HELP!! My Almost 3Yr Old Wont Listen

She needs more things that she is allowed to "get into",
and no access to the things she is not allowed to "get into".
You shouldn't need to explain why you don't want her
getting into whatever those things are.
They should just be in places that she can't get to.
This probably should have started more than a year ago.
It's called child-proofing.
She's tempermental because she's frustrated.
She's smart and needs more challenges
that are productive and growth-enhancing.
Try reading some of the books about toddlers' behavior,
and developmental stages.
The Happiest Toddler on the Block, and others.
Have you considered trying preschool 2-3 mornings/week?

Kids have so much energy and not enough exercise these days... I remember when I was a child going out after breakfast and only coming in for food. When my kids start acting like that I make them go outside. For my three year old we walk, he can walk an hour at the local park with beautiful trails, or 2 hours at the zoo (we have a membership). Take her out for long walks, take her to the park and let her run until she is ready for a nap, get a ball and play football or soccer. On rainy days get exercise/dance videos for kids (sesame street and Disney have a few) and dance and jump with her. I grantee she will nap right after giving you time to catch up on chores, and her mood will improve overall.

This sounds like a normal 3 year-old that wants your attention and needs lots of activity. I agree with Sandra B about getting lots of outdoor and active time (running, playing, climbing, swimming, etc.) - all kids need it and some need it even more. And I agree with Grandma T that she wants your attention. This is an area that I have had to work on - leaving "my stuff" until later and just giving my full attention to my daughter. A three year-old needs lots to do, and some ability to exert her independence and make small choices.

Try just "hanging out" with her more. It sounds like she wants some Mom time and the only way she gets it is too do things that force your attention.
Sometimes you have to make the rules easier to follow as well.
Playing the time out game for an entire day would be exhausting and non productive for both of you.
Get on the floor with her Mom and color and play dolls and stuff like that. If you are playing "with" her she will have less time to occupy herself by just ticking you off. Sounds to me like you just need to build your relationship with her a little more and also keep in mind that she's THREE and is tampering with control issues and feeling out her boundaries and letting you know that she doesnt care for some of them.... she's just turning into a woman... lol. Good luck, it takes patience.

Doesn't listen or does not follow instructions?

when a child will not listen, you can use, "listen to my words. " Or " Tell me what I just said." Bend or squat down and look her in the eyes while asking.

For a child that is not doing what you want let them know " already told you to stop kicking the door. You were even listening to my words." "You will now have a time out because you did not follow my rule." Then after the time out. Ask your child. "Why were you in time out?" " What are you going to do next time?"

The other thing is that 3 year olds want and need is some control.. You cannot stop an activity on a dime. You need to let them in on the plans and give them the heads up. "In 10 minutes we will be getting ready to leave.". "You may begin putting away your toys now, or I can give you 5 more minutes to play, then you need to put away your toys"

We are going to the store this afternoon. "Please pick out your snack and place it in my purse so we will have it ready." "remember we do not buy snacks at the store. We take our own snack."

"I am making dinner. Would you like to set the table or would you like to wash the vegetables?" "Looks like dinner will be ready in 5 minutes. Do you want me to help you wash your hands or do you want to do it by yourself?"

Also her bed should not be a punishment place. She should associate her bed with comfort. Instead have a place that is time out each time.. and no matter how many times, she gets up to walk away, place her back.. The hallway facing a corner can be excellent. Or facing a hall closet.

Purchase earplugs and have them handy all over the house in your car and in your purse.. Use them when needed. Tantrums are to be ignored. Step over her. if she follows you, go to your own room and close the door. If you are out in public and she throws a fit. Pick her up, carry her to the car and leave EVERYTIME. You may need to lock her in her car seat and close the door, to get yourself together before you drive away.

She needs to know there is ZERO tolerance for this behavior.

"Discipline," as originally used, meant guidance and teaching, rather than punishment. And time-outs, if used, are ideally a calm retreat in which a child (and even a parent) can regain control of emotions, and not a means of deprivation or punishment, which only tends to provoke even further outrage in some children who sense that they are being punished unfairly. There are children for whom time-outs don't seem to work at all. Ever.

While there's a range of opinion, many parenting experts doubt that time-outs are as useful as other forms of teaching, and for some little personalities, they do not work at all. Particularly if the time-out itself becomes the battle, and the original misbehavior is lost in a drawn-out struggle to make the child "do his time." This can begin an antagonistic relationship between parent and child, and between child and "discipline," which is sad and unnecessary.

It's helpful to recall that a frustrated child who's barely out of babyhood has very little emotional capacity to be patient, consider alternatives, and make the wisest choice. Smartness and self-control don't happen simultaneously for most kids; very intelligent kids can be lacking in impulse control, which is learned only gradually over the next several years – more for some children than others. And once a melt-down has begun, rational reasoning is even less within the child's reach. It's not their fault. Even grownups haven't mastered it under all circumstances.

Check out this video to see Dr. Harvey Karp "reach" young children and get them on his team, emotionally. Very effective: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR.... .

And since your daughter is getting a little older, and sounds smart and verbal, you may get wonderful results from the techniques taught in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish.

I've used this approach with stunning success with my grandson since he was around 2.5. Learn how to most effectively address your child's needs while simultaneously helping her to understand and respect your needs and limits. Find out how she can become a working part of the solution to just about any parenting problem that you'll face. This is an amazing little book that you will reach for often during the next dozen years.

I think you're doing the right things. Something that helps me with my sometimes challenging 3 year old is to really think about what I can do to facilitate a "yes." You say that she's getting into things that she's not supposed to - can you move those things to where she can't get into them? You're not giving in to her bad behavior, you're faciliating good behavior. Is she really doing things that are dangerous or harmful, or just annoying? For example, my son likes to take out all of my pots, pans and baking sheets and play "kitchen" all over the floor. Do I wish he didn't do this because I have to wash them off and step over them? Yes. Is it worth the fight? No. Because he's not going to break the pots and pans, and it keeps him happy and entertained. I find the more that I can say "yes," the more okay he is when I do have to say "no." So, yes, you may play with all of the pots and pans, but no, you can't have the glass measuring cup, because that's dangerous if it breaks.

Finally, what is your goal with the timeouts? Is it punishment for bad behavior (2 minutes for hitting, for example)? Or is it as a way to calm down? Because if it's for punishment, then perhaps you want to find something else, since it seems to not be detering the behavior. If it's to try to find a way to calm down, I think that shutting her in her room is a good plan. The tantruming is normal, if exceptionally irritating.

Good luck.

Sounds like a normal 3 year old to me! Don't stress over it, just keep rewarding good behavior and don't allow her to get away with things that are dangerous to her or others. Otherwise, let her explore and discover her world - it's part of learning and growing. Your job is to not get stressed over every little thing and remember to pick your battles.
A 3 year old sitting still? Not on your life!

(you might want to check out http://www.celebratecalm.com/ and try to get to a free seminar if they come near you - it completely changed my outlook and behaviors!)

It sounds just like my daughter! My daughter is now 4, almost 5. I really don't have much to say but I want to see what other moms think. Sorry!

Hmmm, sounds like my son. Sorry, it is the age. Actually, age 3 was the most difficult in all four of my children. Their little brains are working overtime. My youngest will be four next month and is steadily getting easier. Keep your chin up and stick with the time-outs, I know it's tough. Hang in there mama!

Though this may be normal 3 yr old behavior (not sure b/c my dd's is not normal), but take a look at www.feingold.org and see if she fits that profile. It is making a difference in our life for both my dd and my dh. I know how exhausting this can be and I only have one and a husband so I feel for you and are hoping you can find peace soon.

H.