Children of Older Parents

When I made my debut, my father was 42 and my mother was approaching 40. It never worried me or bothered me. Once in a while somebody would think I was with my grandparents, but we all laughed at that. I sometimes worried about them dying, but it wasn't because they were older - it was because they were my folks.

When I graduated from college, my parents were in their 60s, and they retired shortly thereafter. They were always busy and I think they were pretty happy, and the age thing was just not a big deal.

My mother also had older parents - she was the youngest of seven children, and had one brother in college when she was born. So it never bothered her that she had children so late. She and my dad simply married later in life; my father wanted to be able to support his wife and children, and he had to get through the Great Depression before he could do that.

If there was anything negative, it would be that to this day I cannot estimate other people's ages! Some people can say, "Oh, that woman must be in her forties," because of the way she looks or behaves. I have never been able to guess at all - probably because my parents were almost a generation older than my friends' parents but their demeanor never showed it (their hair did). But that's not a bad problem to have.

I was born when my Mom was 31. Late for her generation.
My kids, were born, when I was 38 and older.
BUT... that is 'common' nowadays.
I do not feel 'old' at all.... in relation to my kids.
It is a state of mind... not numerical age.
MANY parents, are 38+ years old when their children are born.

I.... have never been regarded as being an 'old' parent nor mistaken for being my kids' Grandma. But some women are.... I have seen that.

But yes, what will my age be, when my kids are college age? Well, that is another thing. But it is so common nowadays... But I do think about that.... too.... and like any human parent...

all the best,
Susan

I was asked about my grandchild one time!!! I about had a heart attack & then i realized that a youngish girl was asking me this & that she and her mom probably both had their children at 18 or younger, so then it didn't freak me out quite so much. :) I'm 39 with an almost 5 year old & an 18 month old.

my parents were a little older and they did die while i was young, my mom at 8 and my dad when i was 24. Theres nothing wrong with being an older parent, just stay healthy and reassure your children that you are in great condition.

As a young mom, i always felt like my parents had it together more than i do, they already had their career in place and i have yet to continue school, there are definite advantages to starting late.

My mom was 41 and my dad was 47 when I was born. I'm the youngest of 10 so they basically had a child every 2-4 years since they got married at 21 and 27. I remember my sister's friend telling us how nice it was to let our grandpa live with us. My dad thought it was funny. I have friends who have much younger parents chronologically, but were way "older" than my parents. As long as you are actively involved, I don't think it matters how old you are. I never worried, and still don't worry about my parents dying. There are times when we are faced with their mortality, but that was after we were adults. My dad was in his mid-sixties when I left for college and I don't think it bothered him. My parents made the 4 hour drive regularly to visit or take me to and from school, and both my parents were there the day I graduated. My parents never cared about their age or got caught up in it. They never told us they were too old to do anything. If you don't care about your age, I don't think your kids will either. Half my friends wished they had my parents, but I never wished for theirs.

My husband is 51 and we have a 5 yr old. He will turn 64 one month before she graduates high school. He said he actually enjoy's her at this age more than the other children b/c he was so busy working/building his life he didn't stop and really enjoy the childen (his kids are from 28 to 5) so it can to a bonus for your child. Also my best friend's parents are the same age as my grandparents instead of my parents. It was funny to us in high school when her dad and my grandpa planning golfing weekends etc. We laughed more than we ever could have been embrassed by it.

I was 17 when my little brother was born and my mom would get so mad when we would be out together and people would think he was my baby- even if she was holding him.

I had a friend that's parents retired when we were in high school. She was kind of embarrassed by them, but then, what teenager isnt embarrassed by their parents? If you guys are active and healthy, you and your baby should be fine.

I'm not sure that any of us can really answer that with much relevance. I mean, age today isn't what it used to be, lol.

I had a great friend in high school, who was the youngest of several much older siblings. Her parents were much older than mine and our other friends'. Her dad I maybe ever met once, and I was over at her house all the time. He just tended to stay in the bedroom or in the other end of the house with the TV on. Her mom was a fireball, and full of personality, but she was very "dated" and not at all stylish or involved with my friend's activities. I mean, she was great! I loved her to death. She was fun when I was over at their house or she was dropping us off somewhere! But she didn't host things or take groups of kids anywhere, or wasn't the classroom mom. But then... there wasn't that much of that with ANY of our parents back 30 years ago! Which gets back to my initial point. When we were growing up (I am about your age) "older" meant something completely different than it does today. And it's not just a perceptual thing (i.e., we're older so we don't SEEM old at the age we used to think meant "old", lol).

