Behavior Issues

It sounds like you're doing right. He's use to you responding and treating him a certain way. Now you've changed the rules on him. He doesn't understand why he just knows its different and that he probably liked the old way better. Keep it up and don't give in or it'll only get worse.

This sounds very normal to me. both of my girls hit "the terrible twos" about that time. I think you are doing the right things by not giving in, too.
I know how it feels to not know if you are doing the "right thing." I pray everyday that I will know what is "right!"

Hi

I have a 22 month old and I am experiencing the same thing. Just hold your ground ...it is TOUGH!!! and so hard some days to take the whining, but mine is learning he cannot get anything from whining. If he doesn't have a lot of words, teaching him some sign language can help...definately made a difference with my kids between the ages of 1 and 2.5.
Good Luck and know that there are others in your boat :)

Good job setting limits! He will be better for it in the long run. :)

My youngest is this same age. To some extent, I think fits are normal at this age and you might find that they decrease faster if you ignore them. Fits are usually done for an audience and it's amazing how fast they give it up when the audience disappears.

With our son, we start with a sharp no. If he ignores it, we do a "no" again and then pick him up and carry him away from whatever it is. If he goes back, he gets a third "no" (or "all done"). After that, we will slap his hand. Not hard, but enough to get his attention. He'll usually scream for a while after that (again, not because it hurts but because he knows we're serious now). But frankly, we've so rarely had to do that because he understands "no" better now and responds with a first or second warning.

The restaurant thing is tougher. We eat out a lot too and just make sure to always have a few favorite treats with us so he can be busy on his crackers before the food comes. If you're choosing places that are already noisy and kid-friendly, that will help cut the looks of disgust. But it also helps not to lose your cool, because the kids pick up your tension and that can prolong the fit, I think.

I'm no expert, but these are things that have worked for us. Good luck though. No one ever said the terrible 2s had to wait until they are two!

.

Congratulations mommy! I am so happy for you and your husband. What a challenge a baby would be at 44 and here you are with two of them. I had my last one at 36. What a joy she has been! I had two others to practice on before her, however.

You didn't say how long your son has been off of oxygen, but I am inclined to agree with you that this is a learned behavior that is just going to take the patience of Job and continued consistency. I cannot stress consistency enough. Give in one time and you're back to square one.

You said you don't give in to him until he quits crying or at least fussing. If I'm understanding you correctly, you're saying that he eventually gets whatever it is he is fussing about. Does he always get what he wants depending on his actions? Young as your children are they learn very, very quickly so I would recommend you and your husband decide what is and isn't important to you when it comes to what the children can have/do. Establish rules and consequences now. That may sound a little silly when we're talking about a 20 month old, but trust me, you are training him every second of his waking life. Why start out one way only to have to retrain him when he is older?? That just sends mixed signals to a child and tells them that mommy and daddy really don't know what they want so if I am patient enough and try enough tricks I will eventually get my way. Does that make sense?

It is also very important that you and your husband are on the same page when it comes to how you want your children raised and disciplined. If you aren't supportive of one another then the children will pit you against each other.

Hope this helps. I'm a first time grandmother so I've seen it all...lol. My grandson is only 2 months old but he already knows what he does and does not like and he lets you know it.

Keep up the good work and enjoy every second with your two little (soon to be big) blessings.

Unfortunately all kids go through this stage where they just act up in public and don't care who hears it. When they are little like your son, we would sometimes say if my daughter wanted to go one way for example and we needed to go the other "okay bye bye" and just agree with her (knowing of course that we really were not going to leave her behind) and take a few steps. That doesn't always work if they say "okay" and are fine with it. Time outs do help. One thing we learned when our girl was 2 was giving a warning. We were not used to doing that when she was a baby because you could just go places and bring her with you. Then we learned we had to say "Okay 2 more times down the slide and then we are going" . By getting that little warning and knowing we didn't "surprise" her with "we have to go right now" really made a HUGE different for us. We still warn her all of the time "first we are doing this and THEN we can do that" and knowing has really helped her to understand why we are doing something else right now. Hope this helps!

