Friends 1 Yr Old Slow Development

Hi,
It is nice you are even asking for your friend. You are young so I assume she is too. She probably is a first time mom, and alot of times you just dont see these developmental issues until it is much to late because you dont know what you are looking for as a first time mom. It sounds as if this child may have some serious allergy issues as well,maybe even asthma A nutrient deprived child can really have developmental issues. You would be surprised how they can flourish when they are fed well again. But the damage can be permanently done if not attacked soon, as it is now there can already be some. My son was a sickly child, and I was very young at the time 21. He also had many developmental issues, that I did not see but others did and no one bothered to tell me, until he was almost 2. He is very disabled now. Though it would have hurt then, the benefit of getting him help early would have much outweighed the negative of hearing someone tell me something was wrong. How I wish someone said something. There are birth to three agencies you can get in contact with whom might help. But say something. Even if it hurts your friendship you may save a child. Give her a chance to do something.

definitely say something... maybe get her a pamphlet or something from the early intervention people that you can show her with a developmental checklist and then it wouldn't just be YOU saying he needs help, but it would be some facts from the pamphlet. are there other friends that have noticed? if she doesn't listen to you alone (approach her JUST you, first) then maybe have some of the other friends say things, too.

also, you could take the angle that an early intervention program could be very helpful to her as a mom, giving her more support...

just some ideas... HTH

i have to agree with the other moms. if you are uneasy about all of this (which just about anyone would be), then you can call the places that were mentioned by the other moms. you don't have to tell them that you think she's mistreating her child (unless you feel that she just doesn't care...but being that you know her and not us..only you can decide that) but you can just call them and tell them your situation, how you know a new mom, who has a 1 yr old who isn't developing the way he should, and all the other things. let them know that you feel that she just doesn't know that there's anything wrong, especially since the dr. hadn't said anything, but having a child of your own you KNOW that there's an issue. and ask them if they could possibly give you some advice on how to go about helping her, being that she doesn't seem to listen to you...possibly even have them send out some info on the subjects at hand so that you can give them to her. i think it may be easier for her to accept what you're saying once she sees it on paper, and not just out of your mouth (like another mom mentioned). good luck, and i hope that everything works out. it's very unsettling hearing how a mother can easily dismiss any concerns from other parents on their own child. i know that if someone had say ANYTHING to me that my daughter isn't developing in the way she should, that i would have her right to the dr's....or at least on here and asking other moms. my daughter had this squinting thing that my mother had been worried about since she never saw it before, but i asked here, and the majority of the responses were that it's a normal thing for most kids at this age. i also noticed that it was mostly when she was tired...and also her dr. said that since everything else was not only normal, but above the norm with her...that she wouldn't worry at all! if only she would be a little more concerned. once again. good luck.

L. D ... As a mother of an adult retarded child, I've had lots of experience with not only a child as you described, but with "the system", both doctors and legal folks. The situation you describe is a case for Child Protective Services. The mother is putting the child in danger. As a person who has seen the child, you're kinda responsible for reporting it. You can call them yourself, call Crisis Services, or you can call your doctor to ask about the procedure of reporting it. AND I will claim ... the child's doctor should have noticed and done something. That person IS legally bound to report the situation. The mother needs supervision of some sort. I thoroughly recognize how difficult the whole situation is for you.

I would encourage her to talk with her pediatrician. He is still young to diagnosis however children who tend not to interact with other children and do not seek out socialization as well as having some motor delays may have a pervasive developmental disorder. She may need to be persistant with her pediatrician and get a second opinion if necessary.

Hi,

I saw your post and felt compelled to respond. With respect to the development issues, my daughter faced many of the same issues at the same age. In fact, she didn't learn to crawl until after 1 and she didn't speak many words. She was also very shy. I did take her to specialists for help because I was nervous she didn't conform to the textbook development milestones for her age. Sure enough though, she just needed to do things in her own time. She ended up crawling at 12 1/2 months, walking at 13 months, and at 17 months she has a regular vocabulary of 50+ words and can read over 10 words. Point is all kids develop differently and at their own pace. It doesn't hurt though to point her to the early intervention services in your state so that she feels she has resources available to her. Even if she decides not to pursue them, tell her she can usually receive a free evaluation and will receive tips to help with her child's motor, social, and language skills. With respect to the medical issues, I think you need to be more forthcoming with her about your concerns. Maybe try to befriend her to get to the heart of why she isn't seeking help. She may feel like its her fault or be in denial as to what is going on. If you can't get through to her and you really feel as though the child's health is in jeopardy, then you may want to place a call to your local Children's Services. Good luck, its a tough situation.

You definately need to say something! If she dismisses you or does nothing, see if you can't call Children and Youth, or Child Protective Services. You could explain your delema to them and see if they can maybe step in to help the child. I hate the thoughts of going behind her back, but if she does nothing... This is a small defensless baby and someone needs to stick up for it. But, definately say something first to her. Good Luck!

It sounds to me like this mother is young, inexperienced, and possibly lying about the care she is giving her child.

This child needs help now, and I would encourage her to seek it.

IF she has been regularly taking this child to the doctor, yes, they would know something is wrong.

It almost sounds like this child may have Down Syndrome (the bags under the eyes makes me think that), but a doctor would have definately noticed that, IF she has been taking him to the doctor.

Down's children also have alot of other problems...like heart problems, allergy symptoms, etc.

As an alternative, I would call Child Protective Services, through Social Services, to help this child and family.

There is a great early intervention program for our area, urge her to call, check this website out.

http://www.enablecny.org/services/eis.cfm

You may even want to call them yourself and ask for advice on how to approach her, I am sure they have dealt with this before and can help you in getting her to do what is best for her child.

The best thing to do is to have him developmentally tested and make sure that his hearing is tested also. This can be done at your doctor or by a referral