My husband was raised mostly by his grandparents, so they were definitely older, not just in their 40's, but their 50's. My husband had some slightly different rules than other kids, since his "parents" (grandparents) were "old school". For example: He was only allowed to participate in one sport. Not all the sports as the seasons rolled around. He had to choose just one, and that was it. He never really worried about their health, even though his grandmother wasn't well, and in fact was in a nursing home before he graduated high school. And his grandad died of cancer before his 11th grade year. But he didn't dwell on that sort of thing beforehand when he was in elementary school! On the other hand, his brother says that HE did. He says that he (the brother) would get stomach aches at school (and he DID have stomach ulcers as a child) because he would worry that when they got home the grandparents would be dead. Soooo... same household, kids 2 years apart. One worried himself sick, one didn't. So... ?? I'd say it has more to do with the children than the situation. But it was just a different TIME.

Your kids are going to have SOOO many friends out there that are going to be your same age during the course of their lives.... I just don't think it is that big of an issue.

You're healthy, active, and happy. Why focus on this aspect? None of us are guaranteed to be around to see our kids grown, no matter how young or old we are. Just some additional perspective.

Thanks for asking. I have the same concerns. I'm 41 and my girls are 2yrs. 4mo. I have been so worried that I am desperatly trying to get my blood pressure and blood sugar down so I will be around for their college and weddings etc. (hubby is 33, he doesnt worry about anything:)

You two will be doing great too....Don't stress.

Blessings......

That's not old anymore, especially if it's your third child. People are waiting longer to have kids, especially if they've gone to college and waited for a career, And then there's the second or third marriages when people have a kid again at an older age. Nothing to be embarrassed about and no one, no one will look at you and say, gee they're old to have a kid so young.

And congratulations!!

My dad was 55 when I, an only child, was born. Kids and adults were always mistaking him for my grandpa, which was a bit awkward for me as a child, however it wasn't so much his age that effected me as his physical health. By the time I was 3, he couldn't pick me up or carry me on his shoulders or back because of a bad back, which made me jealous at parades and such when I saw bigger kids riding on their dad's shoulders. He was active as my softball coach through 8th grade, but that involved more standing around and yelling than actual physical activity. He did no physical activity, not even walking the dog, by the time I was in high school. He smoked for 60 years, developed emphysema and chronic bronchitis, had a blown aortic aneurysm and a quadruple bypass and still didn't quit smoking unfiltered cigarettes or walk for physical activity. His health finally caught up to him and he died at the age of 78.

I know that you're much younger than my dad, but I hope my story shows the importance of taking care of your health and remaining active when you are a parent, especially an older parent. As a child, I grew up knowing that because of his age and his health, my dad was going to die sooner than later, would most likely never see me graduate college (he did), walk me down the aisle (he was gone almost 7 years by then) or see his grandchildren (first one born 8.5 years after he passed). I resented his health more than his age, because he had some control over that and refused to do anything, even if it meant living longer for me. We were never close because of the age gap, since he just didn't really understand (or care to) the world I lived in. He never tried to maximize his time with me as parent/child because he just wanted to sit on the couch, watch tv and be retired.

So...stay active, make your health a priority, make sure you are there for your kids when they're little and when they're older, because you are older than some parents and even young parents don't know how much of their children's lives they will be around to share.

I always thought my parents were old, and my sister was 10 years younger than I, so by then I guess they were! They were great though, and my dad is 90 now, mom passed a year and a half ago and was in pretty good shape up until she died.
I adopted my kids. We were 43/44 when our youngest was born. There are limitations to what I can do for them now that they are all teenagers, but they are definately better off with us than with their birthparents.
My kids are all special needs (mentally, not physically) and I don't think younger parents would have been equipped to handle the problems we have had. I had to go in and fight the school to get accomodations for my son, and they managed to make me feel like I didn't know what I was doing as a parent. I think only the fact that I was older than the teachers and the administrators kept me focused and helped me succeed.
You'll be fine!
PS. I have some "younger" friends who take my kids to places where I cannot . Like the amusement park where one needs to be on their feet all day long.
L.

