Being Positive with My Boys....

First off Kudos to you for being honest!

As a mom to a grip of rowdy boys, I feel ya woman!

So, you know the problem...now just fix it! You can do it! Just from now on, before you even open your bedroom door in the morning remind yourself of how you want to be or better yet, how you don't want yourself to be....then before you open your mouth, each and every time, take a minute and think before you speak. You can do it!! I know you can!!

It will be difficult because you are in a routine and have established a habit, but you can and you will be able to break yourself of your crabby-ness...you will have set backs, that's OK...just start over. Learn to breath and take a minute to think before you react!

My youngest kids are similar in age to yours...and I have been where you are...your kids are old enough for you to be honest with them. When they are being especially uppity and you feel the need to yell (or whatever) and your patience is wearing thin, talk to them like people..."Mommy is having a hard time and I am trying to keep my cool, now I am only going to tell you one more time...do X now, please! or you will be in trouble and have to do X"!

I see a LOT of time-outs in your future, for you and the kids :)
The most important thing to remember is you MUST be consistent and FOLLOW THRU with the punishments or you will be right back at square 1 again!

I think you have already done the hardest part...which is admitting to yourself (and all of us) that you are not handling things correctly...fixing it will be difficult but totally doable sis. You got this!

*Have hubby help you. You'd be surprised how much a word/talk from Dad helps...just a little "Did you listen to Mom today"? will go along way with letting the kids know that... the times, they are a changin'!

((Big Hugs))

I find that when my DD gets on my nerves the most is when she needs some attention or an outing. I often babysit my friend's son and when they pick on each other, I take them outside. There she can inspect rocks and he can run around screaming and they have enough space to get away from each other. My friend's kid is 4 and DD is 2.5 so I have similar ages there.

I find that if I stop sometimes to have a hug or read a book or take a walk, DD is much better behaved than if I try to muddle through. I try to remind myself that rarely is she being deliberately mean toward me. It's just kid stuff.

I also try to pick and choose. If DD won't give up her toy, is it worth putting her in time out or is it something that we can talk through? If she won't get ready to somewhere and people are expecting us, do we just go and deal with it later or does it need to be something I stop and correct then and there? Do we make her sister load the dishwasher properly and make us late or do we leave and she has to load AND unload later? That sort of thing. I hope that makes sense.

For example, if he doesn't do the two step thing you asked, then break it down. "Give the iPad to your brother." Then, "Get dressed." Then "Get your shoes", etc. One step at a time.

I've never used it, but other people have suggested 1, 2, 3 magic.

You might also put up a white board and make three sections. When you find your kids doing something you like, write it down and then pick a time to read them together. "Joe, I liked it when you shared your trucks with your brother today." Try to help them learn what TO do so you're not spending so much time with what NOT to do.

Oh honey bunny...you're just having one of those days! You are obviously doing something right if your kids are kind and loving. Stop being so h*** o* yourself. Being a mom, especially of three active boys, is riddled with the "I suck" days. I agree with S.H apologize when your wrong and try harder next time. I have four kids all older now and we've always made a point of keeping them involved in sports or some kind of physical activity. Especially the boys! I always told my kids, still do, you didn't come with a book. Do you laugh with them..goof around ,get on the floor and wrestle? Maybe some non-mom type of behavior is what you need! Good Luck!

I have two small boys and was also hating the rut of anger I would have towards them when they did typical kid things. I have really calmed down and enjoy my time with my kids more since I read some parenting books on how to deal with misbehavior. I can't tell you what it's done for my mental state. I don't know if this is your issue or not but it definitely helps to develop some skills to fall back on when your having one of those days. Try Love and Logic or something similar. Best of luck and I agree with the first post- sounds like you need to fill up your tank also- try yoga or get a sitter for a few hours a week.

I have the same issue and I only have ONE daughter. I have found the book "She's Gonna Blow" to be very helpful and informative ... and also makes you realize that your feelings are normal. FYI... there's some religious connotation to it as well. Good luck - I can totally relate. ;-)

Rather than blowing up, which is after you're annoyed, just act calmly and immediately, or don't react at all. When I know I'm on a short fuse because I have cramps and a new letter from the IRS and a filthy house and anything that comes out of my mouth will be shouted, I just don't say anything to my kids until I'm being sane. I let them yowl like banshees and destroy whatever they're wrecking until I make a cup of tea, do a yoga stretch or two, count to ten and realize why I'm pissed. It's really never because of them.

