Attractiveness of the Naughty Boy

i think you're handling it just fine. you're addressing danny's behavior, you're remaining calm, you're imparting the knowledge of what the correct behavior ought to be.
but i have to say, my friend, you disappointed me sadly. as soon as i saw the title of this post, my mind leapt to ian somerhalder and tom hiddleston. when i found naught but a 4 year boy, my delicious anticipation was utterly crushed.
;) khairete
S.

Danny sounds perfectly normal - exploring his world in an open and fun way. It sounds like you are doing fine.

I think YOU"RE focusing too much on Danny and teaching your son to push responsibility for his behavior on to Danny. That is not good, IMHO. I think you need to stop talking about Danny and focus on teaching your son that two wrongs don't make a right; to be responsible for his own behavior (if he doesn't want to take responsibility for it and own it, he shouldn't do it); and he will suffer the same consequences as anyone else, so he needs to make HIS choice about how to behave and not follow anyone else. There is no need for YOU to be talking about Danny at all; your focus should be on YOUR child and teaching your child to be a leader, not a follower.

Honestly, Danny sounds like a fun little boy to me. Sounds like he enjoys life, the way a preschooler should. As the mom of an 11-year-old boy, I've been around my share of boys at this point and Danny sounds pretty harmless to me.

You want to know trouble and pushing boundaries in preschool? That was my son, who has ADHD, ODD and OCD. The stuff he did before treatment would leave your jaw on the floor if you're worried about Danny.

I would just remind your child of the rules and do your job to parent him as you see fit. I wouldn't keep pointing out what Danny is doing wrong. Instead of saying, "Danny didn't turn the water off, we do that," change it to, "It's always important to turn the water off after using it. We don't want to waste water!" That way you're not constantly throwing his friend under the bus. Subtle wording difference, but it matters.

Danny sounds like a real pip! This stuff is normal little boy stuff. I would not focus on this. Where are you getting the info from? Your 3 year old?
I would just let it go and do not spend time on it. Little boys keep everyone on their toes!!!

I suggest that Danny is normal and you're over thinking this. These boy's (yes yours too) are at the very beginning of learning how to behave. I suggest you're expecting too much from your son and by focusing on this innocuous behavior you're making it a fun thing to do. Both of the. Will outgrow this. Lfe should not be as serious as you're making it. They are not little adults.

Danny is being playful in innocent ways. When we focus on the behavior weare giving Iit importance. Your son's brain isn't mature enough to catch the nuance you're voicing once the action is over. Reminding how to act at the time he does it might help him learn. I suggest that it would be more effective to treat this with humour or to ignore it. This is not serious and both boys will mature and move on to other things.

And. Labeling Danny as a naughty boy is so not helpful. Labels of this sort does not stop the behaviour and gives the child a reason to live up to his label. And your son is apt to feel that if Danny is a naughty boy so is he.

These boys are not hurting anyone. They are exploring their world in the way that children this age explore. I wonder why your son is telling you these things. Are you teaching him to be a goody boy who spends his time catching others in trouble and then tattling. These sort of children have difficulty having friends. Or is he telling you funny things that happened andyou're turning what he says into a learning opportunity. I suggest that if you focus on preventing silly moments you may be teaching him life is serious and are taking the joy out of his life.

I suggest you talk with teacher to learn whether or not she sees this as a problem. I suggest that the school will curb your son's behaviour too. the best time for teaching appropriate behaviour at this age is when the behaviour is actually happening. Your son's teacher knows this behaviour is normal for this age. She will deal with it as it happens. I suggest she does not expect you to deal with this behaviour in such a serious way.

I suggest that if you're this serious and focused at this benign behaviour you will burn out before middle school. Try to relax trusting that your son will learn and grow at an appropriate pace. You are a good mother who is teaching her son how to behave. Try lightening up and enjoy your son as he is at this age.

Nothing about this little boy sounds "naughty" at all. He's in preschool! Of course he growls like a dinosaur and peeks in private places has a hard time sitting still and forgets to turn off the running water. It's all completely age appropriate. That's what parents and preschool teachers are there for, to guide and remind. By the time this kid starts K he will be more aware and responsible of his actions and boundaries but this is all COMPLETELY NORMAL for a 3/4 year old.
It may help you to get a few books on child development. Not parenting or discipline books but DEVELOPMENT, early childhood education texts. I'm a child of the 70's too, but things really haven't changed. Preschool age is a time of huge leaps in learning and growth, just as it always has been.

Sounds like normal little boy to me. Or little girl, too.

