Going Away

E. -
Give him a list of "to dos" that he can cross of as he does them to "help" Mommy while you are gone. I can include reading a certain book, making a block tower and taking a picture of it, watching his favorite tv show a couple of times, going for ice cream with his dad, drawing a picture for you or his sister, etc. Pick things that he LOVES to do. It is okay to put things on the list more than one time. He is a boy - this gives him a mission - things to do before Mom gets home. Also - I know it is a short time, but record some of his favorite bedtime stories or songs for your husband to play for him - especially important if you are the one who normally does bed time routine. On that same note - make sure your husband KNOWs the routine so that is stays consistent with you son. Go ahead and put a special activity that the whole family will enjoy and look forward to on the Calendar for after you get home - it gives you all something to talk about, plan and look forward to during the absence. It doesn't have to be expensive or huge - just a family activity that will be fun. Oh and make the chain a little "extra" long - just in case you are delayed for some reason....then if you come home on time or even a little early - it is like "bonus" time. (However, if you are counting the days until you leave - shave off a few and then you get "bonus time" on the front end of the trip as well).

Oh and I apologize for saying a month is not that long - it is - I am just more accustomed to the 12(mine) and 15 month (my husband's) departures that are commonly associated with military life.

Good luck as you go on this trip. I hope it will be a unique time of bonding for you and your daughter and for your husband and your son. Enjoy!

T.
Mom of 3 boys - and I left home for a year with my Reserve Unit when the older 2 were 2 1/2 and 6 months. My Husband left for 15 months when the kids were 6, 4 and 4 months, and we have had several 1 month or shorter separations. So we have been down the road of what do to a couple of times.

THe best thing we did was video tape and record Daddy reading books. He also sent DVD's home from Iraq and Afghanistan.
Also Daddy Dolls, at Hugahero.com. We have three of them and they have little recorders in the pocket that you can record your voice.
Let your husband take care of your son. Let him make his mistakes and just say things like I'm sure you'll figure this out and be very supportive of him. THis will carry over in his attitude when you leave and he will be more prepared for toddlertown.
The chain is a good idea. Also make one for yourself and hang it in your room where you are staying. You can rip off days together or Sissy can for when she returns to Daddy.
We have lots of breakfasts for dinner. Also I make chicken because my husband won't eat it and sometimes ice cream and cake for dinner is A-OK.
Mine usually slept with me for most of the deployments. Last time it was only one in bed with me. This time he is really sleeping in his own bed for most of the nights.
HUbby should have a routine and try to keep things as normal as possible. Nap after lunch, bath after dinner, bedtime story with mommy on tv.
They will do fine.
This will be harder on you than on him. He still has his Daddy and they will do great. It is very hard for my husband to leave, we have our routine without him and when he is home he is part of it. Gone, he is almost an outsider.

I just want to be the first to say that no matter what, I'm sure that he knows you love him and that he'll be fine. I sometimes feel that the moms on this site can be a little judgemental about moms taking on non-traditional mom roles, and that doing so somehow harms our kids. I have no doubt that you and your husband will do whatever you can to ease this transition for your son, and, while there might be some bumps in the road, I'm sure it will be a good experience for all. The connection between a mom and her kids is something that no amount of time and space can touch, as long as that connection is a loving one.

I hope that your trip is a success. Sorry that I didn't have more constructive advice, but I hope you felt this was a "boost." Good luck.

When I've had to travel lately, Sykpe has been phenomenal.

We don't have family locally, so when one of us leaves, it's completely on the shoulders of the other parent.

But, I ask your husband to plan a special event with him regularly each week while you're gone so he has something to look forward to and to help strengthen their relationship (for example: Tuesday nights could be McDonald's nights or they could pick a movie to see together).

I'd also recommend pre-writing a month's worth of letters for them from both you and your daughter so they have something to open every day. I'd make sure to take funny pictures and send them if possible.

If you can also make and freeze some of their favorite meals to have available, perhaps that will be a nice reminder of you being around without actually being there.

I hope the month goes more quickly than you expect it will and have 2 boys anxiously awaiting your return.
Good luck!

I have a lot of experience in the Dad going away department as we are military. I know that it won't be the same for your son as he is more attached to you but my son has always preferred Dad so when he leaves it's a big heartbreak. Here are a few of the things we did for my son when he was that age. Also you mentioned that you would be taking your daughter. Does she have to go? I am NOT judging because believe me when a parent has to go away for work so many things you didn't think you would do fly out the window. The 3rd tour to Iraq we ate Burger King every night for the 1st week because I just couldn't think about cooking for 3 AGAIN. I can only imagine what the mom's here would have said to me then :) I was just thinking it might help him but also Dad to have an older helper around if you can swing it. Anyway things we did: Daddy has a webkinz account and so does my son they would play at each others "house" for 30 minutes a week. He's a little young for this but this last tour my daughter was 3 and with help from someone older she was able to feel like she was playing with Daddy even though he was gone. Video books- the USO does a program where they tape your soldier reading children's stories to their kids. If you have a video camera you could tape yourself reading his favorite books then while you are away he could read along with you. (every once in a while my daughter will watch her video of Dad just because and I've used it at times when I needed to clean and Dad was at work) color pages- hubby would color half a picture and then she would finish it. post cards- Dad sent one every day (as he was in the middle of nowhere he just filled out a bunch at a time and sent them in an envelope when he had a chance to get to the post. I would sneak one into the mailbox before we went out to get the mail. You could probably do them ahead of time and have hubby help with that) My favorite thing actually came from my mom but Dad did the note with each one, he is a little older and loves legos. She split the lego set into small boxes and each day he got a box to add a piece. It would have worked perfectly had they come home when they were supposed to but they got redeployed while in field so he finished before Dad got back but since you know how long you will be gone you could get a puzzle or something that he could "construct" to show you on your return. Good luck to all of you!

