Feeling Stuck

I highly recommend the book "Marriage on the Rock" by Jimmy and Karen Evans. You can order it from MarriageToday.org

I can't even begin to explain how awesome this book is. I think most marriages go through a bla phase. My marriage has definitely had its ups and downs and after attending this seminar I can totally see why.

Good Luck.

Get a Gym membership together and go together. If money is an issue, the Y has a program for low income families. Otherwise, take time together and go for a walk or something. I know it's getting cold now, but find something active that you can do together. Don't make it sound like you want him to get in shape, make it sound like something fun to do with each other to be healthy together. It's worth a try!

I've found that when I have an "issue" with my husband it usually comes because I'm unhappy about some aspect of myself. Maybe a joint effort to become more healthy?

This is such a hard situation. I want you to know that I understand the kinds of feelings you're having. Unfortunately, the answer I have isn't an easy one. It is you who must make a change. Sometimes the discontent we feel in one area of our lives spills over into other areas. Having chosen a different path than your friends, does not mean you chose a lesser path. Try to find the things in your life you love--whether it's how you feel when you hold your child, holding hands while walking with your husband...whatever--and let that contentment color your attitude for other things. What did you first love about your husband? Putting on some weight probably hasn't changed who he is or how he loves and respects you. If you're concerned about his health and really feel he needs to shed some belly, start doing physical things together: tennis, walking, dancing (definately my favorite). I think as you start to draw closer to your husband that you will be reminded of why you love him, and your relationship with him will change for the better because you changed. Good luck, and please know that you have support, and you can do this :)

Everyone hits a funk in marriage or life in general.
I didn't marry until I was 35 and had all my twenties to live it up and I still got in a funk. I am divorced and that wasn't the issue that pushed it to the limit but I think for anyone at any age it is easy to fall into a rut. It is essential you are proactive to get out of it before it does damage though.

You need to freshen up what you are lacking. Start doing date nights, find something that interests both of you. Spice things up in the bedroom. Get a facial/new haircut and do something for yourself.

If you think he has gained weight, then just start initiating you all doing something physically active as a couple. Go for walks, go to the gym, go swimming, ride bikes with the whole family. Don't critique him in any way, just be upbeat and happy about you both making some life choices.

You can only cook healthy things too, just tell him you want the family to eat healthier.

I think we get unhappy with ourselves sometimes and those we love around us get the worst of it. I don't think it is him persay you are having issues with but thinking too much about what everyone else around you is doing. Stop thinking of what your friends are doing, stop worrying about what you are missing out on as you are so blessed to have a husband, a child and need to enjoy the present. Dwelling will make you insane.

You made a choice to get married and have a baby, now go with that and enjoy it. The flip side is when you are my age your kids will be grown and you will have all this fabulous time to yourself and still be young enough to enjoy it. Then all your friends will envy you as they have young kids at home and are tired all the time!! :)

I understand your feelings, most married women do. Know that you are not alone and that you are normal. However, know also that you are headed down a dangerous path if you keep feeling this way. No one else on earth can make you feel something: love, sexual attraction, happiness. You must find those things inside yourself through your own thoughts and actions. Find reasons to praise and love your husband. If you want him to stay in shape, feed him very well (healthy) and exercise yourself to inspire him. Your love and example are the best ways to "change" him. Right now it looks like your friends are having fun, but someday they will look at you and wonder why they didn't do the same. They will be old with nothing to show for it, but you will have a beautiful family and a sweet marriage made strong through time and trials. I married at 19 and had a child within a year and a half. I now have 9 children after 17 years of marriage. In the beginning I went through what you feel now, but I finally made up my mind to NEVER doubt but just go forward. I have become more in love each year and now we are best friends and true lovers. My children are amazing. I can't believe how lucky I am. I have friends who are still unmarried, still trying to find the "one" at age 36. How blessed I am. How blessed you are! Try to stick to it, and you will be happier than you can imagine if you look for the best in your sweetheart and love him with all you heart, mind and body. It is the hardest job in the world to be a committed wife and mother, you deserve way more respect and attention than you will ever get, but try to find your value from within. You will be amazed at the influence you will have in your family and in the world as you build a foundation of love one brick and one day at a time. God bless.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Instead of thinking that everyone else is having the time of their life, why not focus on the great things in your life? If your husband's put on weight and it puts you off, why not suggest working out together? Join a gym with day care and make it a date. Exercising is a great way to boost his bod and also your own attitude and mindset. You also feel like you've lost yourself, which suggests to me a little depression. I suffer from this a little myself. It's a hard hole to dig yourself out of, I know. Try to find something you're interested in that is just for you. Get out there and take a class that interest you. Cake decorating, sewing, karate...whatever! Just get out of the house and do something for yourself! The biggest thing is TALK to your husband! If your marriage is suffering, it's not going to help you feel any better. If you are having a hard time, he needs to know and you need to tell him EXACTLY what you need from him. Be patient and try to look for the good things about your husband. Looking at things in a positive light is ALWAYS better than focusing on the negative. Good luck!

