I have a 5-year old daughter (twin) and three other children of which i have no problems out of when it comes to school. But this one twin has been in school for the last 2 years. First preschool then a head start program setting and now kindergarten. I am being told that she is so defiant she does not listen to the teachers she does not listen to anybody the only difference in her is she acts fine at home and daycare. I mean she has her days but nothing like what they have told me when she is at school how she disrupts class, disrespects adults, and she also tells them what she will and won't do!!...i have yet to see it for myself and i have popped up in the class a number of times and have yet to see this "monster" they are telling me about!...do i think she is capable of being someone else when i am not around? Of course. I have taught her home training skills and manners but i am confused on how much they say and how much i see. I am so overwhelmed i have tried school psychologists outside therapists and in school s.i.t. Programs (student improvement team)!!!...nothing is working i have received a call for her everyday since school started!!! She has been suspended 3 times and this "psychologist" has guaranteed her sojourn in school because of it's importance...please help me! I have a meeting with this s.i.t. Group in the a.m. And i have many questions for them, maybe someone on here can give me some advice thank you so much be blessed to all of you!
First of all i want to thank all of you for taking the time to give me your insight on this situation!!! Thank you thank you!! I did not expect this much support it has been very hard to help my daughter in this environment and i want to answer some of the questions as well as respond to some of the comments that were placed out there!... I went to the meeting that they wanted me to come to today i had the opportunity of speaking to a social worker as well as the teacher and the principal whom which i have never felt like was on my child's side from the get go that's why i have went out on my own to seek help from other resources!...anyway this meeting started off very badly between myself and the principal it seems as though she thought that i have not been proactive in my daughter's situation???...i was very upset to hear some of the things that she had to say and when i responded to her allegations of me not caring about the welfare and the education of my child, i snapped!!! As a mother any real mother will tell you do not question my ability to be the best parent that i can be!! How dare you say these things and think that you know what your talking about i do not communicate with her because i have others that i feel really care about my child's well being and she is not one of them! Y'all are gonna flip when i tell you what she did next after i gave her a piece of my mind! Didn't she get up out of her chair in a rage and went out to the front office and said i need a withdrawal for this student i am not going to deal with anyone who talks to me like that? Wow and she is the principal over all these children trying to learn and this was her way of "showing me" was to kick my daughter out of school?!!! I know some of you are probably like oh h%*l no!!!...she went out to where other parents were in the office and started talking like this!... I just out right told her you know what if you kick my daughter out of this school because you can't take a little grown up debate then you do just that and i work very hard to make sure you lose your job! I could not believe this y'all even the social worker heard this and she said wow this is probably the problem! I will be going to the school district tomorrow not only to transfer my child but to file a major complaint on her and beings that the social worker was there to i will also have her make a statement!... So i think a lot of you are right it has a lot to do with not only the school but the way this "figure" of the school handles her self if she acts like this with a parent i could only imagine how she acts towards not only my children but the other children as well!... After i said what i said to her she started to calm down i continued to speak to the social worker and she was just as disgusted with her actions as i was! The teacher to me is a go for anything type of a person so she actually has nothing to say back to her "boss" so it's almost like they are picking on my daughter! On another note i am having her eyes and ears checked this month so i hope everything goes well. I wear glasses and my eldest child needs glasses as well so that could be the problem! Sojourn means to stay...lol i forget who asked that but thats what it means. Do i know if she is a real psychologist that's a good question every time i try to meet with her she is either not there or went home sick? See the unfortunate thing of being a single mother and going to school full time working part time and not having any support at all (trust i have tried) child support,welfare,section 8 low income housing, public housing i have never had any of these things so i went and signed up but you know the rest! I am single i cannot be in a thousand places at one time i wish i could but realistically i cannot and i am going to school to start my own business so i do not have to worry about being away from any of my children. All i can say is i have been working with god! Faith,the word and church we find time to do that. Thats where we were in the pic with all 4 of them!...:) i love my babies more than anything in this world and i will not stop fighting for the best for them...until god decides it's time for me to go! Which i pray is no time soon! I love you all for taking the time to respond once again i know i already said it but it really means a lot to know that someone else cares enough to share with me their thoughts sometimes thats all a mother needs is someone to talk to! I stumbled across this site by accident but it wasn't an accident it was devine purpose in this. Thank you thank you and i hope to hear from all of you real soon!...thank you and god bless you and yours.
Where does she sit in the classroom ? Are there alot of kids in the class? maybe that could be an issue. If she is fine at home and daycare I would believe that there is something about the class that is making her unhappy. Maybe moving her closer to the teacher would help. Maybe suggest giving her some responsibilites in the class like passing out paper or cleaning the board. Could she be bored?
Someone else questioned suspension of a 5 year old. I also have questions about this. In our school district, I have only heard of this once when there were concerns over one particular child physically harming someone. This child was 7. It does not sound like this is the case with your child.
Is this a private or public school? Who is in charge of special services in your district? Is there a neutral child behavior person who can come observe your child in the classroom setting? Someone your daughter does not know and who is not within the school district. Perhaps they can help pick out what is going on and what her trigger points are.
