Can You Instill Values and Morals into Your Kids Without Religion?

I certainly hope so.
Are you suggesting that people without religion lack morals and values? That they lack that ability to be good people?

I am not religious at all, nor is my husband. And my kids are not being raised with it. We raise them to be kind to other people, not judge others, be tolerant, etc....
To believe that only religion can create good people is short-sighted and ignorant.

I prefer to teach my daughter to have morals and stick to her values because it's the right thing to do... Because it's good for her and for society. Not out of fear of divine retribution or in hopes of divine reward.

Yes of course. But I think you have to instill a sense of belonging to the human family, of being jointly responsible for the welfare of this planet. Values of kindness and compassion and generosity and honesty don't belong to one particular religion - they are pretty universal. I agree with the comment below that a fear of hell or the promise of eternal life aren't required, but there are religions that don't incorporate those. Many focus on this life, this world, and our obligation to each other.

I'd much rather have someone of no religion who does great things, than someone who keeps invoking God and then doing all kinds of horrible things, or even just doing nothing. Prayer isn't enough. You have to act.

You definitely can... I was brought up with non concrete church background However, I knew for example that stealing and lying were wrong.. Now, take my former foster mother, who was brought up in the church... whom she herself prided herself on being a good southern baptist and yet.. this woman was not only a liar, thief and a cheat but a child abuser...
Therefore, religion has less to do with the morals and values of a person.. the caliber of a person should be judged not for their religion but rather their actions.....

I sure hope so!
My kids are usually pretty amazing. I strive to teach them values and morals by the way that I live, the actions that I take. Because *I* am the one they are watching and learning from.
We don't go to church or read the Bible. But I feed the homeless, am going to school for Social Services, volunteer at a womens shelter, and champion for the rights of ALL people regardless of sexual orientation, disability, race, ect.
I wonder how I do that without God? Maybe because I am a decent human being. And that's what I hope for my kids as well.

Of course you can. I can't imagine why anyone would think otherwise.

Yes.

Check out the Unitarian Church. Though it grew from Christian roots, individual churches are often predominantly secular.

Doing the right thing is a choice. And most people deep down know right from wrong. Instead of "because my religion tells me to", secular morality I think is about the WHY - really, WHY to do the right thing. Cause and effect of actions/choices, vs "because you'll go to hell" or whatever.

http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-0115-zuckerman...

Bottom line, there are moral/ethical people who are not religious, and there are immoral/unethical people who proclaim to be, and a lot of in-between.

Humans did this for thousands of years with no religion.

Most ethicists are atheists. Think Aristotle. Think Plato.

We are atheists. We have a list of principles we live by: kindness, joy, helpfulness, etc. There are values embedded in your every action. Ethics, as defined by the western tradition, is a way of life. All ways of life embody choices about value.

You kind of can't live without value. It's totally impossible.

I consider myself of the secular humanist variety, I suppose. I try to model moral behavior in my daily life. Some of those acts are small but powerful, like apologizing to my son when I make a mistake, or making hard choices about how we use our resources or whom we spend our time with. Modeling honesty (giving disappointing news to my husband), modeling integrity (handing back money I found at the self-check to the cashier, and then to have the woman who left it so happy to know it was returned)... my speaking of teachers and other people we know with respect, even when I disagree with them-- all of this is about teaching our son.

We can only speak for our family, however, I think that internalizing that "the buck stops here" -- that one has to answer to one's own self~ that's a very strong feeling. Whether or not there is a God holding me accountable for my every action, WHY NOT live in a way one would feel honorable living? Why *not* try to be your higher self? YOU are watching yourself, every day. You have to decide how you feel about yourself and your actions when you go to bed at night. In my life, I have had far more unrest about my own actions than about what I thought God thought of me. This isn't meant to be disrespectful to anyone's religion, but my guess is that God would cut me more slack than I do myself. :)

Of course you can instill values and morals without religion. You teach them to do the right thing because its the right thing to do not because they'll go to hell.

Yes.
I think you can.

Of course you can. We did.

hahahaha!!!
that's funny.
Um, of course.

Why not?

Don't all religious principles boil down to the Golden Rule?

Of course you can.

I can't figure out the motive behind your question. It's a bit insulting to this non church attending Mom that you would wonder if it's possible. Don't you have secular friends who you respect?

The two little non-believers in our house are highly moral. They have integrity, are honest and empathetic to their fellow humans. More so than lots of religious people I know.

My (now ex) husband felt very strongly about raising our children catholic.

I had been raised catholic, but had drifted away in the years before we married.