Remember your friends might seem like they are having the time of their life but if they are in the dating world they are really striving towards what you have. It is their secret wish to be married and have a family. What a blessing it is that you have a husband and a child. After your time of being married I hope that there is more to the sex turn on than just appearance. Sometimes men just need to hear it straight - the inferred, suggestion kinda sorta conversation doesn't really work. Just be honest with your husband - if he wants to have sex which most men do then he'll be willing to change it up a little. Are you in a sex rut - same time, same thing. You have to put yourself aside and think what does he want in order to have a wonderful sex night. You married for a reason and having a one week downer isn't enough to lose your sexual drive. What are some factors in your life - are you super fit and feeling sexy about yourself?

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B.
1.
Think positive! I mean, consciously turn your thinking mode off from negative, and switch it to positive.
I know it seems hard, but there are ways to doing it, once you are aware that you are the one who is in charge of your life, not the situations around to lead you into gloomy feelings.
How to do it?
One of the options is:
a)think what could be worse, and be happy with what you have only thins bad: well, he is overweight, but he is not abusive, he is not cheating, he is dedicated!!! ...and so on: already something to be glad about, right?!
So, the problem is known, and there are ways to work on it:
gym, and together, is the best way to do it, I think...
try it, and see if it will work.
And yes, be honest with him: say "I love you to death, but i worry about your health, as we have a life to live together, and we need to both stay healthy, attractive, romantic, because love is a verb, not a noun: we nourish it and let it grow, we cannot let it dry up for nothing, after all that we've done ogether and lived through already. It is worth working on it, and immediately, before it starts drying up!

2.
Think:
a) you have a FAMILY. Good.
Now think:
b) others, your friends, are going out and dating - why, do you think would they do it? I tell you what: their final goal and dream, no matter how much fin they have now, their final dream is FAMILY also. They dress up and go to dance, because they want to meet that only person of their life, to make a family and be happy to their olden days.
and now think:
c) YOU ALREADY HAVE what they only dream of !!!
Now, your only problem is that you get tired, and it turns into a routine, and you do not have much fun anymore.
Anymore? But it is in your hands, you CAN change it.
You have a kid, and you have a loving husband (oh well, a little Winnie-the-Poohie, but he is a loving caring guy, right?!)
Go sit with him on the couch and snuggle up to him, and make a honest talk that this is all how you feel: everybody is having fun BECAUSE they are not marries, but in the bottom of their heart they wish what you two already have. Now, you have the main part, but you are missing fun and joy of what was BEFORE.
You need A DATE with your husband, you need to go out, have a dinner at least once a month, meet friends to arrange some funny parties, invite him for a dance, and do not take hid lazy 'no' for an answer, say it is mandatory for your family to be happy. Stick to the family while talking to him, becasue he cherishes it.
Also, with a kid - I do not know how old is your child, but there are millions of ways to have fun with kids also.
Oh, and a good pastime for all of you would be
hiking
and
biking !!!
I child goes in the backpack :), or on the backseat of the bike, and every weekend, you can have a little fun ride into the nature, picknik, and nature heals your soul, but a bike ride will take off some extra weight...

and think of more ways how to improve your life in family,
not how others are having their lives arranged.
believe me, 99% of those not married envy you that you have a good family, and would like to get to the spot where you already are. You are one step ahead of them.

3.
Deb is right, when she says that you will have a grown up kids when you will be still young and pretty, with a whole lot of active life ahead of you. Now, for your kids to be happy and your good friends at that time, you need to raise and support them now, which is fun in itself, but two parents can help kids much better than one. If you will be able to help them to the point where they graduate from college (if they will wish so -but you can teach hem to wish it, too), then you will be double happy in later age: for your kids, and for yourself.

