I Wish My Husband Would Quit Smoking

in addition what the other ladies said.
I'd make it very difficult for him to smoke, no smoking in the house, no smoking around the baby, make him shower and change clothes before he olds the baby, etc , also add up how much he spends on cigarettes a month. In this economy all that money being spent on cigs could be spent on saving for babies college or a vacation or a couple of dinners out. They cost a lot these days. And They are looking at raising the fed tax on them to over 1$ a pack.
http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/smc

Being a former smoker, I know how hard it can be. However, there is a thing called third hand smoke (in case no one has pointed it out) where the toxins and whatnot stay on the skin, hands, etc and pose health risks to children. I would look into as a possible way to coerce him to rapidly move things along. For me, the health of my children was more important than my addiction. Good luck!

I know how you feel. My hubby has been saying that for 13 years. He still smokes. He has tried to cut down but he goes right back. He has to want to do it and that's all there is to it. My hubby uses the excuse that he is too stressed to quit or that I nag at him and he needs a smoke to calm down. Of course there is the peer pressure of everyone else still smoking. I finally told him to do whatever. I'm taking care of myself and our children. But I still hope one day he will wake up. You can't force someone to quit. They have to want it. Good luck.

I cannot condone the behavior...my husband smokes...outside. I am sick of it, he stopped for a year and our wonderful friends that smoke during that time were told he wasn't smoking...they'd offer "oh, do you want a smoke?" I'd like to say this you cannot hang out with smokers, you cannot go around places or friends that smoke. He and you may even have to give up old friends for life. It's like alcohol you cannot go around a bar or friends or family that drink if you want to quit, same goes for smoking can't go around those folks if you want to quit. After one yr he broke and smokes it's been 2 yrs of fighting to stop again. Makes it harder if he's in a business that lets him smoke like construction...etc..

My husband is trying he's wearing a patch now and after being a smoker of almost 3 packs a day for years he sometimes at this point smokes with it on, yes and even his lung dr said with the amt of nicotine he was used to it happens. My husband had the experience of his lung dr telling him you have COPD we see something on your lung it could be cancer.....well it changed him finally he's serious again. We gave up some friends that smoke he cannot go around them and it's fine with me I'm sick of their smoking as well. We have some friends that smoke that we run into which that's no problem it's when you go out with theses people that's the problem they have to light up, it makes him want one. I've come to the point now that I tell people Bill is trying to stop smoking if you have to light up then we cannot see you, sorry. Don't care if we have no friends I'll have a husband that's alive to see his kids become adults is all I want.

I'd say a trip to the dr for help...everyone is different he also needs support, maybe even a antidepressant..he needs to go to the dr and see what help he can get. Your insurance may offer some programs there's online support check out the american cancer society website....arm your self with information and tell he you don't want it to be too late, like alcohol and drugs this effects all of you if he dies or his health becomes bad.....it's effected my family when my husband gets sick now it's worse then if it was someone that didn't smoke or have COPD, he misses work it effects are income...he wanted to be a parent (my husband) we agreed and we have children I told his it's up to him in all fairness to stay as well as he can to take care of them! This like anything else will be an on going battle for life. And it doesn't matter his age he too can get COPD, cancer....illness knows no age. My best wishes to you I hope he is able to stop.

Oh I hope he takes the chantix!! About 3 to 4 days into it, he'll start to complain that they taste and smell funny! My hubby and I stopped smoking before we even made it to our quite date because of it!

It's a hard habit to break and it is way easier to say you'll stop than it is, I've been there! My hubby and both smoked so in order for us to break the habit, it had to be both of us at the same time. We did Zyban, the gum, the patch and nothing helped. Until Chantix ccame out on the market. It is expenxive but I do believe the cost has come down some since it first came out back in 2007. But it is worth every penny!! DH and I didn't even finish the 6 week program and we have been smoke free since Oct 2007!! Don't get me wrong, the thoguh still pops into my head from time to time when I'm doing something that I used to smoke during, but it is gone just as fast as it came. A friend of mine, her hubby quiet using it too. As far as side effects, my hubby had none and I had to take it with food and I would have dreams that I was back home driving in the car! lol

What your hubby "loves" about smoking is the feeing it gives him, the fullness after eating, the wake up with the cup of coffee in the AM, the relaxing after sex, etc. It's not the cigeratte he loves, it's the hold that it has on him. He needs to realize his triggers-on the phone, in the car, first wakes up in the AM, after a meal, stress, etc and then he can take inventory on himself of how often he really smokes and how it affects himself, you and his child. Talk about how much $$ is spent on ciggs and what you could put it towards instead. Ours goes to a 30ft camper so we can do fun family things together, we are planning our second trip to Disney with it in the fall!

