At a Loss.... - Reynoldsburg,OH

Does he have activities other than school related? Maybe something where smallness is an asset? Gymnastics, wrestling, and self defense class? (I'm assuming he's still smaller than other kids his age, my preemie is)

Maybe some non-team sport, track is another good one for the loner type, tennis, archery. Doesn't have to be a sport, theater? Photography, art?

Something he can call his own, and meet like shy quiet boys.

:)

All most kids need is just one good friend. Can you invite someone over for a playdate or something?

There is a church in the next town that has a special program for special needs kids - kids of any level of abilities. They have VBS where each child is shadowed by a peer, special sports teams and even monthly dinners for the families. Could you try to find something like that near you?

He sounds like a good boy! He will have a good life if he well loved :)

Just a story that may make you feel better . . .

Today my son who is in the 7th grade invited a friend over to spend the night. The friend was dropped off at our house by his grandmother. When she dropped him off, she spoke to me privately for a few minutes and thanked me for having her grandson over. She confided that her grandson doesn't have many friends, and it means so much to them when he is included. He has a hard time fitting in. We've had him over before, and enjoy having him around. My son talks about the group that he sits with at lunch, and this boy is always included in that group as well, and I told the grandmother this. She seemed so relieved. I know that at times, especially when my son was younger, I worried about him fitting in, too. Sometimes I think as parents we worry a ton, maybe more than we need to. Your son sounds wonderful. I hope he has some friends who appreciate him for the kind person he is.

Have you thought of the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program? It has done wonders for my kids. Most of the time they just go ride bikes, or play board games. The point is, they have someone else who enjoys spending time with them. Someone that after a while they feel they can confide in. I'm not sure how it happened, but after being with his match for two years now, my son is having kids over and being invited over. He seems more confident in himself.
Good luck.

The mere fact that you are worried that you aren't doing enough is proof that you are doing your best. HE sounds like a miracle, indeed! One thing that could help is if you engage in some pretend games. Like playing pretend with an astronaut set or a farm set or something along those lines. My kids are younger so I may not be picking the right kinds of pretend play. BUT the point is that pretend play is so powerful. It can help him learn how to just play with others if nothing else. But, it could also open his mind up a little at least to be able to talk with other kids.

I agree that he just needs one good, close friend and he should be fine. Programs that use shadowing as a means of building confidence and friendships are awesome. So maybe something like that at church or a local sports league. Or is there something that he might find interesting that you could get another kid to shadw him on?

He sounds wonderful! Just keep doing your best and that's what he needs no matter what.

You might find one or both of these books helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/Raise-Your-Childs-Social-IQ/dp/0966...

http://www.amazon.com/Unwritten-Rules-Friendship-Strategi...

Blessings :)

When I was a child I was kind of shy but did well with one friend at a time and playing with slightly younger kids.

I agree with the other moms who say help him find something he feels successful at! Music, horseback riding (there are horseback riding therapy programs out there that might be a great start for him), skating, art (I also really liked the "photography" suggestion)... really ANYTHING that he enjoys and makes him feel great. Try a couple of things, no pressure, not TOO much forced interaction, but see what he enjoys and through that he will feel important and successful and this will translate to other areas of his life. Give him something to talk about and help him to feel accomplished.

What type of setting does he seem most comfortable with?

I'll tell you this, when shy, bright kids find 'the lid to their pot' (a kid with similar likes, dislikes and abilities) it's an awesome thing!

Is this bothering HIM? If so, suggest activities that are up his alley--and encourage him to participate!

He'll be fine.

Hi, I've been through all this with my nearly 17 y.o.; she had meningitis as an infant and struggles through school academically and socially. I'm a teacher too, so I'll give you a link to my site of educational websites.

I would hire a tutor to work with your child from now on. Once you get into middle/high school, you'll need a few who specialize in math, science. It's so worth the $. The school IEP will help, but nothing can replace the extra benefits of tutoring, the confidence he'll gain from it, and your peace of mind not having to watch him struggle through his homework. I would also continue to work with him throughout the summer, just a few minutes a day, to keep his skills fresh, in math and reading. www.rocketlaunchers.org/launchpad.html (go to math and reading). For reading, I would highly recommend also getting a book AND a cd book (or playaway, ask librarian) so he can read-a-long and see the words.

Socially, have a Boy's Night Out once or twice a month for a few years. I did this with my daughter. Invite a few kids from his class for a few hours: popcorn and a movie, flashlight tag, simple and inexpensive activities. You may find parents reciprocating after a while.