I'd worry if Danny was purposely hurting others (physically or emotionally). Maliciously destroying property. Lying in a very deliberate and manipulative way. Or entertaining dark fantasies.

Danny sounds like your son's Tom Saywer friend. My grandmother's term.

I wouldn't focus so much on Danny. When I see my 3yo doing something that I don't like, I point out--no matter who is or whose parents are around--"Well, you know that we don't do that, right?" Or when he reports to me at pick-up--"Mommy, Patrick turned on the water and ran away!"--I respond with something like, "Well, you didn't do it, too, did you?" ("No, Mommy.") "Okay, because you know that we don't do that." If Patrick's parent is present and it's kinda awkward, I might add, "Patrick's mommy and daddy will tell him what they want him to do." I'm not singling anybody out, just addressing the specific behavior and what I expect.

I say it matter-of-factly and don't drag it out. If it warrants further discussion, I wait until we're in the car or at home, but I don't avoid it altogether in the moment. I want him to associate what I think and expect with his current environment. This is not just what I expect of him at home or when he's with me. Without making an issue of pointing it out to the teacher, I tell him in the presence of his teacher and anybody else there. And then I'm done.

PS. When I have time (lingering at pick-up), I humor him by discussing his "report" and let him conclude that it wasn't the best thing to do and why. "...Oh, really, he did that? And what did YOU do? What do you think about that? Did the teacher like that? Yeah, sometimes it can be funny at first, but then it can be a big mess. Would you want to clean up that mess?"

Ugh.
Ssssssssoo not a fan of what surely will become " he got in with the wrong crowd" type if explanation of a kids behavior.
I'm a real believer in "teach your kid right from wrong and he'll recognize it when he sees it."
Good luck!

Ya know, I wouldn't know if kids were doing stuff like this because it was never important enough for my kids to tell me. I assume your kid is telling you and you are not following small children into the bathroom....

What I mean is as an adult you shouldn't make normal child behavior into a bigger deal than it is. Boys are boys, so what? Don't make a big deal about this by making it a big deal. That you posted this screams over thinking and making a big deal out of totally normal behavior.

Oh and that is normal not naughty behavior.

I think you are on the right track with this.

I would go a step further, even, and acknowledge that Danny knows what he is doing. Rather than ALWAYS state that Danny "must not know" or Danny "must not have thought" or whatever... just go ahead and say, "It was probably kind of funny when Danny ____". But don't stop there. Acknowledge that it might have been funny, BUT .. and then lay out the down sides to that. It was disruptive to what the teacher was trying to show the class, it might have flooded the bathroom and then what would have happened if you had to pee?, it doesn't feel nice to have someone peeking under at you, does it?, Eww... who wants bathroom floor gunk on their hands?? , and so on.

So, yes, you are handing this very well, I think. But there really is no need to always say out loud that Danny doesn't know what he is doing. I suspect he knows. And your son likely knows that he knows as well. So acknowledge it, and go on from there. Still no reason to make Danny into a bad kid in your son's eyes... he'll come to his own conclusions about Danny's behavior and Danny's intent, probably sooner if you continue help him see the bigger picture in these scenarios (which you are doing) and also recognize that Danny may know EXACTLY what he is doing.

OMG I was so excited for this post.I thought it was for grown up ladies liking "bad boys"...sooo disappointed its about 3 year olds!!! LMAO!

You're handling it fine. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't stop being friends with him. Also don't confuse mischief with actually a bad kid. I have 3 - one in preschool, 1 in 1st and 1 in 2nd. I have met some mischievous kids (my son's little bestie is an adorable 3 year old who is a red-headed little devil (but in a good way). He is not at all a "bad" boy but definitely not a super goody goody either. Love him! However, I have met actually nasty, sneaky, not nice at all kids. These are different and believe it or not you will see signs at a young age! Not sure if your "danny" is one or not. Use judgement - see if the mischief is mean spirited or if he "playfully" hurts other kids etc. Hope this is helpful. Good luck. Next time you say bad boy I want a good read! LOL!

Yes, you're doing great! I don't know why the kids who push behavioral boundaries are so attractive, but they are. My middle son is a boundary pusher and instead of his obnoxious behavior repelling the other kids - which would be a great way to discourage his antics - he has legions of fans among his peers who adore him and egg him on. My daughter has zero patience or tolerance for this kind of nonsense and treats kids who act this way with scorn and disdain, and always has. My oldest son has sort of peripherally been drawn to this type of kid but distanced himself from the real troublemakers in middle school and latched on to a kid who is not bad, just obnoxious and condescending to teachers and adults in general. My youngest son has some patience for this but it's limited and after a while, he takes a break from his rambunctious friends, corrects their behavior, etc.