I am not sure what they mean by soujourn because of the importance of school. Public School districts are required by law to educate children. If it is a public school district they will still be required by law to provide her with services whether it is in their school or another one. If your child goes to a private school, the public school district is also required to provide special services if it is needed.
Is there a parent advocacy group in your state? Find out who they are and get in touch with them. They will be a valuable resource for you to help you through this process.
Check out the Center on Social Emotional Website. They also have some great resources here that you can either suggest to the school or can help you at home. http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/resources/strategies.html
Good luck.
does "student improvement team" refer to improving the behavior of young children? How does that work? Is there focus on an individual child by a team of adults?
Are the twins identical? Are they both in the same class?
Is there any stress between the girls?
I don't understand what you mean by the "psychologist" referring to her "sojourn". Is the "psychologist" actually a psychologist?
Does the "sojourn" refer to your child spending time in the classroom?
Or being out of the classroom.
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I looked at the photo of your children.
Lovely children.
I see that one of your girls is bigger/taller than the other.
If you hadn't said they were twins, I would never have guessed that.
I'm wondering if the one who is having problems is the smaller girl.
Perhaps the expectations, both academic and behavior,
may be more than she is ready for?
Maybe she needs more time in Head Start or pre-K?
Hi L.
My concern would be with the school.You know your child best and would have some idea of her behaviour being this bad. I don't think by your post that you are one of these mothers that think their child does no wrong.
Be an ADVOCATE for your daughter and ensure that she is being treated fairly at school.
Why was a five year old suspended three times? That crazy!! She is not a monster,just a five year old girl.
If you decide to keep her at this school,tell them they need to help you to find the source of why this behaviour is only happening at school.Tell them obviously your daughter is trying to communicate something and that the school needs to support her in a kind ,positive manner to assist her to improve her behaviour.
Mama ,listen to your own instincts,don't take everything they say as gospel,be observant with your daughter and give her loving support.
Best of luck
Blessings
B.
Have you checked all the medical issues? For example, have you had her eyes checked? I'm wondering, too, if she could be severely dyslexic? Visiting the school and trying to "catch her in the act" is good, but I would try to recreate her behavior at home by working with her on the kinds of things they're doing in kindergarten... the alphabet, etc. If she acts out when you're attempting to teach her, it could be because she is unable to grasp the concepts. Or, is she very advanced and just bored out of her mind? Another thing... since you have 4 children, could she just be trying to get more of your attention?
I think you need a Daily Behavior Contract. This means you draw up a contract---simple for a 5 year old to understand--that has the specific expectations of behavior for the day, and at the end she has to get it signed, or checked off that she MET the expectations, and then when she presents it to you at home, she gets a reward. Every day.
I did this with one of my boys, so he would get chocolate ice cream after school any day he was good during school.
Think of something that will motivate your daughter, and ask the school people to help design something.
First of all I would find a different school. Find a school with a loving feeling.
Also this might be hard to listen to but your daughter might not have the best manners and instead of saying "thats not my daughter" realize something has to change and it has to come from you and her. My one neighbor was always ready to tell me when one of children did something wrong but never saw anything wrong about her son. My son needed to be corrected and I made him apolize but she always had some excuse for his bad behavior.
Perhaps she needs a teacher who will be more firm with her. My youngest is quite a challenge to her teachers and always has been. She tends to run all over the less experienced teachers, but is absolutely fine with more experienced teachers. I have also noticed that once a child is labeled "bad," that's how they act. Since you know it's possible for your child to behave in class (since she is okay at home and in day care, it's clear she understands and can follow directions), give her a stern talking to before she goes to school in the morning. One thing that worked for me with my daughter was to tell her that if her green card was pulled, she would go to bed 1 hour earlier. If the yellow card was pulled, she would go to bed another hour earlier. If she maintained her green card all week, we would have some kind of treat on Friday afternoon. Well, after going to bed at 6pm for a few nights, she got the message and started behaving. Now she's thrilled to go for a treat on Fridays to celebrate her good week.
HOWEVER, the entire burden of a child's behavior cannot be placed on the child and parent. A big part of this is the teacher keeping the child under control. You send the child to school ready to learn, and the teacher needs to do her part. It's not enough just to complain about how bad the child is being - the teacher needs to make sure she's meeting your child's needs as well. If the teacher is unable to do that, maybe you should ask for a new teacher. Make it clear to your child's teacher that it is up to the teacher to enforce discipline in the classroom - you've reinforced the rules and your child is able to follow the rules elsewhere, so what happens in the classroom is up to the teacher. Also make it clear that you will not stand for your child being labeled defective, since that is simply not the case - again going back to the examples of daycare and at home.
My last thought is this: have you had her eyes and ears checked? My daughter was having problems seeing. After we got glasses for her, her behavior was so much more consistent. I think she feels so much better all around now that she can see properly! Maybe your daughter acts out because she can't see or hear as well as she needs to?
When you ask your daughter about her behavior, what does she say? Does she have any ideas about what might make her behave properly in class?
