How to Confront Provider W/o Making an Uncomfortable Situation?

RT -

Those aren't "little" items you mentioned.

Different family members substituting? Who are they? How often? Did you know them? Unacceptable if you ask me.

Not enough car seats? That is life threatening. The laws are there for a good reason.

Inappropriate TV? Why would the kids ever even be exposed to TV? At our center, they don't even have TV available. They have one with a DVD player for special "movie nights". And, please don't think that I don't allow TV for my kids. I do...but it's under my and hubby's control.

I'm sorry if I sound too blunt...but I think it's time to look elsewhere.

RT,

I would look for a new provider. Your complaints are valid. If you need a list of providers in your area, contact your local YWCA. They charge a small fee to give you a list of local daycare providers. I think you can find one that you will feel more comfortable with. It is stressful enough to leave your child in someone elses care, you need to be totally comfortable with the care your child is getting.

Hi RT!
I don't think the other Moms have made you feel very well about your current provider, but in my opinion I would go with your gut. In your heart you really do know what is best for your situation! You ARE A GOOD MOM and only want what is best for your family!
Good communication is key to ANY relationship. If you don't feel you can communicate and this person isn't communicating with you then it just might be time to find somewhere else.
I myself provide care and have told the family the people who would be here if I couldn't. They (parents and children) have meet them and understand in an emergency who will be here. As far as appointments that can't happen outside of business hours the families are given a choice of bringing their children or having my "sub" watch their child.
If you are looking for new care you could ask your local school if they have a list of providers as well as your local referal agency.
I wish you and your family all the best!

These are not "little things". You are entrusting your precious child to this daycare provider and you should be able to know that when you drop your daughter off in the morning that she will be safe and well cared for.

How can you know that if there are random people substituting? The lack of enough car seats is frightening and unacceptable. And your daycare provider should be providing fun, educational, and stimulating activities--not letting your child watch TV.

There is no need to "confront" the daycare provider if the thought makes you uncomfortable. Just quickly find someone else and never go back!

Please do not double think this. PULL YOUR CHILD OUT!
All of the signs are there, what more do you need. I had a similar situation in which it took me less than an hour to make a decision. This is your child. Your child comes first regardless of lack of daycare or your job. Go with your gut. good luck

As a family daycare provider I would not have a problem if you came to me with a concern. I wish my parents would actually voice their concerns a little more, I know I cannot be as wonderful as they say. Well maybe it is possible. Kidding a side, if you are not comfortable at your child's daycare I would think about taking her some where else. Start fresh and take the time to get to know the new provider when you are dropping off and picking up so when you do have a concern you are more comfortable talking to the daycare provider. I would be so upset if I knew children were not buckled up properly. I was taking the children on a field trip one day and a teenager driver laost control of her car. I had to slam on my brakes, if any child was not buckled they would have went flying through the car. It is very dangerous and one day it might be your child who's not buckled.There are wonderful family daycare providers out there. Keep looking until you find the right one for your family.

Hi RT, I agree with the above posters! As a home provider myself, I think it's in your child's best interest to pull out now before something happens. The car seat thing is very scary, and that alone would make me pull out. As for the TV thing, sounds like your provider doesn't really have time to care for the kids. There must be no reading, music time, circle time.....etc. My DC children only get TV during meal prep, or special occasions, and only children's movies. There are indeed excellent providers out there, you must do your homework when looking.....good luck to you!

R T,

I am a home daycare provider and I am shocked by the things you have said. Is your provider licensed by DCFS? It doesn't sound like it. If she is then she should be reported and her license shoud be revoked. FIND A NEW DAYCARE NOW! Call the local DCFS chapter and ask for a list of licensed providers in your area and then use that list to find someone who really wants to work with children and has taken the time to prove it to someone. Find someone who sets their standards as high as you would for your own child.
Actually, I would report anyone who took my child in the car without a car seat! It's against the law! You should have pulled your child the day you found out about the carseats and so should anyone else who has this woman care for their children.

J.