Make one "mom video" per day or week or whatever time interval seems appropriate. You could read a book to him, do a craft "with" him, talk about what he does during the day, ask him to think of his favorite foods to make when you return etc. Take a cue from kid programs and mimic them even if your "show" is only 5 or 10 minutes. He could at least watch it over and over again. Even better, maybe he is in one of the shows, i.e. you took a camera to the playground and got some good interactive footage with the 2 or 3 of you, hugs included.

I thought I was going to have to leave my 3 yr old for a month and this was my plan.

E.,
If you can, leave him little love notes that dad can put with his lunch or dinner, something simple like 'I love you', 'I miss you', 'See you soon', 'You're my sunshine', etc. Try sending him a letter a week, maybe with a picture of where you are at. And if you can send him a gift (or have your husband by him something and give to him from you). You can also leave him your voice recorded with a good morning message, so dad can play it for him and a good night so he can play for himself before going to bed, maybe with a bedtime prayer. So, somehow he'll feel you are there even when you are not. :)
I hope times goes fast for you :)

Try not to over make a big deal or he will feel your vibes and get more nervous. Prepare him but don't over focus and talk about it too too much. You want to paint a picture of what it will be like.

Mommy and sissy will be gone a lot of days and nights, but we Will be home. We will be sleeping in a different place, etc....... But there will always be someone here taking care of you. Daddy, and if Daddy can't.....so in so...

Try to think like a three year old and what would be important to him so that he will understand.

It will be okay!

Lot of good suggestions here.

What I would add, is: before you go on your trip... from now in fact, start collecting all the cards and goodies for him before you leave. Write out notes for him already, addressed with a stamp on it, pack it in your bags... and once you get to your destination... you will already have ready, notes/cards to mail to him everyday or every week. Thus, saving you time/prep time, once you get there. Know what I mean? Then that way, you will already have it ready and he will not be forlorn/sad, if he does not get something in the mail from you, each day.... just because you may have been busy or "forgot" to write him a note to put in the mail.

Think of anything you can do now for him, that you can prep ahead of time, prior to your trip... and pack it in your bags already. That way, it won't be as stressful/busy to do it there. Saving you some time too, in between work and spending time with your daughter.

And, put a lipstick "kiss" on the notes you write him etc.

All the best,
Susan

My suggestions are to make little notes, presents, etc before you go and have your husband put one out each day for him. Not like a real present, but just a little something, like a hersheys kiss or something. Dad can leave them all over, or in the same place every day. Like one sitting in the fridge so when he goes to get his cereal first thing in the morning he finds it, or on his pillow, next to his toothbrush, in his lunch, any other special places. My mom used to write us notes on napkins to put in our school lunches and I loved it.

Also, a mommy-pillow might help. Similar to the Hug a Hero. We would actually do this for our husbands when they deployed. We would take one of our shirts or something and wrap it around the pillow like a pillowcase (works even better if you have a perfume you wear every day that you can spray on it) and let him sleep with that while you are gone. Hubby can refresh the perfume if he needs to.

The only other idea I have seen is to read him his favorite book on skype or in a video that he can watch every night. Maybe you could get an extra copy of a couple of his favorites to read to him. I love the chain idea. And I also think it would be a good idea to take whatever ideas you like and apply them to your daughter from daddy as well. She is going to have much easier time with it, but might end up more upset about it once she sees the extra effort you are making for your son.

I don't know if you have ever done a separation from family before, but just in case you havent- For yourself to have an easier time coping with it, it helps to count down/look forward to the halfway mark. It isn't as long as the whole time, and once you hit halfway, it is all downhill from there. That is the advice my grandma gave me when my husband was doing his first deployment, and it really helped. She did an air force career with my grandpa and he flew bombers in 2 wars, was gone all the time. That is how she did it. It'll be done before you know it. You are brave and strong- I don't know if I could do it. My hubby does it all the time, but I don't honestly think I could. Good luck!

It's breaking my heart just to read the question... but obviously you wouldn't be going if it weren't necessary... but does sissy have to go to? I would really explain why sissy gets to go and he has to stay... perhaps you could come up with a reason as to why Daddy needs him to stay and how lucky he is to get to spend this time with Daddy ... daddy son time is so important and how fortunate that he and daddy will be planning x, y, and z to go to together in this months time... fun weekend outings to say Day out with Thomas, Science Center, Museums, Zoo, ect...good luck and my advise would be to focus more on how lucky he is to not have to go on some trip and how cool it is going to be that the boys are going to get this time together.