Future Mom Scared of Failing

I felt the exact same way before I had my son. I was so scared of failing that I accually never wanted kids at all. Then when I found out I was pregnant, I worried constantly. I cried almost nightly and was terrified that I wouldn't be a good mommy. I'm now expecting a second child(in about 2 weeks accually :) and my son is now 18 months old, very intelligent, loving, and beautiful. I wouldn't go back and change anything. When I first got pregnant with Brendon my mom told me that if you wait until you're ready, it'll never happen. That's something that my grandma told her before she got pregnant with me. Now I absolutley beleive it to be true. Please don't worry and good luck :)

First of all, make sure you have insurance before you get pregnant. Pregnancy can be a wonderful experience, but the last thing you need is the stress of worrying about money.

Second, worrying about whether you'll be a good mom means you are concerned enough to want to do your best. Nobody really knows what kind of mom they will be until they have their own kids. If women decided not to have children b/c they were unsure of what kind of mom they'd be, we'd live in a very underpopulated world. Fortunately, you are gaining experience as a mom right now by having stepchildren. Yes, I know you are not their birth mom, but you are still a nuturer and provider to them.

Your fear of the baby not being healthy is a common concern. However, having a baby is kind of like playing Russian Roulette. Fortunately, the odds are in your favor of having a healthy baby without complications. Most babies born today are perfectly fine, so don't spend too much time focusing on the negative things that can happen. Try to be positive.

Try sitting down with your hubby and explain your concerns to him. If you are not mentally ready to have kids he has to try to understand that. He has two wonderful children, so maybe he can focus more on them rather than some child who has yet to be concieved. If things escalate to the point where you feel the topic of getting pregnant is causing real problems in your relationship with your hubby, then seek counseling.

I hope this helps. BTW, I am a SAHM mom to 2 beautiful girls, ages 2 and 6.

Hi, You are certainly right. Your life has been turned upside down by having an instant family! If you two have decided to have a child together, then you must trust that you and the baby will be fine and if not, then God will give you the strength to get through it. Worrying is something we all do, but is the least productive thing we do. When I was pregnant with my son, I felt like I had every imaginable "side effect" from being pregnant. I used to joke with my friends and tell them the new "symptom of the week". I called my pregnancy "the assult from within" in a joking manner, of course. I was married almost ten years before becoming a Mother and it certainly changed my life, you bet! But, once I held that little, precious baby, I realized what depth my love has. It is awesome. You love and sacrifice and don't mind it one bit...until they're pre-school age, that is...:)

I am not married but I am still with my sons father..which has a daughter to his high school sweetheart!! I felt the same way you did....but like they person before me said once i held my own son no kid was more beautiful or more perfect!! Its ok to be worried...and completely normal. About the insurance...once you become pregnant there are tons of places that help you get coverage up to 6 weeks after the baby is born and that will continue to cover the baby after the 6 weeks is up...I got pregnant with no insurance and went to a place called Healthy Beginnings and they helped me with everything. Like the woman before me said you are amazing for giving up your life to raise someone elses kids...you will be blessed!!

Well, there are a couple of issues here. The fear of failing, that's something that can be dealt with. :) I think we all feel some anxiety; you just do the best you can and learn to accept whatever that is. The insurance, you need to figure that out one way or another-- there are many options, from buying into insurance as soon as you're able, to planning a homebirth, which is much cheaper out of pocket, to looking at the threshholds for medicaid and seeing if you'll fall under that.

But I think the biggest issues are: That you and your husband might need more time to get used to each other as a couple before you throw a baby into things; especially since he already has kids, which, wonderful as they may be, must detract from your couple time. Also, you seem to be really feeling the loss of going from being a social person to being a married mom. Bringing a pregnancy and a new baby into that is going to make that a zillion times harder. You might be setting yourself up for some major depression and isolation. Just take some time and do some soul-searching. You really need to be 110% sure that's what you want to do before you bring a new child into the world.

Dont be so worried. This kind of stuff tends to happen in our heads when we are pregnant. Just because your husband had two beautiful children with someone else, does not mean that you will not also have a beautiful child. I feel you are a beautiful person to give up your life for his children and that just makes you a better person. Once you hold your child in your arms you will finally understand the love that is unconditional. I was worried about my daughters health, and what she would look like, and would she be ok up until the day I had her. Once she was born, she was even more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Things will be fine.

Hi D.,

Relax, there is no such thing as the perfect anything. Also, you both have to be ready to have children. Don't let anyone talk you into anything.

Good luck!!!

D., I think if you get pregnant w/o insurance...that's okay even though Lisa S. has an obvious objection. It is not "irrespobnsible" to expect the governement to help you out. Want to know why? Because you are one of those "tax payers" she is referring to in her comments. Not everyone's jobs offer insurance, and I know this because my husband has struggled to find a company that does!!!!!! I am on Medicaid, and I resent all of her comments because I am a tax payer, too!! So, she is not paying for my "irresponsibility", I AM!!! People w/ "perfect" jobs that can allow them to afford to pay $400 a month for insurance are lucky, but don't judge those of us that need the help!! You will make a great mother, because you have enough sense to be concerned w/ all of these issues!! So,I think if you are blessed w/ a child, then you should allow yourself the joy you will know only as a mother!!! Good luck!

D.,
The best advice I can give you is not to let any man talk you into something that your not ready for regardless whether he's your husband or not. having children is the hardest thing that i have ever done. i don't think men think things completely through they go by impulse it's our job as women to think logicly and to do what we think is best so you use your judgment. Don't stress too much about being a great parent i'm sure you will be and health issues you handle that if it happens but most times you worry for nothing. so best of luck to you i hope that i was of some help to you.

You will be fine as a mom...I know because you are worried about it...that means you will be fine.
However, I do take issue with the insurance/job situation. In my opinion it is HIGHLY irresponsible to get pregnant, especially on purpose, while not having health insurance. Yes, other posters stated not to worry there a programs out there to help you...where do you think that money comes from??? It doesn't grow on trees, it comes from Tax dollars. I do not believe it is fair to expect other families to foot your bills because you wanted a baby. I pay an absurd amount for health insurance and make many sacrifices to do so, because it is MY responsibility not other familys (tax payers)! I think the mature and responsible thing to do it to wait until you have health insurance and the means to support a baby.