Yikes!! It's easy to get comfortable with a provider and I'm sure your child has friends and a regular routine, but this situation does not sound right to me at all. Please, follow the advice of all of these other moms and get your child out of that place. I know what it's like to not feel comfortable talking to a provider when you are afraid the confrontation might make them take it out on your child. I had a similar situation where our home daycare provider was not keeping her place as clean as we would have liked (dog hair everywhere, mostly and our baby was crawling). We ended up pulling her out without confronting the provider and think it was a good choice to not confront this woman, because you just really never know what someone might do to your child. Perhaps at this point, a professionally run daycare center might be a better option because you have more transparency, set rules, etc. Please do post a follow up and let us know what you decide.

I don't know about you but the examples that you have indicated really are concerns. If your daycare provider is providing a service to your kids that is substandard, this isn't a question of whether you have let them go on too long. I also don't like the line about "too afraid to confront my daycare provider....suffer the consequences.." line. YOU ARE PAYING HER - she is providing a service! If the communication between the provider and you isn't good, and you are concerned about "consequences", I really hope you will reconsider where you are sending your children. Your standards weren't too high, the first time around - they are where your standards should be now. You are your children's best advocate!

I would look for a new provider. I do part-time care, we rarely watch tv, if so it's for short amounts and it's curious george while I'm getting breakfast ready, or lunch on the table, or wind down as the day is ending. If I ever have a substitute, I clear it first, same with travel. She's taking advantage of you. It is her job to provide a safe environment to your child. If your afraid of her suffering the consequences, you must have an 'off' feeling about her in your gut to begin with. Best wishes.

First of all as a mother myself , you have every right to be concerned about these things. I have had my share of not so great babysitters as well for my 3 year old. The minuet i had concerns i talked to my child, and to family and couldn't bring myself to bring her back there. I took a couple days off of work and found a new place for her. Second of all as a in home daycare provider, these things are not ok! Even an unlicensed provider like myself should be held accountable if they are doing these things. If any of my parents had any issues that they were concerned about at all i would want them to come to me right away. I think you should voice your opinion right away and find a family member or friend take care of your child until you can find somewhere for your child to go that you are comfortable with. Good luck i wish you and your child the best. Just remember that your gut is ussually right trust it and do what you think is best for your child.

TAKE YOUR CHILD OUT NOW AND REPORT THIS "DAYCARE PROVIDER" TO THE DCFS!!!

No car seats = LIFE THREATENING SITUATION FOR YOUR CHILD

"substitute family members without notice/ approval" =

NON-QUALIFIED, POTENTIALLY ABUSIVE PEOPLE WATCHING YOUR CHILD !!!!

The bottom line is that they do NOT respect you and they are taking advantage of you simply because you are NOT saying anything!!!

GET YOUR CHILD OUT OF THERE BEFORE SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS!!

I certainly don't mean to scare you or add stress to this situation, but seriously - these people are not responsible to say the least!!! If they are making no attempts to hide everything that you know (ie. not enough car seats, children watching inappropriate programs, sustitute-non-approved family members etc.)

----then you really have to ask yourself this question:

What else are they doing that you DON'T know about??????
It scares me to even think about it!!

And you are paying them for all this???
Paying the daycare provider for what? They certainly are not putting your mind at ease while your daughter is there.
That is something that you must have when you drop her off and go about your day - a feeling of trust, trusting that your child is going to be SAFE, and well taken care of!!!

This is a crazy world and we have to protect our children no matter what!

There are plenty of lower cost (if money is an issue) daycare providers out there that are resposible and trustworthy whom welcome open lines of communication with the parent/s. I would certainly be happy to help you find one.

Your daughter will make new friends - she is still young, so don't worry about changing her daycare/environemnt.
Make it seem like a fun thing - like she is "graduating" to a big girl's daycare now, and then smile and hug her and tell her that you are very proud of her. :)

Seriously - YOU are the voice for your child and
it is YOUR DUTY AS A MOTHER to take your child out of this unsafe environment ASAP.

You would not have written this post if you had not really thought that something was off with this daycare provider.
Follow your instincts!!

Time to pull the plug on this daycare provider ASAP, and I would report them right after you take your daughter out of there so they can't put any other child in harm's way any longer!!!!!!!

RT,

Ask yourself this question - What is more important, a slightly uncomfortable situation or the well-being of your child?

There are lots of great daycare providers out there (times are hard for everyone right now - including daycare providers) so you should have no problem finding someone you feel good about. When you start looking ask for references and then CHECK THEM!

If you have to worry about your child while you are working, it is going to affect your work also.

best wishes,

W.