Conneticut Shooting

I feel you, it was really hard for me to leave my 5th grader this morning. This is not the world I want my children to grow up in; it's crazy that I'm afraid to take my children to school or the mall. I hate how the feeling of safety has been taking away from us and I don't know where this society will go from here.

I am thankful that my son is only 2. He has absolutely no idea what is going on (Other than the fact that mommy wasn't letting him watch his puppy movie (Lady and the tramp) this weekend because she was trying to watch the news). He doesn't have to go to school or to daycare because I am a SAHM/Part time nanny. I don't have to send him anywhere. He is with me pretty much 24/7 unless my mom gives hubby and I a break. He gets on my nerves but I am thankful to have him around today!

I know how you feel. I can't stop thinking about it. It just feels so weird. So wrong and bad.

My son is three...when I first found out I was at work and it was all I could do to keep myself from putting in my two weeks notice, pull him out of daycare and planning on homeschooling him.

I know I cannot protect them all the time so I teach them as best I can to protect themselves and hope that is enough.

The thing is I am a no one is ever gone so long as they are remembered kind of person. My family is much the same. So to me it is more important to make happy memories than dwell on how safe this or that is, what if, what could. If I do that then all the memories I would have would be of constant fear, there is no happiness to come from that. I would never want to lose a child but to lose one and look back at their lives and see nothing happy would be worse.

Living is my insurance policy against tragedy. Evil people can take away the future but they cannot take away the past.

Pam R. I have a first grader too, my youngest. I know it's irrational too but for a while I thought it was K students and I thought "I'm glad I don't have a Kindergartner because that would be too real" (as if one grade makes a difference) but when they said first grade, it was like getting punched in the stomach. Our kids will always be the same grade as those poor angels. I'm sure that in 2024 when our kids are graduating high school, the passing of these children will again be marked as the year they should have graduated too. Those babies could easily have been his classmates, or him.

It's a cold and rainy day here so I drove all of the kids to school, three different schools. While it was comforting to us parents to see a police officer at drop off at all three schools today, my youngest did ask "why are the cops here?" when it was his turn to go to school (he starts the latest). He doesn't know about the shooting so I just said that he's there to say hi and see the kids and maybe gets bored being at the high school all day. Then told him to have a great day and that I love him to pieces, before driving two blocks home weeping.

God bless the teachers, principals and other staff who have to put on their happy faces and pretend everything is normal today. I just can't stop thinking about those poor kids, the victims and the survivors, and their families and communities. It's just overwhelmingly horrible.

I have been crying all weekend. When they released the ages and pictures of the children I went the rounds again. My youngest is 6. She will be 7 in a few months, just the ages of these darling children. I know in my heart that my child has a greater chance of being hurt in the car ride to school than to be hurt while at school but the horror of what happens overwhelmes me at times.

I teach at a high school in Texas, and we had a lockdown drill this morning that was scheduled a week ago. Usually we don't tell the students that it's just a drill. We want them to take it seriously so that they will know how to behave when it's real (we've had several instances when it was real). This time I told my students it was a drill. It just didn't seem right making them worry after Friday's tragedy.

To answer your question, yes, we probably all feel this way. My 8 year old asked me if I would try to protect my students in that situation, and I said of course I would. He was then worried about something happening to me. I told him that I was able to send him to school each day because I knew that his teacher's cared for him the way that I care for my students. It's what we do in a community. We all do what we can to love and protect each other. It's not just about teaching. These are difficult conversations we are all having to have with our families.

I think we ALL feel that way.

I took my older two boys to school today. Not listening to the my brain saying keep them home. Weather sucks. The shooting(s)....Good time to keep them close.

I have a 2nd grader, a Kindergartner and 2 year Pre-k. So the loss of so many babies my kid's own age is killing me.

My mind changed though. Since my kids are aware of what happened and we have talked about it now, me keeping them home would only make them more afraid of being there. They need to be there. With their friends and teachers.

They need to be able to live. Without complete fear.

I think the best thing we as parents can do is tell our kids that sadly this stuff happens. We as adults are going to try to do a better job at making sure it can not happen again.

The surviving children will be the best advocates against this type of violence.

Tell your kids you love them ALOT more.

Spend more time with them all that much more.

This is a lesson NO ONE is immune to bad things happening to them.

We need each other to cope and move through this, like we did for all the other mass shootings, 9-11 and/or Natural Disasters. I think that is how we show people we are strong and unrelenting.

ADDED:

Thank you to all, for making it seem ok to have that hesitation.

