Have You Made a Successful Major Change in Yourself?

I was a habitual lier. Told stories to make myself seem "cooler" then I was. As I got older I told them to cover up the fact that I was damaged, nothing harmful just emotionally and educationally stunted due to a lot of moving around. Had them crash down over my head in spectacular fashion. Then, I met my husband, I told him everything. I was 24, had never held a taxable job, couldn't drive, lived with my parents and had never gone to college and had no intention of going. He took me anyway.

I sometimes still feel that "twinge" to fib over the minorest detail just to cover my arse. "Did you call the office to ask for that thing?" If it does slip out, I confess as soon as I realize, he knows about my past and he realizes that I don't want to do it.

Oh yes, lots and lots of things. Big, BIG things (and some smaller things as well).

Usually I had to get uncomfortable enough to where I was willing to do something different.

Occasionally the opportunity and hope of doing something new was enough to draw me onto a new path.

For me, it's useful to identify the function served by an unhealthy habit.

For example, I smoke cigarettes. Why?
Here are some functions served by smoking:
- It gives me an excuse to leave situations
- Helps me take time to myself away from my kids
- Gives me a purpose when I'm idle
- Starts conversations (do you have a lighter)
- Ends conversations (Excuse me, I'm going to pop outside)
- Gives my hands something to do
- Gives my mouth something to do
- Relays my thoughts
- Is a stimulant
- Serves as part of my bad girl identity
- Gives me an external excuse for stress and stress relief (I'm not in emotional pain, I just need a cigarette / Oh no, that's so hard for me to take, I'll smoke a cigarette (the cigarette does NOTHING about my problems, but they do distract me from my problems which feels similar to real relief)

and so on and so forth.

I'll quit when:
- I'm ready to give myself the gift of nonsmoking and better health
or...
- when I become so uncomfortable/miserable from smoking that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits

Either way I'll need to find new ways to meet the same needs as cigarettes do right now / pattern my brain with new systems of thinking and coping.

Support and the process of being witnessed have been helpful. It's really nice to know I'm not alone when I'm trying to change.

Right now I'm giving up perfectionism and my crippling need for approval. Whereas before those things helped me to survive, now they hinder my ability to flourish, so it's time to adopt a new perspective. Hooray!

I was very shy in college. I wanted to teach and was told I was too shy to do so successfully. Then during student teaching, I discovered a something in myself and became outgoing. What helped was wanting to do something bad enough that I was willing to put myself out to do it.

I'm an entirely different person now than when I graduated college. I changed gradually over the years by reading self-help books and participating regularly in counseling. When I'd come up against something that I wanted to change I found a counselor that could help me change the way I think so that I could change.

I used to be critical and judgmental of myself and others. I learned to love myself which then helped me be less critical. It did take years and lots of practice as well as therapy. I adopted the philosophy that everything happens for a reason and I'd search out possible reasons and then learn from them. I learned that I didn't need to judge in order to be safe. First I learned that I judged because I was afraid that I wasn't good enough to be liked. I judged others because I was afraid that they wouldn't like me and I had to have a reason to explain their attitude. I learned that when I love myself, I can love others and I do not need to judge either myself or others. I'm safe.

I didn't get along with a couple of supervisors. I felt hurt and lacked understanding of why they didn't approve of me. I learned that I had a problem with authority. Looking back it seems obvious but not to me at the time. Counseling helped me see and accept me as I was. Then I was able to work on ways to accept authority. A couple of counselors helped me learn skills so that I got along better with people.

Deep, I know and I'm without a simple explanation for my change. I do know I'm different and much happier than I was growing up and I did it by wanting to change and seeking help.

I quit smoking after 20 years of a 2 pack a day habit.

I just decided I was done with it, it was time. I spent 3 months preparing for it. So every day, I literally spent a good 10 minutes thinking about why I wanted to quit.