Hi B.~

I also have b/g twins who are almost 2. They were only born 2 weeks early but my son also has horrible tantrums when he doesn't get his way. I think b/c he was so small at birth I catered to him more than my little girl and now he expects to get whatever he wants or he cries. I wish I had the answer but I wanted to tell you that you are not alone b/c I'm facing the same problems. We have started timeout which he does understand and usually when his 2 minutes are up he has already forgotten why is was so angry. Sometimes I can just ask him if he wants to go to timeout b/c his is not being nice and he will say no and most of the time he will stop, some days are harder than others. They still can't communicate what they want so I think he gets frustrated b/c he can't tell me what is making him upset. Good luck and congrats on your twins they are such a joy everyday!

S.

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Welcome to motherhood!!!!! I am a mother of 4 ranging from 13 years to 16 months. My 13 and 10 year old was by my first marriage and my 2 1/2 and 16 month old are by my second marriage. It seems as if my first 2 kids never acted this way (at least I can't remember it). As for my 2 little ones it seems this act never stops. I have learned a couple of things that help with this so maybe you can give it a try.
1. Isolate them when the temper rises. Put them in their bedroom by theirselves to show him/her that you will not put up with the actions. Even pull the door to. They will be shocked when you do this and scream louder but they will get the point. Even when he comes out of his room still crying then ignore him and if it doesn't stop quickly then do it again.
2. If you can catch him before he starts getting too upset then you can do deep compressions that help to calm him. My 2 year old is in therapy for speech and because of some behavorial issues Occupational therapy picked him up. I learned that doing deep compressions throughout the day helps. This includes like a deep message when he is sitting around, joint compressions, smushing him with a pillow (it sounds bad but it's not...do it in a playing manner like tossing him on the couch and making funny faces then take the pillow and smush him with it, he will like it), even try to pick him up and swing him. You can look some of this stuff up on the internet for more information.

Hope this helps and good luck!

S.

Your son does sound very strong-willed. Some kids are.

Does he cry (real tears) or is it mostly just screaming. My youngest (now 13) screamed until he got his way, but it sounded like crying. He hated the carseat. Once I drove for 50 minutes to the airport with him screaming the entire way. The minute I took him out of the carseat, he stopped. And once he fell down a couple of steps when he was around 14 months. I followed the doctors' advice and waited for him to move to see if he was injured. But he just laid there and cried until I picked him up. I had five others before him, and none of them acted like that.

Because he's a twin, I would say the situation is due more to his personality than the fact that he's a preemie. Be prepared for some battles of the will with this guy. As he gets older, you will have to hold your ground on some things. As they say, choose your battles. I bet he's really loving, too.

As I said, my strong-willed little guy just turned 13. I'm preparing for some battles of my own!

He is actually a toddler right now developmentally. I would imagine, about 14 mo old in his actions. Get a sitter and leave him home, so he won't be stressed, and you won't. We have a 2 yr old grson with mild autism, some nights he is ok, others, he cries at everyone. I told son that we can eat here, but no more outings to a restaurant where he disturbs others. Your little guy will work through this, and his personality may always be more high strung.

Hey B.!
You are not alone! My son is just over 19 months and has started throwing fits when he doesn't get his way (and it is worse when he is tired). What he does is actually pretty funny to me - when he doesn't get his way (like if I tell him no to doing something or eating something), he goes over to a particular rug in our house, drops down to the floor and starts flailing. I just walk away and give him no attention at all. When he realizes I am not paying attention to him, he pops right up and finds me and is back to being happy. So as long as your son is safe, I would suggest ignoring him and letting him throw his fit (even if you are in public!) Hope it gets better soon!
Cyndi

I highly recommend the book "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman. It tells the reader/parent how to change your child's behavior. We used it for our 2nd child and it has made a big change in the ease of our family life.