Are They Gone??? Update- House Guests

Updated on February 27, 2012
S.H. asks from Kailua, HI
15 answers

For those wondering and who have asked me- Yes, they are now gone. Phew.
Am now recovering.

It was... pleasant but yet... many strained and stressed moments and with Hubby and I. Of which I spoke quite candidly with the Sister In Law... about him and ALL the complaints my Hubby was telling her... about ME and my family and the kids.
MANY many things... which were issues. But, the sister in law... did speak to my Hubby about everything I told her. And she is the ONLY one, that he actually listens to and he will not yell in front of her. Interestingly, he did listen to her... and I have seen some "improvement" in him... toward me.
Lets just see, if it lasts.

At times, I knew enough of their Language (even if I am not fluent), to know darn well that they were talking about me or when he was complaining about me. So well, he had someone to vent to. But I also, using Google Translator, she and I would communicate. And she got an earful from me... about how, he is and the many difficulties we have had over our 15 year marriage. She was shocked. But as she said, the "men" in his family are VERY difficult.
It is not me... the men are very difficult. So well at least I now know I am not crazy. So that was a silver lining, as they say.

Hubby's Niece, is 12. My daughter enjoyed having an older girl companion. Meanwhile, my Son was lonely. He even told us. He had no playmate. So of course, I spent more time with him. The older Niece however, would tease my daughter... and tell her things like "you are such a baby....." etc. And it was never warranted. I spoke up about it... but to Hubby/the sister in law/the Niece... it is just "teasing." And they said "we" can't take a joke. Yah, well its not a joke when the other child is crying. And for good reason. "Jokes"... do not make others cry. They should make you laugh.
But well the 2 girls had fun together. My daughter was just excited to have an older girl cousin around. As most young girls are.
( I spoke to my daughter and told her to be herself. As she is. She is fine. That is it NOT right... for Daddy to "compare" her to an older girl, who is from another country and culture.)

Then Sister in Law and Niece said that my home and kids are too noisy... and they can't take it etc.
In THEIR culture and homes growing up, kids are only seen, not heard.
Hubby is now on this bent... of telling my kids that they are too noisy. Kids should'nt be noisy etc. My Hubby scolded my daughter the other day for example, just because she shrieked. Why did she shriek? Because, she saw a spider on the floor. Even a Woman would shriek about seeing some spider. But Hubby says, kids shouldn't be loud. He really.... scolded my daughter over a normal shriek. Then she started to CRY..... totally cry. Then he started telling her "stop crying...." I told him.... kids cry. They shriek. Our daughter was not being bad. She saw a spider and shrieked. SO what. And that he has to, use cognizance in determining WHY the shriek even happened. You can't just assume a child is "guilty" when they didn't even do anything naughty. For example.

Anyway, so Sister in Law, had a couple of hives episodes. I'd tell her just to rest. She had her own medications. But she seemed relaxed here, away from her own stressful Husband. Naturally, the men in that family, are difficult.

I took them around, also had days of my just having to do my daily things in which they just tagged along. And I kept to my kids', routines. As much as possible.
I showed them where everything is in the kitchen and told them to help themselves.
They ate... a lot.
Sister in Law, ate whatever. Though I asked if she was allergic to anything, she said yes but she ate heartily despite.

They did not have much money. We... ended up paying for a lot of the sites we took them too... per entry fees/meals etc.
So it cost us a pretty sum.
And well they had free lodging and transportation as well.
Don't know if the sister in law realized all that... and what it cost "us" for them being here.
But she did mention how expensive Hawaii is.

Sister in Law and the Niece had a good time.
I was a good Host.
Hubby took them around on weekends, not me. Since I was with them all weekdays.

They did say, that they have to come back and visit.
Oh my.

I... am fatigued and just want to hole up and just want to deflate and do things that are mindless. Am so exhausted internally from thinking and hosting and talking and listening about problems. Per the Men/Husbands, although it was good information for me to know.

But well, all had a good time. Hubby was glad to see his family. Kids glad to see them. I... glad to learn things about his family, albeit not easy things to realize. But well, everything serves a purpose... double edged sword kind of thing.

What can I do next?

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More Answers

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

I think you deserve a vacation!!! Tell your husband it's HIS turn to take care of the family - you can come here to DC to unwind!!!

7 moms found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Totally The Wife Of The Year major contender.

So glad you somehow got through it.

Be good to yourself girl!

:)

7 moms found this helpful
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C.C.

answers from Houston on

Boy, I sure could feel the tension you were feeling before they came. For your sake and your peace of mind...I am glad it is all over. Amen.

5 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Good for you. That was long and sounds like a stressful visit.

Now you need to keep in mind what you learned about your husband. Why he is the way he is. And can you live with that? He will not change. It does not mean he does not have feeling for you, it just means he is a product of his childhood and his culture.

Send everyone off to school and work tomorrow and veg out.. You deserve it.

4 moms found this helpful
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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

Good grief woman! YOU need a vacation - ALONE! :)

Did your husband lighten up on his demand of you picking him up for lunch everyday?

Take some time for yourself, and gently tell your husband, no visits for a long while...

:)

4 moms found this helpful
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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Oh, I am so happy for you! Now... tomorrow... you are to send the hubs off to work, the kids to school and you need to treat yourself to something, ANYTHING, special for YOU. You've earned it!

Sounds like you were grace under pressure and you totally will have my vote for Wife of the Year!

4 moms found this helpful

V.C.

answers from Dallas on

Glad to hear you made it through!

4 moms found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

A jewel in your crown, to be sure!

EXHALE!

4 moms found this helpful
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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Perhaps next time it can be for a bit shorter time frame and hubby can take a week of his vacation during it.

3 moms found this helpful
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M.S.

answers from Columbus on

Glad it's over for you! Now realize how good it could be after this! Exhale!

3 moms found this helpful

F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Now you know more of what to expect for next time, and it will be easier. I'm glad it turned out better than you thought it would. =) Now just take some down time, relax a little and enjoy getting back to "normal" again. =)

2 moms found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Seattle on

So glad you have your house back and that you had some good moments to offset the difficult ones. And I'm glad your SIL gave your husband an earful. Perhaps if he needs a reminder down the road, you can email her a brief google-translated request for her help again. It's a compliment to you that they want to come back. :) Good on you! I hope you've opened yourself a good bottle of wine - you've earned it!

2 moms found this helpful

N.N.

answers from Detroit on

Standing ovation for you! Good job and thank you for keeping us updated.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.L.

answers from San Francisco on

You are an angel!

Another silver lining: you have shown your kids how important family is. It's not easy, but it is important. Bravo for you!!!

2 moms found this helpful
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T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

What you have just described sounds like a nightmare.....Are you really being honest when you said, "well all had a good time".

Hopefully your husband did enjoy his family, but sounds like you didn't. How is it when your family visits?

What could you do to make things better IF there is a next visit? How does your husband feel about your kin?

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