I felt kinda silly this morning crying on the way home.......But you dont know if it will be the last time you get to tell 'um you love them. I made sure They heard me and said it back this morning:)

My kids are 9, 7, and 5...in 4th, 2nd, and kindergarten. It was very hard to leave for work this morning. I can't wait to get them off the bus in a couple of hours. I HATE that we have to worry about crazy people in the world to where our public school are not safe. Anywhere is not safe from the crazies.

I have cried over this. How can you not? Twenty 6 and 7 year old were gunned down by a mad man when they were getting ready for Christmas and probably doing fun activities in their classrooms. While this was going on in Conneticut, I was with my kindergartener making ginger bread houses. How dare he take their lives. How dare he take the lives of the adults that were trying to protect the children.

So yes, I was nervous this morning. When I went home for lunch I had to fight the urge to go to school and check on them. This is not fun.

You are not alone in your feelings. I have two seven year old first grade boys so this feels so personal for me. As I read the names of those children, I couldn't help but imagine what it would have felt like to see Bryce Wilson, boy, 7 and Gage Wilson, boy, 7 on that list. It left me feeling sick to my stomach. For me, being a woman of faith, I just hold on to the knowledge that God loves my children far more than I do and that He has already seen each day they will live on this earth. I have trust that He will do what is best for me and my family and that come what may, He will see us through it. I know not everyone shares that and that's ok but for me, it keeps me grounded and sane.

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. Millions of kids and teachers today are feeling like this. I am grading final exams at home and I am so glad I do not have to physically be on campus today, especially as I am dealing with a mentally unstable student (adult, I teach college) right now.

I felt like President Obama nailed it when he talked about our children walking away from us and how we all needed to work together to keep all of our kids safe. Today is a hard day for a lot of people.

The place to dissolve your anxiety is by becoming aware of the thoughts you are having and questioning them. You may be thinking that you "should" be able to protect your children. Or that being a good parent means that you will always protect them. In light of the world we live in, these are impossible scenarios. Whether we should or shouldn't we cannot protect our children and it does make us feel a little crazy to think about trying to.

Instead focus on all the things you have within yourself to deal with a crisis/tragedy if it were to happen. We don't usually make ourselves really aware of our inner resources. What are the things that you have within you that have allowed you to make it through the tough times you have already faced in your life? Are you creative, intelligent, street wise, tenacious, determined, focused, kind, generous, empathic, organized, etc. What are the specific tools and skills you have that you could bring to any disaster? Can you cook, plan, do CPR, manage people, negotiate, tell stories, have a sense of humor, see the big picture, hug, be gentle with someone that is frightened or anxious?

Too often we allow the thoughts in our heads to run away with us and dwell on the worst possible scenario. The way to get through that effectively is to ask that thought "Then what?" You continue to ask "Then what?" till you are years down the road from the imagined disaster. Life always goes on no matter what. We have a tendency to only go to the imagined disaster and dwell in the middle of the pain of the disaster rather than follow the thought process all the way through.

Horrible things happen every day. How do we get through? How do we go on? What does life look like down the road? Of course we don't want these things to happen, however, as long as you simply dwell on "This shouldn't happen!" you will suffer. Instead, look at "What would I do?", "What have I done in the past?", "What have other people done?", "What resources do I have?", "What resources might I need?"

I feel so much grief for those families. I am not in the Christmas spirit - I will have to try fo rmy kids.

I live in CT - I hesitated to send my kids to school today. I am terrified of a copy cat incident occurring. I did send them and I am looking forward for them to get home today. I sent them because, I did not want to send the message that they should be afraid to go to school. The schools will be on high alert and there is going to be increased police presence. I also think it is important that they receive the age appropriate information that they will receive at school today. Our school system does a great job providing this type of information.

My daughter, 11 shuts down when I try to talk to her about this. She did say, that she feels better knowing that the shooter is dead, because she knows that he can't hurt her or her friends. I left it at that and did not get into the fact that evil people are all around.

I am having a very hard time with this. I feel so sad that this could happen

I was surprised how hard it was for me to leave my 2nd grader at school this morning... my Kindergartener goes off in about a half an hour. I cried as I walked away from school. I know I was not the only one upset this morning.... but it was too hard for me to not think about the parents who dropped off children last Friday. Those poor families are broken. I can only empathize with them from a distance and pray for them to find some peace.

I am unable to not think about it.. but do my best to not worry.

