Custody After Guardian Passes.

You have not had custody in 11 years?
How old is your daughter?
You really need to put your own desires aside and consider what is best for her.
Yanking her away from your/her family just because you can seems fairly selfish on your part - and she's not going to thank you for it.
You and she might be parent and daughter but you are strangers to one another.
Your daughter doesn't know you and she's mourning the loss of the person who's raised her (your mom) and has been her world her whole life.
She'll be a teen soon - and that's not easy even if you've been part of their life from birth.

In your place I would not seek custody at this time.
I would move to be where she is, and get some regular visitation established.
If she's 11 or a bit older she's going to be an adult in roughly 7 years - your parenting time is pretty limited.

You need legal advice. You need to go through the court system to prove your stability. If you did not relinquish your parental rights but your mother had guardianship, you may have some rights. It's not clear from your post why you had the right to visit but did not - but you need to expect that you will be asked this.

I am sorry about your family dynamics and about your mother's death. I'm especially sorry for your daughter's loss of the person who raised her. Maybe you don't like the situation, but your daughter's grandmother is the person who played the mother role, so dragging her out of what is familiar (family, friends, school) might not be a good move. Your daughter only knows that you didn't come see her and she doesn't know why - but you can't tell her that her recently deceased grandmother and primary caretaker was mean. That will alienate your daughter.

I'd talk to legal experts and I would particularly be careful to say you are willing to work with a counselor or social worker or other advocate for your daughter to get reacquainted on a carefully chosen plan of family reunification. If you say that rather than "I have my rights and here are my demands!!!" it will go much better for you. This is going to be a process and you will need to prove that you are willing to devote the time and effort to do it properly and get to know your child again.

R.

Welcome to mamapedia.

You need to hire a family lawyer and prove you are able to care for your child.

Good luck!

I think you need to be honest with yourself about why you are seeking custody now. If you have been stable for 7 years, why hadn’t you pursued this earlier?

Any change of custody should be based on what is best for the child, not for the parent. What is it that you can provide for this child that her custodial family cannot? You don’t list any reasons of safety concerns, so one has to ask if this change of custody is something that you need to prove to yourself, and not at all about the needs of your child.

You want to put her needs first? Show her how a mature adult makes amends. Move out there and start a relationship with her. Start an amicable relationship with the people who raised her. Show them respect and gratuity for raising her.

It’s not clear what family dysfunctional dynamics were present to lead up to this point, but it does sound like it would be best for this reunion to be guided by a professional who can help you work through the dynamics.

I think you need to honest with yourself before pursuing any of this, especially before jumping on the legal rights entitlement train. Legal rights don’t make a good relatiionship, healthy emotions do.

Contact a family attorney. You need legal advise ASAP.

you need to prove to them and to the court that you're competent to care for your child. it may be difficult since you didn't visit when your mother was alive, despite claiming that you have the legal right to do so.

khairete
S.

I really like Elayne and B's sensible advice.

While I haven't been in your shoes, my husband has a mother who feels she is entitled to be in our children's lives simply because she is their grandmother. However, sometimes it's not in the child's best interests to have someone in their lives just because they are related. It has to be a healthy relationship. Intentions have to be respectful and not selfish.

I don't know why your circumstances have changed, but if there's any rush to this, it sounds wrong to me. Take your time, move there, and don't disrupt her life - for your own needs. That's not cool and won't endear her to you. Respect those she loves and trusts. Relationships take time to develop naturally. Don't rush things.

She shouldn't be filling a void or hole in your life. She shouldn't be giving your life meaning. You should be adding something to her life that doesn't already exist. Until you even know her, how would you know what that is? Get to know her first.

That would be my suggestion.

You have not had your child nor seen your child for 11 years? How old is she now? Does she even know you? Do you want to disrupt her life and everything over this? I understand, I would fight tooth and nail for my kids. I would have gone to court to fight for visitation.

Right now? You need to talk with a counselor to find out how traumatic this experience would be for your daughter, What she needs in order to accept and adapt to the situation. Then you need to hire a lawyer that specializes in family matters and prove that you are more than capable of raising a daughter and providing for her.