I agreed to raise the children 'catholic' - but made it clear that I was going to be involved with the 'catechism', and also was NOT going to be a 'go to church only on sunday' parishioner.

And I wasn't. Funny thing IS, that in spite of his Notre Dame education, he was remarkably UN involved in the church.

During (and post) divorce, I felt totally unsupported by our particular faith community. The kids were 16 ish to 9 when we divorced.

I left the 'church'.

The children are ALL moral and valuable members of society. They have ALL (over the course of the over 10 years post divorce) explored many 'religions', faiths, cultures and philosophies. And *I* have supported that quest/desire.

I personally do not think their respective 'moral compasses' are a result of their early learning from 'the church'. I think it has had more to do with a foundation laid of respect, tolerance, and 'doing the right thing' as though *I* were the one looking over their shoulder!!

Not sure this answers your question, but it has been my experience.

As a side note, when the divorce was finally final, the 'ex' expressed NO interest in keeping up with the kids in ANY way...to include their catechism.

Best!

Worked in my home! My daughter is 22.

ETA: I was thinking about this as I was commuting to my next meeting. I think raising my daughter without religion has made us more responsible and accountable to ourselves. We didn't believe we couldn't be good humans and get away with "forgiveness" to fall back on. We are decent because it is the right thing to do, not because people are telling me to.

My husband and I both agreed before even getting pregnant to raise our children in a way that they can decide for themselves what, if any, church to attend and also what religion if any that they wanted to believe in. Both he and I were raised Christian - he Morman and I non-deonominational (my parents never went to church). We were both allowed and encouraged to attend different services and to study other religions.

Our children, though still young, are very moralistic and hold values in high regard. My oldest and my middle child (12 yrs.) have gone to Bible Summer School, gone to many different services with different friends and religions. We have discussions often regarding ancient religions as well as current ones.

I think it's important to have open dialogue about religion and you can do that without forcing it upon others. As long as you teach your children right from wrong, that actions have consequences and that you have certain expectations of them and their behavior, I think it's totally possible.

Sorry if I started off-track at first there! ahaha :)

Yes, I certainly do. I talk to my kids about acceptance, integrity, and character without having formal religion as a backdrop. We've tended to live in pretty conservative areas and I've found that some of the most religious and socially conservative people have been the ones whose lives don't seem to mirror what is being preached in their respective houses of worship.

I think it's better to model the values you want to instill in your kids rather than preach at them in church and do something completely opposite at home.

Yes of course!

One of the most wonderful families I know is made up of parents and children who are all atheist or agnostic. They do enjoy the community aspect of traditional worship though so they are part of our local Unitarian Universalist congregation and sometimes attend services there but have no compulsion to do so.

Through that community the boys (now 15 & 19) had access to a wonderful sex education series (for lack of a better phrase, it was much more comprehensive than that) that I wish I had introduced my children to. This is a family who lives, laughs, loves, plays and serves together. All of them are avid cyclists and the parents bike to work, sharing part of their commutes, and the teenage boys go on mountain biking weekends with dad. They do community service individually and together, often through the UU community. Both parents work in caring professions and live their values, which are to be genuine, be good, serve others, be accountable. I adore these two boys and are glad that they are friends with my kids and treasure my friendship with this mom. I so very much admire the love and connectedness of this family, all achieved without the construct of a formal religion.

FWIW my kids and I are Catholic and my husband is Jewish. We have religion and then some...and our family is a mess. It's neither a requirement nor a cure.

I'm not clear what you are actually trying to ask. Are you asking "do you have to go to church/synagogue/temple to teach your kids values or morals? "Do you have to belong to an organized religion to teach these things?"

Of course not. Kids learn and internalize what they are taught at home. Whatever that is. Intolerance. Do unto others. Generosity. Rebelliousness. Selfishness. Being entitled. Service to others. Education is good. Getting something over on someone else (or the system) is smart. Whatever...

If you are asking, however, a more over arching philosophic type question, well, we didn't just pick out that giving or serving others was the right thing to do. In fact, it's counter to self preservation. So where did those notions come from? Religion. And while others may disagree, I'd encourage you to do your own research (if this is the underlying question you were asking) about what societies actually believed and how they behaved and why...
Charity was a hallmark of Christianity and was carried out in a way not seen before. Not as a public display to sway opinions, not to beef up the physical stature of the community to make better soldiers, etc. But the feed the poor, to clothe those in need, to care for the ill and bury the dead during times of plague as a living out of service to their neighbor.
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And I'm fairly certain that Plato and Aristotle were theists, not atheists.

