Daughter Showing Odd Frustration.

H. - you started off by saying that you are having odd moments lately where you lose control. It may not be that Julia is hurting herself solely to express her frustration, but because she's picking up on your tenseness. You need to find a way of letting go whatever is bothering you enough to make you lose control because it is GUARANTEED she is picking up on your insecurity, tension, anxiety, etc. That's too much for her to handle. Whether you feel like it or not, your job, most of the time, is to be confident and self-assured. When you are not, neither will she be. You have to believe that you are doing your best and that your best is enough.

Pulling hair is a way for a child to control a situation or to vent frustration. I would suggest not bribbing her to stop with a snack or something she likes, this will only encourage it further. Instead as someone else suggested give her a hug, even if you are upset with her, but hold her arms at her sides in the hug to stop the pulling, and tell her you love her and use an "I statement" ie... It makes mommy upset when you pull your hair and hurt yourself like that. Or, Mommy loves you very much but it is mommy's job to make sure that you do not hurt yourself.

Good Luck
H.

Although my daughter is not going through the hair-pulling, she does go through throwing herself down on the floor when she's frustrated. When you talk to her, validate her feelings. Tell her "I know you're upset.", but don't add what you think she's upset about. If she's upset about something other than what you think it is, you'll just be putting things in her head. As for the hair pulling, try redirection...get her a large pillow or an inflatible object that she can go to and hit when she's upset, without getting in trouble. Keep it in the room she's in. I worked in a daycare and we had a HUGE pillow the kids liked. On little girl had an older brother who got in trouble a lot and she didn't get as much attention at home. She acted out in class, hitting other kids, herself, and the teachers. I sat her down when she was calm at one point and explained the pillow would be in a corner of the area she was in (there were 4 play areas in the room and I would bring it to each one as we rotated) and she could hit that without getting in trouble...it worked. (The classroom I was in was children 2 1/2 - 3 years, so I know she can understand at this age).

I know exactly what you're going through. My daughter is almost 17 months and she's been doing the same thing. I can't help you on knowing how to stop it cuz I do the same things you do but normally i try to plee with her and i'll ask her if she wants to go outside or for a walk or if its time for a snack or something and that usually ends it for that time. If you receive any real answers on how to stop it please let me know.

dear H.,
It sounds like your daughter is trying to control you by pulling out her hair. I have seen this several times when I be out in public the only thing left for you to do is get her into chiild Guidance before the problem gets any worse on you.
If she at that stage of pulling her hair out she needs some help that you can't give her, and this does't mean your a bad mom or she a bad girl this just means she needs to talk to someone who can get through to her. You've tried every approach to this problem and nothing worked so this is your only choice I see before she takes it to the next level which might be drugs,alchol,or attempted sucicide;get her a little help these people can do wonders where were at the end of the road trying to figure out what to do next. I've experience similar problems but nothiing like what you are. Let us know what happens trust me this should help.

Find a stuffed animal somewhat smaller than her. Whenever she starts pulling her hair, get the stuffed animal. let her know anger is ok, hurting herself is not. Tell her it is ok to hit the stuffed animal (or pull his hair) whenever she feels mad or upset.

Once she starts to subside, hug her and reassure her that you love her no matter what.

Developmentally this is perfectly normal. My daughter started doing it around the same age, and now she does it only when she's EXTREMELY angry and doesn't have another way to cope. It's really hard to be 17 months - you don't have the physical skills to do what you want, you don't have the verbal skills to express your frustration, etc.

I think if you keep modeling "good" ways to be frustrated (stomp your feet, say "NO!", whatever you think is appropriate for her) that she will do those and pull her hair less as time goes on. My daughter also went through a time where she would hit herself in the head and bite her hands, or pull her hair, or throw herself on the floor. Babies have to explore all these things, and she obviously gets the greatest reaction/attention from you for hair pulling.

I just ignore the behavior and say things like "wow, I'm ANGRY" or "you must be really mad" and hold my daughter and show her how to express herself in other ways.