Aggresive 3 Yr Old...

Three was an extremely trying age with my son. I spent much of the time frustrated with his antics. You mention consistent time outs. When he throws a fit, does his time out time start over? With our son we had to make sure he understood the right way to behave in time out. The timer didn't start until he behaved calm and sat quietly. Using an actual timer, so he could see it being restarted helped quite a bit. The other thing that worked really well, was a behavior chart. We worked on two bahviors at a time. We wold state the goal without using the word "no". Things like "Listen to grownups" and "keep your hands to yourself". On good days he got a sticker, on bad days he lost one (After serving his time out). After he got 14 stickers, he earned a reward. These were non tangible things...like "a family camping trip" or "movie night with the famiy", but you could do what you wanted. For our son, it put a positive spin on negative behaviors. It helped take the "anger" out of it. It was a more positive way of dealing with all the negativity. Having the visual on the refrigerator helped as a constant reminder of expected behaviors.

If time outs are enabling him to tantrum, scream, throw things and talk back, you need to stop using them. None of this behavior should be allowed. Get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. 3 is old enough not to act this way and a crucial age (getting too late soon) to nip this and have him acting respectfully. A properly placed swat is worth 1000 time outs if you are consistent within a loving orderly home. There's more to it, but it's Quick. Get the book. It works. I have 3 under 5 and NONE of this behavior to deal with.

I would mention this to your son's pediatrician. Our son was that way at three and he has ADHD. If you're getting a lot of incident reports at school/daycare, that can be a tip-off that things are extreme. There may be a medical reason for the way he's behaving and the factors may be out of his control and your control. It's worth talking to the pediatrician to see if he/she thinks meeting with a medical specialist would be useful.

You might want to stop asking him if he knows what's right and wrong. If he answers "no" when asked if he thinks he did something wrong, then you are giving him yet another opportunity to be bad and sassy. Say he throws something at the TV. Just say "we don't throw things at the TV" and then put him in time out. Don't argue, yell or fight w/him while he's in time out either. Just put him in the corner w/nothing around him. If he gets up, just put him back w/o saying anything.

One thing I used to do w/my kid was eat something in front of him when he wouldn't stay in time out, like ice cream or a candy bar. He would scream and cry for some and I wouldn't share. When he would finally act reasonable and got to a point where I could talk to him, I'd just explain to him he needs to try and follow the rules. Eating in front of a child gets their attention FAST w/o screaming or yelling or spanking. And they will see you mean business the next time you don't give in. I used this on only EXTREME situations...like he wouldn't stay in his time out chair and throw breakables (but that probably happened once or twice, my kid didn't really throw alot of tantrums).

As for other kids, take him to the park on a busy day. For some kids, all it takes is for one older kid to be aggressive back and your kid might learn his lesson and stop hitting and bullying.

Some kids act like that b/c they are understimulated. They need more stimulation. Not necessaritly more activiti es but more things he really has to concentrate on. Have him start doing things on his own.

hang in there mom! I know its tiring. I think your 3 yr just needs an extra outlet.

Went through a similar situation this past year. We tried it all, but ultimately it was a couple of good hard swats on the backside that got his attention.