My advice: think FAMILY, think I AM THE SORCERESS to make life happy for me, my hubby, and my kid, and I have this magic wand of my strong WILLPOWER to make it work. Think of it in a positive way, and now start seeking for options of how to make it all work.
Now, in case if some of you ideas fail, think, oh, okay, this didn't work, but I am inventive, and i have more ideas in my basket, let's see what is there next to pull out.
And one day, you will turn your cozy reluctant husband to your side of having fun together. You just need to find this button that will switch it on!!!
Good luck to you, be strong, inventive, persistent, never give up, and keep your smile, for goodness sake: life is GOOD!!!!

Hi B.,
I know how you feel, my husband tends to be a little chubby to and it is so hard to keep quiet about it! I had gained some pregnancy weight myself and did weight watchers myself, he decided to do it with me! And by the way, a week is nothing! Now if it were a year that would be bad! So you take care of your body, he may see you looking good and get a little motivated himself! So if you got married young and had a baby young you are still young, look at all these celebrities in their 40's 50's and 60's who look good, you can too! Alot of it is attitude! And one more tip, if you are the family cook you can control the menu, prepare healthy meals. Also, our family has a budget and we plan how much we spend on eating out which curbs that habit ALOT! I just read the suggestion you walk together, my husband and I do that too, it helps alot! Good luck!

Hi, B. M. I am D. M. My email address is: ____@____.com. I have not been active in replying much on this site because my children are teenagers. Yet, I felt so very compelled to respond to your request for insight into your marriage and situation as a young Mom.

I have been married for 21 years and have been right where you are right now, several times. I married a good person and then lost that spark and desire. I even went as far as thinking I wanted to separate from my husband and look for love and physical attraction, because it seemed to be out there, everywhere, just not available to me because I was married. When my first went off to college and my second turned 16, I was so sure I wanted to go out, play, meet new exciting people and have the fun that I was missing. I was no longer attracted to my husband. He had gained weight, too. His hair was thinning fast and I am 5'7" and 130 pounds. I think I am even more attractive than when we were married. Therefore, I felt I had even come into a different league of who I felt my lifelong partner should be.

I felt he wasn't growing in the same direction, I knew I wasn't getting any younger, my children would be out of the house and then what? So I truly hear all of the above that you saying.

I chose not separate, after 3 years of preparation and careful evaluation. I am so glad that I didn't.
My situation might be entirely different than yours but all
marriages go through storms, just like we do as individuals.

I feel like I need to know more about you. First of all, how old is your child? Do you have just the one? How young of a Mother are you? Are you a stay-at-home Mom? Is it just you feeling this way? Or, is he feeling it, too? Gotta know more to be able to give my suggestions and perspective, so...

Call me and lets talk. 303/979-5263 I do a home-based business, and I am also a Post Partum Doula, so you can reach me anytime pretty much. Okay? Call when you can.

D.

I know how you feel! I'm sorry and I don't have any perfect solutions but I would suggest that you try working out with him, or see what it would take to get a gym membership for the two of you and go there together. And remember he is a guy and sometimes subtle hints don't work so just tell him.
good luck

B., when this happened to my husband and I, we went for almost a year! Understand that the sex drive changes for men and women. Ours goes up in our 30s and 40s while theirs peaked at 19.

We finally sat down and talked. Now we spend his one day a week off from work together, our one day where we play and laugh and talk. Sometimes we go out to lunch, buy groceries, whatever. Almost always we have intimacy in some way sexually. He is very happy to please me first. He knows that if I am happy all is right with our world ;). That he has acknowledged this and does his best helps me to do for him as well.

Throughout the week we do small things for each other. I write messages for him on the bathroom mirror in lip liner or leave him small notes. He will put in a load of laundry or make me breakfast, or call me. We do try to touch each other, kiss or hug when we can. Our teenage children aren't crazy to see this but it is a good example for them to see that their parents love each other.

We chose to stay together, almost 25 years now, and to have a positive attitude and do things for our marriage. Talking it out helped a lot.

Every time you think something negative about your husband (or your baby), then immediately make yourself think of 3 positive things about him.

Talk to your hubby about when you were dating, and remember together the things you love about each other.

touch him when you talk to him

trying doing roleplaying during sex to spice things up a bit.

You say your friends are having the time of their lives, but trust me everything they are doing is to get to a place where they find a husband and have kids.
I had a great time in my 20's living up that life, but man was I glad to get out of it!

