Does Stability Even Matter Anymore?

Updated on August 14, 2011
S.M. asks from Lakeside, CA
14 answers

I'm absolutely mystified over a problem I've seen so often through the years. Parents come to me with these little children that have been taken to so many providers before me. Often they've been in 4-5 places before they are even 18 months old. Sometimes it's no fault at all on the parents part. The providers may quit, go back to work, be shut down by the state, and sometimes the providers ask a child to leave because they are high maintenance. Sometimes the parents are constantly looking for someone that's open longer, charges less, or is more convenient location wise. To me it all spells the same thing; sad little kiddos that don't feel safe and warm and loved.

This week a couple came to me with a little boy that seemed happy and well adjusted. But he had been kicked out of his previous daycare for being "too much". We talked a lot through email and they stayed here a long time. But ultimately they decided to go with someone else. They said they were looking at a woman that only has her own child and wants just the one more. On the surface that seems like a good arrangement if he does indeed need extra attention. I have my doubts from what I see. He was happy and playful the whole time he was here and happily came to both my mother and I.

As I said, I just don't get it. This person is not doing this for a living. How do they know she won't decide it is too much? I don't know if she's cheaper or only charging when they are there or if any other factors came into play like maybe they have a nicer house or that they are a friend of a friend. But seriously?

Am I wrong? Does it just not really matter how many caregivers a child has in their lifetime? Almost every year one of my kids will leave for school after being with me from 8 weeks to school. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think that's the BEST anyone can give their child.

Sometimes I wonder if I should work harder to make my house look more like a daycare again. It's true that parents did seem to like it when we lived in a house that was wall to wall daycare center like. But I just won't do it anymore. I like that my house is a home and we have plenty to play with. We just keep it clean and organized and we get things out a little at a time. I always THOUGHT that people would prefer the more experienced the better. But maybe I should slap a bunch of posters up and "stage" things more.

So my question is mamasource approved....since this is more of a rant than anything...

What are you looking for when you look for caregivers and where are your highest priorities placed?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K..

answers from Phoenix on

I was always more interested in experienced, caring providers than the look of the place. I never found what DD needed so ended up staying home after 2 disastrous events at 2 different centers.

I think the problem is that modern day society is too hung up on appearances & looks & equates nice shiny things with quality, which is not always the case. If a center looks new, clean, big, fancy, etc. then the marketing worked, even if the care is 2nd rate.

Also, parents are very overly paranoid & will pick apart every single, little thing that a provider does or doesn't do, & therefore will never be happy with even the best daycare provider. I think those people need to get a nanny or stay home with their kid.

I think it's sad for the kid. I find it hard to believe that out of 6 providers, they all had issues. At that point I think the parents might be part of the problem, honestly.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

M.P.

answers from Provo on

A nice, highly structured place. Now that my son is older (21 months) and I want him to really start learning things. Since i have been out of work, he and i have been working with flash cards and long fun walks learning about nature. He loves animals of every kind. But along with structure I do want play time of course.
As for location. As long as it's not miles out of the way, I'll use the place.
Looks? Well I don't want it like pure home look like the way you are describing. To me that's not child friendly or welcoming of kids. If you had a play room with that daycare look than sure, ok. But if nothing looks like children are there, then I would question your priorities as to what is more important? The kids or keeping your home nice.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying your house has to be toys everywhere, food splattered all over the walls. But one of O's daycares was a home day care. The front of the house was pretty and well kept, the back was the where the kids all played and learned. Had the posters with the ABS's and things like that. That to me says kid friendly and welcoming.
For food, if you gave my son junk all the time, I will take him out. That mainly is the reason why O has been to three different centers. One gave them junk food for snacks. Including suckers, which I would never give a child under the age of 3 (my son was 13 months at the time) I wont have that. I have struggled with my weight and I don't want my son to go through that too.
Also they need to understand that my son is a MAMA'S boy. He was a high maintenance baby, and always wanted to be held. The home daycare lady did not get that. She also didn't tell me she had knee or back problems. I wouldn't have put O there at all knowing that he wants to be held. She of course refused to hold him at all and so he would cry all day long. Finally one day I found out bruises on O. Finger like bruises and not child sized ones either or in a way that it could be an accident. So I took him out of there immediately and reported her.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from St. Louis on