Um, YES of course you can! I didn't grow up going to a church or believing in any god, and I live by the golden rule and consider myself a moral person. The right thing to do is the right thing to do. We give monthly to help others who are less fortunate...and we volunteer in our communities. We teach our kids to have kindness, compassion, integrity, honesty, being fair, the value of hard work, patience, keeping your promise, etc. The same concepts I learned as a kid. I believe very strongly in kindness to others...you don't know what hardship any person is going on at any point in their life. I have heard people make little comments similar to your question and it's pretty insulting to human beings in general to believe you cannot be a moral or ethical person unless you follow a religion.

Absolutely. Why would one think otherwise?

We are religious but haven't been to church in over a year - my bad. We don't raise our kids any differently when we are going to church versus when we are not. I'm not sure where this question is coming from.

Yes, our daughter is a perfect example. She is almost 25.
We taught her that Character is important.
What we say and do make a difference in every persons life .

At one point we did explain all sorts of Organized Religions to her and of course if she was invited to visit places of worship, if she wanted to go that was fine with us.

Of course you can, but raising children in the church provides a community of like minded individuals that are willing and able to provide support to families who wish to instill morals and values into their kids, as well as many opportunities to serve the wider community and the planet. I don't find the church necessary, but I do find it very helpful.

ETA: I don't belong to the kind of church that promises rewards or punishment for behaviour. I belong to the kind of church that believes in love, inclusion, tolerance, acceptance, caring for our neighbour and our planet.

Actually, I just heard that morals have more to do with biology than how we are raised...or any outside influence like religion. They have found that chimpanzees and other creatures show the same signs of morals and group interactions as humans do. For example, if one chimp is not getting the same yummy food as the others after doing a task, the other chimps will stick up for him and make a fuss until they give the good treat to all of the chimps. Pretty fascinating that we are born kind. Also, most atheists are very lovely people, so yes, you can raise children to be kind and loving without religion. My children are two of the sweetest, kindest children. I am constantly being told I'm extremely nice, calm and fair and I wasn't raised with religion. In fact, I've noticed that the most religious people that I personally know are often a bit on the selfish or bullying side when it comes to other people and other groups. Just my opinion, but it's a consistent thread throughout my life that cannot be ignored.

Yes. Why couldn't you? This is an offensive question to those of us that aren't religious. Many Christians are teaching and promoting hate at this point in time in history. I'm pretty sure hate doesn't belong with morals and values. Again, this is an offensive question.

A better question would be: Can the Christians that are promoting and teaching hate instill morals and values?

Absolutely! I believe in God and we teach the power of his principles to our children but we do not just stop there! We teach them principles period.

If you lie, you steal if your steal you cheat! Treat others how you would want to be treated ect.. It is all about the principles of life which is something this world has lost! There used to be a time when children respected their elders and feared to disrespect them now it is a trend to do such a thing. A lot of this trend has to do with giving our children the world before they have an understanding of what hard is all about so they are entitled!

Simply teach principles and you do not need religion to do so.

Nope, no way. We raise our children free of religion and they have no moral compass whatsoever. Completely valueless.

Religion (pick one, or just make up your own), is the sole repository of good ethics.

Sorry.

Are you serious? This post is odd to me and I am a Christian

if a person needs religion as a guidepost to them being moral and knowing good from bad then it's an external emphasis on what is right, if you teach them good vs bad and how to be kind for the pure sake of being a good person then it's internal and longer lasting

I am an atheist and my girls have won awards for being good citizens in school without an ounce of "God" in their life.

Of course.
It depends upon how you are & your mate.
Are you kind? Help others? Fair? Don't steal? Etc.
You as an adult, as a parent, need to instill in your children by teaching &
by example don't steal, to treat others as you would want to be treated,
to work hard, have a good work ethic (show up to work, work hard, be a
team player), pull your own weight in the world, pay your taxes, donate
to those less fortunate.
It's up to you. You need to teach the and model the example!!!

They could if everyone had the same values and morals.

There are extremes with or without religion. And just an FYI I don’t know of any religion that doesn’t see homosexuality as a sin. Christians seem to get the brunt of the criticism about it, but I have NEVER seen a Christian chop off someone’s head or throw them off a roof for being gay. Christians are against the sin, not usually the person committing it.
I have known plenty of people that claim to be religious and are the worst people ever, the same goes for atheists. There are also religious people that are very kind, caring wonderful people and that also goes for atheists.

I think it just comes down to what kind of person do you want to be. We are all born with free will (God given or other) and we all make our own choices. God cannot force people to do good just as the devil cannot force people to do bad (saying the devil made me do it is a cop out), it all comes down to free will and the choices we each make.