My dad was 37 when I was born. I was never ashamed of his age. I actually thought it was pretty cool. My parents had a large age gap (mom was 24 and dad was 37 when I was born), so in a way I had both a younger and older parent. People would ask me about them and I never thought it was weird that my dad was 40 something when I was young. Even in high school it didn't bother me. He was my dad and his age was never mattered to me. He and I would go bowling and other things together. Even now, I think of how old he would be and I just think how young he was. I did lose my dad at the age of 20. To me he was too young to be taken from this world. He was 58. My hope for your children is that they will accept you for who you are and not be ashamed of your age. To kids when they are young it is sometimes cool to have parents that are older. Just remember one thing, it's not your kids who have the opinion.....most of the time it's their friends.

I am 47 and the mother of a 10 year old. Yes all those fears have been felt but I have prepared for my child in that event.--have a will - People who will take care of her etc.
My husband died of cancer this year. In reality regardless of your age we have no guarantees to how long our lives will be. --so regardless parents should prepare for the in case situations.
Sometimes I do feel odd as the parents of my daughters friends are much younger. However we get along great and actually I have found some of her friends have parents older than me. Age is just a number
I believe my child keeps me young.
She is blessed too. As an older parent I have more patience and resources available to me for her.
I think people are waiting until later to have or adopt children.
Best wishes

I am going on 35 and my parents had me when there were 33 and 38 years old. I never thought about them being old at the time but now it gets me down a little because my mom has already passed and my dad will be 73 next month and doesn't have the energy anymore to spend time with my son.

My dad's parents had my dad when they were young so when I was growing up they were both very active in my life. I would spend almost every weekend with them. So sometimes I really wish that my son had that special bond with my dad that I had with my parents.

I am also trying to decide about adding to our family. I fell my clock just ticking away. But, I can't decide because of the same reasons you are asking about.

Good Luck!

I think you answered your own question by everything you said.

As an older parent and a child of older parents, I can say growing up it did not matter to me that they were older until I was of age to recognize the age difference. My parents didn't act old and for all I knew, no matter what, they were just my parents (I didn't have a choice in the matter :-))

But now as an older parent, the only thing I worry about is my children being able to take care of themselves when I am not able to do so. If we maintain a stress free life, eat right, keep active, we can be around to enjoy those latter years, provided nothing unforseen happens.

I also find myself planning more for those later years than I ordinarily would if I was younger. As far as your kids, they don't care as long as you keep up with the times they live in. I hope I am mentally and physically able to do so then.

"Old" is relative. I lived out in CA for about 10 years after graduating from Purdue (born and raised in IN). I was almost 30 when I had my 1st kid and I was YOUNG. Very young. I was always the youngest (by several years) of all the new moms in gymboree, preschool, mom's groups, etc. I got picked on alot for being so young and having my 1st kid "early" (I was 29!). Back there, most people don't even think about getting married until they turn 30 so it's pretty common to have your first kid when you are 35+.

Then we moved back to Indiana where I was considered "old" when I had my 2nd and 3rd kids. Now it seems like I'm the oldest in moms groups, preschool parents, etc etc. It really doesn't matter to me one way or the other. Most people think I'm still in my low-30s or even 20s. My husband and I are very active.

I wouldn't worry about being 60 and having kids in college. My parents are in their 70s and still very much on-the-go, play with the grandkids alot, travel all over the place and spend alot of time visiting grandkids. My parents we're in their low-30s when I was born, too. They were always playing sports with us and were on the go alot. It's actually pretty cool that they are older... they are retired and have tons of time to spend with their young grandchildren. So many people I know can't get their kids together with the grandparents because they are still working 40+ hours a week!

Like many responses - the age of close to 40 is now common for having children in the NY and West Coast areas - many are not having their first child until late 30's - 40.

While you are older - you bring a different set up experiences and knowledge to raising a child. You have more life experiences to offer, you may be more financially stable, you have probably thought about having kids and take raising them seriously as reflected in your post. All of these things are benefits of being older having children.

Keep your house in order - prepare for your own retirement and health care and then stop worrying. Enjoy the moment with your kids - they pass so quickly.

Part of your concern is the area where you live and there may be many young parents - but whose to say that's better. It's just a different experience. I was 35 and 36 when I had my first and second children - and I haven't felt out of place at all.