Talk to him about Chantix. If either one of you have questions, please feel free to ask!
Good luck
S.

My husband is the same. He jokes that he comes from a family of tobacco worms. He smokes outside but gives me guilt trips about how he has to o out in the rain or cold and has offered to start chewing tobacco instead but that turns my stomache. Anytime I say somthing about his health he points out the people in his family that have lived well into thier eghties with no problems and says you can get cancer from eating icecream anymore. Its going to take a serious illness to get him to stop smoking and by that time it may be too late, but I cant get him to stop unless he wants to stop.

Get him a prescription for Chantix. It really works. I had tried everything to quit smoking and it worked for me and made it very easy to quit. If your insurance doesn;t cover it (and most don't), it's pretty expensive, but if it works, the cost will be more than worth it.

Let it go. There are more important things than his smoking. Since he was smoking before and when you married him you got the whole package. When I decided to quit smoking it took 10 years and I was 42 when I finally, with God's help, kicked the habit. You might be able to agree "no smoking in the house or car that you and the baby will ride in". That's as far as it should go as the rest has to be up to him. My husband was in his early 60's before finally giving it up and that was because the Doctor told him he might not live another 6 months unless he quit. Hubby is now nearly 76. V.

I have smoked for a long time and I too dont do it in the house or around my child. I have stopped before but it was really hard. Right now I am just too stressed to stop, but I know when I did before, a big part of me being able to stop was the partner I was with at the time. They kept taking the cigarettes away or wouldnt let me go outside. I was highly annoyed and of course if you try to stop a smoker from smoking they will get REALLY irritated and cranky, but after a while I wasnt smoking and I felt good about it. Just keep being supportive and try to be understanding. Sometimes its about will power, but it really is an addiction too. I tried the patch, makes me sick, the pills- make me loopy and feel wierd and I dont like taking pills. Weening off works best. And theres going to be good and bad days, especially if you drink alcohol, so avoid that the first couple weeks...I tried a hypnotist too and that worked for a while and I felt good about it until someone physically put a cigarette in my mouth and made me smoke...

I think you already know the answer to some degree. You can't make him quit, but you can make your relationship miserable...just don't. Unless he smokes around you and the children it may not be a battle worth fighting with frontal attacks.

It sounds as though he's very clear on your thoughts and feelings about his choice to continue. You can't be his conscience or his tobacco monitor. Stop trying to convince cajole and pressure. Let it go and begin praying everyday for him to gain the wisdom and strength to make his health and his family a priority over his smoking. Pehaps after a few weeks even tell him you realize that the problem is bigger than he is and that you've purposely stopped bringing it up any more, but that you have begun praying for him to find the strength to give it up. Let him know that you know that you trust him and believe in his ability to do whatever he needs to do to ensure a long healthy future together. Then pray for him and wait.

To be a bit cynical, ask him what he loves more....You & your daughter or the cigarettes? That could get him to think for a moment.

I am a former smoker. I was smoking up until the weekend I found out I was pregnant. I remember having a cigarette at work on that Friday and it was hurting me to smoke it. I may have had another over the weekend until I took a pregnancy test, as we were trying to rule pregnancy out. When my tests (I took 3!!) showed positive, I stopped. When it was confirmed at the doctor's office that Monday, I threw away what cigarettes I had left. That's all I needed. I know some people can't quit that easily, but that's my story.

You are right in stating this has to be his wish & want in order for him to be successful. Maybe as a starter, have him smoke outside so he can see how inconvenient it is. I don't know what more to say other than I wish you the best. Now that I've been "clean" for nearly 3 years, I can't stand to be around cigarette smoke. I can smell one burning from pretty far away, even in passing cars down a road!!

