clean house and the morning calm with just your family. You simply must speak up. You are missing precious time wiht your kids, husband and family. Not fair.
As for gifts, try gift cards, spa for the ladies and bestbuy for the guys. Then maybe all the ladies can go out for spa treatments togerher.
I love to entertain, but it takes every bit of patience. I can't imagine hosting more than one holiday a couple birthdays every year. And we rotate holidays too.
Jus t an FYI in the short run. When I host Christmas, I really resent not seeing my kids enjoy their gifts because I am in th ekitchen. So I started doing a brunch buffet with baked goods and casserole that are prepared ahead of time. My MIL does the big Italian dinner the night before. SO much easier.
Go out to eat. Find a holiday buffet somewhere. Or check at your grocery store for catered meals. I know our grocery store and Super Target are both having catering deals for Christmas-- turkey or ham and all the fixings.
As far as gift giving why not draw names or give family gifts. Last year I gave one of the families in our family a kit to make rootbeer. This year I found a kit to make ice cream. Both cost about $15-$20. I know I enjoy giving gifts and having a couple of things to open, but we don't need anything at our house! And I know most of the people I buy for don't need anything either. That's why I have started giving gifts that get "used up". Or totally buck the trend and give to a charity in your families name. This year for the kids in our family I "bought" 900 bees, some trees, and a share in a llama through Heifer International. I'm really trying to make Christmas mire about others outside if our family who really do need things.
You have to speak up . You get what you get by what you say. So speak up.
Do you get alot of attention because you do all the work, maybe you should get attention some other way. People usually continue things because there is some benefit to you. What could that be. If you have not decided to have everyone on one day , do one of the suggestions given here. SPEAK UP!!!
Book a restaurant today. Seriously, several have party rooms and you could all fit. We did this and now other people have offered to cook or help without complaining.
I don't know how you do it all. I am impressed because it is hard enough for me to make the basic holiday meal for 10 people.
For the food make a couple hams, turkeys, or roasts a day or two ahead and put in a large crockpot. Cookies and breads can be made a week or two early and put in the freezer. Assign everyone else dishes to bring, including drinks. Or, have the smaller parties at a restaurant, or order pizza or some other type of take out. We have to fit in parties for my family, my Mother-in-law's family, and my Father-in-law's family. No one person is expected to host everything. It would just be unfair to expect one person to do it all. Try talking to your families and tell them how you are feeling...they probably have no idea that you are overwhelmed.
For gifts...pull names. Everyone has one person to get a gift for, and everyone recieves one gift.
Hello Destiny, I feel your pain! Much like you, I have the most room and I also have multiple people that need to come but they don't get along with each other. I used to fret and worry and try to "fix" things so that everyone had a great time, that is, everyone but me! So, about 3 years ago we changed how Christmas is done. It is still at our house. It starts at noon and for food we have lunchmeat, rolls, veggies, chips, dip, cookies, etc. It's all finger food. There are paper plates and plastic silverware. People can eat whenever it suits them. I don't hostess anything. I simply put the food out on the table and from there it is self serve. I must tell you, I have not had one complaint! Also, like I said, it starts at noon and we call it a Christmas open house. It ends at 5 or 6pm. People can come when they want. If they come when someone else is there that they don't like, they can choose to not come in at that time, or they can come in and behave themselves. It's worked out amazingly well. At least I don't dread it anymore. Good luck to you!
Everyone should help and chip in for the cost.
Your HUSBAND should be helping... too... not just pointing fingers at you to blame.
Geez, if that were me, I would just go on strike.
It is not fair.
This is unfair.
I would want to enjoy the holidays... and my kids... not slaving and serving everyone... and because you have a MOUNTAIN of people... to entertain.
Having 3 families over in 2 days... is just beyond me.
It seems they are taking you for granted.
Who helps YOU?
all the best,
S.
This may sound weird but why not rent a banquet room at a local hotel. People can still bring their dishes and you don't have to have it at your house. I love doing parties at places other than my home because then I don't have to clean twice (once before they come and once when they leave). I have found that most banquet rooms only cost 50-100 dollars per day. Well worth it if you ask me.
p.s. My parents are divorced and we had the same game where they didn't want to be in the same room with each other. I stopped playing and now they have to grow up and act like adults for their grandkids sake. Or just go home. It was way too stressful for me to keep catering to the immaturity.
I suggest having one party, invite them all. If they can't act like adults and be in the same house for a family holiday celebration (Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, whatever!) then they should stay home. That is what I do.
For gift giving, you can do one big exchange w/ your family (even if you have to do one w/ your moms' side and another w/ your dad's side) and one w/ husband's family. If helps cut down on the cost and no one feels left out. If you want, you can do one exchange w/ the adults and a separate one w/ the kids or all together. Another variation is to do the exchange excludind the kids and then everyone buys for the little ones (whatever age limit you set).
s.