I am also the youngest of the 3 siblings. I think it would be interesting a study on birth order and the age the parent had their first and last children.
As far as age, keep healthy, eat a good diet, take vitamins, get exercise up to your abilities, be a role model for this future adult. The key thing is trying to keep a line of communication open between the child and parent(s).
And that can be harder than can be imagined at times! Maybe make a video or dvd for much later to pass on your wisdom on how to deal with situations, how to confront them, back down, be a good parent, etc. in other words give them the gift of words from the "past" for when you are no longer able to be there for them a legacy of notes , how to's , and wisdom that they can open when your gone. Because that is the key thing we can't "do" when we pass away be a sounding board and give our knowledge to them when we are gone. Our child is 10 and the Dad is now 54 and the Mom 51 and the child is our only one. So when they become a college student the Dad will be about 63. Our goal is to attend our child's wedding if at all possible, try to keep your records in order as best you can so when the executor has to deal with that it won't be such a burden for the children or child. The wierdent thing is Grandparents day and the grandmom is out of state and does not travel. So the Dad whose hair is just now turning grey sits there with the read grandparents who are about 5 to 20 years older and just smiles and if called on says he is her Dad but none of the grandparents were able to be here so at least he could be. I think it nice they do that but really..... they should call it Grandparents and Grandfriends Day. My Mom had me when she was 32. By Staying out of the Sun she kept a much younger appearance than many women half her age! The other thing is one of you did pass away way sooner than expected. The remaining parent should try to someday re-marry and that new step parent hopefully will the there for the child also as a backup. That is exactly what one of the Dads did when he knew he was fighting for his health and that step parent even with him gone is a friend and helps our child which we appreciate every day as a Step-Grandparent. (younger than the related Grandparent by many years) So there is hope even then, even in the worst case. Also plan on how the child would be taught about and handed an inheritance if that is still possible....to be responsible with it for them and their future family, when someday your are both gone! We taught our child to stand up for herself which appears to be a good thing. Have a trustee in place and change them if needed as life changes any-where and any-how it can. My spouse's Mom did Die when the child was just

My mom was only 30 when I was born, but my dad was 42. My grandpa (on my dads side) was was in his 40's when he had my dad (the oldest) and in his early 50's when he had my aunt (the youngest). This has happened a lot in our family.
I was never embarrassed about my dads age, I didn't really pay that much attention to it until I was in highschool. I think I paid more attention to the fact that my dad was 12 years older then my mom.
My dad had health problems since I was in highschool, so I did worry about him. He had diabetes for a number of years, started having kidney stones, soon after one of his kidneys was only functions at 10%, a few years later we found out he had cancer. It was all down hill from there. Our family has a bad medical history though.
You guys may be considered "older" but really, just take care of yourself. I am not even as old as you are but I am taking my health more seriously now that I have a child. I watch my FIL, who is 70, ride 15-20 on his bike EVERY DAY before 6am, then after that does all his yardwork. My MIL walks 5 mi daily before 7am. Yeah, I definately need to get my lazy butt moving. My inlaws really do make me motivated. They have had multiple health scares (including brain tumor removal) and still try to do whatever they can to prolong their life. We all want to be around as long as possible. We just gotta take care of ourselves. =)

NO! NO! and NO! As long as you are taking care of yourselves and staying young....and having young ones DOES help keep you that way in many ways.........you have nothing to worry about.

I've helped raise a child who is now 8. I'm 53 and am in WWWWAAAAY better shape that her real mother, who's about 10 years younger than I am. No one guesses my age and the child CERTIANLY isn't embarrassed by it. Matter of fact, she brags because I can do all kinds of things other parents can't.......i.e. hanging upside down and doing tricks on the monkey bars. I get lots of looks at the park, but who cares! They're probably wishing they could still hang upside down too!

Age........is a state of mind! You can still be a mature individual and be a kid at heart!

My husbands best friend is a child of older parents, an only child. He is 41 and they are in their 80's and both sickly. He lives in Philly and they live in NYC. He comes in twice a week, to check on the homecare and them. Usually he finds them not in the best condition and feels he needs to be around more, but can't as his work is in Philly and his family. He is totally stressed and there seems to be no end in sight. He literally has no life because of the back and forth and phone calls and services and everything. His parents sibs are all older or sick, so he has no one to help him. This is the extreme bad side of older parents. But they never properly took care of themselves and let small problems grow in to big ones before they would darken the doorway of a doctors office. I am an older parent as I had my son right before I turned 37. No one ever guesses my age and when I tell them they are shocked "you look so young". Perfectly healthy as well as my hubs and take great care of ourselves, however at 39 I had a heart attack due to a blod clot disorder I never knew I had. That could have been the end of it. It wasn't thank God. But older parents or younger parents either way it doesn't garauntee amazing parents on either side of the spectrum, and clearly no matter what you do, doesn't garauntee a longer time with the kids. When my son goes to College I will be 55 and I am sure older than most as I am surely one of the older parents now in grade school. I personally think I have an advantage as I have "LIVED" my life well before child, have many experiences to share with him. Like some really young parents I am not growing up with him and learning as I go, I feel I am more grounded because of it. As a side note aside from my lttle blip at 39, my grandfather lived to 103(stopped driving at 100), my gram 93 and my other grandparents had died due to an accident but their parents lived until their late 90's, so I hope to see my son graduate and welcome home some grandkids.... fingers and toes crossed!