Changing habits is hard. The way I see it, you have to change your perspective, make a decision deep down, and then take lots of baby steps to put the changes into effect. I've always exercised, but I do have periods when I have stopped (like the last few years with babies under foot!). So I decided a few weeks back I needed to do yoga again. I've been doing it, a few times a week, but only for a few minutes a day. I know that eventually I will work myself up to a reasonable amount of time, just by gradually introducing the change into my life.

Baby steps are a great way to change habits....

I grew up in a house where everyone watched TV all the time and no one exercised. I never played a sport or did any kind of exercise and never had a role model for this. I gradually changed over many years and I am proud to say I am a "sporty" person now. I'm very enthusiastic about exercise and being active and many of our family activities revolve around things like skiing, hiking, doing races, biking and running. I am not sure how I did it. It was a very very slow long process. I wanted it. I definitely took "baby steps". I started off trying to run (I was awful at first). It took a good friend motivating me at first. The first time I ran 3 miles it was SO HARD and I felt so proud that I finally did it after working up to it over time...that seems so funny now bc that is a tiny run to me now. I started signing up every now and then for 5K races. I branched out and tried more and more things and harder and harder races. I tired exercise classes. I tried mountain biking when some women invited me (boy, I was terrible at this at first). I tired rock climbing when invited. I tried harder and harder races. I don't try to win or even be fast - I just do it to get exercise. Amazingly, all these things are incredibly fun! Everyone supports you and encourages you at the races. It really gets addictive. It helps that my husband is really into doing this as well and he supports and encourages me. He was like me at first too - he never exercised and liked to eat ice cream every day and sit at the computer all the time. He was out of shape to say the least. We both did it together and now it is just a daily/weekly part of life. It's just so enjoyable for both of us. We sign up for races together and take the kids along. We do relay type things so we can take turns watching the kids. Our son has done some children's races and a kid's triathalon. I was so proud of him for trying that! Anyway - it was a 20 year process. I look at my parents/step-parents and I am so happy I broke the "couch potato" cycle they are still in. I hope I can keep it up till I'm an old granny.

I have. It's mostly my attitude which is the hardest to change. I grew up very isolated with very angry probably depressed parents. My dad was a drinker and verbally and emotionally abusive. My M. was a statu quo person. If it works for me then you should be like me. For instance she took all the secretarial classes in high school and thought I should also. The fact that I had no interest whatever in becoming a secretary meant nothing to her. She never had any interest in the things I did -- so I wasn't supposed to.
The negativity was crushing. I learned that I can be who I am and not be a carbon copy of anyone else.
The best thing you can do is take baby steps. Make lists of what you want to do and the changes you want to make -- then start checking things off your list. If you accomplish one thing a day you are moving forward.
So get off the computer and get moving. :-)) The only person who can do this is you.

first and foremost it just has to come from YOU. when YOU are ready, it will happen. i have quit smoking, and changed my lifestyle health-wise. i have only lost 25 lbs but i do not consider it a diet or an exercise program (i try not to call it those things) but a lifestyle change. i'm not crash dieting, i'm not fad exercising - i'm changing my life by INCLUDING better choices. i wish that i could help everyone i meet with these kinds of things. so many people i know smoke, and i'm just like IF I CAN QUIT, WHY CAN'T YOU!?!?!? i'm NOBODY!! lol. same thing with losing weight (and i have a lot more to go believe me,) but i just want to grab some people and shake them. seriously - if I can do it, anyone can! i'm not special. i just decided to do it. you have to get to the point where you're ready. where you realize, you really CAN do it. start with baby steps and work your way up. with smoking i started out by not smoking in my house. then not in my car. eventually nowhere except at work. then i quit there too. same with diet/exercise. i started with 15 minutes per day on the treadmill. worked my way up. started by eating more meals cooked in the pressure cooker or crockpot (instead of fried, etc). bought more fresh fruits and vegetables. tried making my own healthier snacks (home made hummus, etc). i still eat mostly what i want, but i am losing weight. just by adding baby steps, slowly. as i got comfortable with one, then i'd add another "new" thing.

good luck. trust me, when you're ready, you'll do it. my motivation was my son. i did it for him. and i realized, i can do ANYthing if it's best for him.

6 years ago I left the man that I had been dating, fortunately we were only dating and never had any kids. He brought me down, and I knew I'd never be as happy as I could be if I stayed with him. I thank god every day that I finally got the confidence to leave him because I'm happily married today to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful children, something I never would have had if I'd stayed. The whole change did wonders for my confidence level and how I feel about myself.

I am SOOOO glad you posted this question! I have been thinking about posting a similar one for months now, but couldn't figure out how specific I wanted to be in my post about the changes I need/want to make within myself.

I struggle with so many things still. I guess one major change I have made is that I have learned and now practice the fact that I have the power to choose how others and circumstances make me feel. I've gotten pretty good at it through a whole lot of practice. : )

The current issues I need to address, unfortunately, are all about me--taking care of myself and my body. I struggle with treating myself with love and caring. Very sad. I also struggle with "all or nothing" thinking--why exercise if I'm not going to eat healthily? Blah, blah, blah. Dumb, I know!

Good luck to you and whatever you may be struggling with. : )

I'm not perfect, but I have been able to change one thing about myself, and that was the way I viewed food. I grew up eating the Little Debbie cakes, Cheetos, Trix etc... but was lucky enough to have such a high metabolism I thought I was untouchable from these foods. After starting birth control and gaining some weight as a side effect and then less than a year into my marriage learning I suffered with horribly high cholesterol (I weighed less than 110 at the time) I knew I couldn't keep believing I was invincible from these foods. I changed in how I shopped but still bought foods that were far from wholesome. THEN, after my first son was born and learning he wasn't developing right only to get a diagnosis of Autism with Failure To Thrive, I knew life had to change. I've now taught myself about GMO's, artificial flavorings and preservatives, what "natural" on a label really means etc....It's a scary world out there and to help my Autistic child thrive, I had to completely change how I cooked for my family. We are now all organic, I've even started my own herb garden, I make all our "goodies" from scratch and keep all harmful chemicals out of our house. I guess I was more forced to change but it was definitely for the better and I look back now and wonder why in the hell I didn't change my ways before my son was born, maybe he wouldn't have been Autistic:(

I haven't and I always wonder how people do it too. Maybe because my things are smaller, it's harder to see improvements and then i give up.
I also think external changes can promote change, but it's harder to just wake up and decide to do something.

Interesting question though. I'll be thinking about this for a while

I really enjoy Oprah's Life classes for self-growth: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass.
I am always trying to improve each area of my life by 10%. Even minor changes eventually make a big difference. It keeps life interesting and positive since things can always be better.

If there is something that you really want, you will find a way to do it. Best suggestion I have for you is to find someone to hold you accountable for your actions (like a friend OR if you need someone not emotionally attached to your situation, a life coach.) When you hold yourself accountable, most of the time you can justify why you are not doing what you should. But if you have to report to someone else and there will be 'consequence' (that you set) then you have the motivation to keep doing what you do.

For example, weight loss. Join Weight Watchers, or any other group where you have to PAY and WEIGHT each week. The motivation to keep eating healthy and exercising is that you have to pay money each week (assuming you don't want to waste money) and you have someone tracking your weight and helping you set goals. If you don't have the money to join Weight Watchers, then find a friend (or friends) to do a weight loss lifestyle program (like a biggest loser contest) with you. Do it by month, have a small kitty (like $5 each), person who loses the most weight based off % wins. Talk to each person every week to keep motivated and to help keep them motivated.

Remember, habits take time to form. You can't make a new years resolution to diet and exercise every day (when you are eating unhealthy and not exercising) because you have habits from the previous years of your life and it has to be a slow change to get you to where you want to be.

Good luck, and I hope you can find someone to hold you accountable and it will be consistent, positive motivation for you to help change your mindset and help you reach your goals.