I am having this same anxious feeling about allowing my 4 year old to attend Prek today (he attends public prek at a local elementary school). I am blessed that he is only 4 and not aware of what has occured so i did not have to spend any time discussing it with him and he still feels safe at school, however i do not feel safe with him being there. A message left for all parents by our school district stated the best way to help your kids feel secure is to discuss the schools safety procedure with them. My issue with this is every school has these safety procedures and obviously they are not enough to protect our precious children and something else needs to be done. For me i just put on a smile and told my son to have a great day at school but i am screaming on the inside and very impatiently awaiting the text message from my child care provider that he has been picked up from school and is safe. It took everything i have not to pick him up early on Friday and even more for me to not just go unenroll him from school being as Prek is not mandatory.

It was hard to drop DD at school today for me, too, but you cannot live in fear. Crazy happens. It just does and we can't apply logic where there is none. It is normal to feel sad and unbalanced, but if you find that you can't shake it or how you feel impacts how you live (like if you start not allowing your child reasonable freedoms because you are afraid) then you should speak to a counselor or pastor or someone who can help you work through those feelings.

For the record, my SD attends VA Tech. She started this year and when she first applied, we did think about past events. But at the end of the day, there was no reasonable reason to prevent her from applying or attending.

I think sometimes our knee jerk reaction is to try to micromanage and over control and you can't control everything. You need to find a way to walk a balance between being careful and being locked in a bunker. And if you live in fear, then those who want you to fear WIN. Don't let them.

My daughter just turned 6 and attends K at our local public school so I can definately relate.

I know they have procedures in place to prevent unwanted visitors from entering the building but a determined, deranged person can probably circumvent these if they want to. I know that the staff would do everything possible to protect my child (just as those in CT did) but I also realize that sometimes that is just not enough (not that they are lacking but evil is everywhere). We can't live our lives based on fear of what "could' happen. If we did, we would never get out of bed for fear of falling down the steps, or ride in a car for fear of an accident....and so on.

The best we can do is love our children, teach them well, help schools make any necessary protocol for protecting our children, and prepare our children to follow safety rules and teacher's instructions (that saved many more lives this past Friday). As sad as the events are, it could have been so much worse.

My heart goes out to the whole community but especially the surviving children and family members. I hope they are able to heal...no one should have to go through what they have.

I am curious as to what drove this young man to such a heinous act on innocent children.

Sometimes I feel like I live in fear, too. Our very safe neighborhood had break-ins! And we don't and can't afford a big security system. What to do!

Well...we have a fake security system sign by the door and windows that was very cheap. BAD GUYS/GIRLS USUALLY CHOOSE THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE. It's not perfect, but if I were a thief I'd skip our house and go to the neighbor's who don't have a sign.

And, the shooter blasted through GLASS doors, which most schools have. We have glass all around our door at home and weeks ago I told my husband I want it gone so nobody can smash it. Now I really want it gone! Not sure if it's rational, but they say don't have glass right by the door.

That being said, lock the doors of schools. Do what you can. You can't live in a bubble but you can be practical.

Absolutely. Especially now that I'm seeing pictures to go along with the names. Putting faces to it really drives it home.

I do understand. I'm a Connecticut mom with three daughters. One is seven years old. The only time I really stopped crying or obsessing over what happened is during the Christmas party we attended with friends at my BFF's house Saturday night. The girls had such a great time, and I did too. Of course, Barefoot wine helped.

My employer is also a point of contact for the Teddy Bear Drive for Sandy Hook children, and we're also collecting other donations that people are willing to give. People are dropping things off in our office and we're transporting them to Sandy Hook. It's just a small ounce of comfort, and my daughters are even joining in on it.

I don't mean to sound cold or callous, but I haven't shed a tear. And I refuse to. I was watching the Today Show, as I do most mornings. I was listening to the news as I finished getting ready for work. Once they started listing names and telling stories and what kids had for breakfast that day or what they wanted for Christmas, I said "enough" and turned it off. I don't want to know. I can't know. I can't allow myself to feel those emotions.

Logically, I know that this is a tragedy, and I know that the families are in enormous pain - pain that I cannot begin to imagine and certainly don't ever want to experience. I also know that there is nothing I can do. Everything that can be done to protect my kids is being done. The best thing I can do is live my life, love my boys and do everything in my power to keep them safe.

If I give in to the fears and the emotions, I will be doing them a disservice. I would be teaching them that there is something to fear. My kids are 6 and almost 4, and if they see Mommy afraid, they will think there is something that they need to be afraid of to.