I think it is becoming more common to find parents of young children to be of many ages. As some choose to work for a while first before having children or maybe waiting to get married until later or from taking a while for the babies to come, it probably won't be much of an issue. As long as you keep yourselves healthy and fit for you kids they will love you no matter what.

I mean this with all the empathy in my being.

Breathe. Try to relax a little.

You are obviously a very introspective person, and one who not only analyzes the daylights out of everything, but also someone who cares deeply about the ramifications of your decisions. In those ways we are alike. So I can relate to all your concerns. I have different, but equally as puzzling concerns about mine and my sons lives, and how my decisions have and may yet impact him. But to spend our days worrying about whether we've done the right things, or worse, worrying about things that are at least now out of our control (i.e. the age you are in comparision to your children's ages) is not only unhealthy, but it also steals our pleasure from us. Worry never wrought one good thing.

Your life is what it is. I know you are here looking for reassurances that the choices you have made are good ones, and that your situation will turn out in a positive way. But in hyper-analyzing every minute detail of your lives, what could be, what might happen, what may be in the future, how you should have done it, what you might have changed, who thinks what, who feels what, and so on, and so on, you are actually denying yourself the joy of living in this moment. And we don't get 'em back.

Be thankful for what blessings you have (which I can see you are) and make a conscious effort, everytime you find yourself ruminating about these issues, to stop your train of thought, and look around yourself. Find one thing that you are thankful for. And enjoy that moment for exactly what it is - one more blessed minute you have here on this earth with your beautiful children (who don't care how old you are!) and your lovely wife.

There is a quote or soemthing I read somewhere that says something like, "Know that right now, you are exactly where you are meant to be." Let that idea settle into your soul. God doesn't make mistakes, so whatever your life is, it is that because that's how He intended it. Revel in that!

I'm sorry if you're not religious... I hope I didn't offend. I just get into the same anxious place you seem to be in, and reminding myself of these things helps me to get out of 'my mind,' and get into 'the present.'

Best wishes to you.

Both my husband and I are the babies of our family and are children of "older" parents. We had our children when I was 37 and 39 so we are "older" parents too. I don't think I really noticed a difference with my parents. The biggest thing is that you do end up taking care of your parents (or losing them) at an earlier age. One of the things we considered when discussing having another child is that we didn't want to leave it to just one person to shoulder that responsibility. But let me say that in today's world, we are not the exception. We both worried that we would feel awkward when at an outing for our children with other parents but we have found that there are a LOT of us "older" parents.

My parents were 36 when they had me and 40 when they had my brother. I never thought of them as old gropwing up. My dad coached my soccer team through 8th grade and my mom was very active in my like. They both kept themselves healthy and came to school/college events. My dad died a few years ago, but my mom is very much a part of my 3 year okld daughter's life (I will be an "old" mom as well!) and they bond and the relationship they have is OUTSTANDING...what I always wanted with my grandma. I don't think that is matters your age as long as you stay young at heart and keep yourself healthy. It will all be fine and your children will be blessed with wonderfully "experienced" parents! I know I was!

I was 37 when my last was born. I feel like it is much better that way, I read all kinds of things from much younger women who have yet to discover the meaning of life, what is really important, and what to let go of. It comes much easier with age. Maturity is worth the wrinkles, gray hair, aches and pains.

If I were you, I would let this go, you are too old to worry about it, because your kids don't know, and they will benefit from all your experience that you would not have had 20 years ago. I shuddler to think what kind of parenting I would have done then, so let it go and be glad you have so much more to give!

M.

I sent you a private message with some experiences from my own life that relate to the worries you've been posting about. I didn't want to take up too much space here but I am concerned and wanted to share some things with you.