Hi, Quick Question

Yup -- all the time. Fortunately both my husband and I find a good parent to be a sexy spouse. At least 99% of the time. But there are definitely still days when I want to send my emotional and physical energy his way instead of sinking most of myself into packing lunches, reading Frog & Toad, endless baths, shuttling kids to sports and parties, homework, hanging' at the park, etc, etc, etc.

I think I balance the 2 well enough and dont worry to much about which I am better at. I think my husband wants more us time, but hey at least we have every night after are girls go to bed for just us :) I dont feel it takes away from either or bc its all about balance. A wonderful man once told me that in order to fullfil a happy life then you have to find balance between mothering and being a wife.

Sometimes I think suck at both!! I just try to love my kids and not compare myself to some perfect image I have of a mom who has time to take her kids outside everyday, do dynamic crafts that wreck the house yet somehow has an immaculate home, and has tons of sexual energy at the end of the day! When I start letting things go, my hubby usually steps in and gets me back on track, like he just got me a personal trainer bc my baby weight is driving me nuts! When he starts getting overloaded, I real him back in by opening up the lines of communication, even if that means a spirited fight! I think life has seasons and marriage has seasons. Each partner has strengths and weaknesses and everybody gets out of balance sometimes. I always say that my husband comes first and together we put the kids first, my mom taught me that. I always try to remember that as much as I love my kids, they will grow up and leave and my husband and I are partners for life. Our love made the kids and our love keeps the kids happy, even if the house is messy and we haven't been to the park lately. So, if I do feel that way, I work on being a better wife, because at the end of the day, he is my partner and without us in good sync things always start to crumble and resentment tends to build. Great question, really made me think!

I think we all feel this way because it is hard to manage all the time sapping tasks of home, motherhood and/ or work, etc. with a marriage.

As we grow older together, though, "mother" is understood to be an appreciated part of "great wife" and things work themselves out as long as you approach each other with respect and caring. (Notice I did not say "love" as romantic love has ebbs and tides. Some times you feel love easily, some times you make love happen).

You will grow to appreciate each other as partners through the way you care for your children. It becomes a wonderful part of a well-rounded marriage.

Unfortunately, we get discouraged. But growth is a very long process, as is marriage.

Take heart and make time for your husband.

Congrats.

LOL -- no, I don't worry, I KNOW I'm a better mother than a wife.

Stop watching TV. Those ladies have a perfect life and are a perfect Mom because it isn't real. Real life is cluttered, screaming and jumping on the furniture. Don't beat yourself up. Everyone has to find their own balance. There is nothing wrong with going out with Hubby and remembering the wife part. It is important for you and hubby to find the balance between parents and a couple. We ALL have these issues but there is no family without the couple first. God Bless. cb

They can seem exclusionary at times, but what I do is make sure that the kids know that bedtime is non-negotiable because the hubs and I habitually spend an hour or two together without the kids before he goes to bed. It gives us a chance to reconnect as husband and wife.

Also, how hard is it really to take 30 seconds out of your day and pour your husband a drink when he gets home? My hubby loves iced-tea, so I always have one waiting for him when he walks in the door. Small gestures like this really add up through the day and keep the two of us close.

i am mostly a mother. i am a very understanding, loving wife, but that comes second. i have no guilt feelings about it. i think my husband would not appreciate it if i were the other way around. yes, motherhood has taken a lot away from a lot. fatherhood has taken a lot from our marriage, but we wouldn't have it any other way.
we have talked about how will it be when we become empty nesters and immediately we laugh and say
START TRAVELING ALL OVER THE WORLD
:)

I've never even thought of that. :) I'm not sure that I could answer it, either. I go back and forth between thinking I'm the worst mom and wife (cranky days) and thinking I'm pretty content and therefore not even wondering "how I'm doing." Those must be my "good mom/wife" days. I think my husband wishes we had more date nights, but we have to wait until family is in the area since we really can't afford babysitters just for that. We hang out for an hour or two after the kids go to bed and for the most part have no issues with an adequate amount of "us" time. My boys are happy, sociable, healthy, and polite, even though they have enough energy to run circles around us all day, so I think I'm doing okay there, too. I guess I don't see the two as competing in any way--I'm the mom I am because of my husband, and I'm the wife I am because I'm a mom, but we're the couple we are because of who we were when we met and who we have become together. (He's also an awesome dad, even if he doesn't always feel like one!) :)

I feel that there are times where I have to put the baby's needs over my boyfriends. It just happens when you have kids. I don't feel that this takes away from my relationship with him because we created this child together, and its our parenting/relationship that makes our family work as a whole.

believe it or not, being a great mother is part of being a great wife. even if you were doing everything perfectly for your husband, he wouldn't consider you a great wife unless you were giving his children the quality of care they need and deserve. same goes for the husband. my marriage is stronger (despte having some rough spots right after the baby was born) b/c we adjusted to the new way of being together and we appreciate each other so much more b/c our priorities (our son) line up. we both agree, being a good parent is #1, a good spouse #2.

Yes, I often feel like the house keeper, try to make changes, but not sure. I'm curious to see other responses. I did like the books by Dr. Laura, Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and Marriages...

All the time!! AT one time I would have thought these were stupid questions and not really understood their meaning but being a mom now....I think about these things all the time! It blew me away. I just try to live in the present and enjoy the moment at hand. It's a little hard because while sitting on the floor playing with my duaghter reminds me I should be making supper or cleaning up!! I have difficulty with doing one thing because I feel like I should be doing something else! It was making me miserable!! So, you'e not alone in your thoughts!!!
B.

Yep. Luckily for me, my husband's pretty understanding and will make the extra effort to bring the romance back into our relationship when I begin to lose focus for too long.

Yes
No.
It's all in teh balancing, the priorities, interests, and a smidge of self control (and not trying to spoil the kids silly).

Try little changes, one by one itty bitty step at a time.

I am constantly feeling like i ignore my boyfriend, or pay more attention to my son throughout the day then him. he even tells me so sometimes.. It has caused a little trouble in our relationship.. So now I just try to balance the attention i give. I try to have my son in bed by the time my boyfriend gets home from work ( he works 2nd shift) So that we can have the rest of the evening to just be with each other. Maybe try something like that? I dont think that accomplishing one thing always takes away from something else.. maybe you are overwhelming yourself with too many things at once! Try making a list of certain things to do for each day throughout the week, so you aren't always running around trying to do EVERYTHING. Hope I helped a little. Good luck! :)

there's many times the roles switch for me, i feel lately that i'm being a much better mom to my daughter than anything else i have a role of. and yes to accomplish one thing you have to neglect another...it's called balancing

YES!!! I try to remember that one day my kids will move out and have a life of there own and I will be left all alone with my hubby. I need to meet the needs of my kids first then my hubby. Right now my kids are 2 and 5 months. So they really are helpless. I am incharge of cleaning the house. Hubby cooks. By the end of the day everything still a mess (even the days I cleaned for hours) . But my kids have all there needs met. My hubby is taken care of. I some how ended up on the back burner. I am hoping it gets easier as the kids get older.

Yes, always, fortunately, my husband thinks our children come first, but I still would like to do a lot more than what I actually get to do.
One think I do try very hard (not always achieve, though) is to have my kids in bed early so that I have some time to spend with him, and give him the attention he deserves, I know he deserves a lot more, and would love to give him more, but one is only human. Just try really hard, and he'll notice, anyway, to try your hardest is the best anyone can ask for. Good Luck!!