Sounds like you never got to have those years, but honey it is a choice you made! You aren't a kid anymore and you can't be selfish and think only of yourself. You have a child and a family to consider. Yes it isn't always fun. It can be down right hard, but just because you can't always do what you want doesn't mean you have to loose who you are all together. You can make a choice to not only be with and appreciate your family, but have some you time!

As for being attracted to your husband that is normal. My husband is still trim and fit and there are days I look at him and just want to punch him in the face or think don't even try and touch me tonight- That is marriage :)
But those moments are few and far between. We love each other dearly and love the family we have created. We certainly don't have sex like we used to and many of my friends would laugh if their biggest concern was that it had been a week since sex. I have one friend that is going on a month and they haven't even been married a year. So trust me one week is nothing...

You have to choose how you view your life and family. Yes it might not be perfect and yes you might have missed out on certain things, but you have to own who you are now and the path you have taken. Again you have to look at the bigger picture and realize it isn't all about you. Sometimes changing your view of your world will change many things.
Now of course your husband has to put in the effort if you are willing to work on yourself. So I would just be honest with him. Don't be hurtful, but be honest. I am sure he wants to be all he can for you, but men aren't mind readers sweetie :)
They pretty much have to be told!!! So don't beat around the bush. If you want him to work on himself, then you have to at least give him all the info.
Nothing is worse than we get upset at others for things they have no idea about. So at least give him that chance.

Good luck and hang in there. Marriage isn't always the dream we wish and hope it would be. But trust me no man is perfect. If you trade in this one for a newer model you will find defects with him as well :)
We all have them (men and women).... the trick is finding the one person whose defects we can live with.....

Sometimes you can't be nice about it. With my "puffy" husband, I just said,"Look,I love you no matter what, but something has to change. I'm worried about your health and you are overweight. Please take care of yourself!" Just keep reminding him until something changes. You have to be totally honest and not worry about hurting his feelings. He probably notices already, he just needs a push in the right direction.

You got a lot of great advice. I'm sure if you leveled with your husband he'd be grateful to know how you're feeling. He doesn't want to lose you. We've seen several marriages fall apart among our friends, and so often, the husband says he doesn't know why. You married this terrific guy who swept you off your feet when you were young. Find that man and light his fire for you again, too. Every marriage has its ups and its downs. Working through those times makes the good times better. My husband and I are on the upswing of one of those times. So you don't want to be with him. Do you really want to lose him? Do you really want to have to find someone else? How about that baby? There's so much more complication to a relationship there. Focus on what you do have. You have so much that your friends wish they had. Don't give it up because of a hard time for a while. A few pounds do affect things, but it's certainly not worth losing everything over. I'd sit down and write out all the reasons you married him in the first place. He must be a pretty terrific guy if he swept you off your feet so young. Find that guy.

Hey B., most of what you are really looking for has to have something to do with you feeling better about yourself. What can happen is a confusion of where our happiness comes from when we "think" it comes from someone other than ourselves. If you are interested I will give you a FREE session (no hidden nonsense) to help you recoonect with your own power, OK? Check out www.tag-youre-it.com and let me know if you'd want to hang and talk. In the meantime make sure you focus on YOU being your greatest ally.
Take good care of you, J.

You don't say how old you are, how old the baby is and if you have other children. You need to get out and about in the world and get some stimulation and some fun! Go online and type in Mama Gena, check her out. I love her philosophy and her books. She says focus on fun, if you aren't getting yours, you can't bring it to anyone else! If you provide the desire your hubby will rise to the occasion but he won't do anything if he doesn't know you want it. Men fall into ruts, they get really comfy there are getting them out can be tough. You have to start by getting out of Yout rut. So you have a child, that doesn't mean you can't DO anything or have any fun! Take them along, join some other moms and take turns taking each other's kids so you can a day off, hire a sitter and go to work parttime, get creative!

Stat working out, get your hubby to take walks with you. Encourage him to get off the couch so to speak. Did he ever play a sport? Could he join an adult team? Tell him you miss that sexy bod! Start focusing on pleasure, self pleasure, loving yourself, work on getting your hubbie to do little things for you that you can express appreciation for. This isn't just about his weight, you are feeling resentful and disconnected. Find ways to let go the resentment and get connected to your pleasure and joy. Check out Mama Gena

A week with no sex really is not that long a time. If you aren't wanting your husband who you are in love with, then the problem is with you, not him. How would you feel if he told his friends he didn't want to have sex with you anymore because you had gained weight? Want him for who he is, not what he looks like. If that is all that matters, how can you truly say that you love him?