I have not spoken to them about this (though I might have to answer some questions this afternoon - who knows what he might hear at school today). I see no upside to talking to them about this. I will answer questions, I will be honest, I will not try to hide anything, but I will try to be as simplistic as possible.

I do fully understand the tragedy, but I also know that I am a healthier person and a healthier mom if I don't allow myself to get emotional. If we didn't have the internet and the 24/7 media that we have today, this would be a mere blip on the radar for most of us.

Yes, this could happen to any of us, but we can't live our lives in fear. We must live our lives.

Hug your kids, go on with your day and enjoy the holidays.

I feel sad and I hug my kids tighter. However, we also have to realize that as often as this seems to be lately, there are other situations that can put our children's lives in danger ten to a hundred fold. Our kids are more likely to be killed in a car accident than in a school shooting, yet everyday we strap our children in cars.

The gut wrenching part is the difference of this not being an accident. It is a senseless abomination in which the most innocent of lives are lost. It is a personal tragedy but in a big way, a community tragedy as well.

My heart goes out to those who are left behind, parents, siblings,children, spouses, survivors, first responders... Christmas will never be the same for them.

I've been pretty quietly consumed with this. We also had a shooting at a local mall last week, so it's been a pretty raw time for me.

Honestly, the best things I can do for myself are to remember that, just like any aspect of parenting, all I can do is the best that *I* can do. Like Tiffany pointed out, being aware of one's abilities and resources is the best place to start. I've recently written (just a week ago) on my blog about balancing our fears with our hopes for our kids, and I am challenged to do just that. So we continue to participate in life, in the world. We went to another mall yesterday and my son picked out a gift for his cousin. We will continue to send him to school. I am only going to mention the tragedy in Connecticut if it comes up-- he's five, and I understand how having a young child makes it really hit home, because we have a heart connection to our kids. It feels personal.

Hugs to you. I'm doing a lot of writing about this on my own right now. I think it's also important to celebrate our humanity, our kindness, our helpers and the our resilience. It IS the spirit of humanity that we are resilient, can adapt, and continue to go forward. We love our children and hold them close. For those of us who are the lucky ones, hopefully we use this to be kind to other and to truly appreciate our time with our loved ones.

My first grader has a sore throat so I let her stay home today and am relieved I didn't have to send her to school bc I'm scared too. My older daughter did go though but stupidly, I feel a little better bc she's not in 1st grade. Completely irrational I know but the fact that it was 1st graders just makes me focus on my 1st grader so much. So yes, I know how you feel and I didn't expect to feel this way. I usually shrug things off ok or am super rational or something. I'm scared of a copycat shooting... I was in a meeting at work tearing up again bc this is just so sad. I think how the parents sent their kids on Friday having no idea they'd never see them again and how can any of us just send our kids blindly anymore?... No answers here but I do know how you feel. I want to get over to school and circle the campus all day watching for someone who shouldn't be there. Come to think of it - maybe parents could all chip in to hire a guard...

I completely understand what you are saying. I don't think you ever stop wanting to protect your kids and yes you do feel helpless when you know this is the way it goes. The thing I find comfort in knowing is that I have taught and will continue to teach my kids to be wonderful,loving, kind, compassionate people who treat other people with love, kindness and respect. I hope that by my children feeling loved every single moment of every day, that if they were ever faced with this-they would be able to remember what I taught them and go with their gut. I hope that it never happens-but we teach them not to live in fear. I need to practice what I preach.

I feel the same way you do. I can't stop thinking about what happened and if it was my kid - I don't know how a parent goes on after something like this. I think your son is in a good school if they wouldn't let you in. All we can do is talk to them about being safe and hope they stay that way. Once they are out of the womb we lose all control. You never stop worrying but you can't drive yourself crazy either because it's not healthy for you and because odds are nothing like this will happen. We just have to pray for the best and hope our kids make good decisions to keep out of harm's way.

Hope this helps.

Thank you for your post. I think a lot of people feel similar and I know reading some of the responses was helpful to me.

I agree. It's absolutely heart breaking.
And, yes, I think it's a wake up call to many people. I remember my neighbor having a fit because she couldn't easily get to her student at the high school. I tried to explain to her that these policies are there for a reason. Not to just needlessly inconvenience her. Even with their policies, I still think it's far too easy to get onto my kids campus. The entire perimeter is locked down with just one main entrance. But it's not really monitored that well. I've walked on and wandered around campus without anyone stopping me. Now, maybe as a mom, they recognize me. I can only hope that if they didn't recognize me, or if I looked suspicious, that something different would be done.

Praying hard.