Helping Child Feel like Part of He Group

I havent had to go through that yet. My daughter is also biracial but she is only 4 and 1/2 and so far she hasnt experienced any racial slurs or anything. I hope she never does but I know the reality of it is she probably will. Some people are so ignorant and rude. I understand about what your husband said though. If she does ignore them it will make her stronger in the long run. I know being a teenager is hard when there are no obstacles in the way add being different and things are ten times harder. She shouldn't quit doing anything that she loves becuase if she does then she is letting those bullies win. She will be even more miserable if she did quit her activties becuase she will have given up on her dreams for a bunch of ignorant people who are not worth her time. Explain to her that if she does she will give those bullies exactly what they want and the torture will not end there. They may keep it up making her even more miserable in the long run. If she ignores them and doesnt give them the time of day they will not have an audience and will get bored with it. 9 times out of 10.

Hi S.,
I also agree with your husband and Kelly. My daughter is biracial and is only 4. I was told by a child at her daycare that our family is different. My husband tells me every day that I have to be strong and teach her to also be strong. I feel at age 12 the other children are jealous of your daughter. Make sure you are always positive with her and tell her how pretty she is and keep buliding her self esteem.

One of my very best friends has a Japanese mother and an African-American father. My friend is 51, so you can imagine the stories he has to tell about growing up in the 1960s. His dad was in the army, and they moved often and lived in different parts of the country. He married a Caucasian woman from Connecticut. (It always makes him laugh to say that.) And their children are absolutely striking. Most people look at them, recognize that they are "different" looking, but don't know quite which label to pin on them.
Over the years, I've had many conversations with my friend and his family. He went through a lot of ugly things when he was growing up. His children had a few issues here and there, as well. He says his father passed on some wisdom to him, and he uses it every day and in every aspect of his life: The best way to teach someone is to show someone. In other words, people will think and do whatever they want. You can talk to them and talk to them, but it's how you behave that really teaches them. My friend is one of the most patient, most generous people I've ever met. He said that when he faced difficulties from people who knew no better than to judge him by the way he looked, than he simply smiled and went about his business being a good person. It sounds trite, but it really is the truth. This man is well repected, and I've never met anyone who has a bad thing to say about him. His children are raised with the same philosophy, and they are also very wonderful people. They put up with some intolerance now and then, but they know that comes from ignorance. They do their best to be examples of good people, don't worry about the small minded, and hope that they can teach by example.

You know, teasing is a huge part of school. People get teased about many things they can't control. This continues into adulthood for some. Use this as a basis for deciding what you'll say to her. Ask her if she sticks up for/befriends any kids who are getting teased? Maybe if she does, the bullies will see her as a strong girl and move on.

You might also speak to her counselor and seek advice from her/him. This may be something they've dealt with in the past.

From my perspective, I've always found biracial children to be beautiful (appearance). Maybe the kids are jealous of her beauty and see her as competition. And the boys who tease her may actually be interested in her--you know, the 12-year-old version of pulling her hair on the playground to get her attention. You might encourage her to befriend these kids, saying something like, "I like the same things you do. If you'd talk to me, you'd see my skin doesn't matter to our friendship." (I don't have a 12-yr-old so you'll have to phrase it in her language!) :)

Good luck with this!
D.