Then when I have my wits about me, I go to calmly give them fair and logical requests, like to stop thwacking their baby sister with the towel rack they dismantled. They can tell by my eye contact, calm voice, and serious tone, that if they do not react, they will only be hurting themselves. I either follow through or not (usually not, because they know I mean business) and we proceed to do things positively together. I make sure to keep a grounded, present watch over the getting dressed and getting out the door, I keep tabs on my temper if they're getting distracted and late, I give easy to understand logical fair directions, and praise while they keep things moving.

Consequences are pretty rare at his point, and my own temper is totally up to me to control. They're great kids, but kids are hard, and I'm tired and have adult baggage, so I don't always feel as Doris Day-ish as I'm acting but it does make me feel better than it would to bully them, and I notice they're happy and having a good time, so that makes up for my own annoyance.

It is very rare that I can't control myself from being a grump, and it's never their fault. When that happens, I just warn them. Like, we were driving to TN once-two days each way, just me and them (3 under 5) and I had SEVERE cramps. The driving day was much longer than I had hoped, and I got up super early to pack and we had a crappy hotel room and no crib (which I had reserved). I had no Motrin, and I COULD NOT SPEAK NICELY. The take out food FINALLY came, we were starving, and there was nowhere to set it down without my one year old grabbing and spilling it, and I couldn't just pop her in a crib so I could eat for 10 minutes. I said, "OK, you guys can jump on the bed and do whatever you want, but I don't feel good and all I can do is yell, so watch out."

I propped up my feet on the suitcase, and anytime anyone bounced over to my bed to block Law and Order I fully yelled at them. Which they thought was super funny and would go screaming to the other bed (usually I make them behave in motels, but all bets were off because I was mad, so I did not discipline them). I just kept a frown and cherished the grouchiness all night since I never do it. They zonked out by 8:30pm FOR ONCE!

Next day, back to normal. It also helps to use humor when you're annoyed. believe me, I am a serious disciplinarian, which prevents a LOT of shinanegans and yelling, and would never suggest humor or yelling INSTEAD of discipline on a regular basis, but if you are usually calm and firm and immediate, it leaves a lot less opportunity for you to get mad and unfair, and humor goes a long way. The kids learn to navigate between "happy funny mom" and "mom who just gave a warning to be heeded". It really is all about self discipline. You KNOW you shouldn't rage at them, so don't. Be fair and logical with your requests, be consistent with your consequences, and don't get mad at them.

Another really helpful thing to do is force yourself to greet them in the morning, first thing with a HUGE happy smile and hug that you're happy to see them. Like every time they wake up in the morning it's the greatest amazing celebration ever. It will make them happy, and force you out of any morning funk you may be in. In our house it's a hard and fast rule.

Even if the hubs and I are in a fight, we stop to give big happy GOOD MORNINGS to the kids from bed, from naps, and sometimes just because someone enters the room. Brighten up. You gotta fake it to make it. Start to greet them with a huge happy smile, then force yourself to compliment them and laugh about something no matter what a few minutes later, and keep your morning on track. If you act happy and loving, you will eventually feel it. Good work seeing this needs to change, you never want to look back like you wasted this time with them. Good luck, hang in there!

Do you ever get any time to yourself?
Does your Husband help?

It is good you are aware of this issue and want to improve it.

Especially with your Eldest, you can sit down with him, and have talks. Just heart to heart talks. Let him know, that he is important. That he counts. Let him know... (I do this), that Mommy is not perfect, you are trying you best, but you get stressed. Try to foster a 'relationship' with him... not just a relationship of reactions. I also, "apologize' to my kids, when "I" am not the most ideal.
Any kid, needs that.

Have routines with them. A schedule of activities. Tell them daily, what is up. Boys need to have lots of physical runaround time. Or they go nuts.

Yes, its hard.
hard to get out of that rut.

My favorite resources - "She's Gonna Blow", "I Was a Really Good Mom Until I had Kids", and "Screamfree Parenting".