Good luck to your family!

No expert advice here, only opinion.... I would say,

Until he is able to do the awesome job of showing himself he can do it, make the rules at home and with family. No smoking in the house or in front of the children. (yes, that is possible, my dad smoked my whole life and I never saw him - wierd, but true). If he must smoke, he needs to agree to isolate the unhealthy habit from those besides himself he could hurt. It will be a good example for your kids (ones they won't realize they got) that an adult must put boundries on themselves as to not hurt those around them, and even when they are week, the can control certain aspects of that choice.

I wish you both the best of luck, it is both important to keep those promises for him and for you. He would feel much better if he at least went to the mat to try.

J.

I'm sorry you are going through that. It IS a nasty habit. Both of my parents smoked for over 30 years. My mother eventually quit. My father took a few years longer. She tried to get him to quit for a very long time and was unsuccessful. He wasn't a very considerate smoker. He'd smoke inside right in front of her and us. It's gross. The paint on the walls was yellow, the pictures hanging in the house were yellow. Anyway, my father finally quit. The hardest part for him was the habit of holding something in his hand and in his mouth. So, consider getting your husband something to chew on so that he gets that oral fixation he's accustomed to having---tooth picks, straws, gum, etc. He will crave something hanging out of his mouth while he tries to quit.

Oh, and by the way, looking back on it, I used to smell like a mushroom cloud of smoke just by living under their roof. I never realized it until I moved away and didn't live near smokers. People probably thought I was a closet smoker with my clothes, coats, purses all stinking like a pack of Marlboros. Yuck!

Thankfully, my husband hates smoke as bad as I do.

Good luck. If my parents can quit after 30 years (without medical intervention or drugs), your husband can too.

I work as a pharmacy technician and have seen a lot of people do very, very well with Chantix. That said, if he isn't 100 percent on board and ready, don't bother. He has to want to stop or it's just a waste of money. So, first work on that -- perhaps counseling? -- or an intervention of sorts?

Good luck!!! I feel your pain. I would be at my wits end and vacillating between fury, frustration, self-doubt, back to fury...

Truly, you cannot make him quit. Or do anything else. Or make anyone else do anything they don't want to. But one friend said how he quit a 30+ yr. smoking habit was to first pray for about a year that he would WANT to want to quit. then one day he felt that he wanted to want to quit, and he prayed to want to quit. Then when he felt that he wanted to quit, he did. He was so shocked that when he actually wanted to quit, he could. He viewed it as a miracle! I know it's tough, my hb smokes on the sly and keeps saying he will quit. It's so gross for a non-smoker to have to smell the smoker's breath and body odor. A real turn off. The 12 steps come in real handy when dealing with problems like this, esp. on your end the steps of Al-Anon. Works for all kinds of issues!

My husband use to smoke and he quit twice before he stop all together When he smoke was because he was tense and nervous I do not think that nagging is going to help the situation at all Your husband will quit when he is ready

Hi H.!

I am so glad you posted this because I am in the same boat. I used to smoke but quit before my husband and I got married. We promised each other that we would both quit before our wedding. I did....he didn't! I have heard the same promises over and over and he has tried a couple of times with the patch but then falls off the wagon. I just wanted you to know I'm going through the same thing. I can't wait to read your responses. I hope they'll help me as well. Good luck!

Well, you said it, he HAS to be ready quit, otherwise it won't work esp since he says he "loves smoking too much." Unfortunately he loves it more than the health of his daughter & you. If you constantly remind him, it won't happen either. My husband quit cold turkey when we found out I was pregnant with our oldest son. But that is b/c he WANTED to. It also has to do with your husband's environment. If he has friends or co-workers that he hangs out with that smoke, all the more difficult for him to want to quit, but not impossible. Continue to encourage him and I wish you the best for you & your family.

