Approaching the Subject for a Conversation with Grandpa?

My parents tried that with me. My aunt and grandmother did, too. Especially because it is your house, here are some things that have worked for me with my boys:

1. Make light of it. "Grandpa, you're already big and strong, so you might not need to eat all your food. But M needs to so he can be like you when he grows up!"
2. Refer to what your daughter already knows. "M, what time do you normally go to bed? I know that it's special now that grandma and grandpa are here, but if you want to be ready to have fun with them tomorrow, you need to go to sleep right now."
3. Not fun to do, but over-ride their "suggestions." "We have worked very hard to raise our daughter well. You seem to like how she's turning out so far. In order for her to stay on this track, she needs to _______."
4. Pretend to be hard of hearing. "I'm sorry, I thought I heard you say this. I'm sure that's not what I heard, because it's not best for M."
5. Not easy, but consistently ignore or pointedly talk against all his ideas. "I know that grandpa said you could watch a movie, but it's a much better idea if he would read a book to you and then tuck you in bed."

Here's the deal: you are the mommy. Your husband is the daddy. You get to say how to raise your daughter. My parents (my dad especially) tried that with me, but it was a no-go. I shot him down pretty quick, and now he respects my rights as mommy. It was really tough for me to speak up, but I'm so glad I did!

So he says that she doesn't have to? Are you in the room? Override him, "Sorry, but you know the rules in this house, you have to eat your dinner." Take the dessert away before he gives it to her. Send her to bed anyway, they can watch a movie tomorrow. Stand your ground and be the parent. He may be teaching her bad things, but she is seeing you caving into him, so of course she is going to take advantage of this. If she was alone at their house, you can set your rules (they would probably ignore them, my sister's MIL does, even after talks), but unless you keep her away, there isn't much you can do about that. But, as long as you are there, the rules should still apply. Let the grandpa know that if he wants to have a special movie night, etc., that he needs to ask you ahead of time so that you can set the ground rules (1 hour later bedtime, etc.), if you choose to allow it.

I think I would just talk to him before he comes. Tell him you want to let him know her bedtime and what your rules are there for her. Tell him she needs to be on this schedule and needs to eat her food so she won't get sick. I would also talk to your daughter and tell her that you are in charge and that Grandpa loves her but she has to listen to you and her Dad. Just be honest with him and tell him you don't want to hurt his feelings but she needs to listen to you because when he is gone home she can't adjust. Hope this helps.

I would say that his feelings are probably going to be hurt. If you can send an email or letter before he comes, that would be best. Perhaps even refer him to this page to see what other moms are saying, and how appalled we all are that he is doing this. Ask if he agrees to not interfere with your parenting, in other words, it is your house, and what you say goes. Tell him that if he can't abide by these rules while in your house, he will be asked to leave.

If he gives you a negative response, tell him he can a) get a hotel or b) not come at all.

Because they don't get to see her that often, you might relax the rules a little for the visit. You might suggest they have one late night and plan for foods she likes to eat so she will finish before desert. Taylor your week to make the parents the good guys and give Pops a good visit too. If you take away the opportunities for frustration, you empower yourself.

Grandparents should be allowed to spoil their grandchildren. My parents and my husband's parents neither like to punish or reprimand my child which is fine with me. I prefer it that way. They will always be my daughter's buddies. She will always have fond memories of times with them. This has been even more important to me lately since my father has come down with lymphoma.

So, try to relax a little. It's only a week and it doesn't seem like it takes you that much time to get her back on track. The less you make of it, the better it will be.

I had issues with my inlaws regarding them completely disregarding anything I say. I finally had to sit down and tell them that this is our child. What we say is what is to happen and there's no room for negotiation. I had to hurt their feelings and they got over it. There's NO reason that anyone should think they can undermine a parents authority...especially just because they're a grandparent.
You're right in saying it's only teaching her to disrespect you and not listen to you. And that's WRONG. Soooo, unless you want to deal with this forever...I would call the grandparents prior to the visit or when they get there the first time he undermines you...pull him aside and say exactly what you told us. He might not realize he's doing it.

I used to be one that demanded that my kids clean their plate and stay on a strict schedule. My house wasn't very fun. Now I use "No thank you bites" and actually allow my grandkids to say no to some things. Our house is a lot more calm and peaceful now. If Grandpa's visit comes at a bad time of year then by all means change it to Spring Break or Summer. He won't be around forever and the time will come that the memories they are making will be worth more than a few broken rules. If you didn't make such an issue of it she would probobly comply more readily.

Ask grandpa to let you know what activities he wants to do and that you'll get the movies ready and such, then start the movie while you cook dinner, or before, right after school. That way they already have their actifvity done before dinner and she can take a bath and go to bed.

So, I am saying compromise a little and make it better for everyone. He's old and going to die some day and you and your daughter will treasure every memory so make then better, less stressful memories.

Tell him that your household runs a lot smoother if your daughter stays (basically) on her schedule. Personally, since it sounds like an infrequest situation, I'd let the little things slide but stick to your guns on the big stuff. If you allow her 15 extra minutes before bed, that's OK...say "Since Pop's here you can stay up an extra 15 minutes." Compromise & everyone is happy :-)

I wholeheartedly disagree with anyone who says you should speak with grandpa or over ride him because "you're the parent". You (and your daughter) will be so sad when he's gone forever. It's only one week. Yes, I understand where you are coming from, but I think what you should do now that your daughter is 4 and can understand is talk to HER before they come. Explain that she will be able to do some very special things while Pop is visiting, like stay up late and eat lots of junk food, but once he's gone then it's back to your old family rules. If he was doing something that was dangerous, I could understand, but really what's the big deal for her to have extra treats and stay up late and few other things just for one special week?? My 4 year old neice becomes one of our family when she visits us and understands that my house rules are different than hers

Don't say anything to them before they come because then there will be lots of hurt feelings.
Follow what the first post says from Kristy G.

God bless and GOOD LUCK.