Father Not Doing Well **Edited**

Updated on March 28, 2009
E.W. asks from Las Vegas, NV
6 answers

My dad just had a defibulator put in today and I was told they actually had to bring him back to life, which leads me to my question. I have been asking him what he would want done when he passes and he said he does not know and has not really thought about it. I am going to help him out with this since I think that maybe he does not know what all he should be thinking of. I am going to get a list of questions together and have him fill in the answers and have him sign with a a witness. Does anyone have any websites to recommend on what should be planned or does anyone have any questions I should have him answer? TYIA!!!

edited* My dad is not married, lives in IL and as far as I know does not have a Will.

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answers from Dallas on

You might try looking up LegalZoom on the net. I used them for my boyfriends Divorce and it held up in court. They have every kind of legal document you might need. Hope this helps.



answers from Dallas on

You can think up the questions, but he needs to write it out in his own hand, in ink. Then you can all go to a notary or have one come over and notarize the document.

It may not hold up but it's better than nothing. You could be signed onto all of his bank accounts as a joint holder (or whoever he wants signed onto them).

Probably the Illinois State Bar Association has a simple will they provide for free, or very low cost...most State Bar Associations do... so I'd google them and see what they suggest as the rules can vary by state.



answers from Dallas on

Hi E.,

Are you a signer on his bank accounts? It would be best if someone in your family was a signer on his account now so you can help if and when he needs it.

Getting a "will" can be so helpful so that things are not tied up in court. Above the legal things, I recommend you asking your Dad to write you and other close members in the family a letter individually. That is one of the many things that I wish that I had from my parents with their "will". It would be so nice to have an encouraging, loving, long personal letter written to you and close family members. Just an idea.


answers from Dallas on

You are in my prayers and so is your father. I know this has to be hard on you. I think it's great that you are being proactive about this. I don't have a site you can look up but I just wanted to add, if you have siblings, you may also want them around when he's making the will or know what your intentions are. I don't know your family, but to be on the safe side and not have conflict if something did happen to your dad, that everyone knew ahead of time this was his wishes.
I pray your father does recover from this, God Bless!



answers from Dallas on

When he arrived at the hospital he was probably asked if he wanted to sign a living will that spells out what efforts he wanted used in the case of impending death. You might see if he did that or if they can provide another copy to consider. That would cover issues like feeding tubes and DNR orders (do not resuscitate). Is your father married? If so, he and his spouse should discuss "will issues". You can get forms for wills on Legalzoom.com. Different rules apply in different states, so you need to follow applicable law. If there are a lot of financial decisions, any minor children, or a potentially large estate, you should encourage him to discuss things with an estate attorney.
Maybe this sudden brush with death will make him willing to see that his things are in order.
PS. I know several people with defibulators who are doing terrific, so maybe this will take care of his medical problems.
Good Luck!



answers from Dallas on

You need to find out if he has a will and also any life insurance. He should probably tell you where you can find this information or at least give you the name of the attorney who has the will info and the insurance carrier with the life. You might also want to find out his banking information or even get added to his account in the event that something does happen. I'd get his social security information so they can be informed if something happens to him. The other thing you should do is get him to start thinking about the funeral arrangements, morbid I know, but does he have a plot bought and paid for already and where is that info. I know some people who have planned their own funerals straight down to the music to be played. You do need to find out his desires, does he want to be buried, cremated, buried in the ground or in a vault? Last thing I thought of, morbid again but...does he want to be brought back to life if something happens, does he want to be on life support, etc.

I can't think of anything else but I'm sure you can find websites for law offices that specialize in this sort of planning.

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