Too Lovable Baby??

My little boy was the same way. He would literally knock over the other child because he was so busy bear-hugging them. And boy,the other kids don't really like it much! I just tried to make him give a little hug and then let go. I would eventually catch him hug-molesting someone a little later, but he grew out of it. I thought it was super sweet and cute, and luckily it didn't last for more than a few months.

I am sure his intentions are good and he sounds so cute and bright but other kids and parents won't appreciate him if he makes them cry. I hope this doesn't sound to harsh but next time he does this I would say in a very sweet voice "oh you want to hug like that and keep hugging him. When he squirms to get away ask him if you should let him go or if you should keep hugging him like that...Point out that he doesn't like it. He'll learn very quickly those kinds of hugs aren't actually that nice. (not that I think he is purposely being too rough) I think if you say 'oh that's a nice hug but stop" it is actually a confusing message. If it was really nice he wouldn't have to stop.

Although our family is affectionate with our children, I have taught my kids to keep their hands to themselves where other children are concerned. This has prevented many fights that start to brew especially when the kids are in their car seats.

I think as long as you keep being as loving to him (and of course you will) you don't have to worry about crushing his spirit. It will break your heart more if other kids don't want him around.

J.,
I would try to place yourself in the other parents shoes. How would you feel if your child was on the other side??? We are going through a similair situation within my playgroup. My child is now 3 but has had the same playgroup since 4 months old. We have a parent within our group that felt the same way that you do they do not want to correct the behavior because the felt as if it was loving. I can assure you if the other child is crying the other child does not feel as if this is a loving action. Even if the first child beleived it too be. She started just as you did her child would crawl over to ours and start what the other mothers and I consider attacking. The mother would makes excuses for her child's behavior. She would say that her child was just hugging ours. But our children would cry and try to get away from hers. Her huggs and kisses were just too rough. Now that the children are 3 her child still does rough hugs/kisses to the other children within the group. Becuase her parents never corrected her. She now huggs very tightly then tries to throw the other child to the ground right after. My child often says Mommy she is not a nice kid, and does not want her around. Another mother in the group told me that her child feels the same. Often times we do not invite her to other outings just too avoid the drama. We have tried to talk with the mother but because she always makes excuses for her we are at a loss. Often times the other mothers in the group correct her (nothing harsh, just something as simple as please don't do that sweetie) She usually stops unless her mother intervens. She says things like she is such a good hugger and acts as if she does not see what her child is doing or that the other child is left crying becuase it quite honestly hurts. Even when her child hits or kicks the other children in the group she says. She only does that becuase she likes to say I'm sorry. Her child then says sorry in a very soft voice then looks for the next child to hit. Which usually happens within 2-3 mins later. She never follows it up with discipline by this I mean a time out. The sad thing is that becuase the mother says she doesn't want to break what she calls as her loving spirit the other mothers and I don't want to be bother so often times we don't invite her. I hate to sound so harsh to you but if you are in charge and getting paid to care for other children you should also try to protect them even if it is your child that is causing the conflict. Now I know that our children are much older but that is how it started out. As stated earlier they have been playing together since 4 months old. I'm not saying that other children in the group did not do this at some point of time either. Their parents just corrected them and the behavior stopped. It was nice to see that the other parent was truly sorry for the behavior and tried to stop it rather than ignore it. Which is probably why at age three this child is still doing it. When he starts doing it maybe you can just hold him for a while so that he does not get at the other children. Try distracting him then give him a loving hug/kiss and follow up with saying soft touches over and over. Eventaully he will get it, and the other children will not have to me hurt in the process. Good luck, K..

I have told my kids that they could touch babies' feet but that's all. I have always had to stay right at their elbows to enforce this a thousand times.

That's cute!! It's so nice to see children at such a young age wanting to give and receive affection!

I would simply demonstrate to him other ways to be affectionate with his friends. For example- take his hand and gently stroke the other child on the arm and say "nice, nice". Or have him gently stroke the other child on their back. You will need to keep a close eye on him until the "phase" passes. As soon as you seen him going after someone- you need to intervene. At this age children really don't know their own strength and don't understand empathy when another child is hurt or scared.

I don't have any experience with this but maybe try and practice hugging with him. I know he's still so young but if you do the same thing every day I think then eventually he'll get it. You can hug him and then let him hug you and say 'gentle' or 'nice' everytime. And try guiding him as he hugs you. Best of Luck.

Babies and toddlers are like tiny cavemen, they are sort of like little neandrethals just careening around doing, touching, taking whatever strikes their fancy. Don't worry, you won't 'crush his loving spirit' by teaching him socially appropriate behavior. Kids are not born with the knowledge of how to interact appropriately socially and they don't necessarily learn by osmosis. Parents must teach those skills, and if not they will never learn them and then you have a child who is crushed because he has no playmates or friends because his behavior is inappropriate. Which isn't the kid's fault, but the parent's fault for not doing their job-(see the response from the lady who has this issue in her playgroup).
Having to say "no" all the time (especially from about 18 months -3yrs) is exhausting and mind numbing. It helps if you tell your child ahead of time what behavior you WANT them to DO instead of always focusing on what not to do. Get a doll (a bigger elmo doll or stuffed animal is great)and when playing with him demonstrate gentle hugs where he lets go quickly -Show him: "aww mommy hugs the baby nice, see? Now Noah hug the baby nice and gentle too."

Best wishes,
L.

My 22 month old is the same way. Only for him now, it has turned into a way to play "tackle". Some of his friends giggle and do it back and others cry so we have to explain you can only do that with Gus or only with whoever. At 22 months they understand this. At 9, I don't think the comprehension is there. At this point, you just have to be always on top of him, ready to intercept and tell him that he has to give a quick hug and then let go because some babies are scared. He won't grow out of it and you don't have to tell him he can't hug other kids. Eventually it will wear off and will turn into a game like with mine! Enjoy all the hugs!!!