Help Really Dont Know What to Do.....

Here is my problem. My stepson (11 at the time) lived with my husband and I for a year, knowing full well that I would be the main caretaker of him as far as doctors and school goes. That is how my husband and I divide up things. His mom decided that she could not handle him. Actually she knew this along telling me several times it was easier to raise my step daughter because she was a girl, she likes playing my step daughters friend instead of parent (That in itself is its own issue). At the time she gave him to us she had my sister in law living with her and they had basically kicked my step son out of his room. He was sleeping on a couch. Then later it was her sister. He was not in the proper class in school and even though he had an IEP. When it was just the mom and my two step kids, he was basically left out. We had agreed on visitations and weekends and such but she never kept them. She lives in a different town and that would have been understandable if she could not make it but she would come pick her boyfriend up that lived no more than 10 blocks away from us. Not even stopping by to see her son. Well before Christmas my husband had found out that his two children would be getting there part of his back pay from social security from when he was out of work for 4 years. She was told that since my step son lived with us his part would come to us and she would receive my step daughters. Then that was when we had an increase one on one visits with her and my stepson. Well about two weeks ago she took my step son on a visit and did not return him. Supposedly it was because of a safety issue. His finger had gotten smashed in a door it split his finger nail in two. We kept his finger clean with alcohol and peroxide and band aid it. He said it was sore but he still used it. He refused to go to the hospital or doctor. He is a big Boy not going to fight with him. I told her this when she picked him up. She said she would keep it clean and get Neosporin for it. Anyway She text me saying on Saturday that she had taking him to the doctor because she felt it was not handling taken care of properly. The doctor said that his finger tip was broken and it might need pins. HE had ordered pain medication and antibiotics. Also that it was a safety issue and she is keeping him. But she will set up a visitation schedule and he will be allowed to visit unless safety becomes an issue. We Found out she did not go to the doter until on the following Tuesday. That was the day that the social security check came. (During this time she would not allow my husband or I any contact with him. When she knew the check was here she sent an email through my step daughter saying that my step son wanted his check. My husband deposited the check in an insured CD that cannot be touched until my step son is 18. She irresponsible gave my step daughter 1000 to spend and then she says she put the other 2000 in the bank but that is questionable too. The mother got a new computer and a tattoo herself. And my stepson let it slip to his dad when he finally was able to talk to him that she had no money left. Well this week end she thought she was just going to send him for a regular weekend visit like nothing happened. I put my foot down and said that no visitations will occur until we go to court and it is written out legally. This is to protect my husband and the kids who are put in the middle of this. Before was no court judgment or legal change only a notarized document. But he was established here. Since all of this the only thing we have done is signed papers for him to be in school. HE needed to be in school. My step son has possible bipolar is ADHD and has to have medicine. She is more than welcome until things are straighten out to bring him here for therapy, (she does not hesitate to commute back and forth to her Boyfriends therapy appointments.) and doctors appointment. I don't know legally what we can do. Also as far as my step daughter is concerned this is not healthy for her because her mom called a while back and proudly told me she drove her daughter to a fight to save her 13 year old daughters reputation. My step daughter at the age of 11 was allowed as a birthday present by her mom to get her belly button pierced and it was done by their neighbor downstairs from a kit he got off the internet. Also the step saughter is a 13 year old with the social life of a 17 year old. She has called crying on several occasions saying she wants a mom not a friend that her mom seems to want to hang out with her friends. My step daughter is not in concealing but when she is with us she attends family therapy sessions and last summer I was sending her with my daughter to her girls group.