Well, I agree with you, I want stability for my son. I also make is daycare my top priority. I would rather suffer having no money to pay my credit cards then to pay for a cheaper daycare that may not be as good of a fit for us. I will say that my son has had two providers in only his short 6 months, BUT that was because I was working nights and weekends, making it more difficult to find suitable daycare. I found a provider that was close to my work, but not close to my house. Then I got a job close to my house working days and it was not reasonable for me to keep him at that provider. She did, however, provide me a referral to her friend who had a daycare closer to me and still has flexible hours. Plus, she goes up to the daycare at least once a week and still gets to see my son which is awesome. When I was frustrated by money one day, my co-worker tried to refer me to a much cheaper person, but I'm so comfortable and loving this daycare person so much, he's doing so well and is happy, I just can't imagine moving him again. This place will keep him till he starts kindergarten. I don't plan to move out of this area, especially as long as I have this job, which I'm hoping will be for a while, so I agree.

Oh and as far as priorities, I look for how workable and open the daycare person is with me and I watch the workers with other kids, especially their own kids. I ask questions about discipline (My son's only 6 months, but I pick daycare based on the long haul), meals, play time, nap attempts, etc. Also, is there an open door policy, can I "stop by" whenever I feel like it, what is their background in, and do they have a contract/parent handbook/etc.? I really like the "organized" daycare person. Trust me, people who don't have these kinds of priority and just want the cheapest option, will usually be in and out of places like crazy.

2 moms found this helpful

A.H.

answers from Portland on

I look for safe environment, responsible traits in the provider, clean, attentive, and serves healthy food. I like to stick with a good provider. I've had bad providers in the past that just weren't for me. They would be facebook'ing during the daycare visit and one I found out was smoking in the house (my mom saw it but for some reason didn't tell me), one was watching Green River Killer while the kids were there in the room (my daughter was napping, but that movie is filled with not kid friendly material).

The one I have now, I've had for the past year. She is awesome, sweet, and I'm actually going out of my way to keep her, what I mean is I will be commuting an hour to go to school and while it's cheaper for me to bring my daughter with me and get a sitter by the school my daughter and I both love this provider so I will pay for the 2 hours of commute a day so she can be with this current provider. My daughter ditches me at the door to go play with the other kids and loves the provider herself.

I think a lot of kids don't have the stability they need. When they find a good provider they should stick with them.

As other moms brought up to, the discipline is very high on my list. I am mom and I don't want any provider thinking they can swat my child or do something negative discipline-wise without talking to me. I always talk to the provider about their discipline methods and if they would call out of work if they were too tired... my provider now would and I like having a realistic provider that knows if she is up too late and can't handle kids she calls out (she has done this once in the past year b/c her 7 yr old had a horrible cough/throwing up the whole night)

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.M.

answers from Tampa on

Stability does matter to me. When I was looking for daycare for my oldest, I got a referral from a professional contact within my career field. She had kept her son with this woman until he started school. The most important thing to me was whether my child would be safe, happy, and well cared for...My son is now 5 and has been with her since he was 6 weeks old. She has also had my 3-year old daughter since she has been 6 weeks old. She has my two as well as her 2-year old and 4-month old grandsons. I feel that my children get tons of individual attention and have flourished in her care. She truly loves my children. My son will start school in about a week and will move to an after-school program. It will be hard to change providers for him, but my daughter will stay will her...

2 moms found this helpful

L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

My son attended in-home day care from 2 months to three. The same home. It was a Mom and her daughter, and they had about 7 kids tops. Her home looked like a home only with extra high chairs. Cribs were set up in their own bedrooms, or the children napped on their beds. Often I would go to pick my son up and find him napping in someone's arms.

She had a husband and another daughter also, and when the kids all got to table food often she would cook extra "family" dinner for the kids to have for lunch the next day.

She was out of the way - I literally had to pass my office to get to her house - but the backtracking was worth it for the stability and love that she provided.

At three he entered pre-school and stayed there until he entered elementary at age 5. He attended the same school through 5th grade.