This is one of the hardest thing i have ever tried to do,I have copd and still smoke.It take a lot of will power and support to do this.Your brain keep the nicotine cell and when you stop they go nuts.If he really want to stop talk him into getting chantix.It really works i know many who has stopped using this and i am getting it this weekend.Maybe if you stop asking and just ask him to smoke outside away from you and your daughter he will get the hint,Because it is bad for you and her.But know its very very hard its like getting off a drug.M.
I see you got the chantix fill.You tell him and i know this for sure in 7 days he wont even wants or think about a smoke.This is the best thing,what it does is it covers the nitione cells and you have No withdrawn you wont get cranky or anything.Like i said i know many who stopped using it.So it will work for him.A few years ago i tried it i did stop 2 weeks no kind of withdrawn but i have a weird stomach so i stopped taking it and everyone around me smoke so i started back.But there is no withdraw make sure he knows that and maybe take with food.I have to get some meds for my stomach and i am going to eat before i take it this time,make sure to take it a least 6 month or maybe just 3 according to how good he does.If he has the hand month problem get him a electronic cigg.Pilot truck stop have them they light up and smoke just like the real thing it breaks the hand thing and it also goes from 12 mg niction to 6 then to none.They cost 70 dollars but they are pretty good,They helped me cut back.I am going to use that alone with the chantix.I have had copd since i was 42 please tell him he doesn't want to even go there,I know that first hand to.

H.,
I know from experience that the only way to get anywhere in your situation is to ask God to help. There is nothing else that will make your husband quit, and continuing to bring it up will likely cause him to resent you. I know you're struggling with resentment as well, but what good will it do to make him resentful with you AND still smoke? God is the only one who can change your husband's heart, cure addiction or give him the grace to just put the cigs down. While you're asking God to help him quit, ask him to help you deal with your own feelings of frustration and anger. I'm sorry you're going through this. Thank God you are otherwise a happy couple. It could be worse.
Good luck!
B.

Cravings -- including smoking -- are usually driven by the person's automatic reaction to avoid old, stuck emotion -- which was first "stuck" before birth, during birth and early childhood. We do not come into this world as blank slates. We ALL have recurring patterns of "how life is" -- similar to the "glass half full" or "glass half empty" instinctive attitudes. For smoking, I find that most people are triggered into grabbing a cigarette when they feel -- and must avoid -- frustration or hurt. The subconscious reaction is SO FAST, that their much slower conscious mind usually doesn't even connect what happened with the craving for the cigarette. The smoking is a crutch to avoid the subconscious "danger" of feeling the stuck emotion. I'll suggest that you help make it safe for your husband to move the energy of emotion on a regular basis. Teach him how to journal his feelings -- to go and hit balls to move the energy of frustration or rage -- to dig, run, chop wood, yell at a ball game -- anything to move the energy of emotion "on purpose" for the sake of stress reduction. I call this using Emotional Rest Rooms. It would be a good idea to teach your children the same thing. Bad emotions are those that are stuffed. Emotion needs to be moved in a way that is safe for you and others.

My husband finally quit smoking when I started looking into life insurance policies. The cost for him was $50 a month if he didn't smoke and $350 a month if he did smoke. I think it finally let him see how dangerous it was. The insurance company has tests that can show if you have smoked for one year. He is almost at that point so we can get the cheap insurance. Hope it helps. Also there are lots of products that really do help.

We have been married for almost 9 months and my husband promised me he would stop smoking because I told him I can't live a life in smoke.....mind you, before we got married,mi gave up my occasional 'cocktail with cigarette' habit, and cut it down to zero, from one day to the other.
Then I bought e-cigarettes and I would occasionally puff on an apple taste nicotine free vision, while he was puffing on the 4mg nicotine ones.
But my happiness of cigarette free life didn't last long, my husband quickly got tired of the e-cigarettes and switched to mini cigars instead (which he didn't inhale of course, but still unhealthy) and after few occasions we couldn't get the mini cigars (hard to find in some places!), we were right back where we started, and because of his excessive smoking, me going 6 months smoke free came to an end as I couldn't take the passive smoking anymore. I started smoking again, even tho not as much as him.....then I would stop for few days, but believe me, living with a smoker taking its toll on me.....sitting in the car and he has 2 cigarettes within 10 minutes!!!!! HELP! I can't live like this. We have been trying for a baby and I beg him to stop but he wouldn't.......h thinks having less than 10 cigarettes a day is ok. It's not, considering w have difficulties getting pregnant, because his smoking and THE FACT THAT HE CAN'T QUIT FOR THE SAKE OF A SUCCESSFUL PREGNANCY stressed me out so much, every time I see him lite up, my mood changes, I get sad, I cry, and still, he chooses cigarettes over having a family......I am very sad, and don't think he will ever be able to live without cigarettes (tried champix but in the minute he stopped taking it, he was back on his cigarettes...:(((( ). I am not sure, I will be able to live my life like this......I am gonna give him another 2 weeks then an ultimatum, because he said this time he will change for sure. Lets see. When I see it I believe it. Good luck everyone xxx

