Cliques

I am so sorry... and totally understand your frustration... I saw this even when I taught kindergarten. It's the very reason I am scared to death of having a girl in this day and age... Boys fight and it's over.........With girls, it's psychological warfare....... (and when they're older they use texting, Facebook, etc.... to do it too)

Unfortunately, cliques don't end in school... they exist in adults too... (same goes for bullies) I know it's tempting to try to rescue her and protect her from these girls. Talking to other parents rarely helps... (especially if the parents talk to the daughter, and then they take it out on your daughter as 'the squealer...') I think the best thing you can do is give your daughter strategies to deal with these girls, build her confidence, and get her in some activities to build her confidence... She'll be well-equipped for dealing with these types of girls (and women) in the future.

You should give her solid tools to cope with such situations, because "CLIQUES" are everywhere including in churches. Those girls probably learn their insensitive behaviors from their parents, relatives, or from their circles at home. I have to remind you that little mean girls grow up fast, and become meaner teenagers or vicious females eventually. She will have to learn how to deal with them for the rest of her life, and you need to work extra hard to prepare her for it. You need to start reading books, and doing research on the methods to teach her how to cope with such situations for life. You must also try your best to boost her self esteem, and let her know she is special. You should made clear to her that there is nothing wrong with her, but with the other girls.

I volunteer as much as I can at my daughters' private school. There are certain parents who volunteer consistently as well. I am friendly and social. One of my daughters is also very social, and kids tend to gravitate towards her. my other daughter is very happy to be playing by herself. I have noticed how other volunteer parents have taken an interest on my not-so-social daughter and go out of their way to make sure she's playing with other kids when i am not volunteering that day. learning that has made my life. i also go out of the way to help out other kids as well.
my not-so-social daughter is immature for her age so i understand who other kids are not all over her. but i also know she's very confident in herself that she will stand up for herself if the situation arises. so i hope you instill confidence and self-appreciation feelings on your daughter. that is how much you can do. you can't fight her battles, or get her into battles with others. there are cliques everywhere. we grew up with those around. sometimes we hang out with the popular kids and sometimes we were the outcast. we survived it though. our kids will too. try to be around your child as much as you can. and if you find yourself in a situation like the one you described, then take matters into your hands and go sliding and playing with your daughter. that way you'll both have fun, and kind of just stick it to others.
yes, children of cliquey parents become like that too.

Life will happen and you can't change schools every time you don't like someone. Your job is to teach your daughter to be kind, respectful, etc and tell her to ignore the bad people. You can't control every situation is all I am saying!

You be the mom feed her, clothes her, a roof over her head and love her to pieces, give her the confidence to survive on her own. When you step in it may give her the feeling she can not handle things on her own, which I am sure she can. Children will get by. she could go off and be having so much fun by herself that every would wonder what she is doing haveing such fun and want to join her. Let her be her own person you will not always be there when she has a problem in life. This is how children learn how to cope in this crazy world.

We home school to avoid this. You rarely see cliques in the home school community.

But you are the parent, and this kind of behavior is not just part of growing up. In the adult world, behavior like this will get you fired, or worse. I would speak to the children(s) parent, and make them aware of the behavior. You never know, they may be unaware their child is doing this, but be prepared to see the parent acting just like the child. This is a learned behavior, and intolerance for others is not something you should "just accept".

Talking to your child, and making sure to acknowledge that she behaved properly to the situation, and that it;s great how tolerant she is of others is a good start. Do brush on her negative behavior towards the adult, but don't dwell on it. Give her suggestions on how to cope with her anger of the situation. And stay on top of what is going on in school. Be that squeaky wheel. This is your child and you have a right to make sure she is safe, be it physically or emotionally. And remember, emotions run deeper, and heal much slower than physical pain.

Changing schools may help a bit, but most schools have this, and I do not believe you would be avoiding the cliques by changing. Sadly, the schools hands are tied in this situation. But if these gyrls are acting this way in a public place, it falls on the parents NOT being a parent and thinking the party was a great babysitter for their child. Disrespect has to be learned at home...just as respecting others needs to be learned at home. This is why I say, do not be surprised if they learned the disrespect from the parents!

Well, K., my feeling is that cliques are EVERY where. Right or not (usually not) - they are everywhere. There are cliques in school (all schools at every level), believe it or not there are even HOMEschool cliques (among the elite mommies). ;) I've experienced it firsthand. My daughter is involved in ballet, gymnastics, pageants, and homeschool and in every one of those things there are cliques - cliques for the kids and then cliques for the parents. Cliques are nothing more than people who feel insecure sticking together to help themselves feel stronger. So, I say, since there truly is no escaping them - arm your daughter with coping skills and step in when you think it is appropriate (like when she was being pushed at the playground). She will still have to deal with them as an adult and may be "pushed" off the corporate ladder, if she doesn't learn how to deal with them now, ya know? So, I say don't run from it, learn from it. How you do that will probably have to be unique to you and your daughter. She may not feel comfortable with the route you want her to choose. Teach her what you can, but then let her handle it her way until she finds something that works.

Meanwhile I know it can be impossible to "sit on your hands", so maybe if you try to work out some of the "Mommy cliques" first, the adults can lead by example and the little ones will follow. Good luck to you. :)

I hate cliques as well.
They are at schools, places we work, they are even at church.
It starts with the parents. They are everywhere. Men and women do it.
We can not get away from it.

Growing up is very hard. Just teach her the skills to deal with this.
The really nice girls will want to be her friend.

I wish you the best and good luck.

= )

I hate cliques, too, though I haven't run into it too much cause my son's only 3. I don't know if it's really cliques, or just how people pair off, and since kids are emotionally less mature, they're more obvious and bratty.

You may try to use it as a teaching moment, a little "human behavior 101" so she doesn't do the same to others, and to help her not take it personally. This is tough to do even as an adult - I've been to the park with my son when 3 other mothers were there with their kids, and the MOMS don't even bother to say hi to me.

Respect and basic courtesy are the key. I think if we can get these into our kids (and into ourselves), we'll all be better off.