I think that there is a point in every marriage where the rose colored glasses come off and reality sets in. I know I have had that experience. Now, I am going to be blunt here, but it sounds like you are blaming all the problems on your husband. We all change. When we have children, our bodies change. I am wondering if what you are unhappy with is yourself and you are projecting what you dont like onto your husband. Believe me, I have been there. The first thing I would suggest is to start choosing to think positive thoughts about your husband. Choose to focus on the things he does well, the ways he helps your family, ect. I really had to do this, and it is still hard sometimes. It also wouldnt hurt to suggest to take the baby on a walk together. This way you are both getting a little exercise, spending time together, and it is an easy forum to open communication that may be tapering off some. It is ok to share your feelings with your husband. I learned this the hard way as well. Before I met my husband, I was deeply in love with someone who was already married. When I became unhappy, the feelings I had for this other person would creep into my marriage. Finally I broke down and told my husband. Now he understands what was eating me. It was wrong for me to concentrate so much on someone else, but together we can work through it.

It is also ok to take time out for you. I have two children now, and am a stay at home mom. I have found that I am a better mom when I take the time to do the things that I enjoy, without my family. We often forget to take as much care of ourself as we do of others. Go to a movie with a friend or treat yourself to a pedicure. Taking time out for yourself will replentish your self esteem. Which leads me to my last point. You didnt say how old you child is, or how old you are for that matter. I was 19 when I got married, and 21 when I had my first (23 with my second). I know how it feels to see the world of "single freedom" go on without you. But my life honestly is better now for my choices. I have a home, two beautiful children, a husband who loves and provides for us, and I have found a way to express myself that I would not have discovered had I made a different choice and remained single longer. But I wasnt always that content, and after I had my son, I finally realized that I had a problem. It is ok to ask for help, and you may really have post partum depression, like I did. I would seriously consider asking for an antidepressant. Take it for a few months to remind yourself what it feels like to be on an even keel then find ways to stimulate yourself to feeling that way, like exercising, scrapbooking, ect.

I know this was rambling but I am trying to get my kids ready for school and type this. I hope things get better for you and your family.

B.

I have been struggling with my own weight and I would suggest that maybe you could suggest that the family go for a short walk and then every other day go for a walk until it gets to be a habit that everyone exercises together and start feeling better about each other. That is one thing I can suggest. Another thing is maybe start fixing really healthy foods that can help with weightloss. Go on line to Foodnetwork.com and put in the search box "healthy foods for weightloss" and see what they come up with.

A. M.

I joined a group called Motherhood Transitions in Colorado and it has really helped. http://motherhoodtransitions.com/

I didn't have time to read all of the other ideas, so if this is repetitive I'm sorry, but here goes.

This may not be what you want to hear, but I find that when I start wishing my husband would do/be something that he is not, I try serving him more. I know that probably sounds dumb, but it really works. Once you have talked about the problem and he knows it's there, harping on it doesn't really help with some people. They just need to know that you support them and love them. The more I serve my husband, the more I love him regardless of weight or other issues. It doesn't have to be huge time consuming things. You can try small things like writing a quick "thank you" note for something he has done for you or your child. Even small gestures like that can make a big difference. You will find that the more you are thinking of ways to help him be happy, the more you will realize how much you love him and how wonderful he is, and the less you will focus on the superficial things like the way he looks. In the end when you are both old, neither of you will be as beautiful/handsome as you once were, but the bond that you build now will last and your later years will be beautiful.

A bonus as well is that in time, he will reciprocate, and do more to serve you. This does take time with some people, but it can happen. I like to think of it as a game to see who can do the most for the other person. That is not to say that you do not need to take care of yourself or have "me" time, but it is interesting how much more you feel taken care of when you take care of his needs and he takes care of yours.

Sorry for the long reply, I hope it makes sense and that you are able to work this problem out. It is sad to see marriages fail.

