My 17 month old is a sweet little boy that loves to cuddle and snuggle with us, and hug/lay on (same thing at this point) the cats. At daycare he likes to hug his friends. There are two little girls that seem to like this and giggle. Unfortunately, not all the girls do, and he has been bitten and scratched 4 times in the 6 weeks he has been there. I asked if he was being too aggressive, but he isn't, he is just giving hugs. It's one thing if I had to tell him to play nice, etc., but how do you tell a child that is being sweet, that he shouldn't be?
UPDATE: He doesn't seem to be constantly hugging, as they are kept quite busy at daycare. It seems to be more of an opportunity type thing. I have been there many times and never seen him hug anyone, except in a cute picture that the director took.
You don't want to crush his spirit. I have a sensitive child and what I have told him is that he needs to ask before he gives a hug. I told him that sometimes kids and other people just don't like hugs, so that's why we need to ask, but mommy and daddy will always take a hug from you. Then I gave him a big bear hug.
We teach our kids about personal space and boundaries. It's healthy for them to learn early on to respect the space of others. Hugging is very personal and it isn't healthy or safe for your child to think it's ok to just hug everyone... It could put him in a dangerous situation. So teach him he can hug you all he wants but that we don't just hug everyone. Good luck, J.
The little girls need to be taught to either hug back or step away and say no thank you. It sounds to me like their behavior is in question, not your son's.
Aaww. What a sweetheart! I agree with lots of others that I wouldn't want to crush his loving spirit. But one thing I would do is give him lots of alternatives. He is pretty young to explain things to, but just simply saying 'sometimes other people aren't ready for hugs' should suffice. Then tell and show him how to add other things into his repetoire. Blowing kisses, hands over his heart, using words, whatever you think he'd like.
It's so important to remember to tell kids what to do instead or in addition to something you want them to stop or do less of! You don't want him to feel rejected but you don't want him to be afraid of hugs either!
Good luck.
I would just start to teach him about personal space. We talk about the bubble at our house. This is mommy's bubble, the cats bubble etc. and that we let people in our bubble or we do not but our bubble is our space. I even ask my dd if I can come into her bubble--never pushing hugs on her either. (which at your sons age is a non issue most likely but at 3, well there are time she rejects the love...) beyond that I wouldn't worry about it too much at this time. He's young and he likes hugs.that isn't a bad thing, just that he will need to be understanding why some people don't want the hugs, they aren't ready to share their bubbles and that is okay.
Hi i have two girls 2 and 3 and they both do the same thing with the hugging when we play with the neighbor kids she gives them a hug hi and then bye. We have just had to sit her down and tell her that hugging mommy and daddy and grandmas but, when it comes to friends we don't need to hug them all the time. It has seemed to work well i have only seen her hug on occasion and its usually when she hasn't seen them in a while. On a side note you don't have to win the lottery to stay home. I help lots of moms start working from home if you would be interested check out my web site www.mygirlsfirst.com
Seventeen months is pretty young - he's not even two years old. But you can start to teach him a little more about loving! It's not loving if it hurts! Start telling him to be gentle when he hugs. (There's an old book of Clare Turlay Newberry's with the rhyme: "Be gentle with a pussy cat; do not grab, but softly pat.") You'll have to keep an eye on him, of course, because he may not process the idea for a while; he seems to love the action of bear-hugging. You could make a game of it at home: "This is a hug [gentle] but this is a squash [not gentle]!" This is a thing every child needs to learn. The bear hugs are fine at home with mommy and daddy, most of the time, but to others (including felines) it's squashing. Love gently! Hope this helps.
I second Sunny. Don't discourage the behavior. He will learn eventually who is and isn't okay with the attention when he gets such a negative reaction. If your son really isn't overdoing it, then it is the girls behavior that needs to be addressed, not his. I also don't think that he is really old enough to understand any conversation about appropriate behavior and personal space, so you'd be waisting your breath. And keep up the cuddling!
your son sounds like a sweet little boy and yes you don't want to make him feel bad for being so loving but maybe you could try explaining to him that you only need to give one hug and then go play. I think those little girls need to be nicer to him but he is constantly trying to hug them I can see why they would get upset so maybe just teach one hug to friends but lots of hugs for mom and dad.
My nephew does not like people in his personal space and gets very aggressive if someone enters it. He really comes off like a spoiled kid, and his mom encourages him to keep people out - rude or not. It seems like the teacher needs to intervene and teach all of the kids how to say "I don't like that" in their own way. Practice it and they will all understand.
Good luck - I have a lover too. She likes to rub people's ears and hug. It melts my heart to watch!