Is he aware that recent research shows that even residue from smoking that sticks to your clothes, hair and household items is probably enough to cause cancer in children and pets in the household? If he really loves his daughter (and you) he'll quit so that she won't suffer from cancer in her later life. Its a tough habit to kick. My sister and brother-in-law recently quit when they were pregnant with their first baby. Its a constant struggle for them to not go back because they work in a restaurant where everyone smokes. Has he considered talking to a doctor about helpful medications to quit? There are some great new ones available to help people quit! Good luck, and don't give up. However, don't hinge your happiness on his quitting or ask him to commit to it again since you know he'll say yes but possibly won't follow through. A happy marriage and family is more important than a non-smoking husband in the long run.

I hope the Chantix works for him. I am a smoker, trying to quit. I live alone, kids are grown and gone, and it is the hardest thing in this world to do because it is an addiction, not just a habit. I think the fact that it is a habit AND an addiction combined is what makes it so very difficult to quit. I can tell you though that I smoke much much less when visiting my kids and grandkids because I don't smoke around them and having to go outside and away from them to smoke makes me smoke very little while there, plus the smell of it is more repulsive to me then. So keep up the restrictions and glad you filled the Chantix, I hear that will help and I plan to get some myself. Do not nag or try to control him. Be a helpmate, not a substitute mother to him. your job is not to control him, but to help him by encouraging him and making it easier for him to quit. Nagging him will only make it harder for him to quit. There is such a thing as considerate smokers and your husband is one of them, evidenced by his washing up, going outside to smoke, etc., so he is obviously trying to comply with your desires. Just don't nag him, though.

i know you've gotten lots of responses, but i'm going to add to it anyways :)

just a couple words to begin: GET OFF IT, GIRL!!! ok, now that that's out, lets go forward.

i wonder - you said that 'otherwise we are a happy family'. so, what is it about his smoking? it's not really about his health. many many many people live to ripe old ages smoking their whole lives. that may be the public version of why you want him to quit, but if i'd have my best guess, i'd bet that it's your 'litmus test' as to how much he REALLY loves you. so, it's completely about how much control you have. if he is a good husband, doensn't carouse around, doens't drink, is good to your children and you, supports you as a good husband should, i suggest you leave him alone. quit the nagging (YES, IT'S NAGGING!!), quit filling his prescriptions, quit making appointments for 'us'. just quit. quit with the control. admit that you do not have total control over anyone but yourself. if you don't you just might find yourself a single mom w/ your children visiting their dad.

your husband sounds like such a sweet accomodating giving man that he's telling you that he'll 'do it for you', but he's also told you that he loves it too much. it's a horribly hard thing to give up. my sister, who is medically fragile, also smokes even to the detriment of her health, but she also loves it and cannot/will not quit. she's tried, even quit for a year, but the urge is just too great. she also has 2 kids, and even for them she can't/hasn't quit. and she KNOWS how it's detrimental to her health.

so , i suggest you just get off it. leave him alone. if you want a happy loving marriage, just admit that he's got this one thing that is HIS. stinks, but leave it to him. i mean geeze, he smokes and comes in a cleans up afterwards. how much more do you want from him? ask for too much and it'll come back to bite you. people have to have control over their own lives or their going to resent the controller. if you browbeat him into eternity, he may pay you back by finding someone that can love him as he is.

love him for what he gives you - which is a LOT, girl. many many ladies out there would give their eye teeth for someone as sweet and accomodating as he is. i've found mine (who spends far too much time on the couch , but otherwise is a great guy), so you can see that there is NOBODY that is perfect.. if you demand perfection, no one can attain that level and will eventually quit trying.

good luck w/ 'your' problem ;) i think it's just that, not his.

