Funerals - Minneapolis,MN

I would call and offer my condolences to the specific family members. Her spouse, children, grandchildren, etc...if any of them ask you to attend I think I would just let them know I would be thinking of them and decline. The focus would be on you being there, not the deceased.

I would say go to the viewing if the rest of the family is still close to you. You may call his aunt and ask her if she would be uncomfortable if you go.. or another close family member. When my grandmother passed away my uncle's first wife, the one he was married to for 20 years went and we were all thankful that she did. If going would cause pain to the other family members (other then the soon to be ex husband), then you should stay home. When my son passed away he was seperated from his wife and I told her that as far as I am concerned we are family and the seperation is a thing of the past. I listed her as the wife (because she is, no divorice papers were filed) on the obit and while some people didn't understand it, I felt the mother of my grandchild is always family. I also love her like a daughter.

You have every right to be there. You were close to the person who's passes and want to honor that person and say goodbye. You're soon to be ex needs to suck it up and be a grown up, sit where you aren't if he needs to and there is no obligation for him to even have to talk to you if you're there.
When my grandmother passed we had the issue of a couple very nasty divorces in the family and children who'd heard the typical badmouthing of the other parent. Everyone was told to put their differences aside and everyone came to the funeral. It wasn't about their problems it was about paying their respects to a brilliant woman who loved each and every one of them and giving them all the chance to say goodbye.

I'm sorry for your loss. I would suggest you attend the funeral (if that's ok with the family) but you should skip the visitation. That's an awfully intimate, close-quarters event, and I can't imagine how your presence would not cause tension. Sure, you have a right to be there, but even more important is that you do the right thing. Why cause your ex and his parents/siblings to grieve any more than necessary by being there? In this particular case, what they need trumps what you need.

I don't know if funeral homes do this or not, but if it's ok with the family, and you personally NEED to see her one last, maybe you could arrange with the director to arrive 15 minutes prior to the visitation so you could say your goodbyes without upsetting anyone else in the process.

My mother attended the funeral of my dad's father and he had someone ask her to leave! He is not the kind of person to do something like that, and he has regretted doing that ever since and apologized soon after. But, grief causes your emotions to be all out of whack. So, just remember, they probably aren't thinking very logically right now, but you still should respect their wishes. (By the way, my father made sure my mother knew she was welcome at his step-mother's funeral years later.)

I would not ask him; I would talk to the family closest to the great aunt who has passed and tell her what you have told us. Of course you don't want to cause any family discomfort, but if you were close to her, there should be a way to make it work. You don't have to stay the whole time, and perhaps you can visit early or after the official time, especially if you've coordinated with understanding family. I respect your ex's feelings, but this isn't about him.

Yes, go to the visitation. You have every right! Sorry for your loss.

your divorced for a reason-so if you really want to go...then go...forget what he says...im sorry for your loss

When my x-husband divorced me, my Father told him-"You maybe divorcing my daughter, but you are still a member of this family"
I hope your In- Laws can feel the same way. Go to the funeral

W.

Not only do you know the family but you ARE family, divorce(ing) or not! How on earth would it not be appropriate for you to attend the funeral of someone you were close to? I say go. Keep your distance from your soon to be ex (jerk!) to avoid a scene, but you go and grieve for the woman you have known for 20 years!

God Bless.

I think you already know your answer: GO!

We can validate your decision for you.

Since you were close to the great aunt, your are a friend. It would be wrong for you not to go.

The only reason for you to stay away is if you were the only reason for the divorce (for example, if you cheated on your husband). Then of course, you loose your rights to his family.

Go to the funeral. He might be the one feeling uncomfortable. but this is your chance to say goodbye.

That is a toughy. I mean you were part of this family for 20 years. That is a long time.

Id say that if the family is extending you an invitation you should seriously consider going but i'd also try and make your ex understand that you are going to pay your respects to someone you cared for and this has nothing to do with him. Maybe it would be better if he knew you were there for that and there was nothing going on or no fighting maybe he'd be happier.

Kinda hard because we don't know anything about your divorce, who divorced who, did one cheat, is there alot of fighting or was there lots of fighting? So use your judment but if everything was cool between me and the family I'd pry go with my ex knowing full well and when I'd be there.

Can see why you are getting a divorce...it is not about him, but to honor the person who has died...also, if you have kids, this is their relative too and as their mother, you have the right to go. Just play it cool.

You should go, even if you sit in the back, you should go. Just because things fell apart between you and he doesn't mean he has the right to keep you away from people you've known...family or not. It's their decision, not his. I agree with some of the others, let other family members know (the great aunt's immediate family) that you wish to attend but also don't wish to cause problems, just want to pay your respects as you were close to her. I let my x husband keep me away from his family (even though he is still involved with mine) and I've deeply regretted it ever since. Let the family make their own choice, not personal circumstances between you and he.

I think it is very appropriate for you to attend - I have attended ex-husband's family member funerals for years and have always felt very welcome. However, none of the funerals happened during the divorce.

Is it that he doesn't think it is appropriate? Or is it that he doesn't WANT you there. I don't think I would attend if it is the latter - rather I would send condolences/memorial/flowers/etc. However, if he is just worried about "form" then I would go.

Good luck no matter what you decide.

Absolutely. You loved her separately then your husband and you have a right to say good-bye to her.

Go to the visitation and the funeral. You were close with her and you owe it to her memory and yourself to say goodbye. You are divorcing your husband, not his family.

My ex-uncle attends all of our family funerals. I think most of the family appreciates it and thinks better of him for his attendance. I don't think he attends the visitations though as that tends to be a more private affair.

Absolutely. Just because your connection with your ex has diminished doesn't mean that you have to ignore your connection with his aunt.

I am sorry for your loss. In my opinion, when situations arise of this nature, meaning a death of a family member, that blood trumps all. I am sorry your soon to be EX is being selfish but if he does not wish you to be there, you should respect the families wishes.

You can always go visit the graveside after the fact and say your peace to your (soon to be) Ex Great Aunt by marriage.

Hi D.,

It's perfectly appropriate for you to be there. The only caveat I would add is if you are the ONLY reason for the divorce...and I mean only. Unless you were vicious or malicious with your husband, which is their family, then you of course are welcome.

God bless! I'm so sorry for your loss.

M.

Yes, you can attend the visitation. I wouldn't stay super long, but I would go if I felt that it was important to me. If you were that close then you should respect what she would have wanted. (which is probably for you two to get over divorce issues for one day and show love for a family member).

A situation happened where an estranged brother in law showed up at our funeral. My first response to that was "he has a nerve"...after all he did to us. So take that into consideration while they are grieving, as much as you loved the aunt, it's not appropriate to add to it by showing up. I would send a card to the family as good gesture. Others thought he had lots of guts and was trying to get back in the family or nice of him to show his respects, but you alone know your family, so decide what role you played and how they would view that.

This might the time to SEND your condolences rather than delivering them in person such as a donation to charity in her name, card, flowers, properly timed phone call etc.

Sad to say but I wouldn't stir the pot especially with this situation.

One more "yes" vote! Which would you regret more later - making your ex temporarily uncomfortable, or not honoring a special person's memory?