Healthy Boundaries

I'd just say to my husband, "Look, I'm pregnant, exhausted, and between my job, the kids, the house, everything, and I don't think I can handle house guests on top of everything else. Please tell them that we are sorry but they just cannot stay with us this year. Be mad at me if you want, but this pregnant lady has enough to deal with and unless you plan on doing all of my responsibilities on top of yours, this will push me over the edge."

Don't feel guilty, your hubby is being mean here. I don't think men always understand just how tough being pregnant can be, with the hormones, exhaustion, etc.

I think your request that they stay elsewhere is very reasonable. It's too much all at once.

They should be able to stay in a hotel for a night or two.

Jennifer,

You are being very reasonable, especially after the what happened last time they were in town. While I'm sure you've explained to your husband your concerns, it may go over better when you're calmer. Talk with him about what you said here. You're not feeling well during your pregnancy, you have a lot to do to get ready for the celebration, and your house isn't currently ready to house five additional people. Reassure him that you care for his family, but this year it isn't the best idea for them to stay with you. Since you said there is other family they could stay with, he could help arrange that. When you talk to your husband, I wouldn't dwell too much on how they inconvenienced you last time by not cleaning up after themselves or leaving messes. I know this is a sticky situation, but I'm guessing your husband doesn't want to hurt his brother's feelings. However, he does need to put his family (you) first.

Good luck!

I would definately say no also! With them having an extra kid, you being pregnant, them not helping out to clean up, and the party being at your house...I would tell my hubby he is out of his mind if he thinks they would be staying with us! Good luck!

It's this coming weekend? I think you are totally right - even if they are the nicest guests in the world, that is just too much. If you can, it would be nice (but not required) to pay for one night of their stay at a hotel since it is such short notice.

Good luck! That would be so, so stressful. (Option 2 - can you just move out and let your DH handle the whole shindig, since it's so easy for him? :-)

WOW-wee! No, you are not being a "B" (as you put it), you just do not want the added stress of someone potentially dumping on you, by backing you into a corner and expecting you to take on more than is already on your plate. If it hasn't been decided where they will be staying, let another relative take on that fun and offer their place. Have your husband spread the word!

You have put up a lot of obstacles as to WHY you do not want to...: have people stay overnight, don't want to watch other people's children, etc... The fact is - You should be able to say "NO" without feeling so guilty. If you don't want to have people overnight, just say "NO" . You shouldn't have to justify it so much and your husband may be disappointed but... you both have a lot on your plate, more than you had 2 years ago. It's funny because you sound soooo much more calm about having 100 people at your home but the 5 others are pushing you over the edge - so I'm guessing they may just be those relatives (and we ALL have them!) that "push your buttons"!

I hope you are having help preparing your home. It's a huge undertaking to have so many people over. I know when we had a reunion at my home, we actually recruited two friends to take over the kitchen, serving, cleaning, etc... Once the party started, my friends kicked me out of my own kitchen, told me to "let go" of the responsibility of serving food/clean-up and it was THE most amazing, fun time I ever had at my own party.

It's very generous of you to host the party. I hope you and your husband make up before the big day - you'll need each other!

I would sit down with your husband and calmly explain to him that with everything else going on, pregnancy included, that you need him to ask them to stay somewhere else. If you calmly explain all the reasons why I am sure he will understand, he just feels the pressure of having to let his niece down, Tell him that you'll call and give her the hotel info that everyone else is using. Maybe she can share a suite with someone else. But you can tell them that you've decided that no one will be staying over because of all the commotion of the party.

Be gentle with him, but be firm, it is too much and that is a fact-it wouldn't even matter if they weren't slobs and rude, the fact is it is not appropriate with everything else going on.