I married when I was 19, and had my first baby when I was 20. I moved from California to North Dakota with my first husband, and we stayed there for 5 years. I saw my family 30 days each year and it was so hard! I learned to hate him in the 17 years and 5 kids I had with him. He treated me like an appendage, lied to me, manipulated me and the kids, cheated on me, stole from the Church coffers and many other things I won't go into here.
I remarried, and 15 years and one more son later, my husband had a horrible accident, and was paralyzed from the chest down. One of the first things I said to my daughter was "we made love for the last time!" I was in shock that that part of our life was over, in the normal way, anyway.
What you are going through is normal, and I agree that you need to look at yourself first before turning on your husband. One week without sex is NOTHING. It's been 21 months for me, and I miss it desperately. A lot of physical changes have taken place in both my husband and me. He has no stomach muscle control, and now has a pot belly. Before, he had NO fat on his body because he exercised like crazy. He hates the way he looks now, but I don't even see that. I see his heart and his love for me. He can't dance anymore with me, or walk, or play in the sand. However, he can LOVE me and be my best friend. Because of stress, I weigh more now than I EVER have, and I have my own pot belly. He doesn't love me any less for it, and lets me know how beautiful I still am to him. What are you doing for YOU to feel better about yourself? The better you feel about yourself, the better he will look to you.
Can you take a mini-weekend vacation to recharge? It will help you so much. If all that's changed in your husband is a little roll around the middle, I think you may be a little more critical than is necessary. If he still loves you and your little one(s), stop what you are wishing and start loving him for who he is, not what you wish he could be.
Forget your friends and their seemingly care-free ways. You have no idea what is in their heart and what THEY may be longing for- exactly what you are lucky enough to have. Chin up, girl. You have so much! Start seeing what YOU have, and forget what the others are doing. If you don't, you will be unhappy the rest of your life. Consider yourself blessed instead of stuck. Things will change if you do.
S.

I graduated from college, worked full time several years, and served my church for 18 months. Now I am on my early 30 and have 2 kids (3 years and 8 months) with limited financial resource. One day I stood in line and talked to a lady behind me. She looked very young but has kids 20, 18, and 16 because she got married when she was a freshman in college. There are no two sharp end in a needle. How many children do you have and how old? Perhaps you can ask your husband to play sport with the kid to lose weight. Limit food loaded with sugar in the house. I know when I am tired, my desire to have sex is low. I heard some food can increase / reduce your sexual drive. Good Luck!

Ask your husband to workout with you. Tell him you dont want to go by yourself and all your friends are busy. You can go for walks with the baby, if you can go to a gym. I suggest going out and about, walking around this way you guys can talk and hes getting exercise. Also if you do all the cooking change your menu around. Cook less fattening foods he may not even notice the difference. This is what I do with my husband. I say I want to loose they weight but its a ploy. LOL. My husband is being supportive in me wanting to look good for him, if he really knew.
Also ask your husband if you can have a girls night out. If he will watch the baby and you go have some fun. This may sound cheesey but its really fun. I have started having a game night once a month. I invite my friends over and their significant others, I cook a nice dinner and we play board games and stuff. It sounds cheesy but its a ton of fun. This way your husband is not feeling left out and you still get to see your friends and let loose a little.

You need to quit focusing on what you don't have and enjoy what you do. stop looking at other men. it doesn't matter how handsome your husband is, you'll always come to a point of not wanting him if you are either focusing on what you don't have or looking at other men.

I bet if you asked 5 of your single girlfriends who seem like they are having the time of their lives, if they are really happy, all 5 would say no, unless they are feminists who hate men. I bet they envy YOU. You have a husband who treats you well and a sweet kid to give your love to. For the most part, that's what women want. I was married and had baby #1 by the time I was 23, and baby #2 two yrs later. I have a best girlfriend/neighbor who when she was single envied that I have a man whom I work in the yard with, fix up the house with, just generally spend most of my time with. She finally found her man right next door. They don't have kids yet, not for lack of trying, but I used to watch them go out on Friday nights, and wish my husband and I could still do that. When I expressed that to my girlfriend, she said she wishes she could just have a baby to stay home with and not go out. SHE WANTED MY LIFE. Now she is waiting for a special little girl to be born in January who she and her husband are adopting so she can have her wish. My point is, BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE. You were lucky enough to catch a good man and have his child. YOUR FRIENDS ARE STILL TRYING TO FIND WHAT YOU HAVE. As for your husband turning you off, I agree with the other moms, after dinner take a family walk. Hold hands with him too. Instead of rolling in negative thoughts about him, think of the amazing things he does, the sweet things he does, his smile, anything that puts a smile of your face. Treat him like he is the sexiest man on earth (all while coaxing him out for walks, bike rides, a game of basketball in the driveway, etc.)and the more you behave like you love him and treat him like he is your hot man, the more you will actually feel that way about him. Actions come before feelings. physical touch is very important too. When you walk by him in the house, brush up against his arm or pat his tush. If you are treating him cold because you are feeling cold, he is going to respond to that. He will start to distance himself from you, and that is so not good for a marriage. If you want your marriage to last(I assume you do especially because you have at least one child together)you have to replace all negative thoughts about your guy with positive ones. One more thing, how would you feel if you knew your husband wanted to have sex, JUST NOT WITH YOU? Sex between a husband and wife is not about how each of you look. It's about showing and sharing a great love you have for each other. So go show him.

