Anyone Here Reconciled with Their Husband or Ex-husband?

Is the divorce finalized???? If so, you may be the ex with benefits since the stress of your debt not on his shoulders? I don't know but it seems like you need to clarify and if so, get some counseling and repair the marriage...i sure wouldn't be having sex with my ex....after he asked me for a divorce!!!

I did not reconcile. I do however have some insight into the 'man mind'. You're thinking differently then he is... You need to come out and ask him things you want to know. You need to tell him exactly what you think. He may just think that getting out from 'under your debt' and not necessarily out of your life is all he needs to do.

I think you need to talk with him. Having sex may be sending you mixed singles he is not intending to send, or he may be falling back in love. The only way to know is to ask. When I was leaving my husband and he was sleeping in the guest room he waited until I invited him before moving back into our room, but that was different since I was leaving him due to his cheating. I do know that at one point he asked me not to have sex with him anymore unless I meant it, because he could not stand laying there holding me, thinking there may be a chance, only to find nothing had changed once the lights came on.

.

It really sounds like you guys can reconcile.

My husband, well we broke up (mutual) while we were engaged due to some difficult issues that was putting strain on our relationship.

We both slowly started to date each other again and ended up getting married about 8 months later. We've had rocky times, but who hasn't? It's been the best 7 years of my life.

Maybe instead of empty, awkward sex (b/c really what is the point?), you guys try for a romantic little date and see what becomes of it. Obviously, you are getting there anyways, why not communicate? It sounds like he's trying, maybe he is realizing what he's missing. Maybe you guys need a little bit of marriage counseling eventually and financial advising.

But, if it turns out he isn't interested, then really, the sex needs to stop b/c it's just going to be confusing and more difficult.

I would never reconcile with my ex because what was broke is still there. What made us incompatible has not changed. I think you will find that those that did reconcile and were successful grew in a way that they were no longer incompatible. I also believe that for this change to be successful it must be made independent of the other person otherwise you end up with the "I changed (blank) for you and you don't (appreciate it, haven't done the same, etc.)" arguments.

I guess what concerns me about your story is your comment that your big debts were too much for him and he fell out of love with you. What has changed now? You still have the huge debts. How could he be falling in love with you again. It seems to me that he enjoys the life he has but doesn't want your debt.

I don't think your relationship is beyond fixing but you need some outside counseling if that is going to happen.

Well, I know one couple that divorced under very bitter terms but they couldn't stand the thought of being apart either.
They remarried and had 3 children. They actually said their divorce was the best thing that ever happened to them.
I've been divorced 14 years and my ex would love to get jiggy with it, but I don't know what his motivations are. Just sex? Still has feelings? Who knows?
I proceed with caution.
I know my ex wants a sexual relationship, but as a woman, I want to know what that means. Does it mean we are trying to rebuild something that we lost or is it just about bang-bangity-bang to see what we think of it after 14 years apart?
I ask my ex husband...."If we had sex, what would it mean?"
It would be just for kicks or what?
I might not want sex just for the fun of it.
He has told me that he doesn't want anything anymore. Just enough money to get by and time off to be able to relax and enjoy life.
I told him I want the opposite.
I want it all.
I want a husband and a home and a place for my kids and grandkids.
(I have a grandson on the way in May).
He likes having me around and would like to fool around, but when I ask him what it means....he doesn't really have an answer.
To me, that means that he would like it if I was willing to boinkety-boink with no strings attached.
Hey, we were married. Have kids. It's not like a stranger I've never had sex with. I wonder if his only attraction to me is the familiarity.
He's a much different person than he was 14 years ago and I admit I get tempted. But I'd want to know, to an extent, what having sex with him again would mean.
My ex and I are on better terms than ever. In fact, I spent the night at his house on Christmas Eve. It was his year to have our son, but I had just gotten out of the hospital and my son didn't want me alone. We made a bed in the living room and my son and I watched a Christmas Story until we fell asleep.
It was really nice. My son loved having both of his parents together. The first time in 14 years. But, a reconciliation? I don't know I can call it that.
Being within 50 feet of each other was a huge step.I did hug my ex and kiss him on the cheek Christmas eve.
I don't know if it will go beyond that. I'm not focusing on it.

Ironically, my ex told me about a man he works with who was divorced from his wife for years and they have now been back together longer than they were married the first time around. These things do happen.
I also know people who have sex with their exes with the absolute understanding that's all it is. No hints or promises of anything further.

Hey....whatever works for people.

I think its pretty clear that your afraid to ask him and he still says he wants a divorce, but you guys need to talk and figure out whats going on. If he still wants a divorce, its not fair for him to string you along. Time for the talk.

Okay, you got a divorce from your husband but your kids don't know and you still live together and have sex? Sounds like you're not really divorced, which is a good thing. :-)
My husband and I were separated for 6 months during which time he had a girlfriend and spent his days and nights drunk and at strip clubs. He was not a good person.
When 9-11-01 came he was the first person I called. I was worried about him. That touched him, woke him up out of his stupor and made him realize he'd made a huge mess of his life. We spent that day together talking, not about us or our relationship, just really about priorities and what was going on and how scared we were. We talked about our kids and how important they are. The next day he asked me if we'd like to move in with him and work out our marriage. I said yes. If there's a sliver of hope where children are concerned that I say you need to take it.
Take him out to dinner and ask him what he's thinking. Just ask him if he wants to "date" and try to work out the marriage. Chances are he'll say yes, if he says no, well, you're already divorced.

You're situation with sex with the ex while being divorced and living in the same house still and the kids don't know anything yet.?!?!?!?

I'm beyond confused as to what is actually going on here !?!?!?! There is so much fear and cover up and pretending happening, that I can only recommend you seek counseling to help you manage your thoughts and emotions in a way that provide more peace than this mixed bag.

it is so hard not to be judgmental or make assumptions on this question!