Donating Eggs - Pittsburgh,PA

I agree---a lot of prayer and counseling would be in order first. The fact that you're already having doubts leads me to believe that you'll have problems with it later. I know that it is something I could not do---I would always feel like it was one of my children. I realize not everyone would feel that way, but I know I would. Especially if it looked like one of my own. I'm not at all trying to say it's wrong to do, just letting you know that's how I'd feel (and I'm guessing you might feel the same way). I know there will be some who believe just the opposite, that it would be selfish not to give to your friend. You have to go with whatever you feel comfortable with. It's your body and, at least for now, your eggs.

In prayer,
K.
www.joyfulconnections.net

Hi S., I have no experience in this but I do have kids. I think talking to other sarrogates and women who have donated would be really helpful. You could also call one of the offices that do this procedure and talk to a nurse to get some insight. Also I dont think you have to tell your children, they are so young. Technically they would have 1/2 a sibling out there but are you going to raise them knowing "hey there's your sister" ect. I think alot of prayer, counceling, and research would help alot. I think this is a great thing to do for a friend, I wish you all the luck.

I donated my eggs when I was 19 years old. I was able to get past the fact that the child wasn't mine and that I was giving a living cell to give another woman a chance to conceive. However, I nearly died because of it. I developed severe Ovarian Hyper-Stimulation Syndrome. I had kidney failure. My abdomen and lungs filled with fluid. Fluid had just started to collect around my heart when my doctors got it under control. This is a severe case but the chance of OHSS is common. The only other person I know that had this done (a few moths ago) also developed this. Hers was not as severe and she did not require hospitalization. We both agreed that we were not informed of the true risks. I told her of my story and she almost didn't go through with it. She talked with her doctor and he told her that the chance was so small she shouldn't worry about it. The same thing my doctor told me.

The reason I am telling you this is because I want you to make a completely informed decision. If something happens to you would your friend ever forgive herself. If you go through severe pain with your life on the line, will your friendship survive. How close of friends are you? What if you see parenting issues? Will you be able to not step in and give advise? If you decide to go through with this it will test you in many ways. Be aware how this will change your life.

As far as the actual procedure goes, It is painful. Not childbirth painful but enough that you will have to slow down for a few weeks. You will be swollen. Prior to that you will have to inject yourself daily. The process is long and not easy. It is time consuming and draining. You will need many vaginal ultrasounds. You will be able to have sex but you must be very careful. They may ask you to refrain for a short time.

Do your research. Ask a ton of questions. Don't let anyone talk you into something that you are not 100% sure about. And most of all take care of yourself. Feel free to contact me if you have any further questions.

I would NOT do it for a friend that egg is still apart of you and can you look at the baby and NOT want it too be yours?
jade

Hi S.,

This is a complex issue. I had fertility issues for several years and was told by one doctor that I would need to use donor eggs. I spent a lot of time researching the issues. Here are a few of the things I think you should be aware of. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to talk more.

1. Donating eggs is a physically challenging process. You must fully understand what you are volunteering for and really want to do it. There are time and scheduling issues that you will have to deal with like going to the drs. office at 6am every day to have blood drawn for one to two weeks. During this time you will also be having transvaginal ultrasounds every day. It will interfere with your job. You will be giving yourself up to three injections a day. You will most likely suffer from hormonal issues from the medications. The egg retrieval is a surgical procedure. You will be out of work for a day or two. Afterwards you may develop OHSS which is painful even in the most minor occurrances and can require more surgery and hospitalization in severe cases.

2. Your friend needs to be 100% sure that donor eggs are the only way for her to get pregnant. Some fertility doctors recommend it as the next step in treatment if the infertility is unexplained (most often meaning the patient doesn't fit within their standard proceedures). Make sure that your friend has done all her research and has gotten 2nd or even 3rd opinions from other reproductive endocrynologists.

As I already mentioned, I had one doctor tell me that I needed to use donor eggs, but when I got a second opinion, another doctor told me that I had a treatable hormone imbalance. I now have two wonderful daughters.

3. I would be wary of any dr. who would allow a patient to get donor eggs without counseling. It was required by my drs. office. You will probably have to go through some kind of counseling with your friend before you agree to donate eggs.

If you decide not to donate eggs, try to be sensitive but as honest as possible to your friend. Your offer was made from your love and desire to support her, but you were not prepared for what was involved medically. You may want to suggest that she contact Resolve.

Hopefully, I haven't come off as too negative here. If you are able to donate eggs to your friend - what a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, gift that could be. In my opinion, treating donor eggs like an open adoption is the best model for dealing with questions about what to tell the child, or your family.

Best wishes to you and your friend!

Hi S.,
While I think your heart is in the right place, I think this would be a little too freaky for ME to do for a friend. I think she could (and should) use an anonymous donor. Some things should just not be done between friends (donating eggs, borrowing money, etc.) if you want to remain friends!

O. other thought: What if the baby has some sort of abnormality--would you feel guilty? Would your friend feel resentful? Just a thought.

This is a major decision, and it should not be entered into lightly. I have a friend who got donor eggs from an anonymous donor so there would not be any conflicting feelings. My advice, for what it's worth, is for your friend to use an anonymous donor...then you wouldn't be wondering about a child who is biologically attached to you.

You asked about shots...I myself took ovulation stimulation meds and the shots do not really hurt, but there is some discomfort involved. There is sometimes cramping, but in my experience, no major pain involved. The egg retrieval part is uncomfortable as well...you are put under. When I awoke, I felt cramping but within a day or two I was fine.

Only you can make the decision...good luck to you.

What a wonderful gift!

Think about it this way...you are only providing the canvas and she is the artist. Egg is only an egg until it is fertilized. Her body will grow the baby before it is born. And she will mold the baby after it enters the world. A lot has been said about the environmental factors that surround a child during their upbringing.

On the flip side....If it was me, I would blame myself it the baby was not 100% perfect in every way. If she uses an anonomus donor she can require that they sign a concent for the child to be able to look up the donor when they turn 18, if they choose to do so.

Hey S., As a mother who has very difficult pregnancies I have consider being a surrogate for a family member. I think what I have come to realize is that even in that situation I would know from the beginning that what I was doing was a selfless act and it was sacrificial and giving. That I think would keep me centered no matter what happened. I also recommend praying and getting peace from God before you move forward. And of course as you mentioned your husband's support is crucial. - S.