Almost 4Yr Old Son

Updated on October 12, 2008
S.T. asks from Phoenix, AZ
13 answers

My son is almost four. He acts like he has alot of energy. Today he has been driving me nuts. He has been trashing the apt basically thrwoing stuff on the floor. When he knows he has something he shouldnt have he runs with it, and throws it back. Any suggestions on how to get his energy out. He does go to school and daycare just not today.

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for the advice. When he does stuff and I discipline him he keeps going.I hope this will stop soon or for him to at least settle down. He goes to a special needs public preschool for speech, occupational, and physical therapy for 21/2 hours a day four times a week. Then he also goes to daycare. My son has gotten better on his speech but still needs some work with communicating his needs and feelings.

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E.B.

answers from Phoenix on

My son is the same age (will be 4 in March) and he is doing the exact same thing. I think he needs to get outside and play! As the weather cools down, you can bet that we will be outside and running around! When we were kids that age we COULD just go out and play and now that isn't possible with all the dangers out there. And in AZ it is sooooo hot. I just really believe that kids these days are not getting enough play time and that is what is causing so many behavioral issues. And at this age they are really learning their independance and discovering the joys of life and they are learing what to do with all that knowledge and new independance. But that is just my opinion after raising 5 of them!

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S.H.

answers from Flagstaff on

When my boys were four, they both really started testing their limits.. and mine! I think it's really important at this age to start setting boundries and limits. Boys especially need to know who is in charge, and if you're going to enforce the rules, so they constantly test these things. It was a power struggle for a while, but once they knew(sort of) that I meant what I said, they settled down a bit.
As far as getting rid of some of the HUGE amount of energy, anything outside is good. Does he have something to pedal?
Balls of any kind are great too. Soccer requires a lot of running :)

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M.C.

answers from Tucson on

Honey, that's not energy that's bad behavior that needs to be trained out of him. Don't be afraid to discipline him and teach him not to behave that way.

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S.P.

answers from Albuquerque on

Get him outside to wear him out there for a chunk of time. Kids need time in nature for brain development. Inside is too stagnant at times. Outside is more dynamic and allows their little bodies to do what they need to. Even if he is just playing with rocks in the driveway. I know it's hard to do it all the time but dedicate a good part of an afternoon or morning to it and he may become more peaceful inside. Good luck!

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S.P.

answers from Phoenix on

If you find a discipline for this out-of-control behavior and are consistent about not letting him get away with doing this it will stop. Sure, it would be great for him to get outside and run off excess energy, but even high energy people need to learn to control their energy as well as have opportunities to spend it appropriately. A two year old can learn to get self control. Warning when you see him about to loose control and have him sit with his hands folded for awhile until you see he has self-control would work wonders. Also "structuring" his day when he is with you, like they do in day care would help (like every 30 min., you let him know it is time to do puzzles, time for a DVD, time for playdough, etc.) Sometimes the inconstancy of what goes on at home and then differs on the weekend and then preschool and then daycare can really mess with a kid.

F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Take him to the park and let him run it off! Good luck!!!

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E.D.

answers from Tucson on

he sounds a lot like my son. honestly, the two things that helped us tremendously is media restriction and diet. the TV & computer are stimuli for young kids, and some kids are more sensitive than others. my oldest cannot watch tv without going crazy afterward. start noticing waht his triggers are. the second is diet. we actually discovered he ahs a sensitivity to soy, and he is a million times calmer since we took it out of his diet (soy is in almsot all processed foods) that may not be your son's issue (although you may take notice if he's crazier after eating certain foods), but another diet control issue that helped is that we took all artificial stuff out of his diet (preservatives, artficial colors and flavors, cured meats) that made a tremendous difference. also, a fish oil supplement has worked wonders for kids. there's a strawberry flavored one my kids beg for. oh- one more thing is exercise, now he's 7 and rides his bike everyday, and it helps as well. good luck!

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K.H.

answers from Albuquerque on

It actually sounds as though he just wants your attention.
You're a very busy Mom, and it's hard for them (our little ones) to fully understand that.

Since you can't exactly quit your job, maybe just setting aside special time where it's only you and him focusing on something he really enjoys.

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E.M.

answers from Phoenix on

Your son is having issues with his acceptance of your leadership. He is choosing not to follow your directions...something called counter will. You need to find out what is bothering him one way or another.
Have there been unpleasant changes in daycare and or school? Long separations from parents can hurt the bond between parent and child. It is one reason parenting today (and teaching) has become so difficult. This is not just energy..or he would just jump around doing things you could stand.
As an fellow educator I encourage you to read up on the importance connection between parent and child (or teacher and child) as the firm base for successful parenting. See Gordon Neufeld or Patty #Wipfler for ideas.

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G.D.

answers from Flagstaff on

sports and/or exercise would be my suggestion.
he has a lot of energy and needs to release it in a positive way.
try getting a basketball net or if you have a backyard a soccer ball.
playing tag with him

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M.F.

answers from Phoenix on

He may be just trying to get your attention. Since it sounds like he is away from you for a lot of the time. My son has done it to me before when he wants me to play with him and I have other things to get done. I recommend making special time for him, color together, play cars or something- before he acts up so he doesn't see it as a reward. Good luck.

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C.M.

answers from Tucson on

Sounds like his energy needs to be put into perspective of how he acts as a son & child in your home. Give him some discipline for those rude behaviours. Just cause he has lots of energy doesn't mean he can trash your apt.! Expect respect from him.... & then teach him how to show it,. :)

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D.T.

answers from Phoenix on

Hi--Living with a 4 year old can be trying as the parent, but rest assured HE is having a great time! My best recommendation is that you get the book "Your Four-Year Old" by Louise Bates Ames. It will really let you see what 'normal' is at this age. They are 'out of bounds' and it sounds like that is what your little guy is doing. This book saved my sanity and turned my thinking around. It helps so much to play along with their extremeness and help them see it. When my little boy would say he hated his big sister and wanted to hit her, instead of saying, "oh no you don't you love her, you're just mad at her", I would agree with him and say, "yeah she IS the most terrible sister isn't she. Let's just flush her down the toilet." He'd just laugh and come up with some other ridiculous idea and we'd do that for about five minutes laughing the whole time. By the end, he wasn't mad anymore and he didn't hate his sister, or do anything to her. Four year olds are a lot of fun if you don't get too hung up on what they are trying. They are imaginative and curious and testing the boundaries of their world. It does help as others have mentioned to get outside and use those big muscles for a while every day. Mine loved his 'big wheel' tricycle at that age and we'd go for long walks to visit friends with four year olds too. Then the moms could visit and compare horror stories and the kids had a blast. Best of luck! Enjoy this time! They grow up faster than you will believe. My boys are 27 and 24 now.
D.

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