Sorry if this comes across harsh....but does he love smoking more than he loves you and your daughter? Because the second hand smoke that the two of you are getting is worse than the first hand that he is choosing to inhale. Plus the lasting effects that it will have on the developing body of your daughter will be with her for her life. My husband has gotten bronchitis his ENTIRE LIFE because his parents smoked when he was a child. When he gets sick today, it develops into bronchitis. I'm sure your husband loves you, don't get me wrong. It may just be a different way of looking at the situation. Good luck!

This is such a tough one. I've never been a smoker, but as a young child I drove my father so crazy about his smoking that he quit cold turkey! I didn't even know that it was bad for me. All I knew was that I didn't like the bad smell and not being able to breathe well when he smoked. Too bad your baby girl can't talk yet. You're doing the right thing by helping him find ways to quit. He really can't quit without help because he has both a psychological and physical addiction. He probably knows it's bad for everyone in the house, but is frustrated because it's so difficult to quit. Let him know often that you appreciate his efforts to quit. Leave him little cards with his daily dose of medicine that say "thank you for quitting smoking and ensuring my long healthy life, hugs and kisses baby".

During those tough times when you can't take it anymore, if I were you, I'd go stay at a friend's house or relative's for a few days. He'll be missing you guys like crazy so he may pay more attention to quitting.

Good luck!

You may already know this, but does your husband?: Unfortunately, even if your husband washes up after smoking, the smoke still lingers (3rd hand smoke) and can cause harm to others and the baby. The baby may be at risk for developing asthma, ear infections, allergies, lung infections, etc. In fact, second hand smoke is a major cause of children's illness, yet 85% of adults who smoke and who live with a child do not ensure that the child is not exposed to the smoke from their cigarettes. Ear infections can lead to delays in speech, language, and cognitive development.

there are so many ways to quit nowadays, including hypnotism. i have an uncle who smoked for years and years, but finally was worried about his health after his mom died of emphysema. he was hypnotized, and no longer even wants to smoke. if it could work on him, it could work on anyone. it sounds weird, i know...but it took away the urge to smoke...so he doesn't even miss it. worth looking into. good luck

My husband quit when he got flu & couldn't stand taste (kids kept after him when he got better). Tell your husband you want to him to take out $200.000 insurance because when he dies, you and kids need that for medicalt bills for 2nd hand smoke.

H.,
I feel your pain. My husband kept making promises and never would quit, until we became pregnant. Even then, it was something he struggled with on and off, but he never smoked around me. These days, with second and third hand smoke being so harmful, it's really tragic that your daughter isn't motivation enough for him. But it's a serious addiction and very difficult to break. My husband used the patch - actually, our baby is almost 3 months and he's just now weening himself off the patch. He hasn't touched a cigarette for almost a year now and I'm very proud of him. Just remember that you can't make him quit. Trying to fight that battle for him will only make him resent you. I'm not sure if he smokes in the house or around your daughter, but I would do everything in my power to see that he didn't. Has he tried Chantix or the patch? Chantix has worked for a lot of people I know, though when my husband tried it, he had some stomach problems. The patch has been good for him. Good luck and try to just encourage him as much as you can. I know this is difficult!

First, I think that smoking is one of the most disgusting, self-destructive habits you can have! I have little patience and little sympathy for smokers and am an ardent anti-smoking advocate.

That being said, there's absolutely nothing you can do to get him to quit unless he truly, deep-down-inside wants to quit. He'll never quit for you or your daughter no matter how much he loves both of you. If he tries, he'll fail.

Does that mean he loves smoking more than his family? As an adament anti-smoker, my first thought would be YES! But the reality is that that's most likely not true at all. His addiction is an illness that he probably has no control over. Pretty much all you can do is make him smoke outside and do a lot of praying that he'll find a way to take control of it. Until then, you put up with it and protect your daughter from it. Good luck.