I believe that stability is important and if I have little ones again, and lived near you - I would bring my children to you. I like your style!!!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.H.

answers from Green Bay on

I went through a lot of providers before I found the situation that worked the best for me. Part of my journey was discovering just how severe my sons dairy allergy really was. When I got him into a place that was tailored for kids with allergies, he was 100% better. It was difficult for me because my two children have very different personalities and what was good for one didn't work well for the other.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

My priorities are a loving, clean, safe environment from not-for-profit care providers. I like not-for-profit because all money goes back into the centre and the children, rather than into to individual shareholders' pockets. I like a centre-based care because i feel that there are more checks, and more adults around to make sure that everything is above board. I found a wonderful centre with brilliant facilities and highly qualified, very loving teachers. We have been using the Centre for six years now and all of our children have attended the same one.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I think you are right to be concerned about children who are bounced from provider to provider. One huge negative effect is that the children lose the capability to attach properly. When they don't have stability in their lives, they become insecure. The young adults today have a larger percentage of daycare-raised people than any generation before, and the numbers are growing in the upcoming generations. Look at how they relate to one another. Divorces, serial partners, fwb. They are having fewer and fewer long-term attachments. It's all they've ever known.
Anyway, that's my take on it.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Safe, Fun, Interesting. My only 3 requirements.

Oddly enough, almost impossible to find all 3 together in one place. In over 50 preschools I checked out... only 3 or 4 (it's been awhile I can't remember if the "winner" was #3, or was the 4th) met my "extensive" list of requirements.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.L.

answers from Detroit on

When my daughter was young and I worked full time, I first placed her at a friend's house for daycare. It worked out great except the friend got pregnant. She had a tough pregnancy and was sick all the time, so she couldn't watch my kid. I then decided to use a daycare center because there was always someone there to watch my kid. I loved that place:) They had several college girls who were studying teaching or child development, so it worked out very well. Sure it was more expensive, but worth every penny.

1 mom found this helpful

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Well, my son was in a day care establishment from 13mo-19mo then my department was bought and day care was part of the position ... so I had to go to an at home day care that was less expensive than most (prev day care was based on my income) and he was removed because I DID NOT agree with her methods of dicipline, a 20mo was in time out in the pack n play he slept in for 5 min b/c he and the 5y/o were both in time out. I picked my son up crying hysterically many times before leaving to find a new provider. We moved to another establishment, Kinder Care, who kicked him out because he was an ECI child, they insisted he was tested and thank goodnes, but since his needs were too much for the "teachers" they kicked him out. My son has not seen the light of day care since 2.5 and hopefully never will again. I was raised in the same in home day care from 3mo-11y/o, the place was a normal home that looked like a normal home. I think with today's world too many women who have a child think "Hey! this is easy!" and start taking on other people's children not fully understanding what they are doing ... they charge cheap to get the kids realize they are undercharging and bump up prices or "remove" kids so they can be replaced. Parents are looking out for ways to save a buck and child care is one of those ways. I would go to a McDonald's or something like that and see if you can work out a deal with them on day care rates ... where Mc Donald's or a Mom and Pop type shop add day care (your center) to the benefits where they pay 15% of their employees costs ... you may find yourself with a full house and the same kids for a while. Just a thought.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.J.

answers from Lincoln on

I agree that used to (since thank God now he's school age) look for someone who was warm and professional to a certain degree. I wanted to know that they had their daycare as a business, but cared about the kiddos and would give a loving environment. I'm with you, my son was in the same daycare for 3 years until I moved to Lincoln. Sadly, here I had a hard time with a sitters and he bounced which I HATED. I would have kept him right where he was if I hadn't moved.

I guess I was always looking for that feeling... where I knew that this person would be a comfort to my child and that she would be fair and understanding. I had a great sitter who was just that and I was sad to lose her.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.M.

answers from Norfolk on

Across the board regarding anyone who is going to spend time with my children, I look for people who are going to understand that I am the mother, my word is law. I am hiring for a particular service, that does not mean life coach, parenting instructor, nutritionist, whatever...... Continuity in my child's life will be provided by me. If I think putting my child in a new preschool environment every year is the best idea, leading to a socially adaptable child capable of handling change well, that is my call.

Perhaps you come on too strong? There's something to be said about caring for your charges, but with a more "casual" environment, perhaps they feel they'd be paying for a surrogate grandmother, and that's just not what they're looking for.

1 mom found this helpful
For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions