Help!! Daughter Only Falls Asleep in My Arms

I'm trying to break my son of the same thing. Yeah we screwed up but now we have to fix it. We're trying the ferber method. You can look it up online. I just wanted to throw that little tidbit out there before I say....WOW! You only knew you were pregnant for 20 minutes! But what a great present, huh? Good luck!

I know Im kinda going through the samething. We only had a one bedroom when our daughter was born and her crib was in the living room. We only had one TV and it was in the living room too. So Nights where a challenge to us to get her to sleep and stay asleep on her own. We moved and she fianlly has a room to herself. Anyways what we did was give her a bath 1hr before bed. Use the Sleepy time stuff. We have the whole set ( Love IT)Anyways after her bath and let her play for a bit. Take her out rub her down with sleepytiem lotion. I give her a bottle after she is dressed, then when she starts to rub her eyes and close them we lay her down. We have lulby music that plays softly too in her room and a fan. She sometimes gets fussy but I let hr wine it out for 5-10 min. Wining and crying are to different things. She will normally fall asleep with-in this time. If she starts to screem I know to go pick her up. I will rock her with a passi for a bit until she starts to calm down again and rub her eyes. ( sometimes another 4once bottle is needed.) But usally she falls right out after that. If not then let her cry it out for 5 min and go into her room and lay her back down, rub her back, tell her it's ok. Keep checking back every 5 min. I know it's hard to lets them cry but you know the different crys by now and you know when something is seriously wrong. After 1-2 weeks of this she will do it on her own. You just need a routien and stick with it. Even after she is use to it.
I hope this helps some. I know it's hard. Im still trying to stop the night time wakings. My midwife told me that they don't need to eat at night. It's just a comfort thing from when they wake up on there own. But My daughter is teething bad and her nose is running, This is keeping US from getting a good night sleep.
L.

My daughter was the same way when she was a baby. My husband and I began to put her in her crib and rub her tummy or hair for a while while we sang her songs so she could see usm hear us, and feel us. We would do that for a few minutes until she was calm and then sit where she could see us. Then we would slowly move away from her and out of her room. Each night we would move out of her room more quickly but always sing to her and rub her head/belly before we left. It was hard at first and it took a little while for all of us to adjust to it. Your daughter will cry and it will be tough for you not to go in and pick her up, but no matter what when you go back in don't pick her up because then she will learn that if she cries you will pick her up. Like I said, it will be tough at first but give it a couple of weeks before you give up. I promise that it works!

The story you wrote of your daughters birth is amazing.
I found an excellent book on this subject back when my daughter was about 10 months and had the same problem. Its called "Good Night, Sleep Tight", and has a very simple, common sense method that is easy to follow and is NOT a "cry it out" approach, nor a "let them sleep with you til theyre twelve" approach. It offers variations for different ages, from newborn through five years old. I highly recommend it.
Sleep issues are really best to solve as soon as possible, in my experience. Whatever way you decide to go, once she gets to sleep on her own, it will be SO SO worth it!

C.-

My son will be two in July and we just conquered the same issue. I had rocked him to sleep every night since he came home. I pick him up from daycare, we come home and have dinner. Then it's bath time, we play for a little bit then it's quiet time; we either read a few books or watch Mickey mouse Clubhouse. When we are almost done I tell him he has to go to bed in a few minutes. I then pick him up take him to his bed. He cried for 47 minutes the first night and it will break your heart. We held strong and waited him out. The next night, same routine, he cried for 10 minutes. Night 3 he cried for 3 mins. He now will say night night and crawl off the couch and walk himself to his room. We, of course, walk in there and give him hugs and kisses and put him in the crib. Rarely will he fuss any more and I must say it was easier than I thought it would be. We still have nap issues, he wants to sleep in mommy's arms on the weekend and I will let him. It doesn't seem to interfere with the bedtime routine and I love to have that cuddling time.

First of all, How blessed you are! You must be just amazed and in love with your little girl. Don't let other people tell you you have messed up. If it worked for your family at the time, then that is what you should be doing. My son also had that problem when he was young. The first step you might take is warming up the sheets by placing a heating pad or warm water bottle in the crib before bed time (TAKE IT OUT BEFORE LAYING HER DOWN)Another thing that worked for us was starting with naps in the crib, we stayed with him and patted his bum, read to him or sang to him. He usually prefered his tummy. You may also give her one of her parents shirts with your smell on it to comfort her. Probably the best piece of advice I could give is be strong because she will take her cues from you. If you believe that the best thing for her and your family is for her to fall asleep on her own, keep with it and it will probably take less time than you think, I'd say 5-7 days to start to change the routine.

You probably don't want to hear this, but your best option is to let her "cry it out." It was the ONLY thing that worked for us. You need to make sure, though, that you are COMPLETELY committed to the method before you try it. If you let her cry for 2 hours, then pick her up, the only thing she will learn is that it takes at least 2 hours but eventually Mom picks me up. And yes, she could cry for 2 hours, even more.

It's important, also, to maintain a neutral attitude. You don't have to be MEAN- it's not punishment. You just need to be firm. Adopt a matter-of-fact, this-is-how-we-do-it attitude. Create a routine. Then stick to it.

Some people suggest staying in the room until the child falls asleep. Some people say leave, but come check on the child every so often. Some people say you should leave and not return unless the child is in some sort of danger. I say you need to figure out which of these works with YOUR child. Some kids go CRAZY if Mom is in the room but won't respond. Some kids find solace in Mom's intermittent returns, while others find them confusing.

I'm not kidding when I say it was the only thing that worked for me. Your bed- and nap-time routine sounds exactly like mine did.

Do you think her sleeping with you is bad because you don't want it, or is it because others say it is? I've found that most people enjoy co-sleeping, but feel guilty about it because others tell them it's the wrong approach.

She won't do this forever. It takes a lot of time and patience, but slowly transition her to some other way. Don't take away the contact. She feels secure with that and sleeps better because of it. Instead try introducing something else. My son enjoys little gentle pinches on his back. I started doing this while he was nursing to sleep. Now I rarely nurse him to sleep. Instead he sweetly asks for "back". He does join us after his first waking, which has gotten later and later. Sometimes he wants the comfort of nursing, sometimes he wants the back pinching.

I don't think you messed up at all. She's not waking up because of the way you put her to bed. A lot of kids can't sleep through the night. My son has made it maybe a dozen or so times in 26 months. Nothing I did wrong, he's just one of those kids that has problems shutting off.

Hi C.,

Instead of picking her up, try rubbing her back and talking to her. She knows you're there and comforting her, but it is a step toward breaking the "holding her" routine. I tried the "put him in the crib, go in and love him every 10 minutes routine" with my 2nd son. He screamed for 3 straight hours and NEVER went back into his crib again. He was 9 months old. He would get hysterical when we headed for that room. He still won't sleep in there...he's 4. It works for some, doesn't work so well with others.

Good luck!

I had this problem for a while. I know it's bad, but the only way my daughter would fall asleep was on her belly when I broke her of sleeping on me. Another great tool was the sounds of the womb bear. She would only fall asleep with the sound of a heart beat because of sleeping on my chest. Try that and see if it helps. I can swear by that bear. YOu can find it at WalMart or a Motherhood store. Hope it helps

I rocked my son to sleep for every nap and bedtime until he was 8 months old and he decided that he wanted to get into his crib when he was still awake. It goes back and forth - most of the time now I rock and sing to him for a little while, but he wants to get into bed to fall asleep. Other times he still wants to fall asleep in my arms (and he is almost 2). This time is precious to us both. Can you try putting your daughter into bed while she is awake but drowsy, and rub her back until she falls asleep all the way? That may help the transitions. And my son woke up during the night a lot when he was your daughter's age. I think it's just a normal part of development. I always went to him and didn't let him cry it out, and he sleeps wonderfully now. You have to do what you think is best for you and your daughter. Every baby and mom is different! Good luck, and you haven't messed up!

Been there... we have five children now, four boys and one baby girl! Parenting is such a learning experience, we seem to learn from our mistakes and the next kept getting better and better!! HA! Our oldest is 12 and would not go to sleep without being rocked! The TORTURE, it was horrible on our first real vacation, hotels don't come stocked with a rocking chair! We finally broke him by putting him to bed awake (after his bath routine) and letting him cry for about 10 minutes (more torture) and go back in his room and talk to him but never touching him. Repeat, repeat.... He broke after about a week of this. It was hard, but we learned consistency is the key to parenting!! Our baby girl has always gone to bed wide awake, talking to herself, playing and never a scream or yell just go to sleep. People are amazed, yes even when we have our friends over her bedtime is 7:30 pm and she goes, no problem! It definitely was a learning experience with each child and we learned from each one. Just stay consistent and your baby girl will get with her new routine. She will eventually come to expect what you always do with her. Children are such creatures of habit, if you do it the same all the time they will know whats coming and be ok with it. I wish you the best, it will be hard to break but together you can do it! :)

here is what we did when my DS was 6 months old. i read this online. i'm not sure how it will work since your DD is so much older though. you put her in her crib when she is almost asleep but not quite there. she will cry, but you have to let her go for between 5-15 minutes. it will be hard, but i promise it worked for us. then go in and quietly talk to her for 1 min then leave, do this until she is asleep on her own. it only took a couple of tries for us but the article i read says within 2 weeks. good luck!

I went through it with my son too. Funny because my daughter had no problem but he refused to sleep unless he was held. We read all the different methods believe me. Finally I asked my ped which was a very loving doctor to my kids. He said I had to try the method I though worked best for me. The fact is that they dont work if you are not commited to it. He said it was important for them to learn to self sooth themselves. And it is easier for them to learn it as babies then as older children or adults. The method I liked was the ferber method. Put her down drowsy and let her know it's time to sleep. She will cry but dont go in for 5 minutes. Then just speak softly but downt pick her up. Next time wait 10 minutes then 15 and so on an so forth. It works faster I think then the other methods. There is another method that a friend tried and seems better for those that cant stand leaving the room. It requires a chair. Just put her down drosy and sit next to her. you can hold her hand or rub her back but dont pick her up. Each night you move the chair a little further away until you are outside her room. This one is supposed to take almost 2 weeks to work but if you feel better try this one. It's not easy but worth it. the kids need their sleep and moms need their rest.

It's not stupidity - it's just love and caring.
Sorry, I don't have any advice, but I wanted you to know that we all mess up, so don't blame yourself. You'll get through it - and enjoy those midnight snuggles!