I don't know how old your kid(s) are, but I have found that as they get older, you naturally get a little more freedom- for yourself and for your marriage. If you can afford a sitter, or have a good support system, try to do more things with your spouse. For example, my husband and I discovered a passion for mountain biking and neither of us had ever done it before this year! We also play on an intramural flag football team. Notice both of these things are physical and do not involve kids! I feel it's helped us find our youth again (we also had kids young) and we think we are in the best shape of our lives! Maybe you two can find something in common that you love together too, and that can help him get some weight off! Good luck!

As for your young friends with no kids- every dog has his day! Imagine how much fun it will be when your friends settle down and have kids and you have been there, done that. You can sit back and watch them struggle with the same issues that you have with young kids, and you will enjoy the satisfaction of having conquered it!

Yep, we all know this feeling at some point especially being moms. I am 7mths with my second and feel extremely unattracive and well just plain fat! My husband I jokingly says is desperate. When he is interested I say that desperate times call for desperate measures. But since you are on the other side try getting him to go jogging with you or some other kind of extra curricular just call it couple time!
Hope this helps!

I have been with my husband since I was 19 and we had our first child when I was 21. I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything since my life seemed to feel so full with my son and husband. Since then, my husband and I have had another child.

I have single friends and couples with no children doing things that I don't have the ability to do. Such as taking exotic vacations or even being able to do and go anywhere at a moments notice. I would be a liar if I didn't think, "wouldn't it be great to do that too". I have also had occassions when I have imagined what it would be like to not be married. Sometimes you get so caught up in being a wife and mother that you lose sight of who you are.

The biggest mistake you can make right now is to put the blame on your husband. It seems as though you are not happy with where you are right now. You want more freedom, you want to do all of the things that your friends are doing. You might even feel weighed down by your husband and/or child(ren). I don't believe your family conspired to hold you down and to keep you from enjoying your life. You are feeling these things and seem to be projecting them onto your husband. It is easy to gain weight, it is a little harder to lose weight, but it is more difficult to repair a marriage when you let little things get in the way.

Your friends are in a different stage in their life. You chose a different path for yourself and should have no regrets. I myself felt a little cabin fever when my children were younger. But the older they get, the more I can do with them. I am actually planning a vacation to the ocean with them (and of course my husband) and to go whale watching. Being married and having children does not have to hold you down. You just have more people you care about to share experiences with. My single and childless friends actually envy me and the close relationship I've developed with my husband and children. They are the ones struggling to find the one they want to settle down with or they are trying to start their own families. But don't get my wrong, it wasn't all easy for me.

One day I looked at my husband. I mean I really looked at him hard. Every feature on his face, every movement of his. I also thought back through all of the years together and how he has changed over the years. And then it hit me, he is mine. He is mine and no one elses. He loves me and has always been there for me. When he looks at me, it is not with judging eyes. I don't have to prove anything to him. He knows things about me that not even my own family knows. If he or I were to walk out on this marriage, I could not imagine trying to build a similar relationship with someone else. He, like most husbands, is not perfect, but he is a good fit for me. He may not be as thin or even have as much hair as when we first started our relationship, but he has become more of a man in my eyes - when I finally took the time to really look at him as a person and not just as my husband or the father of my children.

You also have to do that for yourself. Take a good, hard look at yourself and who you are. Take some time for yourself to do the things you like to do. Take a breath. Don't try to gauge your life and family with anyone else. Embrace the people in your life and understand that they are with you to love you and support you. If you focus too much on what others are doing in their lives, you might miss out on enjoying the unique opportunities in your own.