Anyway...it's an interesting dynamic to observe and changes over time. Just continue what you're doing and your son will (hopefully) just be the admiring bystander and not a participant.

Boys are boys, and that is exactly how they act most of the time. I have two. You will spend your life telling your son how NOT to act. How NOT to emulate others behaviors. You are doing fine. I'm sure Danny's mom is having a time with it too. Sounds like you are saying things to your son, that are good, since you are steering him in the way he should not go. He will remember that, come time.

I wouldn't make such a noise about Danny. I would just leave it at, "We don't peek or touch the floor" when this behavior is taking place or he is telling you about it.

Kids are our little recorders. Sunday my daughter came home as mad as could be because her friend asked what she had for breakfast because her stomach was big. To me, that sounds like something her dad would say.

Since Toddlerhood I just taught my kids "don't be a copy-cat. You know that is wrong. Think for yourself. Don't let others think for you."
They are now older and they are very good at discerning behaviors and gauging "wrongness" and they can manage themselves despite and around kids like that.

Then, in the school I work at, there is a boy that is buddies with a trouble-maker. This buddy of his was trouble since Kindergarten. And he will do, whatever his buddy does. Too. Then he gets in trouble. And then he gets miffed about it. And will lie, about what he did wrong even if he knows it was wrong. Because that is what his buddy does.
This kid is like in 3rd grade now.
He can't think on his own. He just follows.
I know the boy and his parents. They have a hard time with him. Everyday, it is some kind of issue at school and with his buddy.
I told the boy "WHY, do you just copy-cat? You know it is wrong what your friend is doing. THINK ON YOUR OWN. Tell your buddy 'I don't want to do that, I'm going to do something else...its wrong...." THINK for yourself. (he never thought of NOT doing what his friend is doing, because they are friends. I told him, so if he jumps off a cliff you are going to do that too? THINK on your own. YOU know what is wrong and right.).
And I told him, I am trying to help him. But he is older now and needs to learn that. I told the Mom too. She thanked me for telling her boy. Because he doesn't listen to them.

I see, even 5th grade boys, acting like that.
And some boys will just emulate, them. Too.
So it is something to think about.
Sure kids are kids. They act silly or do stuff.
Some mature. Some don't even if they know better.
So well, just teach your own child, about how to think for themselves and how to gauge situations and discern other kids and their own behavior and how to make, choices.

I was talking to a 5th grade boy not to long ago. Oh, he's with the cool boys who are always being "silly." Naughty. Whatever you want to call it. No, they are not "t.r.o.u.b.le. makers." But they always, are silly and causing disruptions for others. Disruptive. Being distracting. Being "funny." Boys being boys. Right? But then he gets in trouble too. And then he gets all upset, saying things like "THEY told me to.... they are all doing it too!" type thing. So I tell him, "Look, you know its wrong. Right?" (he nods his head). And I tell him "But you still do it, be one of the crowd and think its funny. But its not. Just stop it. Think for yourself. Stand up for yourself. Does being cool, mean making trouble and irritating the other kids just for fun?" (he says no). So I tell him, YOU make a choice, everyday. YOU make a choice about if you want to get in trouble or not, and see how fun that is. For yourself. Keep going. And you will keep getting reprimanded. It is a choice. You KNOW better....I know you do. Do it." Ever since then, he has been more thoughtful of his, actions and those of his other friends. He will either condone those boys "silliness" or not. And he is proud of himself. He makes, choices now. And better choices. He leads himself. Now.

Hi F. B.. My opinion is if it isn't Danny, it will be another child. My son's very best friend who he just adored at age 3/4 was just soooo bad. Yet he could also be so sweet and funny. Of course my son copied a lot of this little boy's bad behaviors. One that I remember is he would fake cuss when he was mad and call a made up name...like YOU GUT GUT! You could tell if he knew a swear word that is what he would be saying. Our son tried this at home and we told him that is not how we speak in our family, we don't call names ever, and we would give him a consequence. He got it after a while. Schedule some playdates with some nicer little kids...maybe do less playdates with Danny. My son knew one little boy at that same age that was very physical. When he didn't get what he wanted he would push or scratch or hit. We just started being too busy when they invited us over. I hated my son getting hurt when playing with that little boy (who by the way is a really nice 10 year old kid now).

I would have told my kids "If I ever found out that you were doing what Danny did then you would be in big trouble!" and I would come up with some consequences to back up my statement. I would also suggest to my kids to remind Danny not to do these things if they see him doing them.